They almost Nolonger hang like Oranges in a Bag!!

I have my bed strategically "positioned" in front of my dresser mirror.  I wanted a constant reminder of the Change I needed to make ...  Well, while sitting one night with the laptop watching TV ... I looked up and "they" looked like Oranges in a Bag!!!  in a long bag. 

Didn't think that would happen when I was 12, 16, 18, 25 or ever!!!

Amazing what time and neglect will do.  teehee.

Well, tonight I'm moving around and when I sit on the edge of the bed, the top of my stomach nolonger portudes "as much" and as I sit and type .. they're alittle closer to where they should be!   Gotta get tothe gym and work on the return of perky. 

Celebrating the Small Victories.

Word and Emotion Calories

I've been counting the calories of my food .... and while I was clicking through some old photo's and remembering where I was at the point in my life, and even considering where I am now .... I realize my true calories have been Word and Emotion Calories ....

Is it evident I've been eating them?

Not that I feel I should walk around saying everything that's at the top of my head ... Gee, No One would talk to me, ... and with a few, I'd probably turn up missing!

This is so painful to admit, let alone live ... but if I'm to move to the Next Level of my Freedom, I've got to confront this portion of my journey.

Next step .... Word and Emotion Calorie restriction.

 As I type this I think of the times where I've allowed others to inconvenience me .... "Can you take on this extra project.  Only you can do it, and I know you're already swamped, but can you please ... be a Team Player?"

"Can I borrow a few dollars til payday?... I know you have children and a new grandbaby, but I overspent last week on Vacation .... be a good Sis ... "

and then my own loading of the weight and stress ..

"I know I need to save and get serious about my finances and have somehting to show for all I earned all year ... but that car is so shiny, it would love great in my driveway.  Oh, Steinmart is having a Sale ... I love their clothes! .... makeup .. you can never have enough. right?

Ugggh!

The past several weeks have been so liberating, but also show how far I need to travel.  I'm getting better at saying not to others and to myself, and being honest and setting limitations ... but oh, so far to go ...  

As I remove this fat suit ... I will not permit others to dump their problems on me for me to carry, while they run off and continue in their routine.

As I remove this fat suit, I will not permit myself to continue to live in denial of my own stress and fat causing actions ...

As I remove this fat suit ... I shall begin counting and restricting my Word and Emotional Eating Calories.

Everything, but the Kitchen Sink! And I Stayed On Track. Yeah!!!

I don't even know if words can express this past week. 

I had major drama in EVERY AREA of my life!  Every Area of my life!!

Life sucking drama.  The Room is Spinning drama.  I can't breathe drama.  Dorothy and Toto in the Wizard of Oz drama!

and with all this .... I Stayed on Track!!

With the help of Angels.

A co-worker called me from Sam's and asked if he could bring me anything ... I said water and Lean Cuisine Meals.  Stat!

I'd just gotten my office refrigerator back from my son, and I was planning to get around to stocking it.

My days are long and hectic and having something "nearby" that's good helped me tremendously.

I am so amazed ....

My Internet at home was down for 4 days.  Sorry, but this is a Huge Issue with me ...

I couldn't blog or input my food from work because it was very hectic.

I'm just so proud of myself ... I know there will be More Tests and Kitchen Sinks .. but hey, I kicked this one.

A co-worker and myself went to Red Lobster and I ordered the Grilled Chicken breast with rice pilaf (I know, I know).  But you should have seen my eyes when I saw how HUGE a portion that really was.  i saw myself only eat one chicken breast, and a 1/4 cup of the rice.  I had the salad and eek 2 of those cheddar bay biscuits ... but no more than that (I used to eat 4, okay 5 ... and ... !!)  and I didn't order, nor did I want to order dessert. 

One day at a time ... One day at time really works ... Slowly, you build new habits. 

and I'm making up for lost time reading everyone's blog. 

Thanks to everyone who sent me a Post.  Really meant alot to get those email notices "while" I was living in Dramaville!!

God Bless us All  in our endeavor to live healthier.

The One Thing More Important than the One's I Love?

... Food?

It's almost too painful to comprehend, let alone own the statement ...

Could it be possible?

from the book .. Stop Whining, and Get a Life by Larry Winget.

Chapter 8, page 90

"Fitness, Fatness, and More"

Larry is a Very "in your face" kind of guy.  I was introduced to him when I watched "Big Spender" on TLC.  Love the Show!!  Working on my Finances as well as my weight ...

and one day while in my Favorite store, Office Depot .. I noticed he had written a book .. "Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life" .. True Larry.

he says in this Chapter "People are Stupid" ... and he goes on to say, "First, let me explain what I mean by the word stupid.  If you do not know any better, then you are ignorant.  If you know better, then you are stupid.  Big difference. 

"We eat things we know are not good for us.  Things that make us fat, clog our arteries, raise our cholesterol, and lots of other harmful things ... Even after we are diagnosed with these problems and told exactly what not to eat and exactly what we should eat, we still eat the stuff that is bad for us.  Stuff that will eventually kill us.  Do you call that intelligent?  I hope not.

.... hmmm, Larry has a valid point "with" me.

... and then later he says within the Chapter .. "How can you look your family in the eye and tell them that a cigarette or the fettuccine alfredo is more important to you than they are?  Can you really do that?  You do it every time you light up and every times you pack on the fat .... You do not use words to say it; you use a fork or a pack of smokes, but the message is still very clear."

Ugggh, Say it ain't so!!  but as I evaluate My life choices ...

I loved a large slice of Chocolate Cake MORE than my Son?

A Large ice cream cone from Dairy Queen MORE than my Husband?

A Whopper Value Meal MORE than my Daughter?

Finding excuses to NOT exercise all Day  than my Entire Family?

Was it possible? ... I guess it was ... I'm Fat!

And I did it everytime I packed on the fat and as I allowed the fat to remain ....

I say I love them More than anything else on earth ... I can see myself crossing an Ocean if they were in trouble, on the otherside ... but do I really?

With each day that passes ... with every breath I take ... with every fattening, not good for me food I turn down, and with every step when I walk on the treadmill or through my neighborhood  .. I'm "choosing" to make my choices reflect that I Do love my Family MORE!!

Captain ... but he was a Leper

This statement is made of a man in the Bible named Namaan.  2 Kings 5:1-16.  He was an honorable man, and a mighty man of bravery, but he was a leper.  (without going into alot of background ... lepers in those days were usually avoided at all cost, but this man remained employed and was successful at his job .. but ... the Bible says, he was leper.  If you read the story, you'll find he didn't stay that way, but he had to humble himself to get rid of the condidtion .. just as you and I will have to do to get rid of the weight!!  ... Gott do something you've never done tohave something you've never had - or use to have!).

I thought of this as I read an Article from BET's website on health.

Posted Sept. 20, 2007.  "One of the hardest things for people to do is permanently lose weight.  People get PhDs, run big businesses, raise many children, they put out fires and build trucks and airplanes, but by golly, the one thing that escapes 90 percent of people who try, is permanent loss of excess fat.

There are many reasons why a person can fail, time and time again, at weightloss attempts, but four key reasons seem to stand out quite clear in this elusive quest:

  1.  Skipping Breakfast - stop eating two or three hours before bedtime, so you can awaken with some hunger.  Not eating breakfast means we'll eat more later.

2.  Not Exercising Enough - Early man walked miles every day.  IT IS NOT NATURAL TO BE SEDENTARY.

3.  Not Exercising Hard Enough - You must "Break A Sweat" and you must exert yourself ... "Breathe Hard"

The weight isn't just going to come off like magic ... You must work for it.

And it is perfectly okay for an obese person to break a sweat and get winded (as long as your doctor has cleared you for exercise, you are free to go at it with zest).

4.  Not Lifting Weights, despite lots of Cardio.  You MUST include weight lifting.  Using resistance against your bones and muscles.  this will increase resting metabolic rate.  It will also make loose, flabby muscles appear firmer and tighter, making you look leaner.

Rigorous weight lifting is one of the most remarkable fat-burners known to science. 

This article appeared on their site courtesy of BlackDoctor.org.

I SHALL PRACTICE WHAT I READ!!!

3. 

Taking it Up a Knotch ... Bam, Bam, Bam!

Had to borrow from Emeril, for this one .... I think I'm finally ready to take it up a knotch in all area's ... watching what I eat, exercising and communicating my plan to myself!!

I hopped on the treadmill this am .. without shoes ... something I've always done (sorry, if I'm wrong).  and Sorry, wearing shoes "in the house" in my mind is a no no.  Well, now that I'm walking faster, the little thing kind of burns my feet and my arch is tell me .. chick, put some shoes on!

Well, tomorrow ... we shall have shoes from here on out.  Special shoes that cannot be worn outside.  (I'm alittle OCD about somethings).

I noticed I walked faster, at a higher elevation and I was willing to go beyond 20 minutes.  I had to stop, because I didn't wake up in time to keep going .. but I will rectify that tomorrow.

It feels so good ... to get this taken care of in the morning. 

I'm starting to miss breakfast, so I've got to get back in the swing ... I'll have to find somehting quick and easy. 

The Power of Influence

By Now .... almost Everyone around me knows what I'm trying to accomplish ... and I can see others beginning to take their health seriously also.  My son has started to lose weight.  It's amazing, I looked at him a couple of weeks ago, and I noticed whenever my weight is down, his is down also ... and when I blow up, well, he follows.  He's 25, but he's still my biological child, and I guess I helped to set his eating pattern, so somewhere down on the inside, he's eating what Mommy eats ... And since I know I have this kind of influence, Mommy will be eating Carrots, and all kinds of healthy stuff.

My husband has to really work at his weight, and I've finally convinced him that 230 is NOT a good number, even for a man.  His Mother passed a couple of years ago from Hearth Disease.  She wasn't huge, but she  weighed 150 and carried it around the middle, and she was a diabetic.  So, I told him, he has a greater chance of diagnosis than me, because no one in my family has it, or maybe that we know of ... As Blacks, I think we're too use to carry around extra weight.  I know even when I was smaller, I was comfortable carrying around 15 more pounds than I should have.  So, he's sold on getting to a lower number than he's use to and so am I!!

Now, I want to be within my weight range.  I want to be healthy, and I want to be tight and toned ...

I took a look at some old photo's and I think I was even bigger than I am now!  atleast 10 pounds.  I didn't weigh myself then .. Thank God, I probably would have fainted!  I remember putting deoderant between my rolls!  I had to work extra hard at my hygeine.  The price you pay for food!

My co-workers are starting to eat better, too.  We're all Salespeople and Office workers ... so you know ... someone brought biscuits, someone else had cookies, etc .. and don't mention the Lunches ... Like I said before, I would even treat!

Oh my God.  to think of all the ignorant eating I did, and I'm a smart person. 

The men, do I have to say it? ... they're weight is dropping like bags of dirt.  They're running and losing beer bellies ... and the women, oh, we're 2 pounds a week, sometimes, but we're determined to keep going.  I know, I know it's the difference in hormone's!! 

ha ha ha

Oh well, enough for now ... got to get ready for tomorrow.  wanna rise early and get my walk in.

My Legs betrayed me

Had a great walk Friday.  My husband was off, so he went out with me.  He is doing so well, but of course he's a Gym fanatic.  Hate him. :)

I couldn't believe how fast I was able to walk.  I think my legs were trying to impress him.

Saturday morning, I was feeling good, so I rose early and went for my walk  and at 8 am, Thank you very much!  Ah, it was great.  Came across a pack of joggers with great bodies.  Waved hello and allowed the thought to enter my mind ... "hmm one day"'

NOT!!!  I'm no runner.  If I'm running, it's because someone's chasing me!

And then came Sunday .... rose early and proceeded to take my walk ... as I walked down the driveway and into the alley, I thought .. hmm I should warm up.  Nah, I feel good.

Hah!  about a block from home ... my feet felt like they were 3 x's their size, my calves were tight and felt like steel ... and I was screaming inside my head ... You should have warmed up, but even if I didn't, Legs ... you don't have to betray me like this!  This is so wrong.

Oh well, after walking as far as I could without dying infront of somone's yard, I returned home.  only a mile!  and a very slow painful mile.  Oh well, lesson learned.  Warm Up and drink water before I go out.

Watched Kimora Lee's Fabulous Life this afternoon.  She is so Awesome and looks Fabulous.  I'm sure she works hard it.  Okay Whatever!!

I'm amazed and afraid about my progress.  I see myself reaching for better food choices and it's like an out of body of experience.  Just a couple of months ago, I was completely Out of Control.  Stopping by Dairy Queen almost everyday after work and buying a Large Ice Cream cone, and sometimes dipped.  Eating out each and every day and ordering dessert - and eating ALL of IT.  Eating a King Size Kit Kat from the vending machine and barley drinking water ... or shall I say, replaced water with Pepsi.

and with all of this change, I'm still only 8.5 pounds down, and that fluctuates from day to day.  I should see a bigger difference.  My clothes show change in the protrusion of my belly .. but my scale.  Uggh!!

I'll do some research tonight online and see where I'm missing it. 

Owning My Fat

It had to happen ....

at work today ... someone was trying to explain a Client's Service.

there was a physician who performed Liquid Lipo treatments ... he injects a needle with whatever he claims burns fat ...

Well, the tiny AE was trying to be PC and with hand gestures she said, "you know, for those, you know"

I said (giving her relief from her pain), honey, you mean he sucks out fat, like this?  

I think she almost died on the spot ....

I went on to say, Let's work with him a schedule, but I prefer to lose mine the Old Fashion way through proper portions, better food choices and exercise.

I had a Out of Body Experience I tell you .. a month ago, I WOULD HAVE DIED.  right there.  

Thank God for this sight.  I'm able to be honest with myself and others about My Fat.

My name is Jtoye and I Own My Temporarily Fat State!

to the rhythm of James Brown ... I feel good!!!

I'm the Fat Girl!

Remember when you were young (and skinny!), and you had friends that you described as "the one with the long hair,  the one with the gap in her teeth, or Forbid, the fat girl, you know."

I'm the Fat Girl!!!

I'm not for being mean or inconsiderate at any age, but I looked in the mirror and it's like "All of Sudden" ... I have Sight ... I'm the Fat Girl.

When did this happen?

I remember a few sweets here and there, and not walking this month or that ... and a few kids later, and alot of Church and Work Meetings, and .... now, I'm the Fat Girl.

I UNDERSTAND how it came happen, and you don't have to a lazy slob to get here.  I'm very meticulous.  I Care, Care, Care how I look, I have pictures of "My Face" to prove it ... but what I didn't do was "Keep" taking pictures of my changing/growing body. 

September, 26th.  7:45 pm Eastern Time, and I realize, I got Fat.

Why didn't I have this Revelation years ago?

Now, I'm on a journey to lose 100 pounds by Next Summer.  Realized it earlier, and it would have gone, by now.

Uggggh.

Oh well.  Had a Great Walk today.  Legs are extremely better.  I was like the energizer Bunny ... I wanted to keep going and going.  But I know, it's better to pace myself.  I'll tack out the distance tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure I was close to 3 miles. 

I think the shock of jumping rope the other night helped.  I think Body is thinking ... this crazy woman is serious!

Onward and Upward!