Anyone else do this? Dream you have overeaten, and then wake up to find you haven't. Wow, the relief is incredible...shows how much a hold eating has on me I suppose.
I have had 2 dreams like that recently, I hadn't had them for a while, and they have both featured chocolate!
Also, I have found my 'new self' has worked its way into my dreams. It took a while - when I first gained weight, the me in my dreams was the slim me, I think, or it must have been because I never thought about it.
Now I occasionally have dreams in which I am ashamed of my body. I guess the way I am in waking life but don't tend to dwell on.
But several times recently I have had dreams where I am in an outfit that is too small or I am naked and what I am ashamed of, clearly, is being 'fat' and parts of me sagging.
So sad that this must affect so much of the core of how I feel about myself!
Anyway...this makes me sound down which I am not...just thought I'd share.
I am looking on track for the 2000 calories but not the exercise...oh well, 1 out of 2 isn't bad but I really want to get back into exercising as regularly as I did before Christmas!
Well after eating my planned 2400 calories yesterday, I feel full and sick and I didn't sleep well at all.
I can't imagine that I used to binge every few weeks, to at least the tune of 1000 calories OVER that (not to mention the binges before I started my health plan)
Anyway...this once a week 400 calories is designed to get me over the last of the binge eating, by teaching me that I can go over sometimes, and I don't have to go WAY over (as well as lots of other lessons). I can take the day at any point during the week, but unless something major comes up (like an urge to binge or an event where I don't do a good job of calorie control), I try to keep it till the last day.
2400 is about my maintenance level currently, so hopefully it will keep my metabolism up too.
By yesterday I didn't actually want to eat those extra calories...but I did, because sticking to that goal was important to me.
I think it has worked well so far! I did have some of that reaction last night, of 'I have eaten all this so I may as well eat more'. But because it was part of my programme, and because I knew I probably hadn't eaten more calories than I had actually burned during the day, I rode it out. And then managed to resist standing on the scale this morning thank goodness. So all is well.
Mind you, I am so full I haven't had any breakfast yet and it is 10.15.
My plan for today is 2000 calories and 1 hour of aerobics/toning...will report back later.
Am trying to get over the not being pregnant again. It is odd...each month has fallen into a pattern, first day of TOTM and desperate disappointment, a week and a bit of relative calm, and then 2 and a half weeks where I think about it every day.
I think it surprised me, as it does us all, that becoming pregnant is not as simple as just trying. I just assumed within a few months, that would be that. I now realise it is something you really don't have that much control over.
I am going to try and push it out of my head this month a bit more, if it happens, it happens..if not, then surely that will be the best thing for us.
I had my 400 flexi calories today. Wow, I am full.
However...this is my strategy to curtail the last of the bingeing, so it is OK!
Breakfast: leftovers from yesterday, orange juice
Lunch: 2 brown pittas, chicken, light mayo, spinach, tomato
Snacks: apple sauce, sugar free fudgsicles, cottage cheese, pitta with cheese and tomato
Dinner: butternut squash and chilli bean spaghetti, parmesan
Wow, that sure is a LOT of food as well to eat in 1 day. I guess if that lot is 2400 calories, I hate to think how much I did eat on days when I really binged. I never wrote it down like that so I never saw it!
Anyway...I am NOT planning to do a weigh-in tomorrow!
A new week starts tomorrow so I will have to do this 400 calories some other time again!
In other news...I am not pregnant...AGAIN. Cried this time. Silly, as we haven't been trying long enough for it to be a real worry...there is always next month.
I am so glad I didn't quit on my health plan. It felt so normal and part of me for so long, that when I got back from the US and was finding it hard to stick to, I was so disillusioned. I didn't think I would ever get back to normal, I thought I had 'blown it' after seven months of healthy living.
But however impossible it felt, I had to try. Being so out of control nearly eight months ago was destroying my life - and I have lost enough of that self-destructive urge to see that carrying on with the downward spiral was a BAD idea. I had to give it a go.
Now, after only 6 days working hard, everything is back to normal. It really is a matter of habit - once you get out of it, you have to work to get back. I feel great again! And I had to work so hard to establish those habits - so it is a relief they are now at least AS normal as eating badly.
I am also back onto the health food more - which probably has something to do with the hunger. If I eat the right macronutrients, and a wide variety of other nutrients, I feel more full.
I had been putting it off and putting it off, and then one night as I was pouring myself a glass of heavily sweetened drink, I thought 'I have totally had enough of this, it's like poison to how I look and feel'. So I had a healthy dinner, and for the most part haven't looked back. Although I have had a few sugar free fudgsicles (40 cals each) as they have them back in my local store after a long absence (I guess they got rid of them to make room for all the pies at Christmas...thought noone would want sugar free stuff in December!)
They upset my stomach though!
So...food and exercise for today:
Breakfast: egg white/oatmeal pancakes with apple sauce
Lunch: leftover lasagne
Snacks: apple sauce, 2 sugar free fudgsicles
Dinner: bean and veg chilli, wholewheat tortillas, enchilada sauce, cheese, spinach and tomato salad
Drinks: water
Total calories: 2000
Exercise: 1 hour aerobics and toning.
Tomorrow is Day 7 of the dieting week..so I am supposed to use up my 400 flexible calories. At the moment I can't see myself being hungry for them, but I don't want to go many weeks without them.
I still laugh at the thought of the doctor who told me when I had lost my first 10 pounds 'you won't lose any more than another 5 pounds eating 2000 calories per day - you have to cut back'.
I told him it has long been my belief that cutting calories excessively is bad for a lot of dieters in the short and long term!
I am 26 years old, I exercise regularly, I am heavy and I have a history of binge eating - all pointers to a high metabolism.
Well, I have gone on to lose another 34 pounds since then so I am pleased my hunch was correct. I know it isn't true for everyone, but it certainly is for me.
I still find it frustrating that after so long living a healthy lifestyle, I am heavy. It doesn't feel like I should be with how I live. Of course, I have to finish burning off those excesses!
My next mini goal is to lose a few more pounds and finish reversing the muscle tone I feel I lost over Christmas...so I can take a new set of pictures for this site.
Anyway...I hope you are all doing really well...lots of love and God Bless,
I hope you are all really well. I don't have much to write - I haven't been thinking much about weight these last few days, to be honest. It makes a change .
All I have to report today is...I made a 'proper' lasagne today and it was DELICIOUS. I have several healthier lasagne recipes I make regularly, but OH requested a beef one, so I went the whole hog with loads of cheese and butter, red wine, etc.
Still, the day was pretty balanced overall.
Breakfast: muesli, semi skimmed milk, apple sauce, orange juice
Lunch: multigrain bagel, egg mayonnaise
Dinner: lasagne, HM low-fat 'fries', spinach and tomato salad
Snack: 2 sugar free fudgsicles
drinks: water
total calories: 2000
Lots of love...hopefully I will have something to report on the weight front soon...and hopefully not something bad!
Thank goodness...I have no idea why I was so hungry!
I ate really healthily at dinner tonight, a huge pile of stew with tomatoes, chickpeas, butternut squash, carrots, tomatoes and onions, with brown couscous, for 500 calories.
I guess that helped - but the hunger had dissipated before then.
Whenever I write more than 1 post in a day, you know I am doing either really well or really badly.
Today it is bad - not my behaviour, don't get me wrong, I haven't overeaten - but the hunger.
I have been so hungry recently, it is like a physical, stomach rumbling thing. I don't know why. I guess I am not eating as healthily as I used to - but still plenty of water, protein, fibre, wholegrains, veggies.
I don't know if it is perhaps hormonal as it is about that time again!
Either way, I have to distract myself and tv or reading doesn't cut it...so it is here and the ww message boards.
It is a good job I recommitted to this and really want it...or I would have caved in by now.
I HAVE my 400 flexi calories, but I plan to save them for later in the week (my week only started on Tuesday so eating them now is not ideal).
Also...it is daft...I have lost 40 pounds and I feel fatter than ever! I have been hovering around the same weight for a while, fluctuating, plus I have lost some muscle tone over the holiday season, that plus eating less healthily, dressing less well and generally feeling run down has me feeling this way I think.
So I have been inspired by Tatum's Mom to go back to my previous Clean Eating ways in the hope of feeling BETTER. I know after 3 days I will feel much better.
And I need to up the exercise again - I am so darn TIRED and I don't know why!
OK, so this seems like it has been complaint after complaint...it isn't really, it is me getting my thoughts straightened out! Thanks for 'listening' and much love and blessings,
Inspired by Harryjsmummy I thought I would talk about this! I am not a naturally tidy person...I tend to leave stuff out and let it pile up...but I am trying.
I have been on-and-off with it for a couple of years, but this week I have been trying really hard. Cleaning, baking and the like.
The trouble is, my poor OH doesn't realise the goalposts have changed!
His clothes were in a right mess, because we don't have enough storage for them...so I spent 2 hours yesterday ironing and folding them and arranging them on the bed...all he had to do was put the piles in the drawers because I didn't know where he wanted them...
anyway, by 9.30pm he still hadn't done it.
I came upstairs...and he had chucked some of them - only a few -on the floor in a crumpled pile.
OMG he was unprepared for the terrible wrath that was unleashed! I mean, it was like 2 sweaters out of about 50 items or more.
But it was the principle, and the idea that I had done that and he didn't APPRECIATE it. I know he doesn't care if his clothes are ironed or not... and I don't mind that...but it was the fact he has no idea how long it takes to do these things, to clean and iron and stuff.
So the anger wasn't just about the 2 sweaters! But I went WAY over the top and then...guess what...I felt I had to apologise!
Ah well!
Weight loss...well, I am finding it blummin hard. I got out of my habit of this just being what I do, while I was in the US. When every day I am making an active choice whether or not to do this, inevitably some of the time I decide not.
I have been on the wagon now for 3 days...and I am working on making it into something instinctive again.
The last 2 days, I talked myself out of overeating, so I now have hope!
