Here it goes... I want to be 158 by the end of the year. I don't want to enter the new year still obese...
I can do it if I work hard at it. And I do think it will be tough. Lose 5 pounds a month... sure, seems simple. But really, I only netted a 5 pound loss from the end of July to now... that's over 3 months.
But if I can get to that point, I feel like I can enter the new year with different goals, not thinking "omg I need to lose 100 pounds" like I did last year.
If I don't get there, no biggie. I will eventually. I don't like having a strict time frame. But it feels like a milestone... I've been obese since middle school! And it would just feel good to make it to that point soon, because I think at that point I can evaluate things a little better (such as an overall goal weight). It would also be cool to say that I went from morbid obesity to just being overweight over the course of... well, less than a year.
It's important for me to look to that point though and remind myself of what I'm aiming for. Remind myself that it's okay to go to bed hungry when I know I've had a good dinner (my stomache's growling now!) because I'd rather do that than go over my points!
Well, the bad news is that for the last 2.5 days I've eaten pretty horribly.
The good news is that even though I'm getting sick (cold), I woke up today wanting to go to the gym at my apartment.
Bad news is that I didn't go to the gym because I realized the rental office is open and connected to the gym.
The good news is that I may still go when they close this afternoon.
I did go to Zumba this week. It was good that I went. But I am not a dancer, and I am not coordinated! I will continue going, but I know I look like a fool!
Even though I've eaten horribly, as of yet I have not seen a huge gain. It was 169 a few days ago, then I think the next day is was up to as much as 170.6. It said 170.6 this morning, so I'm thinking it's not too bad. So I won't update my weight on the tracker just yet, but I'm still praying my eating over the last two days isn't just taking time to add the pounds on, I'd prefer to know about it now!
I've decided that since I've lost over 50 pounds now and didn't buy myself anything specifically as a reward for weight loss, I want to reward myself when I get to 158 pounds (no longer obese.) or maybe a little lower. But I don't know what. It has to have meaning... I'm no longer thinking tattoo because I don't really know where I'd want to put it. It can't be clothes because I've already bought so many clothes on this journey (I've gone through 2 wardrobe changes). I buy clothes as the need arises, and the need seems to keep arising since I don't want to wear baggy clothes! Maybe I'll find a nice piece of jewelery or something. We'll see about that one, I don't wear much jewelery as it is. Suggestions are welcome!
I got a little bit of re-motivation when I realized how close I am to being outside of the 170's! And after that, I'm so close to no longer being obese! I have 13 pounds to lose until by BMI says I am only "slightly overweight," and that is so exciting!
I've done pretty well this past week. Wednesday was the day I got really strict about following points. No more excuses. It's just been hard with moving twice in the past month... last Friday-Sunday I was visiting family and did not eat well at all, but I ate what was given to me, so I couldn't control everything (think doughnuts, Mexican, pizza, pancakes and bacon...). Then Monday I started my new job. I was taken out to eat at a non-chain restaurant for lunch, so I got a turkey croissant sandwich and a side salad. Not too bad I guess, but there's no telling how much butter, etc. was hidden in that sandwich. And the next day I went out to a Mexican restaurant with a few girls in my department.
Luckily, I've found a couple of girls who are doing Weight Watchers off and on, so when we went out to eat for lunch Friday, we went to Panera Bread. They have some pretty healthy options, so that was good. And I met one girl at Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner Thursday night, and I was good and ordered the 6-piece naked tender appetizer. I think I counted it as 10 points, but there's really no way to tell since BWW doesn't give out nutrional info (I know it's grilled chicken, but I'm a little paranoid they use oil on the naked tenders. There's no way to tell for sure). Another girl is leaving the department, so we're going out to eat next Wednesday and she chose Applebee's b/c of the WW menu. So I'll be trying the cajun lime tilapia for 6 points, hopefully it's good!
Again, living on my own, buying my own food and remaining accountable for that is great for my diet. Gotta say, though... the tofu shirataki noodles are NOT what I expected. They were horrible. I couldn't eat it. I couldn't get it down... I made a tuna noodle casserole and didn't want to throw the whole thing out, so I figured I'd freeze it and maybe mom would eat it when she visits (she'd eat leftovers if I had nothing else) But I looked at it the next day, and apparantly you can't freeze it because all of the water was extracted from the noodles... so nasty. What a waste!
But Hungry Girl has a recipe for chicken pot pie that is AMAZING! It's so good!
On the exercise front... I have not gotten my butt to the apartment's gym yet. I think I'm too afraid of other people? I don't know. I want to go when I know no one else is in there, it's a really small room with 3 or 4 machines. So we'll see.
Good news is that the company I work for has a Zumba instructor come Tuesdays and Thursdays. A few of the girls in the department do that and they said it's really fun, so I'll probably try that out. Another great thing is that the fees for the program are reimbursed through the company's health benefits. I'm not a dancer though, so we'll see how the dancing aerobics thing works for me... gotta do something, though, right? And it's supposed to be fun...
I went to update my weight log and I noticed I haven't logged my weight since the end of August!
September was spent maintaining...
But I'm back on track! (Well... except I'm going to visit family this weekend and what I will eat = what they eat)
I'm finally down 50 pounds though, which is fantastic, I just wish September had been better for me and I could have reached this point sooner!
I'm living by myself again, though, which I think is the best scenario for any dieter. I simply refuse to buy junk food... if I don't have it, I can't eat it! Of course, I did buy some 100 calorie Dorito packs and fruit snacks... but when those are gone, that's it! While the points value for these things are low, I've decided that a more filling snack would be something like string cheese or yogurt (I have plenty of that as well!)
I also bought the Hungry Girl cookbook, which I think will be very useful, especially for me since I'm only cooking for one person and most of the recipes are for one serving. I found the tofu shiritaki noodles that are mentioned in the book quite often and I can't wait to try them! Unfortunately, I realized after spending lots of money at the grocery store that I don't have all of the right ingredients to make the recipes that call for the noodles. I'm going to make the shrimp pad thai as soon as I get those ingredients!
I made the jalepeno swappers as a snack today, and they were great!
Well... I really can't wait to have a set schedule and ritual and gym. I can't wait to get back on track... I feel like this weight loss thing is on hold and I can't do much to change that right now. At least I know how to maintain at this weight!
It's just that with moving twice in a month and leaving behind everyone I know and love, everyone wants to take me out to eat. Went to a Thai place tonight and there really wasn't anything OKAY on the menu to eat. I ended up getting shrimp with clear noodles and some type of non-creamy sauce. So it could have been worse, my only regret is not ordering something with more veggies in it. I was under the impression it would have veggies when I ordered it, however.
And then last night was the Melting Pot. And I'm not feeling guilty about this one! After what it cost, you better believe we ate everything placed in front of us! But it was definitely good. Again, I refuse to feel guilty about this one!
Tomorrow I'm going out again. I suggested Chili's. At least I know I can order off the guiltless menu! The guiltless chicken sandwich has become my default order at that place!
At some point my family wants to go to a mexican restaurant known for its margaritas... I will have a few margaritas. And unhealthy chips, salsa, and mexican food.... there's not much healthy stuff you can order there, anyway.
And going to the Wine Loft with a friend. I'm doubting that will include dinner, so it shouldn't be too bad. Hopefully.
But as you can see... yes, I'm making some healthy choices where I can and other times I'm saying "what the hell," I may never see some of these people again.
When I move and I'm on my own and have control over what groceries I buy and what I cook for dinner, I have complete faith that my weight loss journey will continue. The hardest part for me is going to be getting my lazy butt to the gym!
About the gym... my biggest reason for not going to the gym is that I don't know how to use the equipment I NEED to be using. My legs are pretty muscular as it is. The only thing walking or jogging on a treadmill would do is boost my metabolism. Really, I wish my legs (calves especially) would get smaller but I do know it's mostly muscle, that's how I was built. My upper body, however, is a whole different story. My upper arms are huge as well and need to be toned. I need to learn how to lift weights correctly or something... we'll see. If nothing else, I do at least need to use the treadmill to boost my metabolism. I don't believe exercising in itself causes you to lose more weight because you really don't burn as many calories as you think you do for as hard as you work at it. But I do think it increases your metabolism so that your body gets in calorie-burning mode for an extended period, and that's what I really need it for!
Things have been pretty... well, I guess the only way I can describe it is steady.
I'm at the point where I need to reevaluate my mindset a little bit. My weight's staying the same. I do know why. And it's about to sound like I have tons of excuses...
I planned to get back on track when I moved back here. And I did for a while. Then Hurricane Gustav came and knocked the power out for days. I ate whatever we had, which was a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day. Dinner was whatever was thrown on the grill (hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken). I did not count points.
And then this weekend was filled with a going away party, my niece's birthday party, and lots of cake.
So this is what I mean by saying I need to reevaluate my mindset: I seem to have lost some of my drive to lose weight. I have been so motivated and determined in the past. Now I guess I'm not so determined. For instance, when I had my wisdom teeth pulled and could only eat soft foods, I counted points then. And when my brother got married last March, I only had a bite of cake, just to taste it. I was able to resist having a whole piece. Those days seem to be long gone. Even the past couple of days I've gone a few points over and justified myself by saying "it's only a couple of points." But that thinking needs to stop!
I'm moving myself to Ohio in a week and a half. I am going to try my hardest to stay on plan during the drive. Hopefully I can find Subway along the way! And when I get there, I've promised myself to make use of the gym that's included in my high rent. I have to justify that high rent by reminding myself I won't have to pay for a gym membership, so I better use the gym! It's going to have to be one of those things I force myself to do, I know, but I think I'll feel so much better with myself once I get my mind right again!
I've been kind of MIA lately, but a lot's been going on!
My internship ended about a week and a half ago, so I just made the trip back to Louisiana from Minnesota. But... I was offered a job in Ohio with the same company, and for the past week I've been mixed up in a rollercoaster of emotions trying to decide whether to take the job and move again or finish grad school.
I have decided to take the job. If I start taking classes for my MBA while working, the company will reimburse me for it. I can't NOT take it!
My weight has been pretty much the same for the past month or two. Quite honestly, I was shocked to see that I had maintained for the most part. I gained a couple of pounds, but that came off rather quickly once I got back on plan! I've probably eaten out at least once a day for two weeks of the past month, if not more. I made SOME good choices, but of course I made some bad ones too! On the trip back to Louisiana, we stopped at a Red Lobster, and I did get my coconut shrimp. It wasn't as good as I remembered the first time, so I know I don't have to do that again!
I'm excited that the weight tracker/graph over there ----> is about to say I've lost 50 pounds! I also have a lot of family in Ohio, so I'm excited to see their reaction when they see me and how different I look! I haven't seen them since last January, some longer, and most of them don't know I've lost any weight. So I'm looking forward to that.
Also... in preparing for this BIG move, I've started going through my closet. I have STACKS of clothes I'm gettig rid of. Clothes I was holding onto for years thinking "I'll be able to wear that again one day." But the clothes that were once too tight are now too big, and it happened so fast I wasn't able to wear them in between! That and I think my body's changed since the last time some of the clothes fit, the ones that should fit just don't look right. My brother said I should keep some of the bigger clothes in case I gain some of the weight back. But here's the greatest thing...
I know I'm not going to! I know how much I used to eat. And I know it's not worth it. I know how much fast food I used to eat without regard to how many calories were in it. I distinctly remember one night going to Jack in the Box, probably after I had already eaten dinner, and ordering two jumbo jacks and two monster tacos, eating ALL of it, and then having a rootbeer float on top of it! My stomach wouldn't even be able to hold all of that food! Keep in mind, the burgers and tacos alone were 42 WW points, and there's no telling how much I ate that day in addition to that! Plus, this wasn't an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence. I went on similar fast food runs several times a week. Today, I eat 23 points a day, and it's about to be 22! I've probably cut my daily caloric intake by 2/3!
I'm comfortable enough with this new "way of life" to know that even if I get off the bandwagon and gain back a few pounds, I can lose them. I of course may fall off and never reach my goal weight, but I swear to you I will never go back to my old habits, and I will never be that large again. I still have a long way to go... but I've come so far, and I'm not going backward!
Looks like it may be just me and a bottle of wine tonight...
I'm fighting this huge urge to order a pizza. I'd go ahead and eat pizza tonight, but I don't want the leftovers... I could go to Sbarro again, but 17 point slices of pizza? Geez. And I'd probably get 2, so that's 34 points... plus I had not-so-healthy Mexican for lunch.
What I really want is coconut shrimp from Red Lobster. Yeah... looked up the nutrition info on that, and it is not doable, not even in moderation!
I'll probably go to Jimmy John's and get a sandwich with no mayo. That's a better choice...
I know next week will include bad choices, and the following weekend I'll be moving back to Louisiana and eating out along the way, plus the following week I'll be eating out quite a bit when reuniting with everybody.
I've been feeling so fat lately. Ugh... I don't know. I know I've lost a lot, but I think I may be at a standstill for a few more weeks, with everything going on.
I also don't like the fact that now I feel like I have to prove to certain people that I will lose the weight. I know I will... but it needs to be for me, and me only.
Well, this past week has been worse than I thought it would. Some of it I can't help. I ate way more than I needed to while in Ohio. I had larger breakfasts with many more calories than I'm used to. I usually just have a Fiber One bar for breakfast. The lunch given to us was a buffet followed by ice cream. I wish I hadn't eaten the ice cream, I could live without it. And dinner wasn't preventable either. When I got back into town I ate at a mexican restaurant with a friend and had a margarita. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it with every intention of getting back on track Thursday.
I went over a few points on Thursday, but not too bad. Friday my department went out to eat for lunch and dinner was provided at a baseball game... I don't consider that stuff preventable either. Had a few beers... Saturday I ate at a sushi place... got tempura don, not realizing I would be getting fried shrimp, fried vegetables, and rice with eggs and veggies that could last for 3 meals. I ate a lot of the leftover rice for dinner. I know I should have thrown it away, but I didn't because I paid a pretty penny for it. And of course there was more beer last night, followed by a veggie chicken sandwich at about 3am because I knew if I didn't get food in my stomach I'd be sick.
Today's been okay... my roommate moved out yesterday and I've actually been pretty depressed. So depressed that the hours of the day came and passed, and by 5:30 tonight I had not eaten at all today. I didn't feel like eating anything I have, either, so I went to the Sbarro down the street and got a 17 point slice of pizza. The guy working there threw in a free breadstick because I had to wait a few minutes. So I'm totally within my points for the day, but it obviously wasn't the healthiest choice for dinner. I don't feel too bad about it since I'm still within my points. I'm just worried about myself because I never "forget" to eat! And unfortunately, for all of those points I'm not sure it was enough food for not having eaten all day, because I'm hungry again!
So yes, I did have a gain. It said 176 today so that's what I'm tracking, but it was around 178 when I got back from Ohio earlier this week. Hopefully I can get it back down fast. If not... I'll refocus when I get back to Louisiana in two weeks. All I can do is try, but if I'm invited to go out to eat or drink, I'm going to go because if I remain in this apartment too much I get really depressed. Really. I'm at the point right now where I need to make my mental health priority over my physical health. I will do my best, and the rest will fall into place.
I added a new pic. It was taken the other day. It's weird. Sometimes I still don't notice that I'm 45 pounds down, but I often look at that picture of me in the black shirt and then I really notice the difference. Then I can't believe I ever let myself get so huge.
Things are going. This next week will be pretty off plan... it's okay. I have to fly out of state for the job... I have two interviews, I have to give a presentation, and there are all of these other activities planned. I'm so stressed out already that for those three days I'm not worrying about what I eat. I mean, I have dinners and lunches with managers and pizza Monday night... I'm so nervous about the interviews and presentation that I don't think I can handle worrying about counting points! That and I made dinner plans with a friend at a mexican restaurant the night I get back. It will all work out, 3 days won't throw me off the wagon. I'll get right back on it!
I had gained a new sense of confidence that is slowly wearing away. I'm trying to hold onto it, but that's not working out completely.
There was this guy I kind of had a fling with, I guess you could say. But my drunken ass totally put everything out there (not like that) and basically I was told he likes me as a friend... while he was making out with me. I have myself halfway convinced he's just saying some of that, for obvious reasons. I only have 3 weeks left here... so. Not like it could go anywhere anyway. He's still a kid. A mature 20 year old kid, but still a kid with a few years of wild college parties left in him. Frat boy. Yeah. But anyway.
So I think my weight's staying the same for now. It kind of follows my cycle, I'll lose a few pounds during my cycle, maybe gain a half pound or pound, and it will stay about the same for a week. Predictable, at lease. Hopefully it keeps dropping, though! Especially with this trip in a few days.
