Hello : )

Well, it has been a long time!

My husband just took almost a full month off work, and we went away to my parents' home, and since we have been back we have been really busy.

I am glad to be back and looking forward to catching up with what has been going on in your lives!

So what has been going on in mine?

Well, not a lot. I have been struggling a lot with anxiety/bingeing/depression etc. Don't get me wrong, I have been having some great times too, but it has been very up-and-down.

The good news is, I have managed to maintain my weight at what it was last time. Don't ask me how, maybe a lot of garden work, but either way I am pleased.

Despite this, my health is in a mess! I look and feel BLEURGH!

So what am I doing about this? Well, I am not focusing on weight at all at the moment, rather on health and on control of bingeing.

I know why I binge, I know the techniques to use to stop myself. But a lot of the time, I just don't WANT to stop myself, if that makes sense.

For me, bingeing is so tied up with boosting my mood, that when I am seriously depressed, it is sometimes worth it to me to have that instant mood boost. Even though it only lasts till the next morning, sometimes it is worth that for just a little relief.

However, of course the depression is then worse for a few days. Not so much because of guilt over the food - the fact I am maintaining my weight has really helped minimise that. No, it is an actual physical reaction. And the only thing that makes it better seems to be more food!

However, I have promised myself and my husband that I am going to struggle through and work on stopping, because in the long run the damage this bingeing is doing is just immense.

So that is my little project at the moment. As well as treating my depression with nutritious foods and light exercise.

I am now going to get some light exercise working in the garden...if I don't end up reading on the garden swing (like a porch swing but with a frame) that my mom got me for my birthday.

Either way, it will be fun.

Lots of love, R xxx

Ooh, I meant to add...what do you do when you need to say no?? I am just terrible at saying no. Now a friend has asked me to train for a marathon with her. Now, I am in no condition to train for a marathon at the moment. I know myself, and I know the steps I need to be taking are small ones, not big ones.

The thing is, my friend is in no condition to be training for a marathon either! She has health problems, but more than that, she is just not in the right mental place to take that on. My level of confidence that she will train correctly and not leave it till the last minute...it is about 0 per cent. I cannot believe she will do it given the general way she is living at the moment.

Anyway, I am already stuck in the trap of not being honest with my friend about her own life - and also, who am I to say this isn't going to be the making of her?

But...she made it sound so important to her that I took part. Now I have to tell her no. And I can just see a phone call where 'yes' comes out of my mouth and then I am committed.

Good to see you round

¨Hi, dearie! Good to see you around!!

I so know what you mean about the binging problem. Seems like I can't get out of that too.....

As to saying no - you just need to do it. I used to never ever say no and it took a lot of training to do so. Try explaining to her just like you did in this post that a marathon simply isn't right for you right now.

Big hugs

Makes perfect sense

In fact, I posted the other day about the alternatives to bingeing.  And how sometimes, we just don't keep an open mind that these solutions might work.  In the moment, I for one, think that the only way out is to cave to the craving.  So I completely relate.

I'm so glad to hear from you again.  I was beginning to wonder.

As for the marathon, maybe suggest that you would like to start with, say, a 5k.  Or do you just not want to train with her?

No

Well no is a difficult thing to say to anyone that we care about :(

I would simply tell her what you just told us, that training for a marathon is just not what you need to be doing right now. That you need to concentrate on small things before doing something as large as a marathon. Maybe go online and choose a marathon that is a year or so from now and tell her that you will do that one with her instead.

Hello!!

Glad to hear from you - thought you'd done a runner! 

You definitely need to say no, and I don't think that it would be very healthy for you right now ... but maybe a 5k might be a place to start?  Also if it's a Cancer Research one, a run/walk wouldn't be so bad if you didn't feel up to it.  Sounds like your friend needs something to focus on to move forward, and I certainly find that helps me.

By the way - it's really nice to hear someone else describe bingeing the way I feel it - I feel so belligerent and low about everything that I don't care about putting on weight, or feeling horrible the next day (not that I usually think that far ahead) that I simply don't have the logic in my head to talk myself into stopping.  And I just don't want to! 

I always kick myself afterwards because I wake up feeling rotten, but I never seem to remember that the next time!  And yes, I feel lousy too - no energy, and rather toxic I suppose.  Very difficult to get out of the circle.

Oh

And well done for staying the same - that's no mean feat! 

Hey Lady!

 I'm back too! :) Let's do this! 

Hmmm...thats tricky. I guess I would go back and say, "I'm so sorry. I really thought that I could do this with you, but I'm afraid that I'm not as motivated about it as you are and I would probably just be a negative influence on your training. I don't want to hold you back!" 

Kinda BS - but at least in a complimentary way! 

Rach

Welcome back!!

I hope you sort out the binging.  ((hugs))

And with your friend, try saying something that is not quite no - some of the 5km suggestions are good.  So when she asks just say you have thought about it and feel a 5km is a better idea for you - would she like to join you?