I realize I haven't been posting. No, I haven't fallen off the wagon! I just haven't formed a connection with anyone here like I thought I would. No motivation to type, is all!
I have taken the time to reevaluate some things:
While my weight watchers card says I've lost 15 pounds, I've really lost about 20 overall. Because as I mentioned before, I started WW in 2007 at nearly 222 pounds. When I went back this January, they started me over at 216.8 pounds - with a new 10% goal I wasn't happy about!
Also, I did weigh upwards of 220 pounds at the beginning of the year. I went back on the plan a few days before going back to WW, and yes I do think I lost a few pounds in those few days - water weight, I'm sure, but still.
So yes, I have lost about 20 pounds this year, and thinking about that is what keeps me going! Because it's working!
Furthermore, while my last weigh-in Thursday came out to 201.8, my scale this morning said 197.6. No, I didn't have a huge weightloss these past three days. This is just the difference a few days, no clothes, a bowel movement, and no food in my stomache makes.
However, from now on I will be posting the weight I get from home, probably not at specific intervals for now. I'm doing this for the sake of accuracy. If I eat more mass than I do on regular weigh-in-days, the WW scale will tell me I haven't lost as much as I probably have. I don't wear the same clothes every week, either. While is a discrepancy of about .4 pounds between my scale and the WW scale, weighing myself on my scale consistently with no clothes on should paint a pretty accurate picture.
Revelations about goals:
I mentioned before my shorter-term goal is to be around 175-180 by mid-May because I'm interning at an out-of-state company and want to fit in a set of practically new clothes I already have so I don't have to spend a whole lot of money to buy new ones.
But I realized recently that my goal isn't the number. My goal is just to fit in the clothes! So if that's at 185, that's okay too!
besides, quite honestly, I don't think I was 175 when they fit. I think my goal at that time was to be 175 for senior pictures, but I don't think I ever made it there and was really around 180 when the pictures were taken.
More motivation? I tried the clothes on the other day "just to see." Now, they certainly don't fit. But I reminded myself that in about 20 (less now) more pounds they should fit. I saw the progress that still needed to be made (the clothes are pretty snug!) but then reminded myself that I've already lost 20 pounds, and that much progress has already been made! I just need to repeat it!
Hopefully 15 more pounds I'll be there. I can do that in two months. I have to!
I was feeling pretty good today. I mean, I'm losing the weight and my confidence is going up...
But... I was emailed the proofs for my senior pictures today. And they're pretty bad!
I don't know what I was expecting, I guess. My high school senior pictures turned out great! I guess the biggest difference is I was 20 pounds lighter back then than I am now!
It is upsetting... I was really hoping the pictures would turn out good. I was going to get one and frame it for my mother for Mother's Day. But maybe that's motivation? Maybe when I lose the weight I'll go get a nice picture taken. Like, after I lose 15-20 more pounds? I don't know - timing will be an issue. By the time I lose that much weight, it will be close to moving time. It's really something I wanted to do because I am moving - but I don't want a fat picture sitting around my mom's house, either!
I'm constantly looking for a way to reward myself. It doesn't necessarily have to be for me. Giving my mother a framed picture of me would make her happy - I hate taking pictures!
So... I did overdue it last night. I planned for the Gumbo. Didn't plan so well for the alcohol and crackers with dip. But... that's okay. I'll just remember that I've already used my 35 points for the week!
It's all good, though. I played poker with 16 other people. We each put in $10... and I won! After the pot was split between 3 people (20/50/100), I came home with $100!!!
So I'm not so concerned about what I ate and drank last night. I'd gain a pound for $100 any day. (And I don't really think I'll gain a pound, just saying)
So, since I last updated, I haven't been so good counting points. I haven't been that bad, just not so great. I know I was really bad last weekend. The days after, I began counting my points well throughout the day, but come dinner, I didn't exactly hold back. I remember two nights I ate too much and was pretty full, something I haven't experienced lately. I definitely think my stomache has shrunk because of it. If I went to a buffet, I doubt I'd be able to eat a full plate. (I probably would, but I'd be over-full and wouldn't go for another plate)
And I do think I was getting discouraged. The previous week I was so good and lost... not a thing. So I guess I kind of felt like, what am I doing this for?
Also, it's not that I'm always going to expect to lose every week throughout this journey. I probably won't. But I do know my body well enough to know that at this weight, I should be dropping pretty quickly. I expect to plateau around 180 - and that will be rough. But before I can worry about that, I need to get there first!
So... after being "bad" all week, I was happy to have lost 2 pounds at last night's weigh-in. I also seem to have lost a little overnight, and I'm happy to say that boosted my motivation greatly! I can't say how much because I don't think my scale's very consistent. It said 203.8 w/o clothes on this morning. Jumped to 205 with PJ's on and after some sugar-free jello. It was 206.8 last night with clothes on but 30 minutes later it was 206 on the WW scale with the same clothes on. So... it's probably about 205.5 with clothes on. Which really means, based on the discrepancy between my scale and the WW scale, I should be somewhere between 203-203.8 without clothes on! Either way, I'm very close to Onederland - I can do it!
I've been knowing about (and looking forward to) having gumbo for dinner all week. I was really considering not worrying about points at all today. After seeing the scale, I've decided to plan for it.
Gumbo's really not the worst thing to eat, anyway. The worst thing in it is the sausage. But it's not like I'm eating a big plate of fried fish! (that sounds good too)
So I think I'm going to run to Subway in about an hour. Get a 12 inch, eat half of it for lunch, and the other half a couple of hours before I leave (10 points total) so that I'm not starving and don't overdue it on the Gumbo.
I did pretty well today, up until about an hour ago.
I've been feeling pretty sick all day, and I really am trying to fight it. I've drank a whole lot of tea today, I've taken a lot of Zinc (hoping to prevent a cold), Tylenol for the headache.
But about an hour ago I started feeling REALLY bad. My stomache started hurting, and I wasn't sure if it was because I needed to eat or not, but I ate anyway because I had to try. I had about half a cup of reduced fat clam chowder, half a BLT, and half a cup of milk. I guess I could have done worse.
At least I'm feeling better, a little anyway. I'm not even thinking about the points I went over. I just want to feel better!
I have several exams starting this week, one right after the other, and I really don't need to be sick right now! Last time I was sick was during finals last semester, and it was not fun trying to study when all I wanted to do is sleep!
I totally used up all my extra 35 points between Thursday and today. But that's what it's there for, right? To use? I just wish I didn't feel bad when I do. I have to remind myself that it's not cheating.
Really, it could have been under or over 35 points. I had 2-3 cups of crawfish stew for lunch that I counted as 15 points. For dinner I had regular Sierra Mist that I counted as 5, 2 chicken fingers with sauce that I counted as 10, and pizza I counted for a total of 14 points. But ALL of that was guessing, so it could have been under or over. I try to guess conservatively, erring on the side of a higher amount of points when guessing, but it's still guessing.
I do want to point out I am upset with myself about the pizza. Some of those points were from last night. I keep leftover pizza in the freezer and when I get a craving, I warm up one slice. I do that because we ALWAYS have leftovers when we order pizza, and I don't want to throw it away. I'm cool with eating it cold, so keeping it in the fridge where I see it every time I open the door makes me want it, and I'm not likely to stop at one slice unless I take the effort to cook a frozen slice.
Anyway, what I'm upset about is the slice of pizza from the bowling alley. It was terrible! It tasted funny. And I really wish I would have thrown it away. But I ate it. I ate it all. Why? I guess it goes back to the whole not wanting to be rude / needing to finish everything on your plate. I don't know. I really should have thrown it away, as I did not enjoy eating it at all!
No gain, no loss. Which really sucks since I've done well all week! How unmotivating!
I'm over 2 points for the day and drinking tea for the rest of the night. Though I may have some popcorn for two more points. That sounds good. I'll make up for it tomorrow.
As one of my professors said today (referring to spending $21 on a textbook supplement, of course), "today's Valentine's Day. Treat yourself!"
It's not like I intended to go over my points today. I had every intention not to. But I can't starve myself because of it, I just have to do better tomorrow. Besides, I still have 35 extra points I haven't dipped into in nearly two weeks, so it's not the end of the world.
I planned yesterday that I would go to Quizno's to try the Sammies. I had heard they were small so I planned to get two. I went on Quizno's website for the nutrition information and saw: 160 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, and 1 gram of fiber for the Turkey Sonoma Sandwich. So I calculated this as 3 points. This is way wrong.
I went to Quizno's today. Got the two sandwiches. Ate them, and they were amazing. But I thought to myself, "wow, that was the best 6 points ever. There's no way that's just 6 points..."
So I came home and checked the nutrition information again. Yeah, that nutrition info is for just the bread and the turkey! On the site, you have to actually click cheese and dressing before you see the real nutrition info.
So what's the real nutrition info? 300 calories, 18 grams of fat, 1 gram of fiber. And since I had two of them, I just ate a whopping 15 points.
I had had 10 points for breakfast because I thought I'd actually be doing good at lunch. But no... Now I have 1 fricking point left for the rest of the day!
I updated my weight loss graph with what I had from last year. I see that I'm almost to the weight I quit at last year. But I'm not quitting this time. This is something I need to do.
Unfortunately, though I've been eating great for the past week and a half, I don't think I'll be losing much, if anything at all at weigh-in tomorrow. I guess that's okay. Because looking at my weigh-in weights from last year, it appears that if I lost a few pounds one week, I'd have a lower loss the next. Since I lost nearly 4 pounds last week, maybe my body's just playing catch-up. So if I don't lose tomorrow, I expect to lose at least a couple of pounds by next week. If that doesn't happen, then I'll have to re-evaluate things. But I'm sticking it out for now.
It's actually getting a little easier! That is, it until I need to start dropping my daily point allowance (every ten pounds you have to eat one fewer point per day). Lol, kind of like a reverse reward, I guess.
So I've started reading The Beck Diet Solution. I haven't gotten very far in it, but there are many things already that I have to stop and think "omg, that's so true!"
At the beginning of the book, the author gives examples of what she calls "sabotaging thoughts." One of them was like "But what if I get hungry?" And that's what got me thinking.
I'm the type of person, if I have plans to do something with a friend and there's no mention of eating somewhere, I'm going to eat beforehand. Then if the friend suggests we eat while we're out, I'll eat again. Even if I know beforehand it's possible we may eat somewhere, I'll still eat something beforehand, just in case, because I don't want to be starving, and I'd never want to tell me friend, "hey, we need to stop somewhere and eat."
Another part of this is how thin people think. First of all, apparantly they don't think like the above. I admit I overanalyze situations (I'm majoring in accounting, I have to!), but those thoughts probably don't even occur to thin people.
In fact, here's another example: at work, sometimes we get afternoon shifts that are usually about 6 hours long, beginning around lunch time. I remember a different (thin) girl coming in for one of these shifts, and maybe an hour and a half later complaining that she was so hungry. Keeping in mind that it was lunchtime, I asked her "well, didn't you eat before you came in?" And her response was "no, I wasn't hungry then." The thought hadn't even occurred to her that maybe she should eat before coming in because she wouldn't be able to eat again until she got off. She didn't even think about it.
I say she should have eaten, but then maybe there's another point. There's something else in the book about even if you think you're starving now, if you know you'll eat in a couple of hours, you'll be fine not eating now. Maybe this girl didn't eat lunch because she knew that by the time she became hungry in the afternoon, she'd be able to remind herself that she'd be able to eat in just a few hours when she got off work.
And then there's the people who "forget to eat." Yeah... that never happens with me!
Anyway, as I said, I haven't gotten very far in the book, and I don't know what we're supposed to do to eliminate these issues. But I'm definitely looking forward to getting a little insight!
