Isnt it funny how we avoid the scale, avoid the blog, avoid people when we are sliding down the slippery slope of bad habits?!
I havent been doing that bad, but the past couple days have brought on some extra stress, therefore some bad choices in eating, and 2 missed days or working out.
Ok, so this is what you wont believe.....Wed, I was out running errands and the doctors office called my cell phone, I have been going round and round with them about getting Daniels medicine covered by insurance, they have to do a pre authorization, and it takes a little time and effort (I used to do them myself when I worked there) but its necessary to save hundreds of dollars a month....anyway, I pulled over in a near parking lot because I was getting a little frustrated. I park, finish the conversation, put the phone down, put the van in reverse then BAM! The whole van shifted forward, and I thought "WHAT THE HECK was that!!!" I look back to see that the kids are all ok, they are, actually they were all still sleeping...I put the car in park and get out. Someone rear ended my van and put a HUGE dent in the bumper. So I wait for the person to get out, they pulled back into thier parking spot....and then she gets out. She is...............my WW Leader! No joke!!!!!
Do you think she was trying to tell me something?! LOL. I got the dent pounded out, not a big deal, but I thought that was hilarious that it was she who hit us......I'll never let her live it down. JK
On top of that, the appraisal of our house was this week, that was nerve racking for me, getting everything finished that we have been doing around here, and my grandmother is dieing in the hospital. I took the kids up there yesterday to see her and "say goodbye". It was so touching, because she just held each of them and said "remember grandma loves you!" and then when she was talking to me, she kept sharing stories and told me she did the best she could, and I told I was praying for her, and asked her to pray for me and she told me that she didnt think I needed it much because I was such a good mom. I cried. Im really going to miss her!
So.....I dont really know what to expect at WW tomorrow, but I am going no matter what. My friend has a treadmill she said I could borrow, I think I am going to start with that to see if I can run some. Im excited about that. Still loving the turbo jam though, Im not giving that up!! Is so fun, and I sweat like a dog!
I will eat well today, excersize like crazy during Turbo Jam, and continue with this journey! Have a blessed day!!!
Yesterday ended quite well. I did end up eating a snack before bed that I regret, but its over, and I will be moving on!
I worked very hard at just being here for my family...I did my work out and put away all the laundry and sorted clothing weeding out anything that doesnt fit the kids. Thats a ton of work considering 7 people live here....I cant even tell you how many times we have spent the week living out of laundry baskets because I didnt get to putting the clothes away. Believe me, the kids were excited to see that there were clothes in the dressers vs. having to go down stairs to the laundry room to find something to wear.
Today I have some more laundry related things to do, and I want to try to get outside and rake up the yard....the grass was so long it looks like a freaking hay field out there....some one call in the bailer!!!! Thanks.
I havent been very good at keeping a journal for WW. I am going to start that again today! Especially since I am going to be helping my DH with WW as well.
I am very inspired to drop the first 20 or so pounds because I would like to start running.....inspired by another EP blogger..."hotmomwannabe" I think I would like to give it a try. But with my asthma, I think dropping a few more pounds would be a great idea!
So Im off for another action packed day! Be good to yourself and stay OP!!!!
Well, it was a pretty good weekend. It was beautiful outside, and we got a lot done in the yard. We bought a new push mower, and I mowed 3/4 of the yard yesterday in 81 degree weather. I was certainly breaking a sweat. I would have done the entire thing, but my hands were numb, and I couldnt finish. We have a little over an acre for a yard, and it took me an hour and a half to do what I did.
Today I have been moving all morning getting stuff done around the house. I got on my hands and knees and hand washed the kitchen and dining room...it cleans it so much better than a mop...that took about 40 minutes, and the kids loved to help. The kids are napping, and I just finished Turbo Jam Cardio Party Mix 2.
I have eaten very well today, and ate pretty well all weekend.
So, in case your dieing to know...the good news is I have a team mate! I am thrilled that my husband has decided that he too would like to get a little healthier and try to lose about 50lbs! He asked me about WW and if he could do it with me, and said that he was going to ride his bike to work 2 to3 times a week! (8 miles round trip). Im excited for him, but also I am excited because I know that this will help me too!
Im off to take a much needed shower, before everyone wakes up!
Ok, so this morning I did it, even though I was trying to convince my self of 101 reasons not to, I went to my WW meeting to face the music. I did skip going to the early one where I knew lots of members from my church go, but at least I went.
I am up 4lbs from my last weigh in there two weeks ago, but 1lb less than what my scale said at home. So, now that I know, and they know...I can move on.
Its 70 degrees outside today. It feels like 80 compared to what we in Michigan have seen lately. I plan to get out there and DO something. I dont know if it will be walking for exercize, but we have a little over an acre of land here and it needs to be mowed, we just bought a nice new push mower, so maybe I will talk Joe into letting me do it this time?!
I think I may have found a nice little trek to walk on and push a stroller through. its 2.5 miles from my house to Meijer/Target Plaza...so 5 miles total. Maybe I can do that a few times a week?!
Truth: I know I feel much better when I excersize and eat well. Truth: I know I feel like junk when I dont excrsize and dont eat well. Truth: I feel better about myself when Im not so heavy. Truth: I can do this, If I really do this!
Well I got on the scale first thing this morning, I know I said I wouldnt, but I couldnt help it....and I dont know why I thought one day of being good would make me loose a bunch or something, but anyway, it was up 2lbs AGAIN. TOM is still a week away, so I dont think its that, I have not been doing well...but?!
Today is a new day and I am going to continue to do good! I am really scard to go to WW though, Im totally avoiding it, havent been there in nearly 2 weeks. I need to go, but Im embarassed and ashamed.
Plan: 1. Stay on Points and Journal 2. Turbo Jam while kids are napping 3. Take them outside after nap to play 4. Walk with family tonight after dinner.
There is a meeting tomorrow morning. I will plan on attending that!
I know, Im posting again, but Im excited that I finished my turbo Jam work out, and have eaten well so far.
45 minutes of high intensity work out under my belt....Im off to the shower and to clean up around the house before little ones wake up and wanna go outside!
I think that Peace is going to be a very instrumental tool for me and how I will be able to conquire part of this battle. To make peace with a few areas in my life, and that includes the very hardest things.
1. I am not in control. I can not change things that are out of my control, such as Daniels Health conditions. But what I can do is take care of him the best I know how and make sure that he has the best quality of life possible for him. The lie is "Its necessary to 'freak out' about it and its necessary to comfort myself with food to ease my fear and anxiety about 'what if'." The truth is everything happens for a reason, Daniel has an excellent team of doctors, and literally hundreds of people praying for him! So I need to let go and let God, literally. I can not change my parents and make them desire to care for themselves let alone care for me. The lie is that their inability to love me and care for me, and care for themselves disables me. The truth is, it will disable me if I allow it too....Make the choice....choose life. My life.
2. It is NOT going to happen over night! And everyone has to start some where.
3. I have a choice on whether or not I will do this.
Today I will choose to fight my hardest and work twards a goal that is truley a journey of surrender...of body, mind and soul!
Im so mad at myself....I knew I would do this, and i could be all quiet about it and not be honest here, but that is not who I am, and I think 1/2 the battle is recognizing how big the issue is...so even if Im embarassed about it....Im gonna say what needs to be said! No more sneaking around, no more talk about it..... so here it is... ( I wrote this in an IM to a very dear friend, so excuse the format)
Daniel has ear infections in both ears, I knew he did, and Im so frustrated because we were there last week, I knew he had not gotten better, and my old doc would have just called in a script for me, but this one HAD to see him, and I was right, and 60.00 later I have exactly what I knew he needed. On top of that, i was running behind, did not have time to eat...so guess what....I ate the dumb brownies, and was so upset about all of this doctor stuff decided I needed to eat taco bell for lunch. This distructive behavior will be the death of me I swear. so now I have to call the ENT and see if we can move his already scheduled appointment up for a nasal/esophigial scope up because his ears need to be evaluated, and the pediatritian hopes that he will be able to do tubes when he is sedated for the gi and lung scope. honestly this is piling up so much, and I dont know how much more I can take watching this baby go through. and instead of turning to God like I know I need to, I turn to food...which is so discusting to me, but its such an addictive behavior.
The thing is, my blood test results came back and my sugar is high, and the doc is givng me a short window to show I can do this by diet and exersize, I refuse to become medicine dependant!
What now?
I will exercize as soon as I get off this computer (2 minutes from now) and I will eat a small healthy dinner, and no more junk.
Pray for me...this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Hardest thing = Love myself.
Its nearly 9 a.m, and I havent eaten breakfast yet.....I am seriously avoiding the kitchen. The kids have eaten, and the two oldest are off to school already. The problem is there are two brownies setting on the microwave from a pan that my husband made for the kids last night while I was out at a meeting for my oldest to enter middle school.
I already made the mistake of eating two of them before I went to bed. The thing is that if I do eat one, I will eat them both, and then I will think "well I screwed up today, I might as well just eat what ever the heck I want" and I will have another bad day. I have already had two of those.
I have been avoiding going to my WW meeting becuase I dont want to be embarassed about a gain, I weighed in 2 days ago at home and I am up 2 3/4 lbs...since a weigh in 2 weeks ago. I am planning on going Friday or Saturday. no matter what...Im not even going to weigh myself again at home. I am just going to do the very best I can these next couple of days with eating and exersize.
The hardest part for me is journaling, and counting things out....making the time for myself.
I have a goal....to be down 18lbs by the last week of June...that is almost 2lbs a week, I have to lead Vacation Bible School Music, and drama...and last year I remember getting very "winded" whild singing and dancing and leading the 200 children in it all....I dont want that this year!
Today at mass we "celebrated" the death of Jesus, and it was truley a touching time for me. To take some real time to contemplate exactly what Jesus did, what He want through for me and my life, for my family, for you. Amazing!
Lent ends today, now that Jesus is in the tomb.....meaning I get to officially return to extrapounds and all my supportive friends here, as well as be a support for all of you as well. It has been an amazing time suffering in the desert with Jesus during this past 6 weeks. With Daniel in the hospital, and sickness, and losing this or that posession, and broken down vehicles....we are blessed in that we are entrusted with all that we have, and that we were thought to be strong enough to handle all that we have. "Jesus we trust in you".
I can say that I have grown much during this lent, much more than I ever have. This sacrifice has shown me how much I have needed to evaluate who I was, what I do with my time and talent, and treasure. Im happy to be back, because I really feel like I need the support of others to achieve my WW goal, but there will definately be limitations for myself on how much time I can spend in front of this computer. Im thinking I will stick with once or twice a day checking mail, posting and reading stuff.
On the weight issue....I was up to 245lbs, now I am at 234 1/2. I have been doing WW for about 3 1/2 weeks now, but struggling this past week again. Im excited about it, I am ready to do it! I am worth it, and my family needs me to be the best I can be...so I will!
Have a blessed Easter! Oh....and Happy Birthday to me today! Talking with Sheelah today I came to the inspired thought that being born 27 years ago...God had a plan for my life....I have a choice to seek that plan, or not too....being healthy will allow me to be just that...so I choose Christ, and His will!
The kids are napping, and I just finished Turbo Jam Cardio Party Mix 2.