Hi babes, how are you all doing? Things have been going pretty well, and my relationship with my bf has improved quite abit. Being in a rocky relationship really does put a toll on me, so we are trying our best to be more considerate to each other, to be there for each other.
Feeling very happy today somehow... I think its because I can see the efforts my bf is putting, especially towards my family. Therefore, I promise I shall be even better to his family members.
Weight-wise, its been slowing down. But, that could also be because these days my food intake has increased quite abit. Its always the dinner and supper that I just can't resist. And all the celebrations, what with my dad's birthday, All Souls' day, and all the birthdays coming up, its really one feast after another. I've also increased my usual jogging speed from 7.2-7.7 to 7.7-8.9. Increased quite considerably because of my gym's new treadmill rule which limits each runner to 20 mins on the treadmill. But if there's no queue, I'm allowed to continue.
So today, I ran 7km non-stop at a consistent speed of 8km/hr then dropping to 7.7km/hr before doing the final dash at 8.9km/hr. Feeling super proud of myself, but dinner has been the pitfall, with a supper of durians, sweets, and deep fried tim-sums. (hongkong deserts/tibits). Yum yum.
So how have everyone been? Tomor is my next weigh-in. Is it the 6th or 7th? And I just can't wait to see the numbers on the scale. I'm praying for a 156lbs. That will jus simply make my day!
Today, I didnt go exercise. Thought I will please my dad and stay home instead (you see today its my dad's birthday and he doesnt like my sis and me to go to the beach to jog. He feels its not too safe out there). Anyway, so I didnt exercise today.
Not feeling very happy now--- or rather not happy at all. I feel there are just so much angst in me. My bf has been upsetting me with his ridiculous principles and rules and I just feel I've lost myself in it all. Perhaps its the menses. (I'm having it now). I don't know. I just feel this deep-rooted unhappiness.
Today is my dad's birthday, yet my bf refuses to get any gifts for him. I am trying my best to be a good daughter to his mom, entertaining her, listening to her woes, yet I just dont understand why my bf has to be so hard, so unhuman, so unfeeling. Doesnt he know what type of person I am? Doesnt he know I love my family alot and will want my bf to treat my family as his own? Is it so hard to buy a present and fulfil the duties of a bf instead of sleeping day in day out? Even when he went to my granny's house, all he did was to sit at the sofa and take a nap. What is the point of being there visiting when all he do is sleep there?
Its so hard. Its really so hard to keep a relationship going, and I am just so unhappy. I know you (my bf will be reading this post sooner or later) and I just want you to know, I really hope you can try harder at making it work. If you know me well enough (and you should given we've been together for 8 long years), then you should know what I will require of a bf-- and I believe its not too hard to do isnt it. Its part and parcel of what a good bf and husband will do.
Weight wise, many people have noticed I've lost weight. Its not as much as I hoped, but I am trying my best to take it slow and easy. Slow and easy will do it. Hoping to be less than 70kg by 15 Nov 08. That about 5lbs pounds to lose in 2 weeks. I will do it!
Hi all, this is my second post today because I just have so many things to report! Yesterday (Monday) was a public holiday here cos of deepavali, and my friends from university suddenly called for a lunch gathering! (Okay, it wasnt that last minute, I was told of it on Saturday.) Anyway, they are my very close bunch of friends from my internship in Shanghai. Through the 6 months in 2005, we ate, worked, studied, and stayed in the same apartment block. Those were one of the best periods of my life.
So, we didnt meet for like nearly a year (at least we didnt meet up altogether in such a big group). There were 12 of us, and wow, the catching up was so good. And to think, I was so pressurised before meeting them, changing sets after sets of clothes. I really dont understand why I needed to "impress" them. Its so weird. I mean, I know these people for so long... they've seen me sweaty and smelly after exercise last time, they've seen me in my pjs. I guess it must be the time.
Anyway, the meeting went great!!! Everyone complimented me saying I look prettier and more radiant!! Its so nice and different to be in the lime light! I'm so glad I decided to embark on this long journey of weightloss and thats not all, I'm so proud that I am doing it the right way, by exercising daily and eating right! I'm so happy with my choices of going to the beach every weekend to take in the sun, sea and sand! Next on my agenda will definately be rollarblading and cable skiing or wakeboarding. Yeah!!! I think the glow that they were commenting about must be my newfound sun-kiss tan.
Okay, I didnt lose that much weight, only 8.2lbs or 3kg... and we planned to meet up again for a Christmas party sometime 20th Dec. So, I think I've found my motivation! From today till Christmas, I think that will be about 8 more weeks? So a realistic goal will be 145lbs? Hahaha, there I go again, counting the eggs before its hatched. Alright, me logging off now. Cheers!
Hi all! I just had my 6th WI and the results are: *drum roll pls*
6th WI -- 28 Oct 08 (Tuesday) since 14 Sept 08
Start weight: 166.4lbs
Weight at 6th WI: 158.2lbs
Weight lost: 1.6lbs/0.72kg
Total Weight lost: 8.2lbs/3.72kg
I'm finally definately, confirmly under 160lbs!!!! Wow!!! I've been above 160lbs since jan 2008 and now i'm nearly back to my 2007 weight! Yeah!!! So exciting!
This week's food intake has been disgusting. Too much calorie ladden junk, yet amazingly I still lost. Keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldn't show in my next WI.
Isn't it amazing how it is already the 6th week since I started?
Yesterday was deepavali (public holiday) and also a long weekend, and I didnt get to exercise for 3 whole days, so today, I did myself proud and jogged 7.4km non-stop!!!! Took me 58mins, and I jogged at a increased speed of 7.9km/hr (previously was all along 7.7-7.2km/hr). And let me tell you, the adrendaline, its just amazing. You just feel so satisfied, so proud, and so re-energised! I really missed that feeling the past few days.
Besides that, I've got so much to report.... okay, i shall write again later tonight. Need to go back to work now.
Hi all, first and foremost, I really want to thank you babes so much for all your well wishes and encouragement! I'm really grateful for all your prayers, all your encouragement in my times of need. Really thank you!
Wow, its been so long since I last blogged here, since 12 Oct 08!!! And the latest update is that me and my ex-bf patched, so we're back together now. We're both working very hard at making our relationship work now, and hopefully the worst is over... He now knows how hurtful his words of "encouragement", those words of me being fat and ugly, hurts, and he is now trying his best to change his mode of encouragement. (It helped that I've lost a bit of weight, which apparently he was impress)
We had a good talk over what happened and things have improved since.
Anyway, I've missed a few posts about my WI, so here goes:
4th WI -- 14 Oct 08 (Tuesday) since 14 Sept 08
Start weight: 166.4lbs
Weight at 4th WI: 159.9lbs
Weight lost: 2.3lbs/1.04kg
Total Weight lost: 6.5lbs/2.95kg
And the 5th WI was:
5th WI -- 21 Oct 08 (Tuesday) since 14 Sept 08
Start weight: 166.4lbs
Weight at 5th WI: 159.8lbs
Weight lost: 0.1lbs/0kg
Total Weight lost: 6.6lbs/2.95kg
Tomor 28 Oct 08 (Tuesday) will be my 6th WI!!!! I have been eating quite alot these days, though I've kept to exercising, so I'm sure I should have gained. Hopefully the gain will not be too significant!
I will need to tightened my efforts on weightloss starting tomor... definately back to my daily 6km runs, no excuses, and definately a staple breakfast of toasted wholemeal sandwiches and a light lunch of cornflakes. Dinner has always been my pitfall, but I will try to cut down on carbohydrates at dinner. And supper! No more suppers for me! Need to increase my fruits intake as well and my water intake.
Keeping my fingers crossed that I will still be able to make my 130lbs goal by 26 Jan 09. That will be approximately 30 lbs in exactly 13 weeks! Wow, consistently 2.3lbs/week. Oh no. That sounds impossible. Oh well, even if it was another 10lbs loss, its still 10lbs right, one step at a time... one step at a time! Don't rush!
Okay! Keep in touch babes, and lets remember to move our butts! Cheers!
On a happier note, I passed my pc test (golf) today!!! And so, I will be receiving my pc card next week! Its great, I really could feel the happiness of success. (haven't felt this way in a long while) After awhile, when you become more proficient at it, it actually felt super wonderful to be able to whack and swing at the golf ball, watching it fly high into the sky. (At night, it looks like shooting stars, its so pretty)
So anyway, for the first few shots, I was so nervous my legs were actually shaking. Hahaha, and my colleagues were laughing so hard at my nervousness. But thank goodness for my practices, my swings were pretty good, and I'm so proud. High and far! Perfect! I think I really have a talent for golf.
So after that, food-wise, it was pretty bad and neither did I go for a jog today. To celebrate our victory, we drove to Zhou's Restuarant in town and had this chinese buffet. It was great (though with each mouthful of food, I felt more and more guilty). And the deserts were superb! I had like 2 servings of deserts, and all that meat and seafood! Yum!
Exercise-wise, besides golf pc test, I didn't move my butt. No jog, no long walks. So I've got to work harder tomorrow!
Emotions wise: Doing fine, general numbness and occassional sobs. But I am a strong beautiful lady, and I will be fine.
I finally got up my guts and just told my parents about the mean things he did. And what can I say, my parents were so supportive and encouraging. Its alittle unlike them haha. I thought they would be all worried and tensed. But really, thats what I need, the assurance that they are behind me all the way, their natural assumption and firm stand that I am gorgeous beautiful smart and will do perfectly great without him. The firm belief in me.
I think throughout my relationship, thats whats thats really missing. My bf's firm belief in me--- he never did. Everything I did, he always undermines it. Nothing I did was ever important to him, nothing I wanted was ever really heard. Throughout, he was just the domineering one, choosing what he wants for me, irregardless of whether i wanted it or not. I've tried standing up for myself, but it just backfires everytime.
Love.... can there be love when there is no belief? Can a person really love something he deemed ugly? He says he loves me, and that he knows everything better than me. But how can a person love and yet still abandon when there is a dispute. What kind of love is that? A conditional love. Thats what it is. A love with conditions. I'm so tired. Really, just drained.
Relationships are to bring out the best in each other isn't it? So why does it seem that the longer it drags, the worse I feel about myself?
Hi babes, I finally found out why I've had this nagging feeling in the day yesterday... its my relationship with my bf... yesterday night, we went to the beach as usual, to chill out and to do some work on our laptops at a starbucks there... and in the wee hours of 12am, we had a fight, and he just drove off, abandoning me there all alone in the middle of the night. It was terrible, I was really hurt. He didn't even give a damn about my safety, and there weren't even any cabs in sight at the wee hours along the beach.
In the end after hours of waiting and sobbing my eyes out and walking along the road, 2 kind teenagers helped me hitch a cab, and I managed to get home in one piece. But it was so rotten of him to do such a thing.
Thinking back, I think I should have seen all the signs coming. He was always calling me a "liability", as he has to spend money on me (even though it was only on food, and it was only for dinner once a while), and he was always calling me names always complaining that I am fat and ugly. He always felt I was not worthy somehow of him (even though he is 25kg heavier than me). I always compromised and this was what I've got. Yes, there were times when he was sweet to me, driving me to work and fetching me home, but does that mean that he can be nasty to me?
Reading through all you babe's posts, I realised that many of you have such wonderful husbands and bfs, who never thought you looked fat and ugly, or such. Each in your husband's eyes are beautiful and gorgeous. So why is it that my bf just can't see it, can't see my beauty? Can't appreciate me for who I am?
Where do I go from here? Break up? Or give him another chance? Find excuses to cover up for his actions yet again? Am I living in denial?
A man who can be so petty, mean, ungenerous and calculative will never make a good husband right? And to think just last Thur, we were so enthusatically looking for a house--our house. It just shows how things can change overnight.
I dont know. I really dont know where I should go from here. What should I do with myself. I just feel so abandoned, so alone and so betrayed. Just like the path I walked last night, its a journey I will have to walk alone. I just have to be strong.
So yesterday I had a really good time after work, with my colleague A16, where we went to the driving range to hit some golf balls. Its pretty good, and I played 140 balls (getting ready for this Sat's PC test). Really keeping my fingers crossed that I will get my PC card. (Practically my whole department is playing golf and we need to pass the PC test before we can go down to the greens). Anyway, I've swung and practiced hard, and this morning, I could feel the ache in my biceps, and I must say, it feels so good! I think I am finally starting to feel a slight growing interest in golf.
Today though, I only ran 5km in 43mins to be exact. Not my usual 50min 6km run, but I was so tired. And, I took a peek at the scales, and to my surprise, I weigh 160.6lbs!!!! Wow!!! Even lower than yesterday, but I wont be too happy yet. We shall see the real results on tues 14 Oct when I have my next WI. I think it must be all that water. I didn't really drink much water these days, so it could just be merely water loss.
Other than that, basically I think I should have no complaints, but somehow, I think I am not feeling too fulfilled. Its a weird feeling and I just can't explain it, but I feel I have not really asserted myself somehow. Arggghhh its weird, and I dont even know what I am talking about, so ...
Oh yes, anything to add, I'm really hoping that by the time I am 59kg, 130lbs, I will be able to fit into a pair of female levis jeans, and actually look good in it. You see, in singapore (not too sure about other countries), the ladies pair of levis jeans sizes are really very small, and in my younger days when I weigh 63kg/140lbs days, I still couldn't fit into any. (I'm not talking about the unisex ones, they have ladies, unisex and men). So I'm really hoping when i reach my actual target of 130lbs, I will be able to fit into a pair!
Okay, nothing much to add, so wish me luck for tomorrow, and hang on there! Tomorrow will be a great day!
Okay, so now, I am going to try and recall what I typed in the previous post which was unfortunately not uploaded cos of my stupid internet module.
Alright, so how are you all doing? I have so many things to tell you babes, and first of all, remember how I was whining and crying the past 2 days on my sickening nasty weigh-in despite all my exercise and efforts? Well, today, I weighted myself (I weigh myself everyday from mon to fri at the office gym) and guess what?!?!?! I LOST!!!! I am now 161.7lbs!!!!! You know, I was so so excited that I jumped off the scale and retook my weight at least 3 times!!! And yes! I am 161.7lbs today!!! Yipppeee!!!!! I was so so happy that I jumped for joy and everyone at the gym just stared at me (no kidding). Its great!!! Now, I just need to keep my fingers crossed that when I weigh myself tomor, it will still be a 161. Yippeeee!!!!!
Yes, I know its only 0.5lbs lost, but hey, after being stuck at 162.2lbs for a week (it feels like infinity), any loss is good enough for me!! Okay, but I wont be recording it down officially on my tracker because its not my official weigh-in day. So hopefully when 14 Oct comes, I will be a 160lbs???? Heehee. So excited.
Okay, now for my title. You see, before I went to the gym today, I actually wanted to blog about my huge late night binge. You see, I had 2 honey roasted wings from pizzahut, 5 baked beef meatballs with cheese and alfredo sauce and 1 kfc crispy chicken thigh, bringing my total calorie intake to 1600 cal, which was what I've allocated. BUT! Even after the sumptous dinner, I totally binged at 9pm and that started because my bf bought a walls ice-cream. It was so unnecessary but I ate 1/2 of it, and as though that bad mistake wasn't enough, I continued to eat 1/2 kfc toasted twister wrap and the most damaging of all--- a slice of starbucks new york cheesecake!!! THE ENTIRE whole piece!!!! Goodness!!!
But phew, I still lost! Heehee. Was it because of that yummy cheesecake???? Hahaha. I wish!
Oh yes, another thing I had to report!!! I am so so proud of myself today!!! You see I went to a meeting near town this morning, and when my colleague suggested going for lunch. The food there is really good, with many superb restaurants (at least more selection than those at my office). And, I declined!!! Instead, I actually rushed all the way back to office, to go to the gym during lunch. I am so so proud!!!! He offered to treat and I was so so tempted, but hahaha I did it!!!
I am so so proud! The "old" me would never have given up such a chance!!! The "old" me would have decided that its okay to skip gym and would have just pigged out! The "old" me would have given myself many excuses!
Wow, I must say, I am actually impressed with myself! (forgive me for bragging) Hey, I am quite discipline and determined huh. (This is so so unlike me). Hahaha.
Great Job Done Vina!!!! *Pat pat* I am so so proud.
