so i woke up not quite sure if i was happy today or not...i told jason this and he laughed and said i needed medication...lol i am still feeling the aftershock of my flub up late last nite so my stomach is still puffy and i still feel gross! when i dont eat late...when i wake up my stomach is much flatter and walk around my room holding it in in front of the mirror pretending thats how i really look!
its so funny how before i started dieting i almost NEVER looked at my body in the mirror and now im an addict...every day i come home from the gym after i get in the shower i spend 15 minutes just lifting and squishing and sucking all different parts of my body hahaha.
so today like yesturday is off to a great start...had my shake....my vitamins and such and now im just sitting here checking up on my ep girls....will be doing my hair and heading to the gym in an hour or so...work @ 8 which is GOOOD FOR ME!!!! because then i cant sit around and binge....structure structure structure!! jason might get done work early today we might go check out apartments in the area we are trying to get our own place as soon as my mom is feeling better and we have enough saved...i can't wait to have my OWN refridgerator so i can make sure i have no temptations!
I took a friends ;-) advice and i am not going to allow myself to feel deprived...i just wish i had a shock collar or something that made me say NO! after a few bites....i think thats the hardest part for me.....its almost like its all or nothing. if i dont dont dont than i wont wont wont but when i do my taste buds wake up and go insane! so here goes...day 2.....let me know how you guys are doing!!
....i did SO good...all day...drank water, my shake, had soup for dinner....waited for jason to come home for 4 hours...he asked me to order him chinese food for dinner....and i had a couple spoonfuls of pork fried rice before he got home because i was alone and bored and i thought to myself...eh....not so bad.....11:30 he finally got home and i poured all his portion out onto plates and there was a little of this and that left in the bottom of the containers.....and then......i ate the rest :( beef low mein and pork friend rice and wonton soup!!!!!! OH NO!!! damn u china moon restaurant!!!!!!!!! why did you have to smell so tasty and delicious?
i feel so dissapointed in myself after all the hype iv been saying to my parents and friends about the website and all the support.....on the first day of the challenge ....i pig out late nite on super sodium chinese food!!!!!
im such a fat kid for REAL.i feel like such a hypocrite! here i am being like oh im going to win and then i stuff my face late @ night with noodles and beef! and didnt even go to the gym....if i loose a lb this week it will be a miracle! i know its only monday...so i have 6 days to repreve NOT such a good start...boo
i wasnt even going to write a blog about it.......i reaaalllly wasnt.....but im MAKING MYSELF..... i thought what is the point if im not completely honest...nothing to hide right? so i am here to sadly say that i feel like i just did drugs or something LOL...i was contemplating making myself puke...isnt that awful? but i couldnt just the idea of it was unappealing i have to do this the right way i know i know i know.....wrong...bbbbut i wonder if im alone in that thought crossing your mind....has anyone else ever wished they could? i know its not funny or psychologically stable for that matter but i bet im not the only one, id never do it....and even if i tried to i dont think i could....but at the same time, wouldnt it be nice to have some kind of vaccumn or something to suck it all out after u mess up...i know we are all here to support and back eachother up....so im trying to be real....i know that i cant give up, i know that its just one slip up, i know it all....but i can't help but feel like poop, not to mention the amount of time i am going to be spending doing just that later on tonite im sure....give me strength!
i wish i could leave right now and go to the gym but my mom just woke up as i was standing in the kitchen just staring feeling bad about my puffy stomach and told me she was having nightmares about giant grasshoppers hahaha soooo her medicine is definitly in full effect and i cant leave in the middle of the night just in case she needs me....im trapped my pants feel tight and i cant even drink nemore water bc im so full booooooo!!!
this time it was adam tempting eve.....i know he doesnt mean it but i just wish that jason understood that eating stuff like that in front of me makes things 100% more difficult...he had no choice it was late he was hungry and he really works hard, who am i to deny him his meal? but at the same time i wish he was a vegan or something haha.
i did the crime now i have to do the time.
the gym tommorow twice for sure.
goodnite everyone.
so starting a new day, last nite i went shopping with my leftover kohls cash and bought myself a new pair of size 18 jeans (hooray!!) which is a big different from a size 24 wouldnt u agree? and waitt......an XL sweater, NOT a 1X or a XXL or a 2X........just a regualr normal persons XL....wow....felt amazing....to even be able to look around in the "normal" section....i am so excited to see the variety of styles and clothes available to me as i get smaller....its such a shame that when you are my age and plus size you are so extraordinarilary limited in your choices you have no room for expression...im the kind of person i like to wear things that say me all over them and i couldnt do that when i was bigger....SO i called my mom to tell her and she started crying..........
HOW CUTE IS SHE?
she starts sobbing saying how happy she is for me and wanted to know how long its been since i just bought an XL and well....its been about 2 years now.....which is a long time to be a prisoner of my old body.....
Today is officially the first day of the weight loss challenge........I LOVE YOU ALLLL buttttttttttt i gotta say.........im winning this.......for sure.........
gotta run to cvs and pick up some stuff for my mom, she had surgery on her skin cancer again today....she has aggressive basil cell carcinoma on her FACE ugh. she had her cheek cut open again today so we are sticking together for the afternoon until she can get some rest and i can hit the gym....she is in super high spirits very strong women in my family....i will be up there with the best of them after i loose 100 lbs dont ya think? i think so.... Talk to you all sooon....stay in touch I LOVE hearing from you alll.....
so i ate another low fat chicken bushetta sandwhich today. that one only has 3.5 grams of fat and 330 calories.....high in carbs but im really only counting calories....its the only thing i ate today so im not feeling so bad about it ESPECIALLY since i fit in my old favorite hoodie!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was talking to my friend about trying on old clothes and suddenly it hit me! MY HOODIE! its in the closet.....i should try.......and it ZIPPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so happy..................that means that i can hopefully start wearing hurley again!
Hurley is my favorite brand of clothing....i used to be obsessed my old screen name was even hurleygurlie lol.....after i got Huugeee I couldnt even fit into my hoodies let alone the tshirts! I used to shop in pacific sunwear exclusivley.......i cannot WAIT until the day i can start wearing the t's from there again with the adorable roxy hoodies and such.....when i was in plus size that seemed like an unimaginable dream....now it seems SO CLOSE!
i feel great.
so after my inches this afternoon i went to the gym for a brief 45 minutes and did 30 minutes of cardio and get changed and went to work....while i was at work i ate YET ANOTHER 320 calorie sandwhich.....starbucks is great calorie wise but their sodium content in off the charts...gotta watch that but i ate it anyway because it was amaaaaaaazzzingly good. they just came out with a new one its chicken and tomatoe baquette with a sun dried tomato paste....i was in heaven, in fact i would eat that every second of every day if i could....i put it in the oven so it was crispy and warm....OH Goooooooooodddddddd...its so sad....how much happy a sandwhich can make me....buuuuuuuuuuuuuttt i felt guilty since i only worked out for 30 minutes and that was my second starbucks sandwhich of the day *yikes!* the other was another 320 calorie but like i said, sodium sodium sodium! i went back after work at 1 a.m. and did another 30 minutes on the bike i burned 356 calories did some weights and called it a night...hopefully i wont be appauled at what i see tommorow and my little late night repreve will have worked ! =)
hope everyone is well!!
just did my monthly measurements....down 11.7 inches total. wee!!! getting ready to go the the gym....went everyday this week very proud of myself...even went before work yesturday....we shall see if im down on the scales...will keep it posted! had a really good breakfast and got up and reasonable hour....went to wawa got some yogurt and fruit with my cappachino but i only finished half.. shake for lunch then off to the gym...<3 <3 <3
just got back from the gym....i definitly think that the meatball hoagie at 4 a.m. on new years was a bad idea? lol oh god.....when i drink i get crazy! so neway....spent a good hour and a half tonite, went up 2 lbs but thats ok i definitly deserve it....i ate pepporoni and cheese with crackers and mustard last nite and to top that all off i discovered i ate a tastycake on new years as well...found the wrapper in my room.....SERIOUSLY SAD that i am like a crack addict with food and hide it even from myself....oh well i am no discouraged which is good right....just back on the wagon as best i can....
still seeing huge amounts of muscle definition in my legs and arms now...still wearing the suana belt feeling my tummy shrink so even if the scale is not so kind i am proud i am still pushing though and going to the gym my mom even said tonite shes amazed that i have stuck with it for this long and i am really starting to look great.....CANT WAIT until im down to 200...will feel wonderful....
hope everyone is doing well and we all have a SKINNY 2008!! <3
just got back from the gym PLEASED PLEASED PLEASED to say my holiday BEASTING damage control worked!! I am down 136....IT FELT WONDERFUL to see a 3 number instead of a 4......I can't wait until the day I see a 1 and know I only have 10 lbs to go to get back to my single days weight!!
So i just got back from the gym....its 2:29 a.m. I went at 12 and I worked out for about 2 hours....I was the only one in there so I pumped up my music on the stereo system loud as hell and went to town! I did 30 minutes on the elyptical *sp??* i never know how to spell that.....the circuit training ring for 20 and the bike for 30.....I totaled out on the machines at 331 calories...never can know how much u burn in the ring but I know I put the work in....
Tonite was my first night wearing my neoprene belt and LET ME TELL YA when i took that thing off it was probably the grossest thing I have ever seen in my life....it was SOAKED with sweat so much so i felt like i just got out of the shower! so i hope its worth the grossness and will make a difference in the long run...
had a good day didn't sleep that much last nite but I am still goin...worked from 11-3 and had 2 shakes and a yogurt with the 100 calorie pack crunched up in it for the entirety of the day....go me, im not even hungry!! ahhhhhhhhhh.....I hope my family notices my weight loss tommorow is the last of the holiday get togethers and its the first time a couple of them have seen me in a while I know 13 lbs is that much but i feel like my face is definily skkinnner on the 1st I will take my measurements see how im doing inches wise....
hope everyone is doing well!
so how was everyone's christmas? mine was full of fun and FOOODD!!!!
i ate like an animal! like i have never eaten before...i ate more than i have in weeks in one day i think i ate like 19 meals worth of food! ohh nooo...but i cant let myself feel guity about it and quite frankly i dont....i had fun and it was gooood! no regrets i enjoyed myself! but now its back to the real world!
sooooooooooo.......back on track......got some new hydroxycuts, slim fast powder and protein water.i cant remember what dieting was like before 100 calorie packs but im sure it was not as easy. if you hvent tried them yet they are WONDERFUL and really take care of my sweet tooth...the oreo ones are great and sometimes i mash them up and pour them into my yogurt for a yummy treat!
i havnt been to the gym in a week! YIKES! i really need to get goin again got alot of new stuff for the gym for christmas, new gloves, some new outfits and a neoprene sauna belt ! ill let everyone know how that works out as well....i will hit the scale as soon as i get done working out tommorow...im no excited to see what it says :( but im sure it cant be that bad...can it?
went to the gym after work tonite at 12.00 a.m. cuz i was too lazy to go all day and decided during work i had no excuse i HAD to go i ate
4 tuna sandwhiches with reg mayo and cheese in the last two days they are so good.....and the only thing i really ate so i thought it wasnt that bad...right? hahah im kidding myself but oh well i am still on the ball sometimes u just have to eat what is available to curb major hungry attack binging. so at least i went to the gym 4 days this week and have gone down 4 lbs...woOohOoo. on the grind....work tommorow hopefully then gym.
ps. if ne one is looking for a great motivator....watch the biggest loser....so inspirational.
