I got on the scale this morning and was pleased to see another pound gone.  I am thrilled to be back in the 160's but I know those first few days going from eatting anything and everything to being more careful and exercising always drops some weight fast so I dont really expect to see much more loss before Monday for the Dr appt.  Still I need to really really keep on track so I dont go right back to the 170s and to try and continue to lose.

Last night I did some speed work on the tread mill for a total of 2 1/2 miles.  Id run slowly (5.6mph) for 3 minutes and then fast (7.5mph is fast for me) for 1 minute.  It felt good, not so hard that I was miserable but challenging enough that I didnt feel like I was just moping along.  Then I did 25 minutes on the cross trainer.  I really miss nice weather and running.  All exercise makes me feel better but theres just something about running, even more when its outside and Im actually going somewhere.  I have all kinds of goals running through my head for spring runs that I havent sorted out yet but I definately want to beat my best 5k time.  25.54 was my best last year and thats the best Ive done since Ive started doing 5ks.  Id like to break 24 mins.  Thats a big chunk off my time but Ive got a few months to work on it.  Plus I dont have to hit that my first time out this year.  Maybe I can beat my 25.54 early in the spring and then by the time DHs work 5k comes around at the end of summer I'll be shooting for 24 mins.  I know this will take more than just a little jogging.  I'll have to put in some miles and do a good amount of speed work but for the most part I enjoy that.  Plus if I can get a little more weight off it'll be that much more feasible.

Food yesterday was so-so.  Theres definately some stuff I could have done without but its leaps and bounds better than where I was a couple  weeks ago so I'll be proud of that.

I had to stop on my way home from work last night for a quick Christmas purchase and a stop at the grocery store.  That usually puts a stop to my exercise routine.  I did skip the gym on the way home but I managed to hop on the cross trainer for 35 mins later at night.  I have trouble going to bed at a decent time and Im sure that effects my weightloss efforts.  I feel like if I stay on track all I do is work, exercise, eat, shower, sleep.  Then add in here and there cleaning, laundry, etc.  No time for anything relaxing or just hanging out.  So I end up staying up until 11 or 12 just to relax and watch some tv and then my alarm goes off at 5 and I end up hitting the snooze until 5:30, sometimes all the way until 6.  I end up late for work.  No time for make up or hair so I feel like I look bad even w/o weight issues.  Then I eat for comfort.  It's a vicious cycle.  Good God what am I going to do when I have kids and am actually busy!?  Anyway, I think I need to come up with a plan to get more sleep.

So all in all yesterday was another so-so day.  I didnt go crazy eatting but I didnt do perfect either.  I did get some exercise in but I should have done more.  Im not beating myself up over that though because my legs are still sore from my strength training video on Sunday.  So they needed an easy night.  I couldnt help getting on the scale again just to make sure Im not doing horrible on guestimating my foods.  Im down 1 lb from yesterday.  I know thats not 1 lb of fat in 1 day but I'll take it, whatever it is, right now.

I WILL be in the 160 range for my Doctors appointment, probably 169 but still.

I just cant get outta this slump.  I feel like a cow.  I finally got on the scale this morning.  Back in the 170s, 171 to be exact.  So that 8lbs I wanted to lose before my Dr appt next week has turned into +3lbs instead.  I can work really hard this week and hope to be back in the 160s atleast by appt time.  Even still they will weigh me with clothes on and they'll write down 170 something.  I guess ultimately that doesnt make any difference but I worked so hard to get to my 163 low and now im just letting it all creep back on.  I feel like complete and utter poo.  Feeling like complete and utter poo makes me eat and exercise like complete and utter poo. SOOOO I've written out an exercise program for 4 weeks, specifics for every day including 2 days off a week.  This will give me plenty of exercise for success w/o going crazy, mostly 45 to 75 mins.  Food is a lot harder for me but Im working on a plan for that too.  Im taking it little chunks, like, just focus on doing well today and not think about missing out on foods forever.  I know there is room for splurges, but I just want to eat all I can all the time and I know thats rediculous.  So I'll focus on sections of time at once.  First today and this week.  I can do good for one day.  I can do my best just this week and be the healiest I can for my Dr appt.

This morning I ofcourse did not wake up in time to pack my breakfast or lunch.  I didnt have cash and I hate to use my debit card for a dollar in the cafe.  So I was about to head to McD's for a biscuit, hashbrown, and large iced coffee but instead I got peanut butter toast and a milk and then picked up a coke zero to have with lunch from the cafeteria.  Lunch will be harder because Im always starving and weak, but I'll start now thinking of healthier options to suggest when my sister gets back (I think ive said that my sister now works with me..)

Im so sick of being told im fat in that "well i cant say ur fat so I'll say this instead" kind of way.  The last comment I got was after I made a remark to someone about my face breaking out (it has been bad for about 6 or 7 months so long before the last 4 or so weeks that Ive been of track, including during the peak of my half marathon training when I was at my lowest weight) and the immediate response was "Fatty food will do that"  Read:  'Ive noticed you are eatting a lot of fatty foods and I think you should stop and this is the first opportunitiy ive gotten to say it w/o out saying I think your getting fat.'  When I was doing everything right no one said a thing to me about my eatting habits or exercise.  Now that Im off track guys at work ask me all the time if Im going out for lunch or if I come back with a bag I get "Fast food again?" comment or "Where ya been?"

Do you ever notice how a lot more people talk to you and are nice to you and like you when you are thinner?  Is it because people are that shallow and think "thin people are good, fat people are bad" or is it that I put off some horrid vibe when Im in a down turn in my diet/exercise goals that pushes people away?  Am I truly happier when Im thin or do I feel happier because people around me treat me better when Im thin.

Well I ate bad at lunch.  I had made up my mind on stopping at the grocery store and then someone decided to buy lunch with a company credit card since we were technically in training (its more like storm duty practice than actual training) and I definately didnt pass on that offer.  AND then I went to dinner with my sister and a friend and ate bad there.  The only up side was that I didnt go home and eat a-whole-nother dinner, which I have done several times lately.  So that means I skipped the gym too.  Now today is our work Christmas lunch.  Im just getting bigger this way.  Tomorrow we are gonig to dinner with another couple to The Melting Pot.  Now although cheese is the center of my universe, I do not like most fondues, definately not the meats, and although their deserts are awesome I cant gorge myself the way I would on a double brownie sunday or anything somewhere else.  I will have plenty of time to hit the gym tonight and both days on the weekend.  So I'm trying to look at the positive side. 

Another day of junk food yesterday but I did cut up my fruit for smoothies so id be set for a few days.  Ofcourse Im out at a line garage today and dont have access to make anything like that.  So I stopped and got a bagel and a diet coke.  Not the healthiest breakfast but better than the hasbrown, biscuit, and large iced coffee I usually get from McDonald's on days like this.  I'll have to go out for lunch from here too but I CAN and WILL choose something atleast halfway decent.  My first choice is always a personal pizza, breaksticks, and a pop form Pizza Hut Express.  Maybe I'll get a sub or run into the grocery store for some yogurt, string cheese, and pretzels or something like that....  There are plenty of healthy options.  I tend to talk myself into believing that greasy fast food is my only option.  It is not!

Good exercise and bad eatting.  Thats my typical day now    Its not aweful and lazy but its not enough.  I want to be thin.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be comfortable in my clothes.  I will think about that each time I go to eat something unnecessary.  I will think of that each morning when my alarm goes off and I want to hit the snooze button for half an hour instead of getting up and packing my breakfast and lunch.  I have a Dr appointment in 2 weeks that I wanted to lose 8lbs for but Im probably up from that.  So I need to put in two excellent weeks and get the best I can from that.  I can do two weeks.  I can do excellent for two weeks!

Has anyone read this article?

http://music.msn.com/music/celebrityfeature/celebrity-bikini-shots/?GT1=BUZZ1

I would never ever say that celebrities shouldnt get plastic surgery or that they are bad people for lying about it, their bodies are their work and their paycheck, but this article makes a really good point of how it makes women feel like failures when they see these perfect bodies and think that can be acheived if they just work hard enough.  Then that leads them to believe, when they are in fact working very hard, that they're still not working hard enough.  Sure if I dont exercise and I eat anything I want I cant expect a perfect body.  But what about when I do everything right, I lose weight and feel great and am in great health, and my body still has that bulge here or a sag there?  With age, childbearing, and weight losses and gains, our bodies go through a lot of changes and its impossible to go exactly back.  Now i can understand that but I hate to think that my husband sees pictures of these women who bounce back in a few weeks to a perfect body after kids and believe that its solely from a little exercise.  Will he think im a failure or lazy when that doesnt happen for me, even if I work my @$$ off?  Now I know my husband loves me, and will no matter what, but these things go through my head (and many others I assume) because we are told thats all it takes when we see these great bodies.  Im not saying celebs should let their bodies go, heck no!  but would it be so bad for them to be honest so that the rest of us can have a realistic perspective?

Thats my rant    My diet and exercise are still going so so.  Well my diet is in the crapper and my exercise is doing well so I guess that evens out to so so.  The madness of Thanksgiving week is over so Ive got a few good weeks of exercise and some practice in controlling eatting habits before the Christmas maddness starts, eattingwise anyway, the Christmas maddness in general has already begun!