Wild in the Aisles
Ok...so this is about supermarkets again. They seem to be a recurring theme in my blogs lately. Funny, as I generally despise going to them 
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Anyway, I have two supermarkets I shop at regularly - Asda (a Wal-Mart subsidiary), where I do my weekly shop, and Morrison's, slightly more expensive but closer, where I go for anything I have forgotten/run out of.
We had to pop to Morrison's the other day. We just needed a couple of staple items, but I found the whole experience really tough. Because that store was fuuuuull of good stuff. Good stuff I wanted to pile up in my trolley. Good stuff that would blow my budget and my diet. (I do love two for the price of one on self-sabotage).
Anyway...the bakery just smelled gorgeous (whether or not the smell came from an aerosol can). The chocolate and caramel slices were to die for. That Batchelor's pasta and sauce in a packet was on 4 for £1. 4 for £1! And Morrison's, apparently, has just been awared the coveted title of Pasta Retailer of the Year (the corruption, cheating and backstabbing involved in that contest have to be seen to be believed). Actually, I swear there must be about 15 similar polls. If not, someone is lying, because I am fairly sure Asda makes the same claim.
There is actually a truly profound point to this. I wanted to say I love Morrison's fresh tomato and mascarpone pasta sauce .
By the time we left the store, I was drooling. And I still had to make it past the magazine kiosk, home of beautiful, glossy trashy magazines I couldn't afford and would feel guilty for reading.
After all that, you might think the fact I managed to leave with nothing but a bottle of milk and some aubergines would have made me happy. Proud, even.
But no, I was profoundly depressed, and not at all convinced that Nothing Tasted As Good As Slim Felt. Because Ben & Jerry's Phish Food tasted pretty darned good the last time I tried it.
As we were leaving, it occurred to me I pretty much always feel this way when I shop at Morrison's. When I am in Asda, on the other hand, I am rarely tormented by such cravings and usually manage to make it through my shop with equanimity.
So why is this?
Naturally, I decided Morrison's food must simply be Nicer.
But it isn't really.
So maybe they just have unusual stuff I don't get the chance to have that much.
Err...like pasta sauce?
Ok, ok, well it could be because I usually shop there in the evening - I am tired, my list is in my head and not on paper, I am buying stuff I know I am going to eat almost immediately (it is so much easier to plan for a Lentil and Cabbage Pie when you know you don't have to eat it for five days).
None of those reasons were really strong enough to explain my Morrison's conundrum.
Then it hit me. I used to shop at Morrison's all the time. We changed to Asda because it was cheaper. When did we switch? About a month after we started our healthy eating regime.
Morrison's was where I used to shop when I was unhealthy. When I shopped once a day instead of once a week. When I used to leave my hugely stressful job, drive to the store and pick up something quick for dinner (interestingly, usually fresh pasta), and then add something to cheer myself up (usually chocolate and caramel slices), and then think 'sod it, I am exhausted, I will start tomorrow' and chuck in some fresh white cheese bread and a celeb magazine to help me calm down.
By the time we moved our weekly shop to Asda, on the other hand, we were sticking to a budget, a weekly shopping session and a list comprising wholegrains, lean meat, fruit and veg and low fat dairy. In Asda, I had never, ever had the experience of buying anything quick or unhealthy or ridiculously expensive.
And cue...a eureka moment!
So much in our lifestyles is about habit. When we begin a new healthy habit, we have to practice it over and over again so it gradually becomes easier, and eventually second nature.
Carrying this further, it makes sense we could associate different places with the different habits we have practised in them.
I associate Morrison's with using food to self-medicate for my anxiety. I have learned to find other methods of coping in most of my life. But that doesn't mean I am not still stressed out most of the time. So when I visit Morrison's, my brain goes 'Aha! I know this place! The Hallowed Yellow Temple of Chocolate! Legs...atten-SHUN! Lead me to the caramel slices!'
The more I think about it, the more I realise this phenomenon is present in other areas of my life. I find it incredibly hard to stick to healthy habits when I visit my parents. It isn't that they are plying me with lard, it is that I find the urge to snack and snack almost impossible to resist. The last time I lived in that house, I was a teenager. I used to snack and snack and snack all the time, and I had the thighs to prove it.
Now I have had this *amazing* insight, I have to decide how to deal with it.
I could just avoid Morrison's from now on.
But, knowledge is power, so now I think I have the strength to cope, to tackle my mid-week shops with the same poise and confidence with which I wisely guide my trusty trolley round Asda 
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I am now envisioning myself leaping boldly down the cake aisle, croissants and cream cakes and chocolate and caramel slices flying at me left right and centre, beating them off boldly and with flair, using only a couple of French sticks (brown, of course).
I would need an outfit for it, definitely.
Suggestions on a postcard, please...
Rach xxx 
P.S. I stand corrected. Asda is NOT claiming to be 'Pasta Retailer of the Year.' They are 'Fresh Pasta Retailer of the Year'. That's all right, then.
Ho hum.
