ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

 OK, I am a really calm person... usually. Sometimes I think I am just way to relaxed about things that I kind of forget about them until the last minute (I know, almost everyone is like that, but I am REALLY like that) and then I just FREAK out! like i am doing right now. I think high school just really screwed me over in the education department. I took some honors and AP classes but I only did the bare minimum of work and I NEVER needed to study, I kind of just got by on my good looks and charm and natural smarts (I know that sounds bad, but it is true) and everything always turned out fine. Now, with college, I just suck. I really do. I just got myself in over my head and I havnt slept in days because I just have way too much to think about and I can't even stand it. I am way behind on all of my classes and it is practically almost finals! I have 2 presentations and 2 essays due within the next four days (plus HELLA make up work). I am having surgery on thursday so I am going to miss even more classes. I am moving to London in september but only if I sign up for summer school so I have to retake all of my placement tests because all of the placement tests I took at USF are not valid anymore for the JC I am going to now. I also really don't even think school is for me. I know I want to get my AA, but I still can't come to grips with the fact that if I do that I wont ever get the "college experience", not to mention a Bachelors degree. I am also moving to London and I have a boyfriend who wont talk to me about anything so I have no clue what is going to happen when I am getting ready to leave. I ALSO don't even know if I am really happy with him to begin with right now.  Today I had to work with a big old ugly she-man beezy who is seriously just a pain in my butt. Her mom was also there, who is an even bigger pain and all she does is bob around on her stupid little floaty noodle trying to find someone to gossip with. UGGHHH!!!!! I am trying to really take my health and weight loss seriously which I know is a lot of time and effort and i NEED to stay focused and I am not. I am rambling, but this is really everything that is going through my head right now, this is how scrambled I am. 

((hugs)))

What you are describing is so much like my college experience it is scary.

I coasted through high school with top grades, and then college was so different. I got through it though and came out with good grades in the end, although the first couple of years were hairy.

I had to learn to study by myself, and get a balance between doing everything and nothing. If I worked myself up too much, I wouldn't even start. Just do a couple of hours here and there.

It is also definitely worth chatting to your tutors about how you feel - you definitely aren't the first and you won't be the last, they are generally very understanding. Especially with the surgery you should be able to get some help.

All the best, don't make any rash decisions, you have plenty of time.

Rach xxx

How an egg feels

This is how I discribe things when I feel that way.  They get all mixed up, and then they settle down, and are ready for their next phase.  Things will calm down for you, I know that because at the very least in Oct when you are in london, there will be some time when you look back and realize all that you were stressed about now, is over with and you lived through it. 

As for school, I have been there and been there, and Wait one more time...I am back in school again. this is like the 10th time, because I want to do something other than customer service or something alone the like. I wish you the best, and I will offer asny support that I can. 

I hope that you things pick up for you. 

Steve (SoF)