I know it would be stupid not to think that losing 50 lbs would be a long hard process but seeing that I didnt lose ANYTHING on the scale yesterday, and it's only my 3rd week, just made me want to scream. I know that I had a few bad days where I went over my points and I made a few bad choices, but did you see how many good choices I made?!? I kicked my butt at the gym, I went a total of 9 hours and 15 minutes this week, I even said no to pizza TWICE! and I just hate it cuz I got my hopes up cuz I thought I was doing so good and I would see a loss this week and then I didnt.
On top of everything, my boyfriend's mom is a big bitch and I just dont like her at all. Everything I eat she goes "you can't eat that, you are on a diet" or ryan and I went out to lunch yesterday and she says "oh geez, so much for jessica's diet". and ALWAYS she says "you and ryan are getting as big as houses, you need to do something" and I just want to scream at her! She is seriously the most horrible person I know, soooo abrasive and yelly and scary and unsupportive and just doesnt know when to shut her fat mouth and I just cant stand it. Oh yea, and her favorite thing to do just to piss me off is talk about ryan's ex gf (aka my nemesis) in front of me. She goes "oh I really liked M" or "oh M sent me a christmas card, isnt that nice?" or "oh ryan, did you know M is in town?", I just dont understand it... it just drives me nuts.
If you think that is bad, you guys are really not going to believe what happened yesterday. We come home from lunch and ryan's mom calls me ryan's ex's name.... I WAS SO PISSED and I think all I said was "ummmmmm ew." She tries to say she is sorry but instead it all just gets worse from there. She says "oh i'm sorry it was just because she was just on the phone, i didnt mean to call you that" and then she says "oh ryan, did M call you yet, she told me she was going to call you" and he says "oh no, she hasnt called me yet" and ryan's mom says (keep in mind this is after I weighed in and saw a big fat 0) "oh well she has a modeling shoot tomorrow. Did you know she just lost 50 lbs? she looks so good" I was trying to keep my emotions to myself but I guess the look on my face was not a happy one. I was in between crying and punching the wall and she goes "oh what's wrong, did i hurt your feelings?" WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?!?! WHO DOES THAT?!?! I am not really a jealous person, but how am I suppose to feel when I hear that crap?!
I think that this explains why I was so upset in my last post.... that and just being tired and grumpy from school. I am still upset and frustrated, but I just have to keep plugging away and do the best I can...
im feeling terrible right now, I weigh the same as last week, i am so tired and I hate school... so much for feeling so great last night. maybe i'll explain more tomorrow.
yay. ok, as you can tell from my last post (that i just wrote like 2 hours ago) I was feeling frumpy and gross and did not have such a great day (well it was great until my bf went to sleep and all I kept thinking was "yea, i had fun, but did i make ANY healthy choices today?". So..... at 10 o'clock at night, as I am feeling bad for myself that I have to go to school tomorrow, I am browsing though ON Demand for a movie and see that they have clips of work out videos! I never knew that! they are only like 15-20 minutes long so i thought i would try one out (by the way, i've never done a work out video before). I was super excited to see that The Girls Next Door girls each had one (because it is actually a dream of mine to pose in playboy one day, so I love those girls so much). Anyway, I did Bridget's Bunny Bootcamp and I loved it. I was going to stop there but then I decided to do something called 1 mile jog booster.... and then I loved that too..... it was seriously like the lady was talking right to me... she was like "so you are trying to lose weight?" and I was like "yes, yes i am", then she was like "you are so awesome for making such a healthy choice today" and then i was like "OMG you are so right, I am totally awesome" lol (yes, i was actually talking back to the tv lol). After that one I wanted to do Kendra's video which was like kickboxing AND THEN since the jogging lady made me feel so good about myself, I did it AGAIN! lol so this is really good, I got about an hour of cardio and strength training in on a day that I thought i wasnt going to do ANYTHING! yay me.
I start school tomorrow :( I am not feeling good about it. Today I had a bad eating day, and I didnt work out... so i didnt weigh in, so I think I am going to weigh in tomorrow when I go to the gym after my yoga class. Even though i'm changing my weigh in date, i'll make my goals for this week tonight just to get a little head start (cuz i have a lot this week).
Goals for this week:
eat breakfast every day
journal and check in on EP everyday
work out 6 hours
talk to at least one new person in each class at school (i am the worst at socializing... i think i am so shy because i am so insecure with myself.. but I really need to get over with it)
I cant stop watching the food network... it is pretty much all I watch on tv... and the biggest loser of course. But i'll watch the food network and i will see something and be like mmmmmmm, i want that! and then I will think about it for the rest of the day. Sometimes, to get away from the food network, i'll go work out.... but then i'll eating cooking magazines while i'm working out, and i'll see something in the magazine and ill be like mmmmm, i want that too! I am seriously obsessed with food, i think about it ALL THE TIME! it is a problem. My newest craving right now is Carrot Cake... with lots of frosting ....
Tomorrow is my weigh in day, and I ALMOST didnt journal the past two days and I ALMOST didnt work out the past two days.... but I made myself do it so I am pretty proud of myself. I hope my weigh in goes well tomorrow. I had a few bad days but I stuck to the plan... so lets hope it pays off :)
Breakfast 1
egg white omlete w/ veggies 44 - 2
toast 42 - 3
Lunch 1
low cal tortilla w/ veg & cheese 39 - 4
Dinner 1
1/2 veggie burrito (no sour cream, no gaucamole, no rice, whole black beans, whole wheat tortilla) 35 - 8
lol well that's a first. I woke up at like 8:30 (which is like death for me... i havnt woken up before 11:30 for the past 3 weeks) and then my boyfriend and I get in a huge fight on the phone.... I was planning on going back to bed, but he got me all worked up I couldnt even sit still, so I went to the gym to take out my frustration. I was planning on eating breakfast after my work out.... but then ryan was sitting waiting for me when I got home. Then we apologized to each other and had amazing make-up sex (lol I just had to add that in). Then I had to shower, get dressed, do my makeup and hair and go to my nail appointment. AND THEN right after my nail appointment I had my hair appointment and I was in the salon from 2:45-6:30! While I was sitting at the dryer my hunny came and dropped off a Quickly (bubble tea) for me.... cuz he knows how much I love them. But by the time my hair was done, I was like "omg why do I feel like im going to pass out?!" then I remembered the only calories I had in my system consisted of sweetened and flavored condensed milk and tapioca balls (which I am pretty sure have no nutritional value whatsoever). So then Ryan took my out to dinner and I ate everything on my plate! Anyways, I have no idea how many calories a Quickly is.... and I am too lazy to figure out how many points my dinner was.... so im just going to estimate that I ate all of my points for the day in those two meals (well... one meal one drink full of sugary goodness... mmmmm)
Breakfast
none
Lunch
none
Snack
Quickly
Dinner
a HUGE crepe filled with sauteed mushrooms, tomatoes, peppers, spinach, cottage cheese, mozerella, covered in marinara
I am so full, I ate more than I should have... but I had the points and I worked out so it wasn't that bad. I am getting my hair done tomorrow afternoon so I am going to try to work out in the morning because I know after I get it done I cant wash my hair for 48 hours (so I wouldnt be able to work out until sunday night)... that means I need to set my alarm clock for the morning ... yucky.
Ok.... so ya'll know I am very honest on blogging and journaling what I eat.... but today I dont want to write it because people ya'll are going to be like "JC, how many pieces of sushi did she eat?!?! that has to be a typo" lol. So in WW it says 4 pieces are 2 points... but the kind I ate today were the bigger specialty roles... so instead of saying 4 for 2 I am going to make it 1 point for 1 piece... I think (and hope) that I am estimating high, but its better to do that then to estimate too low right?
I cant believe it, tonight, I went over my bfs house, I didnt have dinner yet and his mom goes "oh do you want some pizza" and without even thinking I say "Oh no, thats ok, I dont want to go over my points"..... and then I thought to myself- omg I have NEVER said that before. no... seriously, NEVER. Unfortunately though since I didnt eat dinner there I wasnt able to eat dinner at all, so I went under my points again, but not by much, I think it was a good choice on my part!
) 22 - 22