It seems as though I am no longer obese - let's hope that number over there sticks! I'm a little scared because I posted my weight as 159.2 2 weeks ago, but since then, I have gained and lost again, and it took that long to get me to 158. So if it doesn't stick, I think I will be very upset! 

I'm worried, though. I constantly tell myself "I'll be so much happier when I lose 10 more pounds." And when those 10 pounds are gone, how do I feel? A little bit thinner, but not that much happier.

Obviously, there is something missing in my life. I'm not going to make this the point of my entry, but tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I've been single for far too long... and I guess no matter how much someone tries to tell me otherwise, I'm convinced it's because of my weight. I have had guys notice me, just not the right kind of guy... I seem to attract some weirdos.

I am meeting a guy next week. I shouldn't say it like that, I've met him before. We met on a plane, actually. We live 6 hours apart, though, so we each have a little drive. I like him a lot, but there's no long term potential. Which makes me question why I'm willing to meet him. I think I just need a little bit of excitement. That's all.

I'll leave this topic now since it's pointless. I can't date anyone seriously right now because I don't know how long I'll be living here. I don't really have a choice in the matter, either.

Anyway... eating wise... I have been focusing more on eating all of my daily points plus my 35 weekly. I remeasured myself to make sure of my height. I had been eating 1 point less per day because I had always been told that I was "not quite" 5'1". Upon my own measurements, however, which I attempted several times with a ruler, a marker, and a piece of paper taped to a door, I am just a bit over 5'1", if not right at it. So I've decided to give myself that point back.

I did indulge today, though. We had a little party at work with pizza and king cake. I had planned for that. When I got home, however, I decided to have my own early personal Valentine's day equipped with 3 chocolate covered pretzels, a glass of wine, and a couple of chocolate muffins. This put me right at my weekly points, so that's okay.

I have decided, however, that I don't like the new "set points" values WW has come up with, and I am going to try to make it into the gym to burn off about 4 points worth of calories because of it. See, On 3 occassions this week I had chicken which normally would have been 7 points, but because of the set points, I had counted it at 5. But I feel like I'm cheating. Because the whole purpose of the set points value is that you stop eating when you're satisfied. But for me, like tonight, I didn't have a balanced meal. I only had the chicken. So I'm going to eat more chicken to feel satisfied than I would on a different night because that's all I was eating. So I think I'm going to opt not to use those set point values unless it's for something like fruits and vegetables... I feel like I actually used 39 weekly points and need to earn 4 AP points to counteract that. But that's just me.

Hope all's well with everyone else out there! I'm still around, I just don't have something to say every day!

First of all, I'm planning to do no more grocery shopping this month...

I put myself on a budget because I'm trying to save for a down payment on a house in the near future. So I've been tracking every penny this month. And I already hit my grocery budget a few days ago.

So... I've actually got some stuff in the freezer that's been in there for quite some time. Now's a good time to get rid of it! So I plan to do this without eating out (unless a group of friends invites me - I won't eat out on my own).  

Except... maybe this is bad: I've got this huge craving for pizza. A craving so big that no frozen pizza/homemade healthy pizza can satisfy it. So I'm getting a pizza tomorrow night, making it last through the weekend, and using about 20 of my extra 35 points. (A large Little Ceasar's cheese pizza is 6 points a slice, at 8 slices that's 48 points.) I can include some of those points in my daily points. I don't like using all 35 extra points in a week unless I need to, but I do like to use some! And at least this is planned and justified!!! Right?

I have two free lunches next week. Wednesday, I know what I'm ordering. I usually count it as 15 points. It's probably less (grilled tilapia, blackened shrimp, rice, and veggies) but I always worry about oil and butter being smothered on it. The restaurant doesn't have nutritional info. And I don't know what's for lunch next Friday... I don't even know if I'll have a choice. I just have to hope that I'm given a somewhat healthy option!

I did do very well today! We had a little party at work with cake and ice cream, and I didn't have any. I also went to a jewelry party tonight and all I ate was a few cherry tomatoes!

So I'm ready for the weekend. And that pizza! I deserve it - and at least I'm not really going off plan!

I was contemplating why I rarely post a new blog. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to talk about, I guess. But mainly, I just don't think I've formed a deep connection with anyone here.

And why is that?

For starters, I know one member (forgot who) posted an entry once about how it's hard to relate to just anyone because she (like me) has been overweight her entire life. I have been overweight ever since I could remember. I remember being no more than 4 or 5 when my best friend and I compared our hands. My hands have always been pudgy. I remember her nicely telling me I was chubby (amazing that kids can notice these things so young!) But the truth of the matter is, I don't even know what it feels like to be skinny. I currently weigh less than I have since some point in middle school (7th or 8th grade?). But because of this, it is very difficult to relate to someone who gained wait after giving birth to a child or because of college or a bad breakup, etc. I may have reasons, genetic or just the way I was raised, for being overweight, however, I have no excuse. Someone who was once skinny and is losing weight now already knows what he/she is going back to. I don't.

Most importantly, the reason it's hard to relate to such a person is because being overweight for your entire life affects your personality and your moods. It affects your self-confidence. Not only am I working on being healthy, I am working on my self-confidence. Rarely is a fat person who has been overweight their entire life extremely confident. Now, a fat person who was once skinny may not have such a drastic change in their self-confidence level. They may lose a little and feel disgusted with themselves, but their personality isn't likely to change because of it. My personality, as a lifelong fat person, has almost been built around my weight.

And another thing: As a very single woman, it's hard to relate to someone who is married or in a serious relationship. I don't say this for the reason you're thinking. For example, I have a very good friend who is overweight, but not obese. She was successfully doing WW for a while, and she still says she does (though she's not - she stopped counting points and really eats whatever she feels like). She's in a very serious relationship. And she once admitted to me that the reason she slacked off and lost motivation is because she knows her boyfriend doesn't care about her weight, so why should she try so hard? And I guess it's frustrating for me because maybe I wish I had that? I don't know for sure.

I'm not really complaining about being single here. I wish there were a special someone in my life, but it's really not the best time. And there is someone who is just about head over heals for me, but unfortunately I do not feel the same way. And it's very unfortunate because he's perfect on paper, but I can't force myself to feel the same way. I'm getting off topic, though. I'm just saying that motivation wise, it's hard to related to someone who has that in their life. (They also don't have to deal with the scrutiny of potential men).

I hope I don't offend anyone who happens to come across this, that wasn't my intention. If anyone out there feels the same way, please respond!