9.06

Breakfast (3/26 pts)
Oatmeal 3pts

Lunch (22/23pts)
1 cheese pizza slice 5pts
1 sausage pizza slice 6pts
monster cookie 11pts

Dinner (8/1, 7/30 flex pts)
Noodles and Co Thai Curry soup w/Tofu - 8 pts

9.05

Breakfast (2/26 pts)
1 banana 2 pts
Lunch (8/24 pts)
Celery 0pts
Laughing Cow Lite cheese 1 pt
Smart Ones Traditional Lasagna 6 pts
WW Peach Yogurt 1 pt
1 cup Broccoli 0 pts
Snack (2/16 pt)
Smart Pop mini popcorn bag 1 pt
1 plum 1 pt
Dinner (20 pts/15, used 5/35 of my allowance pts)
2 Brats/Buns 20 pts

I'm back.. and counting.

I took an extrapounds hiatus... but I'm back in an effort to realign myself with my goals.  I continued to lose over the summer, but at a slower pace.  The month of August was filled with numerous birthdays, mine included, anniversaries, wedding showers, vacations and the state fair, so needless to say I have hit a self-imposed plateau.

So, I am going to utilize extrapounds mainly as my daily food tracker with a few blurbs here and there on how I'm doing.  So it'll probably be a bit boring for blog readers.

Disastrous weeks

It's been a very long time since my last post, and I've been doing very badly lately.  At first it was just a few parties where I indulged when I shouldn't have, and then I started sort of eyeballing portions instead of measuring, and I wouldn't write down all my points and I'd mentally eyeball my tracking.  And here I am 3 weeks later and I've honestly been off points the whole time.  I haven't weighed myself in a week, I'm afraid to see where I'm at.  I was out of town this last week on a mini-vacation in Chicago.  I did make some healthy choices, but not all.. but at least it was remotely better... and I did a lot of walking while I was there.  Tommorrow is another day, and I'm looking forward to truly starting fresh after a number of weeks of poor behavior.  I feel physically terrible.  I guess I really do need to blog, track like a nazi and be religious about this in order to stay on plan.  This has been a good learning experience for me, so I'm glad it's happened.. and it doesn't really bother me to know that I'll just have to be a control freak about my eating habits.  I mean I control everything and everyone else in my life, why not the food?  The only thing that does bother me, is that I've wasted a good months worth of time where I could have been that much closer to my goal.  What a waste.

Ask me how I'm doing!

3.6 down at my WI on Monday.  That's 12.9 total now!  I can hardly believe it.  As is the routine after my WW meetings, I return home to an expectant husband waiting nearly at the door to hear how the WI and meeting went.  When I told him that I was down again, he was so excited.  He ran to get a 15 lb dumbbell and said hold this... I did.  He said, "do you realize that you have lost just about this amount of weight!  Can you believe that?"  I couldn't.  Wow.  Teeny Tiny, here I come.

I have to say, I haven't felt this happy in a long time.. I just feel good.  It's good to be me. :) 

Week in Review

This week has been very enlightening.  On Monday after my meeting I had decided I was no longer going to go the WW meetings, because, frankly I've found them to be sort of boring and repetitive.  Now the boring part is probably purely subjective, but the repetition is probably part of their plan.  I've just felt like I've heard the same thing every week and I don't feel like I glean a lot of inspiration out of it. 

Now, let me just say that I certainly wasn't going to stop following the program, but just skip going to the meetings.  And to be honest, money HAS been tight and I'm paying for weekly meetings at 12 a pop plus the WW online e-tools (which for me is a must) at 30 bucks a month and then added expense in groceries... or at least it feels like i'm spending more on groceries.  So I figured that if I wasn't getting much out of the meetings than why not save some money.

So about half way through the week I felt like maybe I was making a dumb choice.  It's not like I was slipping already or anything, because I was on points, but I just felt like the last two weeks or so were on plan, but not the best choices... so i was feeling guilty a bit and I was constantly feeling hungry to boot.  And I'd almost go so far as to say, I would eat and be hungry soon after and was frequently craving a lot of crap .  Looking back I was eating more refined starches.... thank god for tracking or I wouldn't have known what was making me so hungry.  So I beefed up the whole grains, veggies and fruits and I'm suprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly not hungry throughout the day and feel satisfied.   Phew.  Hunger/Craving crisis averted.

So after that little situation, it occurred to me that if I was right about the meetings and my ability to stay on plan without them and be accountable.. than that would be a money saver and I'd be fine, but if I was wrong, I would begin to gain and it might be a downward spiral and I might not pick it back up again... and I wouldn't be reaching my goal or my dreams.  And I thought, if I keep going to the meetings I can guarantee that I'll continue to lose, and if I don't go I risk everything.

Needless to say I will be at my meeting on Monday.  Thank god for clear thinking. 

It's about time...

 I finally have a picture of me online... In case people were wondering.  Pictures of me are few and far between, because I try to avoid the camera.  In fact, I always have, since I was in late elementary school.  I just was never a photogenic person and was always appalled when I saw the results of my friends or families efforts.  So I've hid ever since. 

Anyway... I'm the fluffy one at front and center.  I feel like I look like someone pumped me full of hot air.  Or like I am violet beauregard minus the blue tinge.

Update

I was down .8 lbs this week, which I guess is a wonderful thing considering 2 easter meals and a stop at Taco Johns.  I guess what I found most inspiring was that I hadn't eaten as much as I normally would have at Taco Johns, and yet I was stuffed beyond belief.  At first, I was really upset with myself for having eaten so much and binged... and now I realize it was nothing compared to what I used to eat.  I am amazed at how well I am doing and how I have already changed and adapted to this new regimen.  I feel light and free and am able to acknowledge, much more quickly, what is a good choice and a bad choice.  Had I not had these two snafus this weekend (although Easter I couldn't really control) I think I'd have been down significantly.  I guess there is always next week.

Repercussions

I woke up this morning, and grudgingly stepped onto the scale.  Now, since I started WW, I haven't been getting on every day.  I'm trying hard not to be neurotic - on every level - about my progress.  But back to the story at hand....

I stepped on, and all that damn overeating last night gave me two extra lbs back!  I'm devastated, heartbroken, I feel like I've been slapped in the face.  One NIGHT of eating past satiety and I gain back a week's worth of work! I'm not sure whether to be happy to see what a negative result gross Chinese food has on my body, or whether I should be upset that I broke all my good habits I've been working on lately.

Too be honest, what I'm most disappointed about was that I feel that I've failed myself.  and then I'm disappointed because I feel disappointed and wishing I could be one of those people that is ok with screwing up every once in a while.  I mean why I can't I just accept the fact that every once in a while I'm going to make a mistake?  I just don't get it.  I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself.  My mind isn't buying this mantra a bit.  Sigh.

And this brings me to another gripe.  Why is nothing every good enough.  Why can I not just be delighted with all the wonderful progress, ideas, suggestions, love, friendship, intellect, creativity, ingenuity, etc... that are my strengths..  Grr.  I love and accept myself, I have wonderful qualities to share and express.  I love and accept myself.

Big Mistakes and Shame

I had very little pts used by the time dinner came around, because I had had plans to eat out with a friend and had wanted to be able to eat whatever... well she canceled.  So Eric and I decided that we'd both like Leann Chin.  Everything was going fine... I had plenty of pts.. and I had my three cream cheese wontons, and then started in on my orange chicken.  Now about half way through I was feeling the twinges of fullness or satiety and I set the plate aside.  And then I picked it back up again and ate the entire plate up.   Now of course, technically I have flex pts to use and I had lots of pts - 20 in fact left for dinner, but I had wanted to save every one of those flex pts for the weekend.  And I feel sick now, just stuffed, and gross and ashamed.  It was a good learning experience for me I guess, but I'm mad at myself.  I know what my boundaries are and I ignored what my body and my mind were telling me.  I feel like I've taken a step back in my progress and that I'm not respecting the progress or the learnings that I've made.  I know tomorrow is another day, but I've broken down tonight and I'm disappointed in myself, I've resorted to my old tendencies.  Tomorrow is a new day, but today just sucks.