Today is the day where I start my lifestyle change over again from scratch. I fell of the wagon when I became anxious. I don't know if it was because of the diet or not. But I will follow it 100% this time. NO CARBS for a whole week. I'm probably going to be really tired but just like before I'll feel better after day 3 or 4. I'm going to exercise regiously to keep my mood up and take my fish supplements and vitamins. Just incase I dont get all my vitamins and minerals from my new lifestyle change. Wish Me Luck! 

p.s. I gained 10 lbs! I guess that's not so bad. I'll probably lose it this week! LOL

 I'm starting to feel like myself again. i knew there was a reason why I didn't take zoloft before! I'm going the natural way. I'm going to take a good B complex vitamin for a healthy nervous system and some amino acids to make sure my neurotransmitters are happy and producing enough seretonin, dophamine, GABA, and all the other feel good hormones. But I think I was stressed with school and losing weight. Maybe I wasn't eating enough carbs, but I don't want to get off this diet. I lost almost 30 pounds in like 3 or 4 months. I don't think I'm losing weight to fast. This is the only diet that works for me.

I have suffered anxiety before. Actually social anxiety. And I'm kinda passed that. But now i just have anxiety, but I feel better when I go out and not stuck in the house. I think this all happened for a reason. I was stuck in the house going on 3 or 4 years and my body was just tired of being stuck in the house. I dont have a job and do online schooling so Im at home alot or unless I'm with my aunt at her house. I decided that I want my life back. I don't need zoloft or xanax to do anything for me. I think they make the matter worse and that you start to depend on them. Zoloft made me so sick. I decicded I'm not going to be afraid of them anymore. And I noticed they haven't really effected me this morning. Also while i was takiing zoloft it made my heart like jump for no reason and my muscles twitch and I couldn't get any sleep. It was also affecting my vision. And that can't happen because I already loss vision in my left eye already. So I'm fine and blessed and I know God has cured my anxiety. I lifted all my problems to him and just stop trying to fight it on my own. I also have attacking anxiety and depression by Lucinda Bassett it is a cognitive therapy thta really works and helps. She use to get really bad panic and anxiety attacks and she is helping others. I defintely reccommend it if you you need some help with depression or anxiety. God Bless!

 I starting to really get anxiety attacks lately. Ever since my blood sugar dropped and I panicked. IT has been on and off since then. I feel like I always have to have someone there to make me feel good. I feel better when I'm around family, but by myself, I just get anxious and make myself sick. I'm tired of that. I've been through this before, but not as bad. This has to end I'm losing weight, I;m healthy! There is no reason for me to be anxious about. I;m smart, happy and blessed to be here. No one should feel like their not living their life to the fullest. Just thinking about it I've been having anxiety for awhile, but now it is really starting to show. I don't like going out in public in a crown anymore since High School. I don't like going outside by myself because I'm scared people will judge me.lt's been there, but never busted through. But since this is happening , maybe I will change my ways and this is all for a reason and part of god's plan to make me a stronger young adult and to be independent and loved and great and excited about life again. I'm OK. Just stressed, relax, you can do this.

 I've been through some stuff for the past few weeks,and let me tell you, it was rough! I've been feeling like a zombie. I went to the ER and my blood pressure was sky high. It was like 170/110. Usually, my blood pressure is normal. My pulse would be 120-140. I felt like i was loosing my mind. I was having anxiety and panic attacks all day. Well today I feel great. I finally reached my goal of 255. My next goal is 250. I know I will be there in no time. Thank god for Xanax. I feel so much better.

My last blog I talked about my eyelash bugging me so bad that I felt sick. Well, guess what happened? My sugar dropped to 34. That is severely low. I was on Metformin, which I think was the cause. I take it for PCOS, but I dont have Diabetes. My doctors don't think I need it if I don't have Diabetes.But anyways, good thing my mom was here. I was suprised I wasn't in a coma or having seizures. My blood sugar is now back to normal, but body is on edge. I still feel shaky and I'm starting to get Panic Attacks because I'm scared this is going to happen again. I just want to know when am I going to feel back to normal?? I feel much better today, but I could feel better. God was really looking after me that day.

 I'm so upset right now. I have two eyelashes on my right top eyelid that are growing the wrong way towards my eye. It is so irritating that it makes me nausea. I felt emotional all day yesterday just crying because it was almost Christmas and my family is coming down from New Mexico and I didn't want to feel this uncomfortable. I cried all last night. I don't know why. I was acting like my life was going to end. I'm just so scared because I don't want to go to the eye doctor because they will be all up in my eye and scared of the procedures that they will do. And I also have eye problems already and I don't want to lose my vision. I lost my vision before and it was so difficult it brings back bad memories. I just want it fall out and leave me alone. I have eyedrops but there only temporary. I felt really good today until now. I guess I need to pray a little harder that everything will be ok. I'm just so terrified and scared that I wont get to the eye doctor in time. But I don't want to go. I'm just all messed up today. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Today is the first day of restarting the process all over again. I'm excited! I took the maintenance break and started to slip back to my old habits. I'm glad that I got to experience this, because now I know that if yous slip up just a little, the weight will defintely come back. So I will need to really stay close to the plan and not fall off.