Question!

Hi all, I've got this question. How do I retrieve the post that I've typed and saved as draft?

You see, I've typed this post half-way and had to leave it to attend to something urgent, and I clicked the "save as draft" button at the bottom, and now I can't seem to locate where that draft is!

Can anyone pls assist me? Thank you so much!

The Housebunny

Have you babes watched the house bunny yet? I should think so right, cos apparently it says its shown in august in US. But for singapore, it just came out this month, and I watched it yesterday, and what can I say?! I thought it was simply fabulous! I mean all the babes, and their barbie doll bodies. Wow, its such a inspiration. Yeah, the show is really bimbotic and all, but I really like to see their perfect bodies!

So here is the picture which I found online... Hmmm.. lets see, how do I upload it...

Oops sorry if the pic is too big.

Oh ya, and this was the draft post that I was talking about! I finally found it! Previously it wasn't loaded in.

Nasty 3rd WI

I am devastated to say, after 3 weeks of hard work, and long distance on the treadmill (everyday) and trying my best to control my food intake, I did not lose any weight for today's WI.

Feeling very lost and confused now. What have I done wrong?! Its not like I've been slacking you know. I really put in all my efforts and pain to just keep going, despite everything, and this is the result i got?!

So today's WI summary (same as last WI)

Lost this week: 0lbs.

Current weight: 162.2lbs

It really sucks. And I was looking forward to today's weigh-in. What have I done wrong?! Perhaps I should get a personal trainer afterall, but i can't bear to part with the $$ in getting one. Perhaps I should just give up. I am just naturally big-boned. Maybe this is the best I can be.

I'm really feeling so rotten now with negativity. Its really terrible, I felt like I've been thrown from the tallest building and this feeling of helplessness really can kill me.

After all these daily jogs of at least 4km, and this is what I get?!?! I really just can't believe it.

Help! Help drag me out of all these negativity. Pls, I just need some signs of hope.

Pulled down to reality

So I went to the gym today during lunch, despite forgetting to bring my socks, and let me tell you, it was good! I felt so proud of my efforts! I jogged for 4km and could have just gone on and on-- if not for my shoes. My running shoes cut into my skin, and when I hopped off the treadmill and took off my shoes to have a look, my whole right foot shoe was socked with blood. Apparently the back heel has a cut and was bleeding profusely. The gym instructor saw it and immediately gave me some medication and plaster and after I cleared up the mess on my foot, I jumped on the crosstrainer (without my shoes) and continued my workout! And that "high" feeling fixed with a bit of pain on the foot, just made me want to work out even more. I am just so damn proud of myself. There must be something in me afterall qualities called "discipline" and "determine".

My friend is right, if you give up, it becomes a habit and forms your charactor and after a long period, you start to doubt yourself and your abilities. Whereas, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and builds your charactor. I never knew I can be so discipline and determine!  

Took a peek at the scales today, and I am 161.8lbs today!!! (hopefully its not because of the lack of socks). Okay, so its not 159lbs as I had hoped, but a 0.4lbs loss is still a loss! Keeping my fingers crossed that during tomorrow's official weigh-in, I will still be a 161!

The amazing thing about weightloss (irregardless of how small the loss is), is that you will start to appreciate your body more. Each curve, each bump just becomes beautiful and nearly perfect in your eyes. And I've grown to love my body (even with all its fats) more and more each day. And then it happened!

I was in the toilet combing my hair after my workout, and my colleague (angelina), this beautiful sporty lean lady (whom I've admired her figure for a while now and aspire to be just like her), came in. She has just completed her pilates session (which I didn't join yet because I'm still not quite up to it), and I glanced at us (our reflection) in the mirror. And whao, standing side by side next to her, I suddenly felt ashamed of my body and my ugly wide hips. Next to her, suddenly, I felt "small" (not physically). What i saw was my lumpy, pale, wide body with the slightly bulgdging stomach, and even my face, (which I thought all along I've got a really pretty angelic face) looked so pale and ordinary next to hers.

I'm so sad I just want to cry.

But! Rome wasn't built in a day right! And I didn't become like that overnight! So I've got to makes changes and persist, at least until I've reached 130lbs. Pls, just keep reminding me that I will be beautiful and lean-- it just takes time. I really have to bear that in mind. Time!

Compliments from 2 long-time no see colleagues!

Hi all, I'm so happy today. Its only 11.43am and already I've got 2 compliments from 2 long-time no see colleagues!

One who is a Arch (Justina) looked at me when she first saw me over breakfast and went "Did you lose a little weight?" Wow, even though its only 1kg or so and I know it isn't significant, but wow, she noticed!!! Perhaps because she has not seen me in a while.

And then I went to look for another colleague who is stationed at another level, and he (Boo PW) was like "Your face looks sharper and you look like you lost abit of weight". Wow!!! And the best part is, I didn't make them say it, you know by talking about appearance of weight. The comments they made just came naturally, even though our topics were totally on work. Wow.

Amazing what 1kg difference can make! Or perhaps they remembered me to be plumper? Hahaha. Well, irregardless, I will not discount myself of the compliments, I mean, hey, I have been working hard, 1kg or less, I deserve to indulge in these compliments! So go gal, in no time I'll be a savvy 59kg/130lbs!!

Getting a little tired

Okay, I've been giving myself little treats here and there, trying to incorporate my previous lifestyle into my weight-loss plans, by eating mostly whatever I want, though in small amounts, eating within my allocated calories intake. That, I hoped will prolong my interest and efforts in trying to lose weight, and it did initially... until today. Incorporating exercise into my daily life is easier than eating less I would say, but unfortunately, the key to visible results for weight loss is by eating less, rather than through exercise.

I am currently now at starbucks with my bf. He's trying to get some work done, and I am here accompanying him and doing my own stuff as usual, but unlike other days, today, I just have this uncontrollable urge and impulse to order and eat everything in sight. Yummy, just thinking about the new york cheese cakes and chocolate mocca with whipped cream makes me high with excitement. Ohmy, I am a food junkie! Trying really hard now, not to think about those calorie-ladden food, and I'm proud to say I ordered a hot passion brewed tea instead, but still can't get that stupid fatty cheesecake out of my mind. Hmmmm what should I have for dinner?! I've already had chicken rice, sandwich and soup today so far, and its really alot more than what I've eaten in the past few days, so I'm feeling rather guilty about it. But seriously, I'm getting alittle tired of the slow progress, of having to monitor my intake, monitor my weight, monitoring my progress, and keeping a tab on my expectations. Having to deal with the higher expectations (since i've been good eating and exercising) and the disappointments that come with each day on the scale. It really sucks.

Anyway, today, my bf told me that he will be enrolling for army training (its compulsory here) in Dec 08, and the training will start around Jan or Feb 09, which will take around 5 months or so. So by Jun 09 (my 26th birthday) if I'm 65kg or less (my aim is to be 48-59kg by then), we will be hearing the wedding bells then. I'm so excited, not so much by the prospect of getting married, but my expected perfect body I will have by then and the dresses that I will wear. Hahaha.

Hmmm blogging does help, I can feel my craving for the fatty cheesecake disappearing. Hopefully it doesn't come back to haunt me later. I will try my best to have a good healthy dinner. Tuesday WI better be good!  

Building my charactor

Okay, so today has been pretty good so far. Went for a early morning (10.30am) jog at east coast park with my darling sister as promised, despite my bad cold. It was quite a horrible run at first, with me coughing and sneezing throughout... and its sweet that my sis jogged at my pace, (she's usually alot faster than me) just in case I faint or something I think. Hahaha. Anyway, the amazing thing is, when I turned back after jogging to bedok jetty, I actually felt much better. I think the fresh air really helped alot. My throat cleared, my nose is not watery, and could actually breathe in the fresh air, instead of getting blocked. The benefits of exercising is really good.

So afterwhich, we went home, and I think my bf is rather sick of seeing me day in day out (since we work together), and he said the meanest thing ever: He told me he wants to do his own things, but not with me. So, I called my friends out, and met up with my good friend karen. She has been exercising hard too, and its great to meet her again after like a whole year!! So we went out shopping in town and I managed to find the prettiest dress I've ever seen. (i've been looking hard for such a dress) Its a tube dress, though its really short. Not too sure when I'll be wearing it. Maybe one day when I'm finally actually proud of my body. Who knows.

And I got a really cute skirt as well. Hmmm.. I noticed I've been buying alot of clothes since my little weight loss (4lbs). Its not even significant, but somehow, I'm just feeling more n more confident of my body. Its like I suddenly have a realisation that I shouldn't wait till I've got a flabulous body to start living and appreciating the finer things in life (like clothes). Hahaha.

So I caught up with my friend over a meal and herbal brewed tea at tcc, and we were exchanging our dreams, and ambitions and ideals, when she told me "When we meet with obstacles, and give up, we are destroying our charactor bit by bit, but if we persist and succeed, we are actually building our charactor". Hmmm, its really true, and meeting her brought back memories of all my lost dreams and ideals.

Then, guess what?! I came across the book "The biggest loser success secrets" at the mph bookstore. Wow, its really expensive costing nearly S$40, but wow, its my favourite show so I just bought it. Its so exciting. I think I will start reading it when I'm nearly losing all hope and motivation.

So thats about all for my day, except I had a huge dinner at tcc of chicken sandwich and salad. The portion is really big and I finished all up except for the chips and cookies at the side. So tomorrow, looks like I'm in for a good jog again.

No one can take that away from me!

I was reading a fellow blogger's blog, forgive me for forgetting whose, but wow, its such an inspiration. She had this click in the blog about an interview with Ali from the biggest loser season 5 (which I saved and just started watching only now) and its really inspirational.

Her (Ali) words are just so powerful. Yes, she was kicked out of the competition, but did she give up? No! She persisted and told herself she is the biggest loser and that no one can take that away from her! Wow, thats really powerful, a strong affirmation. Really makes me think hard about my willpower and determination. How many times have I just given up simply because I don't believe in myself. Her conviction that she will be the biggest loser is just so motivational.

Attached the link I copied from a fellow blogger. Thanks!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/24157837#24157837

It makes me feel so guilty thinking about what I had for dinner a few hours ago (now its 12.43am here). In my weak state, (cos of a bad cold and sore throat) and rotten day (comments from various colleagues), I've convinced myself that I needed a break, and I simply allowed myself to pig out!!! As in seriously, I just ate and ate like there will be no tomorrow. And I did a rough calculation, just for dinner itself, I had 3000 worth of calories (japanese food). Wow! Which brings my total for the day to close to 3800 cals!!!! Enough to gain a pound!

Why?!?! Why did I had to let myself go after all those efforts I've put in? Its sad to think how I've got so little confidence in myself -- in my body. I've just got to put my mind to it, just like Ali in the video. Wholeheartedly. Without a doubt.

So today, I was told of something funny. Remember this male colleague of mine whom I had a argument over in the previous post about his methods of losing weight? Well, apparently he found out about my recent lunch gym routine and was shell-shocked, and told my other colleagues that he is going to bring the competition to a higher level. Whao, I mean, I didn't even know he's competing with me. Competing with me to see who will lose more weight without even letting me know?! And all he had was fruits for lunch and he told everyone he will jog after work, since I jogged. Wow. To think I have such great influence (even if it was meant in the wrong way). Wow. And then he asked "So she skips lunch everyday?" And when my colleagues told him no, I eat after my workout, apparently he was visibly relived. Hahaha. I really don't know to be happy or sad at his reaction. Oh well. A little secret competition won't hurt I guess.

So how are you all? Hope you enjoy this fantastic video. Thanks, whoever I read it on her blog first. Its great!

Mixed Emotions

Hi all, its 2pm now, and I'm feeling so, I dont know, its a mixture of saddness, disappointment, anger, and hurt.

So today, despite feeling a little sick (i've got a bad cold and a horrible sore throat), I still went to the gym and just did a small short, really slow jog of 2km. Then I hopped onto the crosstrainer till the end of my lunchtime. Not too much exercise in, but I'm glad I did something anyway. So I took my weight at the gym, and guess what?!?! Despite all my efforts in the past week, it still went up. 162.7lbs. Yes, its only a 0.5lbs gain from my last WI, and its not even my official weigh in yet, but still, if I'm on plan, it should be a least a 1lbs drop instead of gain!!

I think I pinned too much hope on the figures... and its driving me nuts to see it going up and down, up and down, like the stock markets. I've been looking forward, calculating how much I will weigh by christmas, new year, etc, and the eagerness of the possibilities of losing 33 lbs by new year and falling so so short of it now, is really too much to take. Perhaps I should just take it slow, one at a time and not calculate too much.

I thought I will be able to make it to 159lbs by the 3rd WI on 7 Oct 08 but judging the progress now, I think its going to be difficult if not, impossible. I've tried so so hard, eating less and healthy and exercising so so hard... what else can I do???

So I've just received a email at work. Its about my company's active day, which is in late nov. Its going to be a walkathon and we get free t-shirts and goody bags. So today we've got to register for the walk which I did. My neighbour SF, she was so mean! She asked me what size t-shirt am I getting and I told her I asked for a "M". And she was like "Are you sure you can fit in?"

How mean can she get? Okay, yes, she is slimmer despite having 2 teenage kids and despite being twice my age, but what right does she have to comment about my size?! And you know what, its a uni-sex t-shirt with ten sizes ranging from 3XS to 4XL. So whats wrong with me asking for a "M"? I know I'm big, but hey! Thats just so mean. And secretly I was thinking of getting a "S" instead because when it comes to uni-sex t-shirts, I know its going to be bigger than the typical sizes.

Okay, I'm not going to let this bloody insensitive old woman get to me. I will do it!!! Despite the odds, I will get to 159 if not 7 Oct 08 then 14 Oct 08. She's just being jealous that I've got the discipline to go to the gym everyday and she doesn't. I so hate her.

Looking forward to 159!!

Hi all, today I took a peek at the scales at the gym today and ohmygosh, I'm actually up by 0.6lbs. It sucks, especially after all the hard work I've put in!!!! Why is it so unfair?!?! So unpredictable. This yoyoing is really driving me nuts. So in a final bid to get it down, I jogged 7.3km today, one hour in total at a really slow pace. And when I weighed again, I'm 161.8lbs!!!! So so happy, but that was at 1pm. Now, at 10pm, guess what I weigh?!?! 164lbs!!!! So so much more than before!  Sobs.

I really hate this fluctations in weight... really hate it! Okay, I promise I wont weigh myself after tomorrow until monday!

Work has been really hectic today and food wise, its alright. Not fantasticly good, but I'm satisfied. Trying my best to control and eat like a bird.

How have you all been?