11/03/2011 06:35
Day 1 of Week 2 Thursday 1pm -- reflections
So I jumped on the scales this morning to take a peek AND I GAINED! I gained back the lousy 1 kg that I lost last week! ARgggghhhhhhhhh I feel so discouraged and so frustrated. I have been exercising consistently to the point of exhaustion and I still gained?!??!?! WTH!
Then, it occured to me that I had popeyes chicken and its delicious mashed potato for supper at 1am at the airport last night. I also had a chocolate of wealth cup of chocolate frappe at TCC at the airport last night. My husband and I decided to jump into the exam mode and study through the night and the 1 kg gain could be the result of it. So studies or weight gain? It seems its boiled down to these 2 choices.
On our way back, my hubby told me about his new job, and how he felt coping with my not working. It has only been a month and a half since my last day at work, but he has already felt the strain despite him earning alot more. My heart was really pained watching him work so hard to give both of us a better life. I can feel his drive and determination and unlike me, who is forever looking for a job that I can feel passionate about, his attitude is a down to earth, have-to and therefore I do. I feel I have so much more to learn, so much to change.
I have always excuses for myself. " I will nab the perfect job when I'm skinny""If only I didnt work, then I can fully concentrate on my studies and my weight" and now when I have really resigned, "I will look for my perfect job when I finish school" "If only I wasnt so fat and unattractive, I will have more opportunities". There is always an excuse for something. So now, Now is the time I have got to change.
Before long, 27 Nov to be exact, in 24 days, I will be out of sch, out of job. Part of me is very fearful about what my future will hold and the other part of me is just so hopeful, because finally, all my attention will be on hunting for the perfect job and losing weight. So I took a deep look inside myself and I strongly believe a big downfall of mine is procascination. Everything I had to do, I procascinate- there is always something more fun and enjoyable to do than what is important. I tend to procascinate until its the dateline and then rush through it. Its not that I do not know how to prioritise. I do know what is important and what isnt. But its the fact that I have been too kind on myself, not forcing it down my throat early on, though I know it is something I will ultimately have to do anyway.
Its like when I was working, all I could think about was my studies, and every single minute I had free, I will study. I would push away unimportant meetings, and just study. But when I have all the time in the world, I concentrated on working out 3 hours at the gym and then becoming so exhausted that I will sleep through the other half of the day, neglecting my studies. Argggghhhh. Anyway, there isnt much time left. 17 days to start of my last leg of the exams.
I now hereby promise myself that I will change. Just bite the bullet and do it because we all have a choice. I chose to eat at 1 am and therefore I gained. I chose to resign. I chose to watch tv, instead of studying. Now, I just have to choose to make the right choices.