I was absolutely CONVINCED i was pregnant today. I felt nauseous this morning (and the past few days too), my boobs are sore, I have to pee every 2 seconds, I havn't been losing any weight even though I have been working really hard on it, and I havnt had my period in 3 months.... I really thought I was a goner. I also keep having dreams that I am big and fat wearing a Moomoo with curlers in my hair (I know... weird... but i'm not even kidding). I woke up this morning and I called my boyfriend in tears and all I kept thinking about is how ryan would have to find a better job and I would have to quit school and how much it would SUCK and how my life would basicly be ruined. I went to the store and seriously bought like 5 different pregnancy tests. They all turned out negative. I really don't know what I was thinking when after 2 years I just all of a sudden decided to not take my BC anymore... but I can't keep living like this in constant fear of something happening. I am calling my Doc pronto to get me back on something.
Well, along with my psychotic meltdown, I had class all day long, had to write 2 papers, go to the bookstore, and go to a meeting, so this is the first time i have been home all day. I didn't get a chance to work out either... which i am bummed about, but i'll make up for it tomorrow. I've also been so busy I only ate 900 calories! oops... it's ok, i'll do better tomorrow.
M1 (180): protein shake w/ whey and peaches. M2 (210): small nonfat latte and citrus fruit salad (sooo yummy). M3 (220): salmon and green beans and a few bites of rice. M4 (110): EAS protein shake. M5 (200): oatmeal and cottage cheese
Today was a pretty good day, i'm going to keep this short because I still have my anthropology paper to write (which I havn't started) that is due tomorrow. I drank all my water today and ate all six meals. I cheated a little and had a cookie, but it was only 120 calories so it's ok, I just wont do it tomorrow.
M1 (210): chocolate whey protein, water, and banana smoothie. M2 (280): vegan lentil soup, low cal toast, 2 V8 juice. M3 (170): plum and cookie. M4 (290?): whole wheat english muffin, crabcake (baked, not fried). M5 (280): almonds and granola bar. M6 (250): 2 whole wheat crackers, cottage cheese, and tea w/ splash of milk and a packet of honey.
I was really craving pancakes this morning (sunday morning is just meant for pancakes) but it was not my free day so I found this AWESOME recipe for oat bran pancakes with NO FAT in them! I was amazed, no fat at all and they turned out amazing and really filling also. I am not sure exactly how many calories they would be... but no fat and high fiber is always a good thing . My dad and my bf (who never eats anything healthy in his life) really liked them too... of course I had the 2 smallest ones out of the batch and they had like 4 regular ones with butter and syrup all over them lol but they said that it is definitely a keeper recipe.
Oat Bran Pancakes
1 c. skim milk
1/3 c. oats (quick oatmeal)
1/3 c. oat bran
2/3 c. flour (whole wheat or regular... I used WW)
2 tbsp. dark brown sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
Pinch of salt
2 egg whites
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup blueberries (optional)
Combine milk, oatmeal and oat bran in medium bowl and let stand 10 minutes. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, soda and salt in large bowl. Stir in milk mixture, egg whites and vanilla. Use 1/4 cup batter for each pancake. Cook in hot griddle or skillet, turning once.
-note: the batter is going to look thin, but once you start cooking it will rise
So anyways, I wasn't able to eat all of my 6 meals today, I only got in four, but they were all a little higher in calories then I would usually have.
M1 (350?): 2 bran pancakes and 1 egg. M2 (280): black bean soup w/ lowfat cheese. M3 (350?): whole wheat tortilla, whole black beans, 4 prawns, and salso. M4 (220): 1 cup Special K and yogurt
Total: about 1200 calories
Work Out: lower body, about a 3 mile walk, and 20 minutes stairmaster (easy intensity)
I was so hungry yesterday I couldn't even stand it. I swam in the morning and when I came home it was like I couldnt even get into the kitchen fast enough to make myself something to eat. So I had a huge breakfast. I would eat whenever I was hungry, but I ended up eating meals really close together. I think it is my body telling me to eat more than 1200 calories. Anyways, today is my free day.... I have been craving chinese food all week (well I've been craving anything salty for that matter) so I think I am going to go walk downtown and get some for lunch.
(food journal for yesterday)
M1 (270): 1 egg, 2 egg whites, sprinkle of low fat cheese, 2 veggie saugages, and 1 piece of whole wheat high fiber toast. M2 (250): pita pizza w/ lowfat cheese. M3 (260): oatmeal w/ one scoop of whey powder, raisins, and a plum. M4 (330): boca burger on whole wheat english muffin and lowfat cheese. M5 (150): grande soy latte. M6 (100): granola bar
Total: about 1400 calories
WorkOut: swimming - 20 50 meter sprints in 20 minutes
"When adversity strikes, it is vitally important to dig in your heels and not give up" -Bill Phillips
I swear, I really think Bill Phillips reads my mind, because everytime I am thinking something, I read his little blurb for the day, and it is like he is talking directly about that problem I am facing that day. I am Still mad at my boyfriend today... I found myself wandering into the kitchen after every time I even thought about it. Instead of eating though I went to the gym and I ran. I can really feel myself getting better, I can run over 2 full miles again without stopping (weird to say since just a year ago I use to be able to run 8 miles without stopping.. but oh well). I stayed right on program today and I was proud of myself getting back in gear.
I didn't eat as many calories as I would have liked to today. But other than that I think I made good choices and I worked out hard and I plan on doing the same tomorrow
M1 (250): flax seed muffin and tall nonfat latte. M2 (90): granola bar. M3 (260): chocolate whey powder, 1/2 c. soymilk, and 1 banana. M4 (260): salmon burger on whole wheat english muffin. M5 (250): pita pizza. M6 (100): glass of milk
Total: about 1250 calories
WorkOut: running 2 miles (22minutes), upper body work out (42 minutes), and yoga (really easy for an hour)
So I never really thought that I was ever really an emotional eater. I always thought that I just ate because I LOVED food and for entertainment basicly. I think tonight was one of the very few times that I have really ever ate just because I was sad and stressed. My boyfriend and I are having problems. He doesn't think we are, and I pretend that we don't have them.... but we do. I tried talking to him about the way I feel and he just really doesn't get it. He will sit there and listen to all of the things I have to say but I don't think he really understands... all he says is "Ok" or "Ok, I'm sorry I won't do it again" or "Ok, I don't want you to be upset, I love you" but it's just like IS THAT REALLY ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!!!!! It is seriously talking to a brick wall. I am all about communication.... and apparently he isn't. Needless to say I don't feel any better about our problems, I actually feel worse, and he is now in Las Vegas with his friends doing God knows what and I am just sitting here and I can't stop thinking about him. Before class I made a sandwich with fake meat... and then RIGHT after I ate a granola bar, and then RIGHT after that I ate almonds, I was just mindlessly eating.... AND THEN I sat in my car for 2 hours crying and I ate 5 pieces of chocolate just because I did not want to go to class. I don't even like chocolate.
Things I ate today: whole wheat french toast made w/ egg beaters and lite syrup (280), whey protein shake w/ berries and banana (200), brown rice (200), shrimp (100), 2 pieces low cal/high fiber bread (150), fake meat (80), lowfat swiss cheese (85), almonds (230), granola bar (90), chocolate (600), tea w/ milk and honey (20)
The past 3 weeks I have stayed almost exactly the same weight! I really don't know what is going on. I find it completely weird and I just don't understand. Every week I just expect to see a big huge drop in my weight... but it just isnt happening. I am going to try to up my calorie intake to 1300-1600 instead of 1200-1500 a day and see if that does anything. I am also going to change up my free day a little and have a "free meal" instead of a "free day". I took my measurments though and I lost inches in my chest, waist, stomach, and hips but my bicept, thighs and calves stayed the same from 2 weeks ago.
I've had a rough week this week trying to stay on program (and its not even over yet... I do weights and measurments on thursday). I did not do too bad, but it is just hard. All of my girlfriends are back home on spring break, which means both going out to eat and drinking alcohol. Also, I've been spending the night at Ryan's house a lot because I didn't have school... and all they really have in their house is junk food. And of course there was Easter, which was technically my 'free day' but I wasnt on program (eating wise at least) for 2 other days this week.... so i didn't really deserve it. Anyways, I dont think it was that bad, but I just dont want to slip out of being as motivated as I have been. I just need to keep reminding myself how bad I want this.
Today I was back on program though and I went grocery shopping so that I would have lots of good choices (that are still yummy and I enjoy eating) so that I wouldn't go for the easter leftovers. I also made more muffins, this time I put orange zest in them and instead of raisins, I used orange flavored craisins... which was definitely a good addition. I was only able to eat 5 out of my 6 meals today, but I ate a little extra calories per meal so it evened out to be about the same as what I normally eat.
M1 (280): Jamba Juice w/ protein and fiber. M2 (280): 8 pieces sushi made with brown rice. M3 (240): flax seed muffin and a cup of nonfat milk. M4 (260): salmon burger on whole wheat english muffin and reduced fat dill mayo. M5 (220): 1/2 banana, 1 cup Special K protein plus cereal, and 1/2 cup soymilk
what a day today.... I nearly got my car towed while out to breakfast with my grandma tonight but after 30 minutes of crying and a little yelling and a little name dropping, I got out of it. But it was stressful.... I believe I called the police officer a "big jerk face" and then I said "fine, tow my car, I'll just have my 80 year old grandmother walk home" lol... when I look back it is kind of funny actually.
Anyway, after my big ordeal I decided to go to the gym and get out my frustrations. I did my weights and then I ran 3 miles. When I got done I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from the gym and this guy... no, this MAN, gets out of his car right in front of me and OMG he was so sexy. He had big work boots on and was all tall and tan and scruffy and dirty and sweaty... you know, in the totally manly sexy way. Anyway, I got checked out, actually, I got checked out and he asked for my number, ACTUALLY I got checked out and he asked for my number AND when I told him I couldn't give it to him, I believe he said "That's really too bad, because you are very beautiful." And damn, that just made my day. I havn't had this sort of blatant come-ons in.... well at least a year (back when I use to get it all the time) and I just kept thinking "yea, jess, you still got it, you go girl with your bad self" lol. Basicly I've just felt like my sexy self all day... and I love that feeling.
As for my BFL program, I went out to eat twice today. Breakfast I was really good and had egg whites, veggies, and a side of fruit. Dinner was bad, I had pizza (thin crust whole wheat... but still) and my 3 girlfriends and I shared a brownie ice cream thing that I wasn't able to resist. I didn't eat 6 healthy meals, but I did only eat about 1300 calories... so I will just do better tomorrow.
Week 4 of my Body For Life journey has officially started and even though I had a rough couple of days (with my dad's birthday and St Patty's Day) I am still as motivated and determined as ever. I am trying to be really good this week to really earn my free day on sunday for easter... so I think I can do it.
Day 22 (yesterday): total- about 1300 calories
M1 (200): 1/2 cup cottage cheese and oatmeal. M2 (200): protein shake with 1 scoop whey, berries, and 1/2 banana. M3 (330): brown rice w/ tofu and veggie curry. M4 (200): protein shake w/ peaches and cherries and 1 scoop whey. M5 (130): oatmeal. M6 (240): raspberries w/ soymilk and special K protein plus cereal.
Day 23 (today): total- 1410 calories
M1 (170): special K protein bar. M2 (240): egg salad sand. on 2 slices high fiber bread. M3 (160): oatmeal w/ 1/2 scoop of whey protein powder. M4 (230): almonds. M5 (260): protein bar and a glass of soymilk. M6 (350): glass of milk and a Lean Cuisine shrimp thing.
. My dad and my bf (who never eats anything healthy in his life) really liked them too... of course I had the 2 smallest ones out of the batch and they had like 4 regular ones with butter and syrup all over them lol but they said that it is definitely a keeper recipe.