I almost forgot to update you guys on the other stuff going on in my life! I said I would tell you guys more about stuff that I was facing up to. So the big thing was a marriage that was seriously sucky! My husband is not a bad person, but our marriage seemed to have run it's course and I was no longer prepared to live in blah land! I finally mustered the courage to have a serious talk with him and for a bit there is looked like it was all over and that I would be heading back to South Africa asap. Then hubby did some thinking and we did some more talking (he did some begging) and we are giving it another go. This time I have set a deadline for 3 months to at least show improvement with both of us making an effort. I don't want anther year to go by and to find myself still stuck in the same place with him.
On the upside I discovered that I am stronger than I thought and I am prepared to leave if I have to. Another thing is that he has agreed to help finance me in furthering my education. One thing that has kept me with him and made me feel trapped, was that I gave up my career before I was qualified and now I don't have qualifications that I can fall back on to provide me with a reasonable standard of living should we split or if something should happen to him. Plus it was the first time that I really acknowledged and voiced the fact that I hate being a full time mom, housekeeper and homeschooler!
I love my children dearly, but I need more to be a fully functioning person in my own right. I need more interaction and stimulation. At the same time though, I still want to be available to my kids when they go back into a normal school situation again - and they will as there is no way I'm homeschooling for the rest of their educations! So I need something that could be run from home or in my hours. And that also means that I do not want to live here indefinitely. Even if we can't go from here directly to Oz, then we'll head back to SA for a bit. So, we have a plan of action and are both finally getting pro-active with regards to our futures.
My sister suggested that I would be great as a beauty therapist. Growing up I was always doing everyone's hair and makeup and helping them decide what to wear. Somehow over the years although I had thought of it, I didnt' think I would be capable of doing it - and that I certainly wouldn't look the part! Now that I'm getting back in touch with my feminine side again and making more effort with my appearance - and I have more energy again - I believe that I could do this.
I've found a one year course in beauty therapy that I can do via correspondence that requires 7 days of practicals back in South Africa in order to receive certification. There is also a 3 month course in Image Consultancy and a 3 month Reflexology course that I want to do as well. So finances willing, I will sign up next month for the one year course! If they aren't too heavy and I can handle it then I'd like to do the other courses concurrently as well so that in a year's time I can be finished.
So changes in the pipeline all round. A few months ago I could not have envisigned changing my life, but now...while change is still scary...it's do'able!
Posted By: Jackbethin
Comments to this post:
03/10/2007 10:43
Wow
I admire you drive and determination to make sure you're in a good place with/without your husband. I wish I had done that when I found myself single again at 34 with four kids (2, 3, 6 & 8). I had an education, but hadn't worked in years... it was tough. It is tough so more power to you for getting it right. Keep up the great work! : )
Hey there, thanks os much for keeping up with things. As I read your blog, seem you are having a bit of ahard spot now. Seems this year is not such a great year. I agree with what you are doing. Frankly, I could never be a stay home mom and homeschooler because I love to be with other people and give myself a break from house, kids and hubby. I thought I would go crazy when I was home on vacationa nd all that mess was going down. I almost made up my mind to go back tot he States to take a break from it all and found a great deal on tickets but my DH really lost it when he found out. I hav always been very independent and he knows I can leave him at anytime and still be alright. Keeps him in line really. Things are going a bit better for me. I need to be more faithful to my blog, just get so busy with work started back and such. DH seems to be alright for now but I do worry about how things will be once he/she is born. I have yet to tell my workplace yet and that does worry me. It is frustrating to have been so close to goal and then to find out I was pregnant. Honestly, it felt that all was against me to lose all this weight but if I did it this time, I can do it again and will do it again. My husband hates that I can't get to goal right now and don't know how to deal with that emotion from him. Why is it that men are trouble?? But I think once you can get out of the house and feel better again, I think things will look up for you again. .
Who is that girl in the picture? You look so young and I love your hair. You are really doing it and taking charge of your life.
I am glad to see that you have given your relationship another go. We do get into such a rut with our "roles" and really need to say what we want rather than just wishing and hoping. I don't know about you, but I am not very good at saying what I really mean!And I do feel that it is really important to be someone outside of the home. When you do your beauty course and possibly make it to Oz, you have a client right here!
Honestly, every time I feel like giving up on dieting, I am again inspired by you. I hope you are exceptionally proud of yourself - you deserve it in spades.
Your pics are GREAT! Sometimes in life we need to look at where we've been and we're are going. I'm sorry it's your marriage that is in play, but I pray things work out for you.
No more....I am so happy that you are stepping out and up. Your marriage does deserve at least one more chance and I pray that you will both end up happier in the marriage. Communication seems to be lacking in alot of relationships. And once you start to communicate your thoughts, feelings, wishes, things start to turn around, I used to always hold things in and hubby never knew what was up, I would stew in my anger, sadness, loneliness, misery or whatever and never spoke my mind. It made for a hubby that would walk on egg shells all the time and he was always at a loss on how to help me. Then one day I lost it. He thought he'd have to take me to the psych ward. I mean I lost it. Screaming, crying and getting violent. I wanted to rip the world apart, my husband was either gonna run for it or deal with it and he chose to deal with me. He just held me tight and I just started spewing everything that was bothering me at that time, that was about 8 years ago. We have been together for 15, it took me that long to finally let myself express my feelings. Now, we tell each other if we are upset with one another and why. This gives the other person time to explain themselves and to amend whatever caused the fall out in the first place.
Sorry for the rambling on about me, but I wanted you to know that I am proud of you for wanting to make things better for not only yourself but your husband and your kids.
Good luck with the beauty course, you can make a killing with that kind of stuff. If you do electrolysis and manicures and pedicures you could start up a spa. I was thinking of something like that for a side job, but I don't fit the profile of a beautician. I don't take care of myself enough to do something like that as a full time job. I can hardly remember to put oil of olay on my face in the morning, the only thing the reminds me is the fact that its winter outside and my skin is dry as hell.
Okay, won't bore you anymore. You are beautiful and you will do wonderful as a beautician.
Congratulations on the below 80! May it be everlasting! I was feeling really depressed all week long... And then I saw that 79.8 and wished it was MY SCALE! You're such an inspiration, truly...
You seem like a really strong woman, facing your marriage in such way... Again, an inspiration.
And I do feel that it is really important to be someone outside of the home. When you do your beauty course and possibly make it to Oz, you have a client right here!