Today wasn't a very good day emotion-wise. I felt really fat. I used to feel this way after eating a really fattening meal. But today, it's not that I ate anything bad. In fact, I ate better than I usually do, even on the plan. I just felt... fat.
I guess it's times like these when I just have to remind myself that as long as I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, the weight will come off.
The weight is coming off. It did appear to go up a bit today, but then again I am having... um, bathroom issues. So I'm positive that's the culprit. I simply need to stop weighing myself every day.
Heading in a different direction, did you know McDonald's ice cream cones are only 3 points? I treated myself to one last night. So good. I just can't help but wonder if it's really more than 3 points. They layered the ice cream pretty high. That's okay, though, because I didn't use any of my 35 extra points this week, and there were even days I didn't eat my full daily 26, so I have a little leeway.
First of all, changed my mind about which weight I would post. Turns out, I think there may be an issue with my scale. So, still reporting my WW WI weight.
I was definitely in for a pleasant surprise at WI. I lost 3.8 pounds, which is pretty amazing considering the weekend I just had. And TOM. Not complaining at all!
I've had some pretty good dinners this week as well. That definitely helps. Seeing the things you can still eat even though they don't exactly seem "healthy."
Shrimp fajitas for dinner last night, was about 7 points for 2 (with cheese) - sorry, don't have a recipe, mom made it. But the recipe called for butter, which she didn't use, and the fajita sauce didn't have enough calories to bother counting it. And we found some really good low-point tortillas (some are so dry, but these were good!)
Tonight, I had chili cheese dogs (fat free hot dog, Holsum whole wheat bun, 1/4 cup Hormel chili w/o beans, 1/8 cup 2% shredded cheese = 4 points). I'm going to have some green beans in a second to round that out a bit, but I had two of these and defnitely feel fulfilled!
I'm posting this because I know it helps me when I run across blogs with good ideas and recipes for food. It can get discouraging sometimes when you don't feel like there's anything you can eat.
So I didn't end up making good choices on my trip. In fact, it really ended up being a whole week of bad choices, and it began before I even left.
So I was back on track for a week.
Then... Mardi Gras. I actually wasn't so bad Saturday. I definitely used up my 35 extra points in alcohol Saturday night, though. The problem is that this was followed by a late-night Fudruckers burger (so good), a casino buffet the next day, and pizza for dinner Sunday.
So my only accomplishment there is that my Mardi Gras celebration came to a halting end Sunday night.
I'm back on track and losing weight despite these problems and TOM.
I guess I did come to this realization. It's something I knew all along. I had wanted tobe 175-180 by mid-May. That may or may not happen. But why does it matter? It doesn't. It would be nice to be that weight by then. But if it doesn't happen, I'll be happy as long as I don't weight what I do now. It took me 22 years to get up to this weight, and I can't expect to lose all of it very fast. I'm going to have temptations and I'm not always going to stop my self from indulging in them. This does have to be a lifestyle change, and I'm never going to live my life eating salads all the time. I don't like salads.
I need to view it more like this: I just lost 5 pounds. I just need to promise myself I'll never get back there again.
If I lose weight slowly because I overindulge... that's okay. I'm still losing. Maybe not as fast as I could, but it's something I can live with. I can't feel guilty every time I go over my points.
I'm happy to say I'm somewhere below 210 (without clothes) and with TOM. I've lost almost 10 pounds in one month despite all of my pitfalls. Instead of getting hung up on those pitfalls and feeling guilty for posting about them here, I need to focus on the fact that I am still losing.
Also, beginning tomorrow, my reported weight is going to be what my own scale says in the morning without clothes. I'm finding too many differences between what my scales says and what the WW scale says (like a difference of 2 lbs between my scale and the WW scale within the same 30 minutes), so I'm just doing it for consistency.
I don't know why, but I seem to be gaining weight. I don't know... Sure, I could make better choices sometimes, but regardless of what I eat, I'm still staying within my points.
My grandmother passed away this morning, and I'll be flying to Ohio for a few days this week for a funeral.
As far as eating choices while I'm travelling? I know I could probably do my best to stay within points ranges, but I'm going to give myself permission to not be strict for 2-3 days. I have bigger things to worry about than food choices.
Because of this, I probably won't be posting until I return. So that doesn't mean I'm giving hope. Hopefully I'll have more motivation when I return.
So... weigh-in wasn't anything at all like I had expected.
After going over my points quite a few times last week, I really should be happy with the fact that I didn't gain. Except... I weighed 5 pounds less yesterday morning than I did this morning. What in the world . So while I weighed in at .4 pounds less than last week, I can't help but feel like it should be more than that and that I'm just holding water? There's nothing horrible I've eaten in the last few days that could cause my weight to fluctuate by 5 points within 24 hours! I weighed myself without clothes, before eating, and after using the restroom both days. So I don't know. This just isn't something I'm used to. Next week should be better...
Of course, I think this may be the reason: it really doesn't help that TOM has decided to grace me with his presence twice this month. Obviously there's more going on here than I have the expertise to explain.
I really don't believe in putting a time limit on weight loss, because a lot of times you set yourself up for disappointment. I'm not talking about "oh, I'd like to lose 10 pounds by June." I'm talking about saying "I need to lose 75 pounds by August."
I have made an exception for myself.
I'm going to be doing an internship out of state this summer. Since I currently wear a uniform at my current job, this means that after graduation in May, I need to go shopping for "casual business attire."
What I'm hoping for is to fit into the clothes I bought 4 years ago for senior pictures in high school. That would require me to be around 175-180 lbs. 180 may be a snug fit, but it's a bit more reasonable than 175. Then again, I guess I really don't know until I get there.
However, around that weight really is where I need to be to actually be able to find clothes that both fit and look good on me. I haven't been shopping in so long because I don't like the plus-sized clothing. It's actually usually too baggy on me, but it's not like I can fit into regular sizes right now! So I currently wear lots of t-shirts. Obviously not something I can do in an office.
But that's what I think about before I put something really bad in my mouth. All the money I could save by having to buy less clothes. After all, those clothes have been in my closet for 4 years and they're practically brand new.
Granted, if I keep going at the rate I have been this past week I can't expect to reach that point in 4 months. So I really need to step up my game. 35 pounds in 4 months is doable. But as I started this post, I really don't want to set myself up for disappointment. But to say I'm not losing weight for this job for several different reasons would be a lie.
I'm not doing great. But I'm not getting upset about it either.
When I "cheat" or go over my points, it's not usually an irrational decision. It's usually thought out and planned beforehand.
Tonight, for instance. I knew I'd go over. You see, I went to one of those sex parties (like an Avon party, but novelty items are sold). With my mother. Now... I'm not a virgin, and my mother knows I'm not a virgin, but we still don't talk about it. So, I was guaranteed to be uncomfortable, and I knew alcohol would be a necessary companion. I was more or less forced to go. Anyway, we met one of her coworkers (my age) at a Mexican restaurant before the party. I knew about it all week, and decided I wouldn't eat any chips, and I would drink vodka tonics while my mother and the other girl drank margaritas. But yesterday I just decided I would have fun tonight and not worry about it.
It's not like I ate horribly today. I probably came close to using up all my points before we left, but at the restaurant I had a margarita, a strawberry pina colada, a few chips, and I split a chicken quesadilla with my mother. Then at the party I had a small piece of cake and some rum punch. So no, not good. That's a lot of calories.
But I'm not getting down about it because even with all of those calories, it's probably less than or close to what I would consume on a regular day without regard to Weight Watchers. I know this, and because of that, it's not going to throw me off that much. If I got down about it and let myself continue going off track, that would be the problem. But I'm not going to do that. I'm back on the train tomorrow.
I lost 3.8 pounds this week! I know some of that is probably water weight, but I'll take it.
Aside from that... I am starting to struggle. I'm just so hungry. I went over my points today. Don't know how much. And it wasn't horrible. I had a hamburger and small fries from McDonalds around 5, which was 11 points, and that left me with 5 points for the day. That should have been my dinner. But the food didn't really hold me over very long. Mom cooked chicken for dinner, so I ate some of that around 8:30. I don't know how many points it was. But I was still hungry after that, and I shouldn't have been. So I ate some Ritz crackers, which was probably 5 points. I'm actually still hungry, but I'm refusing to eat anything else.
Basically, I don't care if I went over my points a little. I care that I was still so hungry after eating dinner twice.
I'm going to start over tomorrow, that's not a problem. I'm just worried about this hunger. Does anyone have good ideas for filling, low-calorie foods? (Please don't suggest vegetables, I've been eating 2 cans a day)
Well, as I mentioned before, I'm a college student so entries like the following may or may not be expected...
I've been doing pretty well on the Weight Watchers Plan. But I think I'm going to have to pretend that yesterday didn't happen.
I didn't eat much all day because I was saving up my points for the wine I had been planning on drinking last night. Well, I drank way more than I needed to and, for lack of a more pleasant way to put it, ended up in the bathroom twice. So after all that was taken care of and I was feeling somewhat better, my friend suggested getting something to eat. It didn't sound like a good plan to me, but after a few minutes I decided I probably needed something in my stomache.
So what's open at 1:30 in the morning? We went to Jack in the Box. Of course, I probably could have gotten a salad... but I seriously was not in the mood for a salad, and I was not about to eat something I wasn't in the mood for after the previous events.
Why am I writing all of this here? Basically... I could calculate the points. I know the jumbo jack I ate was a hefty 14 points. But the calculation would never be accurate. I don't know how much I lost. I can even say it's okay because I dipped into my extra 35 points a week. But I don't know how far, and that bothers me.
I'm an accounting major, graduating in May. This stuff's just a part of my personality. If the numbers aren't accurate, I'm going to drive myself crazy over it.
But I think I just have to accept that it happened and move on like it didn't. And drink tons of water today :)
Weigh-in's tonight. Joy of all joys... I'll be fine, though.
So I'm not exactly new to extrapounds, but decided to start over with a new blog.
Anyway, I'm a 22 year old college student. I've been overweight all my life. I was a chubby child, and probably just a tad bit overweight when puberty hit. Since then, though, I've ballooned up. My highest weight was over 220. Yes, several years ago I promised myself that no matter what happened, I'd never let myself get over 200. Well, guess what? I did, and then I just kept on gaining.
So the plan of action is Weight Watchers. I tried Weight Watchers about a year ago, and it certainly does work. I mean, it works as long as you stay on track. I followed the diet strictly for about 6 weeks and lost over 15 pounds. Then gained 10 more back over the course of the year.
Weigh-in is Thursday nights, and this is the weight I report. So I don't consider it very accurate, as I prefer to weigh myself in the morning before I eat anything and without clothes on. But I guess I'll see how this goes before switching it up.
I hope to use this blog for support and to work out self-esteem issues and other problems while I try to shed this weight.
Oh, and the title? "Time for the butterfly to emerge:" in a letter, my father once told me I should lose weight and join a gym because "[I] used to be a beautiful girl." He's pretty much right. There are pretty fat girls. I don't consider myself one of them. I can see how fat I am by looking at my face. So much that I don't look in the mirror very often. I've heard someone say this about themselves before, and it probably doesn't make a lot of sense coming from me right now. Basically, even if my body stayed the same and I could slim up my face and just have a really beautiful face, I'd feel better about myself. I guess that's unfortunate, but it's honestly how I feel.
