drinking problem
ok, so almost every time I drink, the morning after, I wake up and I say "omg, what did i do?!?!" I am either so hung over i can barely move, i remember doing something totally stupid and unlike me from the night before, i am pissed because of all of the thousands of calories i consumed, I don't remember half of the night, or I manage to seriously hurt myself. When i am out to dinner with my family or just hanging out casually, i am fine. We will drink A LOT of wine and maybe a cocktail or 2, but it will be over a LONG dinner.... totally italian style. BUT when I get around my friends, i just cannot control myself. It is usually when I feel uncomfortable I will just keep drinking and keep drinking until i am (pardon the expression) "shitfaced". Anyways, so last time I was totally drunk, I dropped a bottle of alcohol on my mom's rug and i sliced my finger on the glass and got blood EVERYWHERE. Last night when I got drunk I managed to slice the tip of my finger off with a razor (I carry a shaving razor in my purse because of work.... you know, in case i need to do emergancy shaving my legs or something lol) and I couldnt even believe how much blood came out of me. It hurts soooooo bad. We called the after hours clinic and they said that there was nothing really we could do because it wasnt bad enough (meaning i didnt have a chunk of finger they could sew back on me..... ewwww) but to come in if it didnt stop bleeding. Basically it didn't stop bleeding for 2 hours, but it did eventually stop. My mom poured hydrogen peroxide on it.... and boy, did that sober me up pretty fast. I really just think I need to take a break for awhile. I love how I am trying to get myself healthy and fit, and I work so hard at it, and then I sabotage myself by binge drinking and screwing up my metabolism. It really totally is upsetting to me. It worries me because I know that I eat for emotional reasons, and now I am seeing a trend where I am drinking for emotional reasons also and that is obviously a major problem, especially with the alcoholism that runs in my family (basically everyone in both my parents families, besides actually my parents). It is just a wake up call, I need to stop being stupid and take control of my actions a little (or actually, a lot) better.
Anyways, this post is totally a downer..... i DID actually have a great birthday besides losing part of a finger. i'll tell ya'll about it in a separate post a little later. Also, thank ya'll for the birthday wishes, they totally made me smile 