Girl Scout Cookies

Ugh, Girl Scout cookies will be the death of me.  I can easily (and I do mean easily) down one sleeve of cookies.  With some amount of determination, I can eat the whole box.

Even just one thin mint makes me crave more.  Just thinking about them, I can taste the chocolately minty goodness!

Yesterday I ate a sleeve, and today I've had 1/2.  Its taking everything I have not to open that box and eat the rest.

I CAN DO THIS!!!

Recovering

So i weighed myself this morning and since wednesday I've lost 4lbs.  i realize this is mostly flu weight, but i'm using it as a jump start into regular weight loss.

Slow and steady wins the race!!

Flu

It turns out I had/have the flu.  Just the regular run of the mill head flu with extreme aches and such.  At one point of time my skin hurt.

But I'm feeling a bit better now.

Ash Wednesday

Fasting for ash wednesday never seemed that hard.  But I woke up this morning with an incredibly sore throat and a headache...I just want to curl up and die.

Not eating isn't helping things :(

Dr.'s Appt

So after being on my period for 2.5 months, I finally went to the doctor.  I knew it was because of my weight, I just was embarrassed of the fact.

Sure enough, my weight is the issue.

The dr. was really nice though, and not rude (which tends to be an issue for fat people).

Improvement Plan

So its Wednesday and I have good news and bad news.

Bad news first.  Yesterday I had a talk with my manager and they are very upset with my performance here.  I am going on a Improvement Plan.  Such scary talks.  I know that this is a formality before someone gets fired.  So I really need to get on the stick to make sure I don't lose my job.

So really, why has my job performance been so low?  I think its because I have no confidence in my life.  I feel like I've been failing at everything I do.  My health sucks, my apt is a mess, I have no friends, I've gained twenty pounds since I started work, and I barely like myself let alone letting other people like me.

Good news, the Improvement Plan at work has inspired me to make an improvement plan for life.  This includes going to therapy, swimming more often, making the effort to make new friends, and study my ass off for my actuarial exam.  AND, I've already made strides to this.  I have gone swimming every other day for a week (4 times so far).  After 2 weeks of every other day, my goal will increase to every weekday before work.  If I get up at 5, get to the gym at 6, get in to work at 7:20ish, eat a 1/2 hour lunch with means I can leave at 4.  Get home and study two hours.  Eat a healthy dinner.  Relax in front of the TV for and hour and a half.  Get into bed and read a chapter or two of a book.  Be asleep by 9:30.

Day 2

I planned on going swimming this morning, but unfortunately overslept.  So instead I just came to work and plan on going to work out later in the evening.  I did make my lunch today, but unfortunately when I warmed it up in the microwave at work, it suddenly became disgusting.  So I scrapped the quesadilla, but I still just ate the peach and carrots.  Tomorrow hopefully I'll have better luck.

Today was the end of the month at work, so we had to fill out our time cards.  I hate this time because I never feel like I'm as productive as I feel through out the month.  I also did the math for the rest of the year and if I take the time that I'd like to for the rest of the year, I'm still over by 14 hours of PTO.  Today I got told that I can't make up time in order to take less PTO, so now I'm worried about December.  UGH!!!!   I might be able to work in November so maybe I'd only be over six hours.  That actually might be doable on vacation, so I guess we'll see.

My Side of Things

I made a new friend today.  She works in the office at my apartment, and she helped me prove that no one can have everything.  She is happily married, thin, and pretty.  But she never graduated college and she's not thrilled with her job.  Then again, what do I have?  I have not thin, not pretty (because of the whole being huge thing), not married, not even dating anyone (because of the whole being huge thing), not thrilled with my job, and kinda miserable a lot of the time.  But then I try to look for the positives.  I make good money.  I'm not worried about the economy.  I just bought a new car, that is SWEET.  I'm trying to work on the whole being huge thing.  I went to a great college and I love being an alumna.  At least my nails are really pretty :)

We went to IKEA, I didn't need to go, but I figured if I'm going to make a new friend this is the way to do it.  She asked if I minded going to Plato's closet, which I didn't.  But while we were there it never occured to her why I wasn't looking at clothes.  1) they are USED...awkward  2) there is no way i would have fit into anything there.

I talked to Angie yesterday for over an hour.  It makes me happy to know she is getting settled into school, but I miss her tons.  She was the first real friend I had made since I moved up here and I really tried to be a better person when she was around.  I hope I can keep the motivation she gave me into the future.  She makes me want to go to church, but I am so self conscious that I hate going there because I know I will have to kneel, and being so big kneeling is painful. 

I didn't go swimming today, but that's ok.  My new goal is every other day for two weeks.  I don't plan on over exerting myself because I'd like to keep the motivation going.  After two weeks, I'll see how I'm doing.  I went Thursday and Saturday, so that's 4 days down, 10 days to go.  Ten days is absolutely doable!

OMG How did i get this way?

I have been doing slim in 6 for 5 days now.  I've done the workout 4 times and i'm feeling ok about it.  Foodwise, i haven't been the best but i didn't think i was TERRIBLE.  I just got on the scale and it read 259.  that's like 12 more lbs than i thought i weighed.  i'm in shock.  At one point in time i swore i'd never be above 185 and yet her i am almost 3 years later, 80 lbs heavier.  i want to lose weight, but that just seems like SOO much weight i have to lose. 

I've just got to stay motivated...i've GOT to

Ugh....burned out???

Today is day 4...which is the 3rd day in a row of doing the slim in 6 workout and i'm already exhausted....today i'm really sore from doing that and golf and i just couldn't muster the energy to do it all out. 

UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH