serves me right...
I shouldn't have complained about the pregnancy yesterday!
Ok, the rational part of me knows that has nothing to do with the fact I had to go to L&D last night because I thought I might be going into premature labor.
I was not. They seemed to think I had a stomach bug which was causing lots of contractions. I do have a stomach bug, but I think the contractions were set off by the long car ride I went on at the weekend. The same thing happened last time but a lot less extreme.
I do, sadly, have to take this long car ride (it's only six hours) twice more in the next two weeks...it is kind of unavoidable since I am moving house. I am hoping and hoping the same doesn't happen again.
Anyway, I had eaten on plan all day...then we were leaving the hospital at 9pm and we were starving, neither of us had eaten since lunch. So we decided to pick up a pizza from Pizza Hut because it is right next to the hospital.
I planned what I was going to have to fit into my plan...then when we got there, hubby went in and they did not have the pizza base we wanted. So, for the same price, he got a meal deal which included cheese garlic bread, a pizza and chicken wings. This was fine, I still knew how to fit it into my plan, and from his perspective, I needed to eat a lot, which I did, because I hadn't eaten much and my tummy had been bad.
Then they lost our order, so we ended up not getting our food till nearly 10. By this time, I was starving.
I can just about forgive myself for eating a piece of garlic bread in the car on the way home. It's a half hour ride, it wasn't ideal, but I was ravenous.
However, big mistake no. 1 was having the second slice. And the chicken wing. I didn't need them, it was a gut reaction to sitting there with the food on my lap. In this position again, I am going to put the pizzas in the trunk for the trip home, not sit with them where I can reach them.
So this meant when I got home I only had enough calories left for 1 slice of pizza. This left me feeling a bit deprived (btw pizza slices here of a standard large pizza are much smaller than in the States just to explain that).
If I had seen my 2 slices of bread, my chicken wing and my pizza slice all on one plate, I wouldn't have felt deprived at all. It was the fact I had eaten them separately over time that was the problem.
Anyway, so I ate another slice. Which didn't really put me over my maintenance calories for the day at all.
So then I ATE TWO MORE SLICES. That's half a British Pizza Hut large pizza.
I didn't want them. I didn't enjoy them. It was like a curious hybrid between my old binge eating and how I eat now. I ate them but I didn't use them to block out reality to make myself feel better. After I ate them, I just went about my normal business - unpacking a giant bag of new baby stuff my hubby's work gave us which was awesome.
Then I went to bed feeling so full I could barely move. It wasn't pleasant.
So the only downside is that I now have a large number of extra calories in my inbox! Better than proper emotional bingeing, but also not good for my health.
At first I told myself it wasn't as bad as previous binges of a whole pizza. But then I remembered the bread, so I don't think that's really fair.
Partly I am blaming the sugar I ate earlier in the day. Although it seemed to right itself during the first months of pregnancy, I know I am back to a state where my appetite increases if I eat sugar before about 9pm - and I had some chocolate at lunch yesterday. So no sugar for me today.
On the whole, I don't think it was too bad a day. That might sound crazy to some people, but they would not know how I was when I was fully in the grip of binge eating disorder. Many of the things I ate and the thought patterns I had were very, very 'normal' compared to that.
Anyway...if I cut back a little today, which I actually did naturally because at breakfast time I was still too full from the night before, I can make it on max maintenance calories for today and yesterday if I balance them out. Which would be absolutely amazing, and is my goal for the day.
I would rather do that than use up one of my 'free days', because I only have to cut back about 500 calories today - and believe me, with my pregnancy calorie budget, that isn't hard at all. I never used to be able to do that, but now I naturally do find if I eat more one day, I am less hungry the next. It's all progress.
I will let you know how it goes! It would be such a huge achievement for me.
Have a good day all, Rach xxx 