Leaving for a while

I have realised someone I know from the past has joined here. Someone I know has been guilty of causing a lot of trouble on various websites.

As a result, this no longer feels like a 'safe' place for me. I almost want to delete all my posts.

Anyway, I am not going to post for a while until I know whether this person has become a permanent EP fixture.

I will still be checking up on you guys though and commenting!

Loads of love R xxxx

Day 6/28

Rubbish and good in equal measure!

Food - 2000 calories, but not good nutritionally. I am determined to have a 100 per cent health day tomorrow with this.

I had muesli and yogurt, berry smoothie, walnuts, brown pasta with olive oil (!), 85% cocoa dark chocolate, banana, cottage cheese with chopped red bell pepper. By the time I spent the evening doing house stuff, it was 9.30, I was cooking salmon stir fry for my OH and I just thought 'I can't eat a proper meal, I am too hyped up.' So it was junk food or cottage cheese and the cottage cheese won .

Exercise - I didn't do it. But I did do 4.5 hours of housework and gardening which has left my back in a fragile state. I just hope to get back on the wagon tomorrow!

Appearance - did nothing again

General - I worked 5h 20m. I am not really pleased with what I got done, and the fact I started late so had to work late, but it is OK, for how I was feeling today.

Ok, see you tomorrow, hope I'll make time for a 'proper' blog.

Love and blessings, Rach xxx  22/28 days to go!

Day 5/28 report

Today was OK. One hairy moment...I was reading a book that mentioned chicken fried steak and chocolate pie. I had never heard of either of those things, so I did a search on Google Images...................................................................................................................... sorry, that pause was just me taking some time to drool .

After getting over the cravings (at least partially), I carried on OK.

In general, it was a rubbish day. PMS meant I only did 3 hours of work, and the house is a mess, but I am going easy on myself.

Food

Brekkie - smoothie

I really meant to have a healthy lunch...but I ended up succumbing to a huge plate of brown pasta with nearly 5oz of grated cheese!

Snack - banana

Dinner - chicken with ratatouille, brown rice and raw spinach

Total cals: 2000

Exercise

I did C25K and a lovely half hour walk on a glorious evening. I am meant to do some ab exercises - I give myself a pass IF I make them up tomorrow.

Appearance

Again, I will have to make this up tomorrow.

All in all, fine for a PMS day. I am being nice to myself lately, aren't I?

Lots of love and God Bless,

Rach xxx  23/28 days to go!

Ooh skinny!

Well, sort of!

I woke up this morning and thought 'I look thin!'

After I persuaded the men in white coats to leave (they thought I'd finally lost it for good), I changed it to 'thinner'.

So I measured. It's always a tricky process, because the cats think the tape is some kind of exciting snake-like creature put on this earth solely for their enjoyment, so there is always the risk my naked flesh may be flayed from my bones by leaping felines.

I wouldn't mind this...but I couldn't go to the hospital, not with the way I look now. What if the doctor was hot?

I also have to look in the mirror to measure...with no clothes on...in broad daylight...which is scary enough in itself .

After a number of false starts, I managed to get it done...and I have lost another inch from my bust and an inch from my waist.

Bust is now 38.5 and waist is 31.

I know my waist started at at least 38, probably more. So my waist was once as big as around my chest is now. I can't believe that. It is still a novelty that my boobs seem to stick out further than my stomach. Well, on some days anyway .

My bust was at least 43 when I started.

I have lost a tiny bit from my neck, none from my calf but at least it is muscle now rather than corned beef looking fat!

Alrighty, got to go fill in a job application...and sort the cats out. My older cat eats the new cat's food, so he is getting fat. I am working on it at the moment, otherwise he will need his own EP account, and he is not very good at typing.

I also need to make a decision about lunch...brown bread, homemade houmous, tomatoes and spinach...OR CHEESY PASTA?

See you in a bit,

Rach xxx

Edited: Just found out my hips are 39 too! I remember them being 42 a long way into my weight loss. All of me is in the 30s for the first time!

I really wish I had taken proper measurements all through this, now.

Day 4/28 report

Oh wow guys! Today was hellishly tough.

I had a terrible day, just felt so down and unhappy.

I ate some sugar at lunch and that set off the hunger, plus I had PMS.

I spent about six hours this evening battling the urge to binge. I knew I wasn't doing my exercise or meeting many of my other goals for today, and that made me feel 'what's the point eating right, either?' Gotta love that all or nothing thinking that ruins our lives, huh?

I also knew bingeing would make me feel like crap after about 10 minutes, but I didn't care. Because not only did I really want that comfort, even for a second, I also felt like my life was such a mess that being thinner wasn't going to help. The other problems were just so much bigger.

It is the first time I have really admitted that to myself.

But while losing weight won't solve my problems, not bingeing will help me face them in a better way - or face them at all.

And for heaven's sake, how was I really going to feel after breaking my plans for my 28 days so completely?

How could I sabotage myself like that, AGAIN? When I already felt so crap?

So at 10.30pm, I decided to start my exercise. I did 40 minutes of upper body, ab and lower back work, plus warm-up and stretches.

I did it in front of Legally Blonde, so I had Reese Witherspoon's figure to inspire me...though possibly not the outfits.

So I finished my exercise, and I stuck to my calories, even though I DID NOT meet my nutrition goals.

I ate:

muesli, yogurt, smoothie

2 brown tuna mayo pittas

a LOT of 85% cocoa chocolate - well, 210 cals worth, but that is a lot when it is so rich

white pasta with tomato sauce and a ton of cheese. Still, I have gone almost 2 weeks without so not bad.

Some caffeine free diet coke, I am annoyed with myself about that.

Total cals: 2000

In other goals...well to improve my appearance, I have on a face pack as I type.

Generally...well, it was a rubbish day. I failed to meet almost all my goals. However, it was better than a lot of PMS days I have had in the past so on the whole....

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

See you tomorrow, hopefully in a brighter frame of mind.

Lots of love and blessings, Rach xxx  24/28 days to go!

Day 3/28 report (hugely long and depressing!)

Today's blog is just one complaining rant, so apologies to anyone reading this, I just want to get it all out!

Today has just been vile.

This morning, I got up and walked for 90 minutes. I did it on my treadmill because I couldn't be bothered to go outside. It was so, so boring. I know I should be grateful I have a treadmill, and I am, but urgh!

Then I found out the new car we were supposedly getting today (oh, and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that) had fallen through again. The guy was being pretty assy about it, but I am thinking maybe there was a misunderstanding between him and my husband. I am still upset though.

We don't actually have a vehicle now because of this, and we live in the middle of nowhere, so we have borrowed (and only semi-officially) a 13-seater minibus from my husband's work. Any Brits can probably imagine the fun on a tiny housing estate and on winding Cornish country lanes.

Whoops! I clicked 'submit' by mistake and now I have to edit it...I hope you all with Google Reader still get the rest...

Anyway, we now feel pressured to buy a new car, and rush it, and on a Sunday too...not the best recipe when we are on a low budget and really don't have the spare cash if it turns out to be unreliable. I bet we are going to end up spending more than we planned.

I got so stressed I really took it out on my husband, yelled at him because sorting out a new car was allocated as his job, and he left it till the last minute. But really I just wanted someone to yell at to kind of make sense of it to myself and calm myself down?

Then I went to the dentist for a consult on cosmetic dentistry (I have fluorosis and am really self-conscious about it). He rushed me so much, I was in there maybe 5 minutes max and he charged me £15.

He basically made me feel like crap. I pointed out what I wanted, and then he told me everything else wrong with my teeth and how they 'make my face look really unbalanced'. Basically that I would be really pretty if it weren't for my teeth.

I am not stupid. I know they are a mess (you can't really tell in the photos cos I picked the ones where they looked least bad!). But I can't afford £5100 to fix them, and you know I can't, so what is the point making me feel so crap?

I had PMS....as soon as I got into the waiting room and saw my hubby, I burst into tears. And basically carried on in fits and starts all afternoon.

I keep wishing I sorted it years ago...I know now even if I have the cheapest stuff done, it will be ages before it is completed.

I am a perfectionist so I hate feeling crap and I am just beating myself up and beating myself up.

Then I had to get an eyebrow wax, shop, go looking at cars, garden...by then I was just done with seeing people and was so over-stimulated. In the end I went to bed for an hour just to calm down.

I am totally stressed out about this, about money, about work...AAARGH.

I know I need to get it in perspective, it is the perfectionism and anxiety disorder that are making me feel this bad, along with a healthy dose of low self-esteem. I am praying about it.

Writing this helped a lot.

Anyway, Day 3/28 went well.

Food:

Breakfast: muesli, yogurt, berry smoothie

Lunch: homemade guacamole, brown rice, onions, black eyed beans, brown pitta bread, 85% cocoa dark chocolate - a lot of food, and sugary which is against the rules, but I was hungry after my long walk.

Snack: 2 plums. They were fabulous. I love gorgeous, healthy food.

Dinner: brown pasta with lentil and veg sauce, raw spinach

Total calories: 1975

Exercise:

1.5 hours brisk treadmill walking, incline 3. Stretches. My legs get a day off in tomorrow's workout, they really need it!

Appearance:

Lame! I exfoliated my face..big deal...but if I do it more regularly, that is a pass.

General:

Pretty good for a weekend. Apart from that nap, I have been busy all day and it doesn't show any sign of stopping. I really need to send an important financial email tomorrow and I have been putting it off...if I don't do it, I am counting tomorrow as a fail!

Ok, will love you and leave you, preferably until I have got the PMS out of my system!

Happy losing and God Bless.

Rach xxx  25/28 days to go!

Day 2/28 report - again, boring!

I admit I didn't believe I was going to get through today at all well this morning, but I persevered due to some wise words from Svanita.

Food

Breakfast: muesli, yogurt

Lunch: onion omelette, raisins

Snacks: (after we went to the store!) banana, berry smoothie, walnuts

Dinner: mixed bean and veg chilli, brown rice, raw spinach

1920 calories

I gave my hubby the tiny bit of quinoa we had left even though I wanted it! I hate cooking quinoa...I always seem to spill that stuff everywhere, it is out of control !

Exercise

Ladies and gentlemen, I officially ROCK. C25K, 20 min ab workout, 20 min upper body workout. OH yeah! Of course, I thought I was going to throw up about halfway through the abs. And I am sure the pulse shouldn't go up to 180, but ah well. Hubby says that is 'just a myth' and he should know!

Appearance

I booked an eyebrow wax for tomorrow.

General

Oh I can't believe I am going to admit it..but I only did 3.5 hours of work today. Ah well...tomorrow is another day - actually it's Saturday, yay!. I do want to buck my ideas up, though. I know it is best for me in the long run, and I have some urgent stuff that needs doing.

Ok, I'm going to call it a night and chill for a bit.

Lots of love and God Bless, and thanks, because it was all your comments that got me through my workout today...I was being a big wuss about it.

Ciao, amici!

Rach xxx  26/28 days to go!

Nature's alarm clock

There are many lovely sounds to wake up to. The murmur of the distant sea. The gentle cheeping of baby birds outside your window. The yowls and screeches of your two beloved cats fighting underneath your bed.

I was so mad.

However, I have to admit to entertaining the occasional 5am fantasy about shooting those baby birds, so perhaps I am just hard to please.

This morning it was so hard to wake up. Yesterday's day of...oh yeah, barely normal functioning has left me exhausted. I hate depression!

And my legs ache. Actually, everything below my waist aches. Just a few months ago, I would have scoffed at the exercise I did yesterday as 'too easy.' I am eating my words now.

Today I have to do C25K, an ab workout and an upper body workout. I DON'T WANT TO!!!

Lol can you tell I have PMS again?

Hope you all have a good day,

Love Rach xxx

Day 1/28 report (not very interesting!)

Well, I did pretty well today. It was tough. About halfway through the day, I really wanted to cave in and chill with Harry Potter (I am only just reading the last one).

However, I thought about it, and what would it have said about me if I had not succeeded on Day 1?

Lol, probably that I am just normal!

But I persevered...

Food

2000 calories. The £1 steak was scrummy!

Exercise

Oh wow! This was so, so tough...I did 30 minutes of aerobics, a 20 minute leg workout and later a 30 minute walk. In the rain.

Appearance

I did a big one here! I called up and booked a consultation this Saturday for the cosmetic dentistry I want/need (I have fluorosis which discolours the teeth and I want veneers). I have been putting this off for years because of the cost, but finally I have decided to take the plunge.

General

Ok here is where it falters...I did 6h 10m of work instead of 7 hours. Sadly, it has left me so tired I haven't even done the washing up, but that's OK. I just am past caring at this stage! I am moving onto the 'relaxation' part!

We are getting a 'new' car tomorrow. It is 12 years old lol! And the cats are getting along better!

Love Rach xxx  27/28 days to go!

28 Days Later

I completed 21 days on plan, then yesterday I had my day off (planned).

OH and I ordered pizza for dinner. We could only manage a few slices each for once. Because I wasn't feeling 'this is bad', I didn't binge, just ate till I was full.

So my new plan is to stay on track for a full 28 days - from today until June 5.

I am planning to eat as healthily as possible during that time.

However, today won't count (except for the calorie goal), because I have to finish leftover pizza and then dinner is steak that my husband got yesterday for a bargainiferous $2.52 (£1.26) from the shop at his work. I am serving it with baked sweet potatoes and green veggies...and mayo, for me, of course .

But here is my plan for the rest of the 28 days. It is all stuff I have done before...but not all together. It is going to be tough, that is what I want. I am ready now, after a year of working on my habits, to do this just for a while.

I want to see a major transformation in my body over the next 28 days.

Food plan

1. Between 1700 and 2000 calories per day. If I do overeat, I have to have saved the calories BEFOREHAND by eating fewer than 1700 calories.

2. Drink only water.

3. No sugar, alcohol or caffeine.

4. No added salt.

5. Eat at least six pieces of fruit and veg per day.

6. Make sure all meals are as healthy as possible - i.e. I will shop for healthy meals and avoid much cheese and all mayo, junk etc. If I have to eat out or grab something on the run, I will grab the healthiest option at the time. I really want to eat super-healthy this month. I will post what I ate on here in a separate post EVERY DAY...err except today!

Here is my exercise plan. I am actually putting it on a daily schedule, inspired by Tatum's Mom. I need this kind of discipline at the moment. It is also very strict - 8 hours per week - I am ready for that!

MON

C25K, 20 minute ab workout, 30 minute walk

TUES

1 hour Pilates

WED 

C25K, 20 minute arm workout, 20 minute ab workout

THUR

30 mins aerobics, 20 minute leg workout, 30 minute walk

 FRI

C25K, 20 minute ab workout, 20 minute arm workout

 SAT

long walk - at least 1.5 hours

SUN 

20 minute ab workout, 20 minute arm workout

I am also going to be more generally active - gardening, cleaning etc.

Here is my appearance plan...do something every day to contribute to sorting my appearance out. I know I could make a lot more of myself!

And in general, I want to work at least 7 hours a day this month (I work at home and I have been slacking!), and I want to make an effort to do stuff at the weekend. I also want to work on making my relaxation time quality time during which I really do relax.

Definitely the toughest challenges I have set myself so far...it is only 28 days, let me see how well I can do! My goal weight...you are all gonna think I am crazy...is 150 pounds. I just want to see how close I can get!

Rach xxx  28/28 to go!