I have reached the end of seven full days on plan, and during that time I lost 3.5 pounds which is FANBLUMMINTASTIC.
My first full week on plan in ages...and it just *happens* to coincide with my first full week back on anti-anxiety meds in ages. Coincidence? I think not.
This is all slightly overshadowed by the fact I have a serious sore throat and cold, and even more by the fact that today is my 11 month anniversary of committing to my weight loss (that is why I am calling this Week 1 mark 2 - because it is really week 47 or 48!)
During the first five months on this plan, I lost 28 pounds. During the next six months, I lost only 12. And it wasn't due to weight loss slowing, it was due to going off plan.
So I can't help thinking about where I could be by this point - where I expected to be during those first five months. I could be looking forward to a summer at my goal weight, instead I am still thinking about how I can cover up.
I know I have done well, I don't need or want to be told that, I just want to wallow for a while!
This does give me a great incentive for the next month though. If I work really hard for the next month, I will be able to make such a difference to my '1 year' result this time next month.
It will also be one year since my depression was at its worst, I have done well but I am really going to focus this month too so I can look back in a few weeks' time and say 'wow, how things have changed.'
I also need to earn some extra money, I don't have the money to spend on my appearance a lot of my friends seem to have and I want to treat myself at the end of my year, because I have worked so darned hard!
I feel very ill today, and I have only myself to blame.
Last night, my husband and I both found ourselves with an unusually high number of calories left. Taking advantage of this, we decided to order pizza. Not planned into our budget, but oh well, we were both exhausted.
So...I proceeded to sit in front of a DVD and eat the remainder of my daily calorie allowance, all in pizza. 1300 calories. That is a whole Domino's medium veggie supreme pizza, plus garlic and herb dip.
Now I am sure there have been many occasions in my life when I have eaten 1300 calories worth of pizza, and more, at once. But not lately. And wow, did my stomach make me pay for it. This morning, it feels like the entire pizza is still sitting in there, and the gaps round the edge are filled in with acid which is proceeding to eat its way through my stomach lining.
Anyway, it is my own fault.
Today, I want to do some exercise which I didn't do again yesterday. I have lost all the muscle tone my regular exercise had given me and I want to get it back before the summer.
I also want to eat some fruit and veg, I have had less than usual lately and I can feel a sore throat coming on, a sure sign I am not taking proper care of myself.
I struggled last night, I was really hungry, partly because I didn't eat much protein through the day and had...heaven forbid...WHITE pasta for lunch, and also because I did a lot of heavy gardening work.
But I just got through it, with the help of a large glass of diet, caffeine-free coke, and headed to bed. I cannot imagine how terrible I would have felt this morning had I woke up and remembered overeating.
Actually, I can imagine it, vividly. I would have a really bad memory if I couldn't.
So I am glad I stayed on track.
Mind you, I am sure most people don't start looking forward to their breakfast right after dinner the night before.
So far in five days I have lost three pounds, most of it water of course.
I want to get back into my exercise regime today as well.
Finally...8.5 weeks until I go to Paris, and 9 weeks 1 day till I go to the States. It is really motivating me at the minute.
A busy, busy week coming up, so I don't know if this will be the week I get back into my regular, epic blogs.
Still, I shall try to catch up with the rest of you at some point.
Still, I have got things started with the doctor now, so at least we should find out soon what (if anything) is wrong.
I am still wanting to lose a lot of weight..and I am busy with other things...so all in all I am not upset.
Diet is going fantastically, these medications just make such a difference.
I feel almost as though I am 'cheating.'
However, they aren't diet meds or an appetite suppressant and I am not taking them for the purpose of dieting...they are for anxiety, and particularly obsessive-compulsive kinds of thoughts, just a really low dose.
I took them before until October, and lost a lot of weight in that time, but I started taking them the day I started my diet, so I never really noticed the connection.
But connection there is.
Well, normally when I try to lose weight, some time in the evening I start thinking 'well how long am I going to stick to this?' And the worry makes me turn to food.
Now, with the tablets, I just don't think about it...so I am only running on natural hunger. And it isn't working that well! Yesterday, I literally had to force down my meals.
However, today I am ravenous, but certainly able to stop myself going overboard.
Anyway, I queried this and apparently these tablets are actually sometimes used to treat binge eating disorder...but because they are only useful in very specific cases, they only actually have success in very few instances.
The doctor didn't even give them to me for the binge eating.
I was also encouraged because I read that 95 per cent of people who take these tablets and do have success relapse and regain all their weight instantly upon stopping them.
But I have learned so much I actually lost another 14 pounds after stopping them, and maintained it for 5 months.
I worked so hard to learn to manage my anxiety without pills, so I chalk that up to that progress.
So I do have a lot of hope.
Anyway...that is it for today, nothing more to report.
Not because of the diet, no, with that I am perfectly on plan. Last night after dinner I realised I didn't feel like eating something...for the first moment since, ooh, October?
The last time I took anti-anxiety meds, in fact.
So the meds are really doing it for me! I am doing them for three months, anyway, and then I will have another think.
So why am I ashamed? Because it is mid-April, and I still have the heating on.
In England, you have your heating on from November till early March, MAX. At least that is how I was brought up.
Anything else means you are throwing away money in a disturbingly frivolous manner, and worse than that, you are a Wuss.
But this year, I hadn't even considered turning it off till a couple of days ago...I made it two days and this morning I just caved. I mean, I work from home and my fingers were so stiff I couldn't type.
And even the cat was cold.
And I had given him the only hot water bottle.
I am justifying myself slightly by saying I think this house is colder than where we lived before.
But I am still thoroughly ashamed...especially as two days ago we did up our budget for the next year and it is TIGHT. It took us 4 hours to make it balance. And any extra heating is going to, well, unbalance the little b*****d. And I really can't face another session of budgeting like that...when we were finished, hubby and I were so stressed we had to make ourselves feel better by going out and spending some money.
Now, I will hurry to admit here, I do not mean the budget is tight in the sense of 'will we be able to feed and house ourselves?'
No, it is tight in the sense of of 'can we afford hubby's £4000 personal training qualification AND a new car (a necessity at this point, if you saw the old one) AND paying my dad back for the house deposit AND my student loan AND...SAVING FOR OUR BLOODY RETIREMENT WHICH ISN'T FOR 38 YEARS FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, by which point we will probably be dead anyway from the stress of saving for it?'
And the answer is...yes, we can afford those things, as long as we have absolutely zero fun whatsoever this year.
And live off economy baked beans.
So we shall see how that one goes...
Anyhoo, I had better get off here and start earning some bread (to go with the economy beans).
So at least my dinner will be balanced, if not the budget.
Doc has changed me to some alternative anti-stress medication, I was on it before and it SERIOUSLY helped my weight loss, I think. It is not an appetite suppressant, but if you use food to relieve excess anxiety...and the anxiety goes...well
Let's just say, I just got HUNGRY and realised I barely ate today...that rarely happens these days.
Was so weird at the docs today...there is only 1 male doctor where I go (on a military base). It is a small base and everyone knows each other...so a lot of the female patients go elsewhere for PAP smears, etc.
I need various 'lady problems' investigated and I know (through a mutual friend who shouldn't have told me) that the guy kind of has an issue with the fact no one will see him for this stuff..he is about 30 and very inexperienced...I think it upsets him and has become kind of an issue.
So...I don't care..and I thought I would go see this guy for it, because I didn't want to be ANOTHER female dropout.
BUT...he was so way more embarrassed than me. He went so red and looked down and just couldn't get his words out...and that was only while EXPLAINING the procedure (like I didn't know what he was going to do).
In the end, I was reassuring him and basically telling him to buck up and get on with it!
It was totally funny...not weird or anything...he was just so nervous.
Anyhoo...it has been a good day for the diet, not too productive for anything else but I am not beating myself up..as long as I do something useful the rest of the time!
Loads of love and hopefully you will be seeing a lot less of me soon!
Off to make Chinese pork and cabbage stir fry with rice noodles. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Ladies and gents, I am so sorry. I have been so busy, I have really not had the time to be on here, checking posts or writing.
I will get back to normal sometime soon...
Anyway things are going well. I overate last night again...but have had a 'perfect' day today with lots of health food, my hubby is giving me a great deal of support.
For dinner tonight I made a recipe out of one of the cookbooks I borrowed from the library, 'Food for fitness.'
Now this is normally a GREAT book - healthy meals, balanced macronutrients, cheap, quick, easy, interesting and delicious.
So I don't quite know how I managed to make a dish that included pasta, fresh tomatoes, olive oil, tuna, garlic, fresh chillis, arugula, fresh basil, ricotta and parmesan and have it coming out tasting exactly like...
...tuna casserole.
Blummin EXPENSIVE tuna casserole at that!
Still, it was tasty enough, filling and healthy, so I suppose I can't complain too much.
Anyway, hope to see you all tomorrow if time allows.
I took a much-needed break from here and from dieting. I basically ate what I wanted for 3 days. Turned out I wanted a lot more than I usually eat, and very different stuff.
Turned out I woke up this morning and felt like starting again.
I have about half my weight left to lose, and I am committing to that as of now. I am not committing to do perfectly every day, of course not. But I am committing to try and, as such, if I overeat, I am going to plan to make up those calories elsewhere, however long it takes me.
That is going to give me a lot more accountability - I mean, even if I overeat by a million calories (lol) and then make them up at the rate of 100 calories per day, I will still be making them up. Although who knows if I will do it in this lifetime .
Anyway, it is a bit different. Actions have consequences and I need to learn that.
Needless to say I shall not be attempting to make up the extra calories of the last few days.
Anyway, I shall get around all your blogs eventually but it may take me a little time.
...the chocolate, nuts and pasta that I ate at 10pm yesterday, after noting down my exemplary day of food and activity.
Enough said!
Today has been busy...I have bleached a load of things, done laundry, done gardening, cleaned the fridge....but not actually done work. The perils of working at home! I am really trying to have a more productive month in April, and so far it is going well, but productivity alone is only one part of the puzzle...also key is prioritising the most important tasks, i.e. paid work.
So I shall keep that in mind for tomorrow.
OH and I are embarking on a month of healthy living, which started today. We aren't bad, in general, but have been slacking a little lately so we are upping our game. I shall report back on May 7th!
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