OK, I am a really calm person... usually. Sometimes I think I am just way to relaxed about things that I kind of forget about them until the last minute (I know, almost everyone is like that, but I am REALLY like that) and then I just FREAK out! like i am doing right now. I think high school just really screwed me over in the education department. I took some honors and AP classes but I only did the bare minimum of work and I NEVER needed to study, I kind of just got by on my good looks and charm and natural smarts (I know that sounds bad, but it is true) and everything always turned out fine. Now, with college, I just suck. I really do. I just got myself in over my head and I havnt slept in days because I just have way too much to think about and I can't even stand it. I am way behind on all of my classes and it is practically almost finals! I have 2 presentations and 2 essays due within the next four days (plus HELLA make up work). I am having surgery on thursday so I am going to miss even more classes. I am moving to London in september but only if I sign up for summer school so I have to retake all of my placement tests because all of the placement tests I took at USF are not valid anymore for the JC I am going to now. I also really don't even think school is for me. I know I want to get my AA, but I still can't come to grips with the fact that if I do that I wont ever get the "college experience", not to mention a Bachelors degree. I am also moving to London and I have a boyfriend who wont talk to me about anything so I have no clue what is going to happen when I am getting ready to leave. I ALSO don't even know if I am really happy with him to begin with right now. Today I had to work with a big old ugly she-man beezy who is seriously just a pain in my butt. Her mom was also there, who is an even bigger pain and all she does is bob around on her stupid little floaty noodle trying to find someone to gossip with. UGGHHH!!!!! I am trying to really take my health and weight loss seriously which I know is a lot of time and effort and i NEED to stay focused and I am not. I am rambling, but this is really everything that is going through my head right now, this is how scrambled I am.
ahhhh first I want to start off by saying alcohol is the devil and I"M NEVER DRINKING EVER AGAIN.... lol I know I have said that before, but this time it is true.
Well I am just checking in before I go to work, sorry I havnt been on too much lately, i'm still working on my diet, i really have to push my self at the gym more though. I am nursing a HUGE hangover today and only got 4 hours of sleep last night. The other head lifeguard who I am working with today had his prom last night. Basically we are going to be worthless today as lifeguards, it's a good thing there is a new girl working with us today who we can make do all the work lol. But besides having a huge hangover and feeling like my head is going to explode, I actually have some good news to report. Last night my girlfriends and I took the train to the Giants game and drank, watched the Giants win, and drank some more, and then went to a party and drank some more. It was really fun though because I havnt gone out with them in AGES and I am such a homebody now (never use to be) I kind of forgot how it felt to let loose. ANYWAY since it was such a big night for me I wanted to look HOT. I tried on a bunch of clothes and miraculously I fit (barely.... but they zipped and buttoned, so they did fit) into my 'skinny' jeans (I think my before pictures of the jeans are posted in one of my albums, you can see I cant even button them). OMG I was like in heaven, I was so exited. I mean, they were so tight I needed to wear a big jacket over them to hide my fat spilling out of the sides, but once I did that, DAMN did my ass look good lol. I know it was just because they were all drunk, but I was getting A LOT of attention from the guys. It kind of made me feel like myself again, back when I was confident and outgoing.... I loved it.
i'm in a blah kind of mood just because I have been sick for so long but I am still sticking with it. I just need to really need to push myself from deep down inside to get myself more motivated so i can finish wish a bang. My 12 week challenge has actually turned into a 16 week challenge just because I want to lose as much weight as I can before I go to Florida. On wednesday I will have been doing BFL for 8 weeks, so that will be my half way mark. So that means in 8 more weeks i WILL lose 8 more pounds and i WILL fit into my "skinny" jeans. (haha, i love stating my goals like that... i WILL do it lol).
Hey I just wanted to write a little something before I went off to work. I have had a bad past few days being sick and and all. Yesterday my goldfish, Gaston, died. I woke up in the morning and I saw him floating there and I asked my brother to flush him because I couldnt bare to look at him. Greg goes over to pick up the bowl and Gaston flips over and starts swimming around his bowl. Then I start screaming "omg omg omg he came back to life!" and then he flipped over again onto his back floating at the top. I could see that he was still breathing but he could barely move and I swear he was looking right at me. I looked up his "symptoms" online and it said it was something called "swimmers bladder" and most of the time the fish will just struggle to swim until it runs out of engery and just dies, which takes from a few hours to days. I decided to "put him down" with alkaseltzer (looked that one up online too, it is quick and painless for fish... i dont know how someone would know that but whatever) because I did not want to see him go through that. I know I sound crazy but it was seriously the hardest thing I have ever done. He was very special to me. About a year and a half ago I saved him from some girls who were going to flush him down the toilet even though he was still alive because they said "oh nothing is wrong with him, we just wanted to get a new one tomorrow." I gave him a second chance to live and he was there for me when I moved away from home and no friends, he was there for me when I found out my bf was cheating on me, he was there for me when I was basically failing all of my classes because I was so depressed. I mean obviously all he did was swim around and look at me every once in awhile. I would seriously sit and look at him in his little bowl and say to myself "Ok, Jess, just be more like Gaston, just don't worry about anything and go on with your life, and if you are in real trouble someone or something is going to come and save you and it will all work out in the end." I guess he just calmed me down. I don't know, i am rambling. I guess it is some symbolic BS that I can't even explain. It's just ironic I guess that I saved him and gave him a second chance at life and then I end up taking his life.... I dont know...
i'm still super sick. I actually feel worse then I did yesterday. I start work on saturday so it would really suck to be out in the sun all day (I'm a lifeguard) watching a bunch of bratty kids especially if I feel like my head is going to explode. I really need to get better. I havnt ate much in the past few days but i cant wait until I can start working out again and get back into my challenge.
boo, i am totally sick right now. I have a sore throat and fever and my head has been killing me. I wasn't able to work out today, and I am afraid tomorrow will be even worse. I just want to get better so I can get back to working out. Even though I have been laying in bed all day I feel like I was doing something productive to help me and motivate me with my weight loss. Retail therapy. lol. I bought 3 sports bras, 1 top, and 1 pair of hot pink running shorts. Championcatalog.com is having a sale on all of their sports bras. All bras are just $19.99 and if you order more then $100 of stuff then shipping is free. All you girls should check it out.
go Bernie!!! omg I didn't even think he would be in the running to win the at home prize (just because he is so much smaller compared to the other boys) but I am sooo happy he won! and by one pound! wow, what a cutie pie. And Ali! omg she looked amazing. Of course I cried when she won... just so inspirational, and on top of that, she is a swimmer like me :)
Anyways, watching the Biggest Loser was probably the highlight of my day. I was super busy all day today BUT I actually woke up early to do my HIIT workout before school (seriously, i NEVER wake up before 10 if i dont have to lol) which I am really glad I did because it gave me a chance to get some homework done in between classes in the afternoon.
I just finished week 7 of the program so I am going to weigh in tomorrow. We will see how it goes, but I still can't get over the fact that I am not losing any scale weight. I am not so much upset about it anymore because I know I can see a difference in my body.... but it just confuses the heck out of me. I've only had 2 losses out of 6, 3 weeks the scale stayed the same, and last week I gained a pound. I mean I should at least me seeing some sort of downward change. I dont know. Like I said, we will see how it goes tomorrow and I am really thinking about just boycotting the scale and just taking my measurements. Well tomorrow I am going to do my LBWO (my legs are STILL sore from the last one lol) and really push hard especially when it comes to my abs. I am also going to do my c25k run #2 .
M1: whey protein smoothie w/ fruit. M2: yogurt and almonds. M3: pita, cheese, hummus, and protein water. M4: jellybeans (ugh I can't stop sneaking them!), 1/2 pita, hummus. M5: smoothie w/ fruit and whey. M6: oatmeal w/ almonds and dried blueberries
Total: about 1400 calories
Workout: 6656 steps, 20 min HIIT, and 1 hour yoga/stretching
well I am almost done with my 7th week so i am really hoping for a loss this week. Today was a good day, I did my UBWO (which was intense!) and then I also did my first c25k workout. I walk/jogged 2.15miles in 30 minutes (which include a warm up and cool down). Not much else to report though....
M1: flax seed muffin and a glass of milk. M2: mahi mahi on a whole wheat bun. M3: 2 pieces of whole wheat high fiber bread, 1 tbsp natural peanut butter. M4: small soy latte and fruit salad. M5: 1/2 whole wheat pita and egg salad. M6: protein water
Total: 1310 calories
Workout: 7381 steps, c25k workout, 1 mile walk, and UBWO
I really like to jog, and i'll go though phases where I do it all the time, but it seems like everytime I stop for even a few weeks, I am back to square one where I can barely run a mile. At one point I was up to running 30 miles a week. However, I have always been slow (at best my pace was probably a 12 minute mile) and I want to improve my time and work my way back up. That is why I've decided something officially just now so I am writing it on here so I won't change my mind. I am going to incorporate the c25k program in with my BFL program. On my weight training days I will do the c25k workout also. I figure it is only 20-30 minutes so it will be easy to squeeze in.
I read the Lesson-for-life everyday and it ALWAYS gives me motivation and great advice about my BFL journey.... but I can also relate it to other aspects of my life as well... that is why I love them so much. I wanted to share part of today's success story that I really liked that relate to ALL of us on here trying to lose weight and better our lives.....
Lesson-for-Life Success Story Day 40 (Brad Wadlow)
"I've learned that you sometimes get what you want, and other times you don't. But if you never try to do something great, you have already lost. Those who have the guts to give it their best are already winners. I think this is such an important thing for people to realize. Try and try again and you may very well become a bigger success than you imagined. . ."
well I havn't been writing in my BFL journal a few days this week, so I am on day 40 even though I have been doing it for over six weeks. Today was a pretty good day, I went a little off with my diet portion but I planned ahead and stayed within my calories. Some goals for tomorrow are NO SWEETS, refined sugar, or artificial sweetener and to drink all of my water.
M1: 1 cup blueberries and raspberries, soy milk, 1/2 scoop whey protein. M2: salad w/ balsamic vinegar, garbonzo and kidney beans, a sprinkle of bleu cheese crumbles. M3: 1 cup berries, soy milk, and whey (again). M4: flax seed muffin. M5: 4.5 oz ahi steak, onion bun, and fruit. M6: brownie
