The next chapter...

Ok. I just hit rock bottom.

So i have come to terms i am fat person. I realized that before today, i used to look in the mirror and not see how fat i was...if i turned a certain way, i could almost picture myself to be thin....when i looked into the mirror today i couldnt hide from myself. I am fat. fat, fat, fat. I hate being fat. I hate that it is so easy for some people to stay skinny, where i have never been skinny my whole life. Im that girl that everyone says could be so pretty if she just lost a little bit of weight... Everything seems like its a battle for me, and ive been so exhausted with life that i havent fought in a long time....hence the immense weight gain....

My whole body is out of whack. Ever since i started grad school, ive become an emotional eater. Binging. Not purging, thank god! But binging all the time. Everytime i eat a meal, i eat to excess, because in my mind i am looking for something, anything, that will make me happy...and for that short time, the happiness is food. I can go on healthy kicks and eat good for two weeks, excercise, the whole nine. and ill feel GREAT! but as soon as i binge one day, then the whole effort is wasted and im off track again. Thats why im hoping to gain some support here...i need the motivation and the support to help me through this...i want to be the person i know i can be...and run 3 miles straight without walking...and enjoy being outside....and not be winded when i walk up stairs...

its time for me to make a positive change in my life. and its time for me to be selfish, and take care of myself. i havent taken care of myself in a very long time - school, family problems, and friends have always come first...but now its "me" time...i have given myself almost a year to lose bunches and bunches of weight...i want to walk in graduation next May (2009) in a fabuolous dress and look so fierce! (haha did i just sound like tyra banks?) and be skinny! and wear a bathing suit without feeling like a whale! I deserve to be skinny when im taking that diploma that declares me a Doctor!

I havent decided what diet to do yet. Nor am i sure how to start exercising - cardio or weights or both?. Any suggestions? i am going to be looking at options for my grand start!!

Thanks for listening to me vent.

xoxo

Christina