10/02/2010 10:01
WHY BOTHER !?! ..... I know why .....
I just want to re-cap on my weight loss / gain ....
I was a Weight Watchers member for 2 years, more if I really looked back. During those 2 years I lost 36 pound. I was extremely focused on my goal, which was set by Weight Watchers, rather than by myself. It was a target that would get me to just within the BMI 'someone' thinks is best for me......
I was focused on the fact that once I reached that goal I would have achieved what I set out to do, I would be proud of my efforts, and would also be able to attend my classes free of charge, and be an inspiration to the other people in the club - what an honour 
My life changed so much, the time I spent on 'myself' changed, I found the energy to make time for myself, I'd get up extra early and exercise at home before work, I joined a gym and even though the first few months of watching my body 'jiggle' infront of those horrible mirrors in the studio left me in floods of tears,I didn't give in. I realised that the people around me had their own worries, and were to busy worrying about themselves to look and laugh at me and my unco-ordinated feet.
Going to the gym sounds like such hard work, but my gym had 2 dance classes and a salsa-cise class on each week, and on a Monday they did Step too, to loud disco music, which I loved.
So, not only was I getting up early to exercise at home I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week, and I even treated myself by doing 'nothing' in the steam room every now & then - bliss
I wrote everything down and weighed it. I even started cooking !! YES ME COOKING !?! But I loved it. I was chopping veg and meat up and sticking it in the pot before exercising in the morning, so I knew what I was having for dinner when I got home from work !!
The ultimate thing I reckon I did though was to run a half marathon ... just like cooking .. ME? RUN A (1/2) MARATHON ??? You're having a laugh !!! But I did, and I have the tea shirt and medal to prove it lol !
Yet after all that, what I didn't do was please Weight Watchers by reaching 'their' target - I FAILED ........... 
I found that when I was 6lb away from their target I was begining to look gaunt (too skinny in the face at least) yet Weight Watchers would not recognise that I was at 'my' ideal weight, even after loosing 36lb, so I had to continue to keep focused on a goal I did not want to get to .... with that nagging voice in my head telling me if I didn't reach their goal I would be letting myself down ...
IAfter months I managed to get to within 1lb of their target .... did my half marathon and gained 6lb !!!
I was gobsmacked and so disappointed, but I knew I could not give in ....throughout my 2 years I had learnt that you have to make change after change so your body doesn't just become used to the same exercise day after day .... so in addition to the Step & Dance classes I was doing, I decided to try a Body Combat class.
This just threw all my good work out the window ... I lost my focus completely, I couldn't be bothered anymore, I didn't achieve what I set out to do, even though I was so focused