I have a horrible HORRIBLE habit of scale-jumping/hopping! I woke up this morning so proud of myself for having had yet another successful day yesterday! So walking past the scale I could not resist the urge to hop on, thinking that even a 1 lb loss would spur me on. Well maybe it would have. But unfortunately I have gained about 3/4 lb! I am NOT pleased. Life isn't fair! Ok so I know that no one said it was. But fricking hell, I didn't need to be reminded today! So now I feel like frigging off with the whole diet business. CLEARLY I am destined to be a heifer! I want a big full fat cheese omelette for breakfast! And I want something FRIED with it. Like fried breadfruit or fried green plantains. What is the point of dieting if the weight CLEARLY intends to stick to me no matter what I do!?? Ok so I must admit that I have not been very good with the water drinking this week. Nor have I managed ANY exercise at all this. BUT even when I drink the water and do the exercise I just can't seem to be able to lose any weight. I have been good for weeks on end and seen NOTHING happen. I have been this weight for months now. There is a New Year's Eve party here at my house and I am not even frigging going 'cause I know that some asshole will make a comment about my weight. And the fact that the baby was born almost 6 months ago means I can't use pregnancy as an excuse.
I am just FED UP!! ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I have been thinking about something...how come those people on the BIGGEST LOSER don't have loose skin? How come they don't look like they were ever overweight? Most people who get up to that weight (300 lbs for example) end up with excess skin no matter how much exercise they do. They end up needing surgery. Hmmm..I wonder if some of them had surgery under the quiet?
Ok well I am proud of myself. I actually didn't blow it yesterday. Mark you, that's probably because I slept for the whole damn day. Mum asked me yesterday how I managed to get pregnant when my husband was in the UK and I was here. I was confused for a sec til she said "Well you MUST be. Only pregnant women sleep as much as you!" I had to laugh. I think she's probably right. Not sure what's come over me. I have so much school work to do. Deadline for the paper I am writing is Monday. And I am not even close to finishing. And yet all I seem to be able to do is sleep. Anyhow, this is about the diet. This isn't a site to moan about life right?
So yesterday I had a banana and a packet of oats for breakfast. Then I had roast breadfruit and fish for lunch. No veggies. But there weren't any. Honestly! Need to go to the supermarket. Anyhow, in the night I had some more lunch for dinner. Not much was left. So I had a few crackers with it. But trust me, this is a good diet day for me. No cake, no chocolate, no chips, no cheese. Hmm...notice that the bad foods tend to start with C? Well, except for carrots, which I think is the devil's food and tastes like sh1t. But that's another matter.
So this morning for breakfast I am having a SLIMFAST shake. Not 'cause I really feel for it. But 'cause I am too lazy to find something nutritious for breakfast. Also I have about 6 of them in the fridge so I might as well. Slimfast is the last diet I tried. I lasted about 5 days then hopped on the scale and saw that I had gained. So I frigged off with it. You know, if I hadn't gotten my thyroid checked etc I would be really worried that something was wrong. SURELY normal people LOSE weight doing slimfast?! Not gain? But then I am not normal in any way shape or form. It's time for me to accept that.
So what's the plan for today? Well I am here sipping "breakfast". For lunch I want steamed fish and boiled green bananas (it tastes yummier than it sounds, believe me). I will make sure there is enough left that I can have some for dinner. Oh and tonight I will NOT eat after 6. That's my new pledge. And I am sticking to it, F**K, FIGHT or FUNERAL (The cruder way of saying "come hell or high water")
Well, MINE do anyway! Every frigging Monday I vow to be good. It lasts til about 4 p.m. that evening. Or if I am doing well then the diet will last til about Wednesday morning. Well hopefully this time will be different. I think I need to PLAN better. Last night before bed I had cake. But I honestly felt like it would be the last time so I might as well enjoy it. And it didnt even taste that great. (Shit. My apostrophe isnt working. Shit shit shit. Anyhow...)
This morning I had a banana for breakfast. A nice big healthy delicious banana. And I put it in the food log. I am not sure what I will have for lunch yet. But it will be healthy. And I will either walk on the treadmill or do some laps in the pool. It doesnt help that the stupid gym is locked for the Christmas holidays. Grrrr! Anyhow, clearly I can't be pleased. Damn! Apostrophe just came back! Talk about a temperamental PC. Takes after its owner. :)
Anyhooo, later today when I feel like bitching up the diet I will pop back on here and have a rant instead!
Hola! I am KaceyJaye and I am fat. Very fat. Obese actually. I weigh about 220 lbs. I ought to weight about 180 lbs. Well according to the ideal weight indices etc., I should weigh about 168. But they can come blow me. My bones weigh more than that FFS! Anyhow, this is my latest attempt to lose weight.
I have lost weight before doing various things. Starvation diets...hell, they always work. But for how long? I have also done Herbalife which worked the quickest but you regain the weight in no time. Weightwatchers was the easiest and most fun 'cause you basically can eat whatever you want, within reason. But it just doesn't seem to work for me anymore. (I still use the WW message board though 'cause I have made friends on there)
So now I am just trying to eat properly and exercise. Well as of today anyway. And I will pretend I did not eat an entire box of chocolates for breakfast. Or binge on biscuits and full fat cheese last night AFTER dinner. (Note: I said AFTER dinner, not FOR dinner!) BUT all that is behind me. I can only start afresh. Good job we are not anatomically designed in such a way that we can kick our own arses. 'Cause that's really what I want to do right now. I feel so terrible about the chocolate binge. Anyhow, I can't reach. Oh well.
Oh and my husband is coming next month. I have not seen him since August 17th and I really would love to look even a bit different when he sees me next. I think my boobs are about 2 inches closer to my navel...and my belly is just as jelly as just after I had my beautiful baby girl (who tragically died). But I know that my man loves me no matter what and that's good. But it also makes me a bit too comfortable in this prison of a body that keeps holding me back. Hmm..I am blabbing right? I am always doing that. Let me quit now. Will write some more tomorrow.
