Kache me if you can.....

Finding Balance

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  • Name: Kache
  • City: Memphis
  • Region: Tennessee
  • Country: United States

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Really Simple Syndication
07/26/2011 08:06

Kaboom! Do it or die.

I had a big, FAT talking to with myself last night.  I even took notes.  As it turns out, I have a choice here to be whatever I want.  It's a choice.  I can choose to do nothing and die of an obesity-related ailment, have my feet amputated from a diabetes complication, lose my memory after a stroke, OR I can just "Choose To Move" and, more than likely, prevent every single one of those things. 
 
I rejoined choosetomove.org.  I did the 12-week program many years ago, and it really helped get me in the right frame of mind.  The decision to be healthy and happy is up to me.  It is just as easy to talk myself into something as it is to talk myself out of something.  Twelve weeks is going to pass.  What do I want to say about those 12 weeks when they are over?  Do I want to be the same or better?
 
Right now, today, I am empowered.  Today is the only day that matters.  One day at a time. 
 
I wrote some things down last night and drew pictures of what I could look like in 12 weeks depending on which choice I made.  I don't want my belly button to be wedged between two rolls of fat.  Nope.  I want to see my belly button.  I don't want to be frumpy, look frumpy, feel frumpy.  I want to look, feel and be FRESH.  Enough with the sweaty fat.  It feels like 150 degrees out there this summer, and let me tell ya, I'm not glistening.  I'm soaking.  It isn't a good look.
 
After a very disorienting attempt to dance with nature and exercise at 6 a.m., I've decided to just stay home and do it on the treadmill.  I can look as disgusting as I feel and unleash my inner rock star to music TV.  Tonight I was a classic country star.  I can also adjust my granny panties when they start to tug on my nether-region.  There are some of you reading this that KNOW what I'm talking about.  Sometimes things get pulled or situated in such a way that needs "reformatting," I will say.  When I spend time exercising amidst others who are bathing in the sweat of Mother Nature, "reformatting" is not possible.  You can only hope for a spontaneous automatic reboot while you think about your car that is now 1.5 miles away.
 
I felt the desire to blog tonight.  That may or may not ever happen again.  I also can't promise I'll be able to keep up with everyone's blogs or find the time to comment.  The most important thing right now is that I stay focused on living instead of wasting time on dying.
 

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10/05/2010 00:16

Brushing off the dust

I'm brushing off the dust and jumping back on my horse.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get control of it.  I know it's possible.  I've done it before.  There was a time when I was rockin it pretty well and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  And then it just came crashing down.  And picking up the pieces can be so hard.
 
Do I have what it takes to pick up the pieces and have a healthy life?  I know I have it.  Why I keep screwing it up is beyond me.
 
I haven't felt like blogging.  I still don't.  I'm not sure why I'm trying to do it, because I don't want to bring anyone down, but DAMN, I'm gloomy.  Maybe it's PMS.  Kinda feels like PMS. 
 
Just checked my tracker on my iphone, and it does, indeed, seem to be PMS.  What a relief.  That means this will pass in a few days.
 
I'm crockpotting today.  As long as there is good food in the house that is already prepared, I'm not likely to go out to get the bad stuff. 
 
On a slightly more positive note, it was chilly today.  The kind of chilly that confirms a seasonal shift.  I'm also going back to having Mondays off work unless I have to fill in for someone.  So today was my first Monday off, and now I remember why I liked it so much.  Monday is my "prepare for the week" day! 
 
Monday is the day I do laundry and cook and even do some cleaning!  My life is better when I don't work on Monday.  When I work on Mondays, I don't ever seem to recover.  I get tired on Mondays and I use the rest of the week trying to get ahead of my exhaustion.  I blame it on my sleep disorder. 
 
I'm not sure what I need to do, but R thinks that because of the sleep disorder, I might be better off letting my body dictate my day.  That means taking a nap and adjusting my work schedule to accommodate.  So that's what we're trying.  I'm lucky to work for people who are willing to work with me.  I may work an extra day and just do shorter days, or taking off on Monday may be enough to help.  We'll see.
 
R will be leaving for a while with work, and that will give me time to figure it out while he's gone.  If I can get a good routine going, it might be enough to stick after he gets home.  Maybe I can make a chart or something. Might help him when he gets back if I've made some notes on what works and what doesn't. 
 
I'm rambling now.  It's because I need a nap.  So I guess I better go do that now.

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09/29/2010 04:17

Habits

Blogging clearly hasn't become a habit yet.  Or perhaps I've been too busy to think about blogging.  Or maybe I have just been doing less than perfectly and don't want to blog about it?
 
Or maybe all of the above!
 
In all seriousness, I have been busy and spending a lot of time with R before he leaves.  My food intake isn't great, but I'm still sneaking in some healthy items, too.  Today was about 75% good and 25% bad.  At the very least, I am aware of where I went wrong, and the screw-ups happen less than before.
 
BUT, there is sooo much room for improvement.  We have some good groceries, but not enough fruit. So I may run out tomorrow and get some.  When I feel like I'm craving something, I try to make a healthier version at home.  I haven't been logging my food, and I need to change that.  I'll have more mornings to myself in the coming weeks, and that was always a good time to do food planning.
 
Before bed tonight, I'm going to find some recipes in my WHF plan and pair it with a few soups.  Our temps are dropping, and when that happens, I like to make soup!

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09/24/2010 23:49

Movement

It's been a LONG day.  As a matter of fact, I'm still at work.  My little extra work this morning turns out to be much less money than I'd hoped for and the small change in waking time threw off my - a'hem - Number-2 schedule.
 
I had to leave home an hour earlier than normal, and things don't move so freely in the office restroom. 
 
And so I feel like pooh (no pun intended) and I'm counting the minutes until I am able to leave this place and find freedom in my brand new bathroom at the house. 
 
This is what is on my mind.  Sorry for the TMI.  I had to share my misery with someone.
 
Now, to make the time go more quickly, I'm going to blog about my day.
I skipped breakfast, but snuck in an applesauce mid-morning.  Lunch was a delicious salmon salad, and snacks were a peach and a pear.  So far so good.
 
I am afraid my current misery may send me over the edge on the way home, so I need to think up something for dinner to avoid the foodie drive home.  Salmon again?  hmmm... 
This might be tough.
Wish me luck.
 

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09/24/2010 14:22

Prepared

I am prepared for a day of successful eating!
My oatmeal is ready to go.  All ingredients thrown together last night so all I need to finish it is hot water.
I also made my lunch last night.  Same dinner as the one on Wednesday -- salad topped with salmon.
 
I'm picking up a little extra work today.  I'm nervous about it.  It's been a long time since I've been in this role, and my tummy is confused.  I'm going to wait to eat breakfast and see how I feel once I get to the office.  I'm not usually up this early to be able to blog!  I'm up and ready and have time to spare.
 
Dinner last night was fiesta stuffed cabbage that I found in the freezer.  It was YUM.  So glad I thought to freeze some the last time I made it.

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09/23/2010 19:38

woopsiedaisy!

After my doo-gooder post last evening, R came home from his event hungry.  Apparently the lines to the food were out of this world and he decided to come home and skip the food.
 
And that's where things went downhill.  We went out because he didn't want to eat anything we had in the house.  I had a plan to just order a little snack, but that's not exactly what happened.  The food was before me, and I didn't want to reason myself out of eating it.  So I ate it :( 
 
We brought quite a bit of it home with us as well, and heating up the leftovers seemed a better idea than making my oatmeal.
 
So, clearly, I need to work on this.  I want to be able to order sensibly when out with R.  Also need to have food in the house that is easy for him to fix himself when we find ourselves in this predicament again.  He's leaving for work for a couple months, which leaves me to fend for myself.  This will make it easier for me to get a grip on what I need to do for myself before he comes back.  My challenge will be getting over the gloomies after he leaves.  It's a good thing I'm working on my focus now before he goes, even if I did have a lapse in judgment last night and this morning.
 
I don't expect things to go perfectly.  I really just want to be able to move forward after these things happen.  If my next two meals are healthy, I will already be creating a different outcome.  My history has been that when I blow it, I continue blowing it for several meals ahead.
 
I'm off today.  R has to do some things this afternoon.  I'm going to have a nice mid-day soak in the tub with an art quilt book to inspire my creative mind.  When I'm creative, my focus on food disappears.  So I think creating something beautiful this afternoon will help keep things on track.
 
One more thing I want to accomplish in the month of October.  I still haven't finished "Healthy at 100."  R got me the book ages ago, and I just skimmed it.  I'm going to start it from the beginning and learn something from it.

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09/23/2010 01:33

Will I succeed?

I cannot answer that question.  What measures success?  I've lost weight in the past and gained it back.  So I guess you could say I was equally successful at both, and yet failed them just as equally.
 
All I have is right now.  And I can definitively say, "eating successfully today makes me want to do it again tomorrow."
 
My body felt like it was doing all of the right things today.  I didn't feel sluggish and sore.  My back didn't hurt, and my legs carried me easily.  There wasn't the heaviness that usually comes after lunch.  I stayed full longer after the oatmeal breakfast.  My focus at work today was good. 
 
So even though I'm just using the WHF's feel-great plan as a guide, I'd say it's guiding me right to where I need to be to keep going.  Improvising keeps things interesting.  Instead of thinking about what I'm hungry for and never being satisfied, my quest is to match my meal as closely as possible to the "guide." 
 
I am so sick of feeling heavy and sore and incapable and unattractive and weak and sad.  Sitting around and waiting for the feeling to hit me isn't working.  Do you know the feeling I'm speaking of?  The one where, all of a sudden, you have the energy and motivation to get up and get it done?  I am now absolutely certain that I have to go get that feeling because it sure as heck isn't coming to get me!  Lord knows I've been waiting.  Just staring at the wall....  and waiting.....
 
I'm not going to do this as perfectly as I want to.  In a perfect world, I would jump out of bed and get on the treadmill, or go for a jog, or head to the gym, and smile all day long as I prepare healthy and delicious foods for each meal. 
 
In the real world, I have narcolepsy, wake up foggy no matter how long I've slept, can't collect my thoughts enough to prepare the proper food at every meal on every day, am too broke for the gym, favor a nap over the treadmill.....
 
All I have is right now.  My eyes are droopy and all I can think of is bed.  But one thing is for sure...  I will close my eyes with the peace of knowing I treated my body with respect today.
 
And then I will remember how broke I am and raid the kitchen for sweets! 
haha.
just kidding!
 

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09/22/2010 16:45

Today's meals

9:30 - oatmeal with raisins, cherries, cinnamon, nuts, and agave nectar.
 
Planned lunch:  Lettuce, red onions, green onions, bean sprouts, alfalfa sprouts, cherry tomatoes, and sweet onion dressing.  Possibly a salmon fillet.
Actual Lunch - ate half at 1:30 and the other half at 3:15- I had the salad and didn't eat the salmon.
 
Planned Snack:  Banana or applesauce.
Saving the snack for after dinner since I made lunch last so long.
 
Planned Dinner:  IDK.  Improper planning.  This might be when I eat the salmon fillet.
Actual Dinner:  Salad, same as lunch, but with asiago peppercorn dressing instead.  Topped the salad with the salmon fillet.  YUM.  Very good dinner.
 
Even though I'm not giving measurements here, I'm only using a small amount of the dressing, and always something light, if available!

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09/22/2010 05:52

Creating my success

I just happened to find myself on a Walmart run today and didnt bring my meal plan to assist in my grocery gathering. So I grabbed a few containers of precut onions and sprouts and lettuce and tomatoes for my work lunch tomorrow. 

No breakfast today and lunch was a little bingy. Dinner was another pizza creation with some flatout wraps and vegetables with feta cheese. I am thinking of doing an enchilada-ma-bob with mushrooms for R (vegetarian) and chicken for me. I will have to pick up mushrooms though so maybe later in the week. 

I am spending a lot of time in my new bathtub trying to figure out how I am going to pay for it. Ha. Seriously. I might have to start working like i was before. I was miserable but the bills got paid. 

I do love my bathroom though. It was the pitts before. Nothing i did to it ever made it seem clean enough. 

R says it now looks like a cross btween a hot springs bath house and a new orleans mausoleum. Haha. Which basically means it looks exactly as i intended for it to look. 

Excuse any typos... I am doing this from my phone. 

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09/21/2010 06:03

Starting the day on the right foot.

I am making the most of my mornings. Breakfast today was oatmeal with raisins and dried cherries with cinnamon, pecans and agave nectar. When i say pecans, it is more like one pecan all chopped up. Breakfast was late today. More like brunch. 

Luunch-dinner was a hodge podge of leftover food. We had fish tacos with smoked gouda cheese and peppers and onions. 

Yesterday's lunch was homemade pizzas on naan bread. Also just stuff we had laying around. Italian diced tomatoes and onions and smoked gouda on naan, sprinkled with bavarian seasoning.  We are getting creative at mealtime. It's the entertaining part of being broke. I love a good challenge. 

Dinner last night wasn't so creative. We ordered chinese. Iordered mu-shu shrimp instead of egg rolls and other appetizer delights, but then i went and screwed it up with the fried rice!  One difference was that i took just a few spoonfuls and didnt go all bingy with it.  

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