SO Disappointed...

It's been weeks since I've been here and it got to the point that I am so disappointed in myself, I didn't want to come back.  But, I convinced myself I needed to suck it up and try again. 

I was sick around Labor Day and that entire week was pretty much shot.  I did my walking/workouts about 5-6 times since and I've been SO good w/my food but nothing seems to be happening.  I even went to the Dr to see about getting a prescription for phenteramine since I took it about 10 years ago but he suggested I try a medical nutrition class @ one of the hospitals first.  Only problem is after I talked to them and got the costs, I realized it would be a while before I could afford it.  I've also been thinking about the Lap-band surgery but I want to try EVERYTHING I can before I dive any further into my research.

I've been SO good w/my food intake - I think I've been under 2000 calories almost every day since I last posted and I've increased my water intake 10 fold but yet NOTHING is happening!  I weighed myself last night and I haven't budged!!   I just don't get it - I know I need to push myself more as far as working out but I would have thought that the changes I DID make would have paid off in SOME way...  Grrrr!!! 

I'm also trying to focus more on loving myself - I've been SO hard on myself because of my size but I need to realize that my weigt is only one small factor of who I am as a person.  I've been volunteering, dontaing and just trying to be more positive in general.  Beating myself up all the time only makes me more depressed which causes me to eat more.  It's just a big circle!

I watched an episode of the Biggest Loser the other night and felt so guilty that I was sitting on my couch watching this show while people my size were working their butts off (literally).  I'm thinking I am either going to join a gym again or @ least make sure I get in more activity.  We've got 3 floors in my apt building and I think they would be perfect to use to get in more activity....

Long story short, I have been an all around slacker.  I haven't seen ANY results and it's because I haven't done anything for 2 weeks now!   I've got some new workout videos from the library and I also found some cheap ones @ the Goodwill so hopefully I'll enjoy doing 1 or 2 of them.  Even if I don't like them, I don't care because I HAVE to do them anyway!

I hope everyone out there has been doing WAY better than me.  Please keep your fingers crossed that I don't fall off the wagon again.  :) 

Stay Strong!

I missed you on here!  Glad you came back.  I think you can really use this site to help you.  I am here for you whatever you need.  Email me or if you want i can email you everyday to make sure you are where you need to be!

NEVER get mad at yourself for your size.  You aren't dieting now just for appearance sake...you are doing it for health reasons too.  Yes, the obvious of wanting to look better is a good driver...but when you look better you feel better and are actually doing your body a HUGE favor and you will live a longer, healthier, happier life. 

What actually got me here on my new journey was my research into the Lap-Band.  I went so far as to contact a doctor and go the the pre-seminar before meeting with them for a surgical consult.  My insurance wouldn't cover the procedure unless i went on a 6 month docotor monitored diet.  So i went to my doctor that i had spoken with about the surgery before hand and she was like ok lets do it...but i think that if you keep your mind set of the real goal of health you can do this on your own without surgery.  And just that tiny bit of faith she showed in me lit something inside and i said gosh darnit i can and WILL do this on my own.  I will show everyone i am not a fat couch potato and there is more to me than just how i look.

Yes i have my downfalls - read about my weekend and you will see just how much i can slip up.  Everyone does.  the important thing though is getting back on track as soon as possible and forgetting about the past mistake because in the long run it doesn't matter how many ups and downs you had along the road it is that you made it to your destiation. 

So stay strong.  Stay committed.  My advice for the not losing thing.  Read and write down EVERY label.  Try cutting out any processed foods and any non-complex carbs - only whole grain or wheat products and not too much of that anyway.  Try to stay away from the starchy fruits and veggies - more veggies and fruits!!!  Less calories.  Fill yourself up on those things until you are tired of that particular veggie or fruit and switch it up.  Don't eat something you aren't going to enjoy just because it is healthy.  Plan your meals for the next day the night before AFTER you eat dinner and aren't hungry anymore.  STICK to that plan.  If you get hungry before a meal drink a whole glass of water, wait 5 minutes and see if you are still hungry.  Use EP to track your calories and carbs and fat to make sure you are sticking to it.  Move and burn more calories than you take in.  Eat bigger meals earlier in the day - lighter at night.  Any movement is better than none....march in place while watching your favorite TV show - throw in some up and down arms and some knee lifts and side to side steps...at your own pace watching water you want...you will be surprised at how "far" that will take you - in a 30 minute episode you could walk 1-2 miles depending on your speed and exertion!

DON'T GIVE UP!   You can and WILL do this.  I have faith in you.  You need to as well!