My own life- in my own control

1st WI for the year!

Monday, December 1, 2008 00:06:16

Yes, its tues again and its once again time for my WI!!! And *drums roll pls* I've lost weight!!! Officially 154.4lbs..... yeah!!! I'm finally nearly there.... Really can't wait!

There are alot of things on my mind though... finances, $$$, my future, my life... there's the masters to be thinking about... my career.. or rather the lack of it, and my new house to be.... all these need $$$ and time and effort, and it all seems to be spreading so thin.

I realised the masters I am looking at, masters of finance at smu (singapore) costs S$28k and registration closes in feb 09. Its nearly impossible for me to get my GMAT and references by then. So, thats an option strike out... Also, wat about the house loans.... I am intending to get a apartment in the mid of 2009 and its going to be costly... what about the stocks I wanted to buy.... $$$$$ I am so so short of cash.

Food wise, weight wise, I am still sticking to my 7km 5 days a week jog, and food wise I am trying my best to keep it in tab. So far so good I must say.

Work wise, I'm getting more and more frustrated at work, but what to do, I am waiting for my bonus to come and that means i need to stay for at least 6 more months... also, its the recession now.... how else can i get another job?

I feel so frustrated with all these worries... time to take a step at a time and change my lifestyle.

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2009! New Year New Resolutions!

Thursday, November 1, 2007 21:01:19

Hihi, its 2.30am on 1st JAN 09!!! And I just came back from a gathering with my bf's friends and it was super cool! Really enjoy those gatherings.

And you know what made me the happiest today?!?! Ny bf's friends brought their gfs, and after the gathering, my bf actually told me I was the second prettiest of them all!!! And seriously, there was a gal I thought was really pretty, the type all guys love, but I was wrong, I was actually ranked in front of her!!!

After all these years of hearing my bf say I'm fat and ugly, etc, it really made my day knowing I rank somewhere amongst those beautiful gals. Okay, I shall not digress.

My 2009 new year goals are as such:

1) To weigh in at 53kg by the end of the year 2009.

2) To buy a private house by 2009

3) To get promoted to senior engineer by 2009

4) To pass level 1 cfa exams

5) To properly learn my piano and sight read efficiently

6) To limit gummies and chips and all other unhealthy junk cravings to once a fortnight.

7) To be in control of my emotions and be more discipline, independant and to love unconditionally.

8) To complete a 21km marathon by end 2009 and to complete a target of 1500km by end 2009.

9) To build up my financial portfolio and be financially savvy.

10) To live life to the fullest and never regretting any moment of it.

I really liked 2008 and I am sure 2009 will be even better! At 26, the world is benefit my feet right! 2009! Yeah!

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8 more days to 2009!

Thursday, November 1, 2007 22:03:07

Wow, isnt it fast??!! Its only 8 days to a brand new year yet again!!! And 3 more days before my bf comes home from his Japan trip! Today is the second day at his house with his dog, and besides having to pick up dog poo, its been pretty okay, especially like it that there is a gym here.

Tonight, one of my colleagues who won the lottery awhile ago is giving us a dinner treat, so I've been eating less for breakfast and lunch today. Ya, its a bad habit to be having such heavy dinners everynight, but thats how it is. Its so much easier to control my eating in the day.

So other than that, exercise has been so-so, been squeesing in my runs so far, though much lesser than my usual 7km. Time seems to pass by very fast when I am at his place. Probably because I always feel like I am on high-alert for his emails and all. At my own home, I am still more relaxed.

8 more days to 2009, and 8 days left to my goal of 148lbs by 1st Jan 2009. Doesn't seem to be attainable though considering I am still hovering around 155 to 158lbs. Haiz. My weight really seems stuck.

So how about you babes? Hows the weight going? =) Cheers! Happy Holidays!

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Its been so long!

Thursday, November 1, 2007 22:01:16

Hi all babes, its been so long since I last posted on 10th Dec.... and I've been on leave since 13th Dec (Sat) and it will be till 30 Dec. On 31st Dec I will be going back to work for 1/2 a day. Okay, and I haven't kept up to my word of going for the intensive workout when I go on leave.... instead, I spent the week from 13 Dec to 17 Dec cleaning my room and revamping the shelves. I'm still not done, currently outstanding is my wardrobe and my growing number of clothes.

So, my bf has left for japan on 20 Dec. Today is the 21st Dec and tomorrow I will be going to his house to read his emails, run his mini family business and to bring his dog down. I'm feeling resentment at having to do all his shitwork and I dont even like dogs that much, but I guess I'll just have to bear with it. He'll be back by 27 Dec. I am really praying that there will not be any urgent cases. So crappy right, I am using my holidays to do HIS work while he enjoys himself overseas. Yucks. The thought of it really drives me nuts.

Anyway, the stress and anxiety of having to pack his luggages, entertain his family, put up with his terrible mood the past few weeks have pushed whatever plans I had for good eating and exercising out of the way.
Its been 8 days since I last exercised and I had been bingeing and overeating and going for buffets. Plus, no more company gym to work out and weigh myself. So I really have no idea what my weight is at now.

I have to go back to office on the 23rd Dec so I guess just in time for my weekly weigh-in. All in all, I hope I will only be missing out on one WI instead of 3.

Okay, so much for the checking in. How are you guys doing? Cheers!

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Just some realizations

Thursday, November 1, 2007 23:00:09

Today, I just realised some things, and yes, I should have known...

1) I realised it is really damn easy to gain weight. If I let myself go just abit, and the next day, the weight just shoots up and the whole pain and agony and disappointment comes around. So today, my weight is even higher than yesterday's, at 156.2lbs. Makes me wonder why I am doing all these shit and making all these efforts. (sorry for my poor language, I just feel so let down)

2) It is way too easy to overeat. Just having 3 normal full meals a day can lead to a 3000cal intake. Imagine all those past years of over-eating, of having more than the 3 normal full meals! Even now, through typing out everything I ate (in a excel file) and estimating the calories, I realised, even if I have cornflakes and milk for lunch, I will still average about 2500cal intake!!! My goodness.

3) I realised if left to my own devices at the gym, with no queue behind me, and no nagging feeling that I've done enough, I can actually jog at a even faster pace of 8.2km/hr and that I can jog 8km and even more non-stop. Hmmmm... Imagine myself working up to a pace that I can jog 10km everyday effortlessly. Thats amazing.

4) I realised even with all that non-stop jogging of 6-8km daily, if I dont control my food intake, all my efforts at exercising will still be washed down the drain.

5) I realised looking at photos of beautiful babes whom had a lot of admirers in my old school days helps alot in determining the distance I can run. The more I remember their beautiful bodies and faces, the more determine I am to run a further distance.

6) I realised that even though it is so unfair that I am generally taller and bigger-boned than most asian girls, there is no point complaining and counting my bad luck. I just have to move on and be even slimmer, skinny even, to fit in.

7) I realised having cravings for sweets especially gummies, kills.

Alright, sorry for all that nagging and whining. So today, I beat my own personal record! I ran 8.2km non-stop at 8km/hr!!!! I am so so pleased. But ya, my weight still went up, despite all my efforts. Its really disappointing, and I am thinking, what if to maintain my weight, I need to jog everyday for at least 6km?!?! Even after I have reached my ideal weight, to carry on jogging as a lifestyle, wow, that will be so so tiring.

I think I am totally filled with negativity today. Sigh. Alright, will update tomor.

Cheers!

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12th WI!!!

Friday, November 2, 2007 00:09:02

HI babes! Wow, its my 12th WI today and even though I gained (expected), I just want to say I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!! I am really proud of myself for pushing through these 12 weeks, and for not giving up on exercise, though I still binge often. You did it girl!!! And I hope I will be writing about my 30th WI, my 50th WI and all as well.

Okay so here goes the summary for my 12th WI:

12th WI -- 9 Dec 08 (Tuesday) since 14 Sept 08

Start weight: 166.4lbs

Weight at 12th WI: 155.8lbs

Weight lost: +1.2lbs/0.55kg

Total Weight lost: 10.6lbs/4.8kg

Wow, isnt that just amazing???? I mean wow 12th WI! 12 weeks of determination!

The gain was expected, after 3 days of not exercising (Sat, Sun and Mon which was a public holiday) and 3 days of bingeing, what with the bbqs, and meetups with friends. But with every lbs lost, I realised I've also become more daring in wearing more revealing clothes, like spag straps, and sleevless tank tops. Its weird how a few years ago, weighing at 130lbs and I was super self -conscious to wear those clothes, and yet weighing in at 150+lbs, just because I've lost weight, I've got the confidence to wear them. Its weird really. Its all in the mind I guess.

So today I was scrolling through my personal email and I happened to come across friendster. (I hardly log in) and it had a preview of all my friends' new updates. And out of curiousity I just logged in, and wow, I saw the photos of many of my ex school mates, my ex classmates in junior college, the babes and beauty queens in my classes when I was 17. And wow, I'm amaze some of them actually have regular meetups and all, and looking at their photos, just got me reminded of the past.

Yes, they still look really good, still as young and carefree as ever, and still looking ever bit gorgeous. I dont know why, but part of me felt jealous, and envious. Ya, I've changed, no longer that nerdy and awkward looking girl, but looking at their photos, it suddenly occurred to me that what if one day I were to meet them on the streets, what would their impression be? How will I react? Its so weird, but I guess when such things happen, we will probably be comparing our achievements, our appearance, all those superficial things. And part of me wonders, did I outperform them? Will I be more successful?

We're all still young, at 25, and I guess our achievements will be about there, so I guess everyone's focus will be on our appearances. And I am so glad I've made up my mind to embark on this long journey of weightloss. Yes, its going to take me a year, maybe even more, to reach the weight "deemed acceptable" in this country, in this century, but at least I've started, and that means 12 weeks lesser to reach the "acceptable" weight.

Okay, I've got to forget my past, forget those exclassmates of mine, and refocus. Focus on the present, focus on my life and what I want my life to be, because afterall, my own life is in my own control, and no one is answerable to it--except myself. Happiness and success, hope and perserverance or to dwell in the past, to live a life of regrets---thats my choice to make.

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Wow, its nearly 12 weeks?

Friday, November 2, 2007 00:04:10

Wow, its nearly 12 weeks since I started my exercising and dieting? Wow, unbelievable!!! Today my unofficial weight is 153.8lbs!!! Wow!!! Thats like less than 70kg!!! I havent been that weight since mid 2007!!! Wow!!! I'm so proud of myself!

So I'm going to be getting a present specially for myself to commenmerate my hard work. Seems I can be quite determine when I really make up my mind huh. My next aim will be to get my bf to lose weight as well. At the moment he is 30kg heavier than me and I'm really afraid sometimes for him. You see, its not so much as for the appearance, I am really worried for his health... his double chin, his huge 9-month tummy, the large-ness of him. I think I must think of a way to force him to exercise somehow. Really worried for his health.

Anyway these days, my tummy is super sensitive. It hurts everytime after I have dinner, and no, its not those "go to toilet" kind of pain. Its a weird wrenching pain that just leaves you sweating and swearing. I think my stomach has grown weaker n weaker n definately more sensitive.

So how are u babes? I've got to keep it up!!! So that by June 09 I will weigh 110lbs and be a real skinny babe!!!

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Feeling so sick now

Friday, November 2, 2007 00:03:08

So today I took my weight again, unofficially, and guess what? Its 154.2lbs!!!! Wow!!!! So its real!!! I did my usual 6.5km today, though at a much slower pace than yesterday... I felt i didnt have much energy, so all went well till dinner.

Okay, so I checked out a few more private gyms today and managed to get myself a 1 week free pass at one of them... which means my leave from 17 Dec to 24 Dec is settled, with a proper gym for me to go to and hang out in, instead of going to the office gym even when I am on leave. So that leaves from 24 Dec to 31 Dec... I need to get another 1 week trial... I called another private gym earlier today but they needed me to go down... i guess i have to endure another round of persuasion to sign up for their proper membership, which I know I can't afford and dont want to pay for either. Maybe I'll just use my bf's condo's facilities... not as well equiped as the private gyms, but at least it has a treadmill, a swimming pool and a sauna.... we shall see about that.

I had my usual yummy sandwich from the cafe downstairs my office for breakfast (I have that every day) and then I had some cornflakes with milk for lunch. And, three scoops of Hagen Das ice-cream and crepe shared with my bf for tea.. i must say though, Hagen Das ice-cream is much much better than Swensons but obviously much more expensive too. So had that for tea and for dinner, we went to our usual japanese resturant. We ate our usual dishes, but somehow the food seemed oily than usual, and I am just feeling so sick now. Its like indigestion, a weird chunning in my stomach and chest pains. I really dont know what is causing it, but I feel neasuea but can't puke. It comes on and off and sometimes the pain is so sharp I feel breathless. Its weird because its the first time I am experiencing such discomfort. And i am not exactly unhealthy, considering my daily workouts. It must be my body, it must be unable to cope with such oily food after eating relatively well for so long.

Have you all ever felt this way before? Weird discomfort in the tummy and chest pains with a neausea feeling?

After such a heavy dinner (almost 1500cal dinner, luckily I always have a light breakfast and lunch), I am keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow I will still weigh 154lbs or less even! I am still aiming for 149lbs by Dec 31st, then it will really be a happy new year!

I told myself that I will buy myself a gift when I lose my first 10lbs, and 10% of my weight, etc. Even though I've lost my first 10lbs already, I am still monitoring it to ensure its not a one-off, that the 10lbs lost is really permanent. So I will get myself my reward next week.... but what should I get? I want a present so special that everytime I see it or wear it, I will feel proud because it symbolises my determination, my discipline and the pride i have in myself. To lose 10lbs is really a remarkable achievement for me, and its really a mini milestone in my life.

So any ideas anyone?

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Exciting 11th WI

Friday, November 2, 2007 00:02:03

Hi babes!!! Guess what? I just had my 11th WI today and I am now 154.6lbs!!!!! Wow!!! I am so happy, but you know what, i'm quite septical about this loss. Just yesterday I weighted myself and I was 156.4lbs... so how can I drop nearly 2lbs OVERNIGHT? And its not like I ate properly last night!!! Last night's meals were atrocious, what with all the sweets, dried mangoes, preserved food, and junk.

Anyway, I did commit myself to WIs every tuesday, so I'm not going to care. 154.6lbs it will be! I am going to post this number! If it goes up tomor, then I will just have to bring it back down by next Tues, or else revise the number next tues then. I'm really hoping that tomor the scale will still show 154!!!!! Oh my!!!

Alright, so summary,

11th WI -- 2 Dec 08 (Tuesday) since 14 Sept 08

Start weight: 166.4lbs

Weight at 11th WI: 154.6lbs

Weight lost: 2.6lbs/1.2kg

Total Weight lost: 11.8lbs/5.35kg

Wow, I'm so so proud of myself!!!! Good Job!! Thank you God!!!! Now i am really looking forward to reaching my mini goal of 149lbs by 31 Dec 2008!!! Then that will be the biggest achievement for the year 2008 for me! I have not been in my 140s since 2007... really looking forward to it!

Anyway babes, lets move it move it! Oh ya, I checked out the private gyms around my house, and its way above my budget.... its nearly $500 for a month!!!! Thats just too expensive, considering I only pay $20 a month for my company gym.... So I just got to think of another way to carry out my plan. Maybe I'll still come back to office just to use the gym... weird huh, coming back to work on my off days. Hmmmm. We shall see.

Cheers!

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One more month to becoming 149lbs! I want to be myself again!

Friday, November 2, 2007 00:01:10

Hi all! How have you all been? Its the first of Dec!!!! And it should be my start of a intensive last month dash at weight-loss to achieve my goal of 149lbs by Dec 31st. But, needless to say, I didnt stick to my intentions. Instead, I even jogged much lesser than the other days. Today, I jogged a mere 1km! Burning only 100cal! My goodness, and throughout the whole weekend, my daily calories consumed hit at least 4000cal daily! My goodness!

I am feeling so guilty and so unhappy with myself! There are so many things in my life I have to clear up... I feel like my life is in a mess. My room is in a mess, my house is in a mess, I have so many issues to settle at work that I've been procascinating, so many things I should have done! Even my body is in a mess.

I feel so disappointed in myself, everyday living in a dump, and not giving a care in the world. Sometimes I really wish to move into a whole new apartment, revamping my life. I just feel so angry and upset with myself.

Alright, I have taken leave from 17 Dec to 31 Dec. That will be the time for me to revamp my whole room, and house. In the meantime, from tomorrow to 16 Dec, I will have to clear all my work issues before going on leave, and I must stick to my plan and eat less, eat healthily and exercise!!!! Cannot be big headed and slack anymore!

Tomorrow is also my next WI-11th WI?!?! Wow, isn't that fast?! It has been 11 weeks since I started to commit to my weight loss plan, but till today I've only lost slightly less than 10lbs.... And as time passes, its really getting harder. Harder to lose a single lbs!

I am really hoping I can still reach my revised goal of 149lbs by 31 Dec 08!!! Please God, please help me out! Thank you! Amen!

P.S Another thing to think about during my hols-- What should I be doing in my life....

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