So this week I am 1 lb down! Yay - I feel like I am getting there again. Slowly, but surely. And some weeks it is three steps back and one step forward. But it is a journey and I am still learning how to live healthily.
I also weighed myself on Thursday, and the scale said 8.12! I didn't take it as a 'real' weight (because it was in the middle of the week and I only "count" what the scale sez on Sunday or Monday) and I treat myself on the week-end so it is natural that my weight will be higher immediately after the week-end, but I was really pleased to see those numbers on the scale - it means that it is possible and I will be there again!
Thanks for all the exercise suggestions - running has always terrified me and I haven't really enjoyed it, but maybe I'll try and get over that a little. I LOVE bellydancing, well, dancing of any kind. I should definitely look into that more.
A joke someone told me on the week-end:
A man is talking to his wife, who happens to be a little bit overweight. He tries to jokingly tell her that she has gained so much that she is beginning to look like their mammoth three burner BBQ. Of course, she doesn't like this comment but doesn't say anything back to him at the time.
Later, he's feeling a bit frisky and leans in real close to her, and asks her if she fancies a shag before bed. She laughs and says "What's the point of lighting the BBQ for only half a sausage?"
Kay, so I'm procrastinating (a wee bit), but I found this great article on things to do to maintain your weight. The first thing Rebecca Pratt (unfortunate last name really) sez is that maintaining is going to be a challenge, especially if you have a history of obesity. I know we all know this, but it is good to see it in writing. She also offers (more details) on the following points:
1. Know your caloric target for weight maintenance. 2. Work up (or down) to this calorie intake gradually. 3. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. 4. Know your metabolism, what works for you and keep monitoring your self.
I cycle regularly to uni (about 30-40 min each way) and play squash once a week (most weeks) but I need to get involved in some other things (which would also help build 'more interesting distractions') in order to up my exercise. I've never been into team sports so much, but I really like the idea of doing something social, and I can never stick to kickboxing or dance classes. Any ideas on what I could get involved in that is fun and physically challenging?
Also, Rebecca writes another awesome article called 'Sharing IS Acheiving' - total justification (and legitimation - not that we need that, of course) of this wonderful community and any of the people you share your own stories with - plus, I the title just hits home. So, GO EP! GO Tiramisu and Mister and GO everyone else who is taking this journey!
I just decided to move the goal date of my tracker to July 4th instead of June 4th. It doesn't really matter when I get to goal, as long as I continue to work towards getting there (and eventually, staying there). Ideally, I'd like to be *at* goal by the time I return home - there is nothing like the prospect of seeing old friends and family to motivate you to be at your best, because they - of all people - will notice, and they're important people, so it seems to matter even more than the regular people in your life.
That said, I know that I could return home a hundred lbs heavier and it'd be ok, they'd still love me. But, damn, it'd be fucking awesome to return all lean and lovely. My grandma, one of those women from the generation where being 5 lbs overweight *really* matters - bless her - would be so proud!
It's been almost a year solid since I started this journey (three years if you count my first attempt but since I took at least 2 years off, I don't really count that). That sort of amazes me. I am proud of myself for sticking to this for so long, despite all the ups and downs. And I am proud of myself for feeling so much better physically and, I'm not sure I know how to say this, for refusing to hide behind my extra weight as a buffer for my insecurities and weaknesses.
So I may no longer be able to blame being fat for failed relationships and other kinds of setbacks. But it's ok. In terms of relationshps, maybe it's them and their own issues and insecurities. And if it's not, if it is me, well then, maybe they are just not the right person for me. I am unlikely to change (nor do I want to), and I'm beginning to think that if something is right between two people, it is a difficult thing to fuck up. If it's not right, it's gonna be really easy to say or do the wrong thing. Plus, I can't say I like myself all of the time, but I do most of the time and that is far more important than what some guy thinks. I can accept these things, and I feel better for being able to accept them.
Anyway, this is more than I expected to write today. On the weight loss front, my unofficial wi today is 9.1! Yay for going in the right direction! Again!
Today's weight is 9.3 - so I'm back to where I was a few weeks ago, which is a little frustrating. But, the beautiful glorious thing is that I am also 5 lbs down from last week. Yay for surviving setbacks and getting immediately back to healthy eating!
And two points (or technically 5 points) for me! Two of which go to damage control!
This week I planned on having a treat meal, which I did (and it was fabulous - I highly recommend Busaba to anyone who likes Thai fusion style food). However, I was craving *more fat* as well, so I also had a slice of pizza, yogurt covered brazil nuts and japanese rice crackers. I didn't have any chocolate bars, ice cream, chips, fried chicken or any of the other endless possibilities I was craving. So again, I wasn't perfect but I made better choices than I could've and it did help me to know that I could eat anything I wanted on Friday night. More points for me!!
By the way, brazil nuts are great for fat cravings! And since most nuts contain good fats, they are a healthier choice than most other fatty things. And oh my, they are really high in fat - 10 points for 100 grams (approx 750 calories for 10 nuts... worth it though - totally satisfied my craving ;-).
I've been thinking about my binge triggers, and I'm probably pretty typical in this, but the following really set me off:
alcohol (not always, but a lot)
depression / anxiety / stress / loss / sadness / hopelessness / insert multiple variations of negative emotions here
boredom (I don't get this one! Why is it that I actually believe sticking something in my mouth will make me less bored? I know I'll eat whatever it is, in like 25 seconds, close the fridge, and then immediately be bored again - except after doing this, I'll be guilty, disappointed and bored... Man, I need to work on getting more interesting distractions in my life)
Nina's homework assignment: develop an action plan to cope with these triggers, and think about what kind of interesting distractions I can introduce to my life.
Thank-you to everyone who's commented and all the lovely compliments [blushes], really nice to hear! I hope this week is happier, healthier and binge free for all of us.
I have given this some thought as I have several friends that also find themselves struggling with binge eating. I did a quick internet search and here are a few interesting things:
Tips on coping with 'binge eating disorder' from the Mayo clinic (I've highlighted / and or added things to emphasize the points I think are especially useful):
Ease up on yourself. Don't buy into your own self-criticism.
Identify triggers or situations that are likely to trigger thoughts or behavior that may contribute to eating binges so that you can develop a plan of action to deal with them.
Look for positive role models who can help lift your self-esteem, even if they're not easy to find. Remind yourself that the ultrathin models or actresses showcased in women's magazines or gossip magazines often don't represent healthy, realistic bodies.
Talk about it: If you're hiding your eating disorder from loved ones, try to find a trusted confidante you can talk to about what's going on. Together, you may be able to come up with some treatment options.
Find support: Try to find someone who can be your partner in the battle against this disorder. Someone you can call on for support instead of bingeing.
The following points are paraphrased:
Monitor yourself:
journal your feelings and behaviors.
Educate yourself:
read self-help books, find out about good habits and behaviours, talk to people (medical professionals and people you trust) and learn from their experiences and / or advice
Be positive and distract yourself:
find other outlets for your energy - discover new hobbies, outings, places you'd like to visit, things you'd like to do
encourage yourself and note good behaviours or things you are doing well!
Most sites I've looked at say treatment ranges from psychotherapy to cognitive behavioural therapy, and I guess like weight loss generally, can take a long time. Dammit.
Many also say that binge eating disorder is often accompanied by depression, anxiety, stress and a whole host of other negative emotions or states. In my case, this was certainly true last week, but it is not always the case. Sometimes, tho not as often, I'll do it despite feeling fine, in control and relatively content with myself.
ANd get what the NHS sez : "Certain personality types, such as givers, helpers, worriers and pleasers may be susceptible to binge eating." *I* fit at least one of these personality types, as does my friend - SCARY!
i've also heard that having a healthy eating plan helps. It seems that for me, following the core plan has been useful in this (I went for 8 months without bingeing at all) and they have certainly decreased in frequency. But lots of people say that strict dieting can often trigger binges, so I guess it is important to find out what works for you and what you're comfortable with.
Food for thought anyway. I think I'm gonna follow up on the 'educate yourself' suggestion and get a few books out from the library.
The other thing I'm gonna try, as I've mentioned before, is to make sure I have a treat meal once a week. This week, I'm going to have pad thai at my favourite pad thai restaurant - with chilli and lime calimari!! Yumm! Can't wait!
Well last week was really hard, and not just in terms of food. Emotionally, I was on a real low. However, by the end of the week, I forced myself out to socialize and do anything but sit in my room and feel sorry for myself. And it worked.
And get this, I binged *three* times last week! I will spare you the gory details, but it was ugly, fat laden and totally unnecessary. If it wasn't painfully obvious that I am prone to emotional eating before, it certainly is now.
I know a lot of us on this site have similar struggles and everyone seems to know that food doesn't really help, yet we still do it. Why? How can I (can we) replace these habits with healthier ones, emotionally and physically? I'm going to look into this further, but if anyone has any suggestions or insights - I'd love to hear them.
Thank-you for everyone who has commented. It is great to get support and to know that there are others out there.
So, the damage. On MOnday, I weighed 9 st 8 lbs. That means I gained 8 lbs in one teeny tiny week. If only it came off so quickly! I am telling myself that this is not real weight, it is quickly gained from high fat foods and too much alcohol so I am hoping that it will quickly be lost. Today I weighed 9.5, so this theory is holding a little bit true. I'm not going to weigh myself again until Monday, and I'm keeping fingers crossed and healthy, low fat food on hand until then.
Regardless of how well I do, it looks like I will probably not be able to reach goal by June 4th [curses to herself]. I am still going to try and work towards getting as close as possible. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as I get there eventually.
Well, I'm still struggling - but I suppose it just proves that this really is a process and three quarters of the battle is the journey there rather than the destination.
Big thanks to Tiramisu - the awesomest of awesome and my own personal cheering squad - no matter how sh*te things seem, I am blessed to have strong support in my life and friends that continually make me feel honoured to have them as friends. And T - you have *always* been the leader of the pack in that regard (as you also are in many many other ways).
As far as weight loss (or even maintaining) goes, this week is a write-off. I've eaten terribly and have drank far too much. I have been so discouraged that I have even considered abandoning the whole damned thing and hunker down in my bedroom armed with anything and everything over 20% fat content. But, I don't feel good when i eat foods like that.
So, according to my tracker thing I have 51 days left until I want to reach goal. I don't know the damage from this week's mistakes, and to be honest, I don't really want to know. I'm not even sure if I really want to be weighing myself regularly at the moment (although that may be a lot easier said than done). What I do want is to make a committment to myself for the next 51 days; one treat meal a week and otherwise stick to the core plan. If, after 51 days, I still feel discouraged and rotten then I am allowed to quit. And I am allowing myself to QuiT in whichever salami, chocolate, crisp laden fashion I might desire - I just need to give it 51 days first.
So until then, I'm going to accept that life is not always peaches and cream and do my best to keep on keepin on.
The last couple of weeks have been marked by up days, down days and general overall roller coaster like mood swings. Today is clearly a down day and while I am tempted to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend the world (and everyone in it) doesn't exist, I can't.
Instead, I will sit here at my computer and force myself to get through that stack of books by 6 pm, and I *will* write (or edit or delete or all of the above) at least 200 words. As compensation for doing this, I will listen to tragic old time blues that will indulge my mood and hopefully, appease my petulant, sulky, b*tchy inner teen by proving that life could be worse (have you ever listened to 'chain gang blues' by Ma Rainey? Guaranteed to affirm that things could be a lot worse).
So despite having a sh*te week, my weight is going in the right direction! *yay*
The scale is still reading 9.0 so it looks like my binge this week hasn't yet effected that at least. I've also decided that in order to counter any future bingeing behaviour I need to have a treat day/meal. I have done this in the past and it seems to work well to know that I can eat anything I might be craving at least one day a week. I have tried to keep this on my wi day, but I think i will try to have it mostly on saturdays - though anyday will be fine, as long as it's once a week and I try to plan what I'm going to have.
In other stats, my measurements are now: chest: 35.5 (start) 39.0 waist: 25.5 29.5 hips: 38 42.5
This means I've lost roughly 4 inches from all of the above, since I started 11 months ago (did you hear that - ELLEVEN MONTHS - that's a looooong time). And the 3.5 inch gap between my hips and chest is now 2.5 inches! Woooohooooooo!! [starts dancing with measuring tape like a damn fool and nobody could possibly be watching]
In an attempt to pull myself out of my glum mood and defeatist attitude towards my weight, I've been reading other people's blogs and trying to get a sense of what works for other people and I have to say there are some really amazing people out there!
One of my favourite blogs is called the amazing edventures of dietgirl and although it is unfortunately hosted on a site other than the ep site (so I can't put a permanent link here - dammit). Check out the post from March 30th 2007 - 'be your own cheer squad'. Absolutely spot on.
Also, sockster is a great writer and candidly, humourously talks about her up and down struggles with her weight. This is a great reminder that even though we may know how to get there, the path is not easy, straight or clear. In fact, the path is littered with great big slices of cheese, giant sundaes dripping with caramel sauce and freshly baked loaves of bread that smell like heaven.
And although I originally 'met' her on one of the ww community boards, gaijingirl followed lighterlife in order to achieve an amazing 6 st 3 lb weight loss - so far! I don't think I could or would ever do lighterlife, but I really like gaijingirl's style and determination to meet her goals. I think she is in Japan now, braving new foods and new environments. Go girl!
Gvmemoment posted some really interesting thoughts about maintenance... makes me think again about how we frame things and how important it is to do so in a way that is positive, motivating and realistic. Hmmm. I think I'll keep checking this blog as well!
There are many other blogs and bloggers I've learnt a great deal from, new things, obvious things and things I seem to need to keep on learning again and again - more blogs than I can point to. But I thought I'd link to these ones here because they are good and I find them inspiring in so many ways and on so many days.
