I am thoroughly befuddled by the new EP. Now, I am young and relatively technologically savvy. This should not addle me the way it is. But it does. And it adds to a whole day of crazy that was yesterday.
Yesterday was a Weird Day. We had an all day drafting session for one of my deals, and all anyone could talk about was the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the buyout of Merrill Lynch. The ramifications of this are potentially massive, and will surely ripple through the entire financial world as seen by the massive drop in the markets yesterday. And more importantly to me, friends of mine are now screwed. Sacked. And payday was supposed to be on Friday. I know it happens all the time - people get fired, it's a fact of life - but this is tremendous. And the vibe was bizarre.
Add that to the fact that I still can't get in touch with my family members in Houston. My mom has spoken to my aunt, so we know she escaped relatively unscathed, but I haven't heard from other cousins and relatives, which is worrisome. I know that no news is good news, but I'd rather have News.
Then EP has to go all funky on me. Very confusing.
But in any event, the dust is settling. My thighs are still sore from my run this weekend, but I have gym clothes in my bag and I would like to do SOMETHING active today. If not, first thing tomorrow morning! Food intake is decent enough. I'm not eating crap, which is a good thing. And Saturday is D and my 2 year anniversary. What to do?? Last year, we did a repeat of our first date which was very sweet, but there are only so many times one can go on the London Eye and eat at the Real Greek.
You go away for the weekend and all EP hell breaks loose! I haven't had a chance to read your blogs, as my Google Reader has exploded and informed me there are 592 new posts to peruse. Wow.
Anyway, just a quick update. I ran three miles yesterday (woohoo!) with my friend M, and it was the first time I've run since the 10K in July. We actually did 4.25 miles, but we kept telling stories and getting out of breath, so we stopped for walk breaks. Also, I finally joined the gym that is NOT in my office building, which means I will actually go on the weekends. Tres exciting.
Best get back to work . . . also . . .
The new EP is weirding me out the more I look at . . . anyone want to give me the quick run down on what's changed??
Normally on my walk to work in the morning, I think about what I want to write in my blog. I don't write every day, but I do think about it. This morning, my thoughts were gray and depressing, like the sky outside right now. Gloomy and bleak, thinking how I've been at the same weight (158) for weeks and how a snail's pace is faster than my weight loss. My mother is dropping tons of weight. My sister is now a skinny minnie. And I feel like a Fat Pig.
I continued the walk to work, and decided that being down in the dumps is silly. True, the weather is bleak. It's England. It's a given. True, I've been at a plateau for a while. But this plateau is five pounds less than my previous plateau of 162/163. True, work is making me cranky, with clients who send emails at 2 am and expect me to still be up, checking my blackberry, ready to turn documents at a moment's notice on something that isn't urgent at all. But then again, the workload hasn't been too intense, I closed a deal two weeks ago and am not staffed so aggressively that I can't handle it.
That helped, a little. I still felt fairly grumbly and poopy. But then I thought about the fact that I was on my way to the gym for a morning workout. And I thought about the fact that I've been going to the gym a lot recently. And enjoying it. And feeling much better about myself after going. That helped a whole heck of a lot. It's amazing how I can just plop myself on the elliptical, generally for half an hour in the morning, longer in the evening, set it to random hills on a pretty high level, turn on my gym mix, and just zone out. The time flies.
I still feel annoyed about the scale being stuck. I know I'm making (mostly) healthy food choices and I know I'm exercising. I know I shouldn't measure success on the scale. I try not to. But it's hard.
But there's good news too amidst the general malaise. On Saturday, when I was getting dressed to go to the ballet with my friend J (jean skirt, cowboy boots, tight-ish brown t-shirt with vintage film clips printed on it), D did a double take and told me I look like I've lost weight. That was nice. And the other good news is that D accepted an offer on his flat. I'm cautiously optimistic - in this market, things fall apart all the time - but it looks like a solid offer, so in a month or two, he should be moving in with me. That, at least, gets a "woohoo!"
When I was little, I was a total slob. Seriously. It got so bad at one point, that my mother actually managed to get a hold of some yellow caution tape, you know, the kind that go around accident sites or construction work zones, and taped it over the door to my room. Being a defiant little thing, I refused to tidy my room out of principle. She then taped over the door while I was in the room. I would crawl out, through the tape, and she would retape.
Eventually, I caved.
These days, I'm pretty much the opposite. Not only do I enjoy a tidy space, I actually tidy for pleasure. Sounds nuts, right? I don't mean tidy as in actually scrub and clean. I have a cleaner who comes in to do that for me (a) because I don't want to and (b) because if I didn't, it wouldn't ever get done. But I do tidy fairly regularly. When I get stressed, I find it really clears my mind to reorganize my cupboards, color-coordinate my closet, or purge clothes I don't wear anymore.
This weekend, I felt in need of a good old-fashioned tidy. On Sunday, I informed D I needed the day to do umpteen gazillion loads of laundry and to clean. And boy, did I ever. I reorganized my entire clothes cupboard, purging a giant shopping bag of clothes I don't wear. I reorganized and color-coordinated my closet. And then I completely redid my bathroom shelves. Mind you, this is a floor-to-ceiling cupboard in the bathroom. Now, it is impeccable. I also cleared out my kitchen cupboards, getting rid of any stale crackers, biscuits or other undesirable foods.
And then, in homage to my adopted homeland, I settled down to a nice cuppa.
It's funny though. Doing that massive reorg really did help clear my head. I feel more on top of things, more able to cope. D and I have planned out dinner for tonight (fish, sweet potatoes, vegetables), and I even baked some tasty pumpkin bread. I have a mental packing list for Egypt (leaving tomorrow!) and even pre-ironed my shirts.
But you want to know something funny? In my bedroom in my mom's house, back at home, I still have one strip of that caution tape up on the wall, as a reminder of my former slovenly ways.
My sister and I were chatting today, and she told me she made our favorite peanut butter pie last night. Our mom got the recipe at a Weight Watchers meeting a million years ago, and used to make it all the time when we were kids. No joke, you can eat a QUARTER of the pie in one sitting, and it's only 282.5 calories for a quarter of the pie with half a cup of cool whip on top.
Omigosh. So good.
I reproduce the recipe below for you all.
Jenny*in*London's Mom's Amazingly Good Peanut Butter Pie:
Microwave peanut butter and honey. Stir well. Stir in Rice Krispies. Press into bottom of pie plate to form crust. Cut up banana and arrange on top of crust. Mix pudding and milk according to package directions and spread on top of banana. (Or mix 5 60 cal pudding snack packs in a bowl and spread on top of banana). Chill at least 1 hr until firm.
Enjoy!
***
And now, I must wipe the drool off my keyboard and get back to work.
(a) I wish my job was exciting as you think it is; and
(b) I wish I actually was in Cairo right now!
I'm a corporate lawyer. I work for a multinational law firm based in New York, but I'm located at the London branch. My work consists of reviewing a lot of contracts, drafting lots of agreements and generally being available at all hours of the day and night for my clients. Sometimes, I do things that have a certain cache, like when a client buys a big public company that people have heard of. But at the end of the day, my work is not at all sexy or exciting, and travel is rare for me. That's why when something comes along like this Cairo thing, I jump for it! The work is still relatively painful (an IPO can be pretty complicated) but at least this client is located in a pretty nifty place, and I like the client.
The trip got postponed though, which is just as well, as I have a closing for another deal this week. I'll be thrilled when it's over - most of the people involved are located in New York, which means my hours are skewed towards the late side these days. I still get in for 9:30 or 10 am, but I'm working until 10 pm or later. Usually later. Still, it's set to close tomorrow, so the pain is relatively brief. Just rip that bandaid off . . .
The one good thing about the later nights is that it means I can justify slightly later starts to the morning. Like this morning. I woke up at about 8:15, was out of the house by 8:30, into the gym at 8:45 and into the office for 10. I am glad I packed a workout in this morning. Yesterday, I went down at lunch, but there's something less fulfilling about working out with the blackberry on the elliptical, keeping me company, blinking the red-light-of-death at the most inopportune moments. In the morning, I leave it in my gym locker.
So there you have it. The big reveal. I wish I could claim I do something sexy, but sadly, it's pretty mundane!
Yesterrday was another day where I realized what a fricking love/hate relationship I have with this job. On the one hand, it's back to Cairo next week! Yay! I like the clients, I like the deal, and it's Cairo. Hot, sunny, Cairo. Who cares if I'll be in a conference room in meetings all day? It's a conference room on the banks of the Nile.
On the other hand, I was in line with D to go see a movie when the blinking-red-light-of-death starts going all ballistic on my blackberry. Another deal I'm on had a mini-explosion which required a fire drill on my part and missing the movie to babysit some documents and just generally be available on phone and email from 8 until midnight. Not fun.
Argh! Plus, I had McDonalds for dinner and did not make smart choices. They have salads. I could have had a salad. But no. I had a chicken sandwich and fries. At least I went to the gym yesterday.
Today is new day. I'll go to the gym at lunch, seeing as how the afternoon / evening will clearly be spent dealing with people in New York. Harrumph. And I can take comfort in the fact that I'm back to Cairo on Tuesday, escaping the madness that is this other deal. Huzzah!
Feeling *slightly* more upbeat today. D and I had a delicious and delightful birthday dinner, and the restaurant truly was romantic and lovely. This weekend is a long weekend in the UK. We haven't planned anything, but maybe we'll go away on a road trip for a couple of days. Something different would be nice!
I haven't made it to the gym for the past couple of days and am really itching to get some exercise in. Today at lunch, I'm going down there! Even if it's only twenty minutes or half an hour, I know it will do me some good and clear my head. And if the weather is decent on Saturday, hopefully D and I can play some tennis.
Oh! And I had a very nice moment this morning. I'm wearing this new dress I picked up on sale a boutique here. It's a heavy cotton knit, sort of mustard colored up to the waist with mustard and black stripes at the top. I'm wearing it with low heels and black opaque tights. Our elevators are mirrored, and it can occasionally be a long ride to the 22nd floor. I caught a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye and thought, damn, my legs look skinny!
I'm sitting at my desk, staring a blank blog page not sure what to write. I haven't written in a few days, because I haven't had much to say. I know, bizarre, right? I ALWAYS have something to say.
It's not that anything terrible has happened. Nor has anything awesome. I'm just in a rut. My weight has more or less plateaued between 158 and 161. Meh. Whatever.
My gym-going is decent. I'm managing a minimum of three times a week. While I know I could go more, I'd rather be consistent and keep going than push myself to extremes and relapse into doing nothing.
My living situation is once again totally up in the air. I had all but decided to move into D's place and had called my landlord to give notice. He's desperate for me to stay and offered me a big reduction on rent. Now I'm not sure what to do. D is still trying to sell his place, and it's so convenient having a place right in the center of town (e.g. my current flat). D thinks I should convert my lease to a month-to-month so I can get out of it with just a month's notice, rather than being locked in for six months. We'll see what the landlord says about that.
Anyway. So I'm just all Meh these days. But I'm trying to err on the side of happy! meh rather than blah meh.
Today is D's birthday, so that's nice. We had drinks last night with some friends in Canary Wharf, then stumbled upon Gordon Ramsay's gastropub. Dinner was, as expected, quite tasty! Tonight, I'm taking him to a lovely French restaurant for dinner, which should also be nice. Clearly, I need some extra gym time this week to make up for it.
I truly believe this weight loss journey is measured not in giant leaps and bounds and rapidly decreasing numbers on the scale (though of course those matter) but rather in the little steps along the way that let you know you are truly progressing.
Case in Point Number One:
This morning, as I was getting dressed, I was looking for something a little nicer to wear. A few other associates and I are taking the summers out to lunch to a really nice French restaurant, and I wanted to look the part. I pulled a dress out of my wardrobe that I bought when I was in Boston for my sister's graduation. I was unsure of it then - it has a lovely neckline and a slim fit, but was a bit too tight around my tummy for my liking. That's my self-conscious zone. Anyway, I decided to try it on this morning, being somewhere in the vicinity of five to seven pounds lighter than I was this past May. Lo and behold, it fit. And skimmed the tummy perfectly. And looked good.
Case in Point Number Two:
Yesterday, I popped down to the gym for about 20 minutes during the workday when I was slow. After work, I could have gone back down again, but decided to go home and take care of some organization / admin stuff I had been putting off. I walked past a Starbucks, and thought to myself, you know, D isn't coming over for another two hours and dinner will probably be an hour after that. A coffee light frappuccino sure would taste good right now. And I stopped, turned, almost walked in, then turned away. I didn't need the calories, and didn't really want the drink. It was just force of habit. I went home, had water instead and was satisfied.
We all keep saying it, and it's really true. It's the baby steps along the way that make you a success.
