Another day, another dollar...
...or not 
. I am in a position where, until I turn in my latest writing project, I am not getting any dollars (or pounds) at all. So the fact I am finding it extremely hard at the moment, and have been putting it off, isn't ideal.
Now, my husband earns a good wage, so we don't actually need me to earn money right now - it is all a bonus, or more realistically money saved for possible hard times ahead when he leaves the navy in a couple of years. But that doesn't stop me feeling upset and anxious about my own work. And you know it is bad when you have only been at work half an hour, and you are feeling like this!
I have thought about getting another part-time job while I work on my writing project...but really, when I pray, I know that isn't the right thing for me. This work is a problem for me...but I can't get round it, I have to get through it and do it. And the only way I can do that is with lots of prayer and hope!
Moving onto food...well, despite getting into the 160s yesterday (a perfect moment for a bit of self-sabotage, if ever there was one), I actually stuck to my plan yesterday, and am even craving healthy foods again today.
With PMS in full swing, I am quite impressed by this. I think it is because, for the first time in my life, I am actually becoming motivated. Not motivated in a negative sort of way by self-hatred and obsessing about what I shouldn't be doing, but excited about what I want to achieve.
This is not something that would have been possible for me when I was in the grip of binge eating. Although I was desperate to be slimmer, my emotional need to eat, and the unrecognised payoffs of stress relief I was getting from that, were much more powerful than any desire to lose weight. Now I have worked on some of the emotional problems, the real desires I have in life are starting to be able to flourish.
I was actually down lower on the scales this morning - 168.75lb - but it was just a sneaky peek at 6am, so I am not logging it.
I am marginally annoyed because I didn't do my exercise this morning. We had our roofers coming round early...well needless to say, at 9.30 they are still not here so I could have done about two hours of working out by now! However, you can guarantee that, had I decided to jump on the treadmill anyway, they would have turned up at 7am and I would have been a sweaty mess.
I am also working on keeping my house cleaner this week. I got a bit of a shock yesterday when I nipped round to a single male friend's house to feed his fish while he is away. This guy is the typical bachelor...and the shock came from the fact his house was cleaner than mine!
So I have a new pledge to do an hour of housework every weekday morning. I started in fine form this morning...but I did have the threat of the appearance of the roofers. I shall have to see how I do when no one is coming round!
Alright, I had better go face some more of the dreaded work. Honestly, when I was a journalist, I used to think being a full-time writer would be so relaxing. It is ten times more stressful than journalism ever was!
Loads of love and see you all soon.
Rach xxxx
It's great when you smash through markers like that, well done you 
