Shake your groove thang... yeah yeah

Tonight is girl's night and I am ready!! Have only been able to work out twice this week and I miss it.  I need not only that time to myself but the extra energy it gives me. Yesterday at work we had to make five New Year's Resolutions for our private life and our professional life. I do not believe in making resolutions of any type and I struggled with this. I didn't have the nerve to tell my boss so I just wrote down pat answers. When she called me in her office to ask me about my list, I told her I didn't like to make resolutions but I like to set goals... with rewards. She laughed and then told me that if I met my weightloss goal then she would give me a dress out of the showroom. Yippee for me!

New Year... New Me.. blah blah blah

Today my arms are sore which I kind of think is a good thing. I never did get to make my food chart but that is still on list for today. No one is in my office so I have the radio cranked up and playing. I know I will pay for the slacking next Wednesday but sometimes, you need a break.

Today's to do list:

make food chart

snap a few pictures today

fix nails

hold in stomach

Good Lord I am out of shape

I went back to the Y last night and realized why my panties don't fit the same way. I am very out of shape. I haven't gained as much weight as I thought but it's like every muscle I had turned to jiggly fat. My knee only gave me few problems and hope that continuous exercise will help it. I am not very sore so I am going back tonight. I am being very productive at work and making a food chart to help me keep up with my eating and going to practice holding in my stomach all day. And water... drinking lots of water.

To do list for today:

record all food intake

hold in stomach

go to Y

pretend to work

New Years Resolutions and all that stuff

I try not to make resolutions because I always seem to break them so I make mine in jest.... to shop more or to give up smoking... which I do not do... so they are easy and no pressure. But this year I have resolved to get myself back together. This past year was a series of highs and lows but mainly lows. I wore a size 12 and a size 16 and everything in between. I realized I cannot control my food.....bad stress and I eat everything thats not tied down... good stress and I could care less about food.  In October I was in a serious car accident. Since then I have come to grips with lots of things. I was on the verge of an affair and surely divorce. I was making bad decisions left and right and blaming everyone but myself. But after laying in a hospital bed, not knowing how I was ever going to walk again... or really , just get out of the bed I realized I wanted so much more out of my life. So for Christmas my husband signed me back up at the YMCA and bought me a new pair of tennis shoes. I am going today, wish me luck.

Support

My last post was the last time I went to the Y for a long time. I went back to work and got lazy. That's all there is to it, I got lazy!! But I have been 5 days a week for two weeks now. Someone told me that you have to do something 21 days in a row for it to become a habit. I hope to make this a habit again. i have to work in time for me, it will be better for my family in the long run. I need support. I need a family to help me and get behind me, and it sure isn't mine right now. But I will make it and lose my last fifty pounds before next year. i hope so!!!

self confidence

I had a friend show me an older picture of myself and comment about my weight loss. 'i can't believe how good you look now' she said. And I cringed, not only at the 'fat' picture but I know I don't look as good as some say. Since losing this weight, I realize just how far I have to go. And it was a struggle to lose the first fifty, how much harder is it going to be to lose the last fifty?  I see every flaw so much clearer now. Yes, I can wear a size 14 but still, it's a 14 and so far away from a 10. I see the jiggles and the flab and what needs to be done. i have hit a stumbling block and need to get around it. Or rather, just get over it. I have not been as diligent as I need to be and I have platued at 195. I am still in the obese catagory... waiting.  And it's my fault. Every week I make a resolution to get back on schedule and every week, I make more excuses. it's a mental issue now and i have got to move on.

14

I bought a pair of jeans yesterday and they were a size 14. Granted, they were from Lane Bryant and I had to buy a size 16 from Gap but well, you get the idea. The dress I wore when I graduated high school was a size 13. There is no way I could wear a juniors size now but it is so close!! Oh, I graduated 18 years ago.

Nothing to do with weight

I live in a very small southern town that is very traditional old south. Today I got stopped by a funeral. As I watched everyone pull to the side and wait, and policemen remove their hats, I began to tear up. I realize some do not know what I'm talking about but it was just such show of respect for a stranger and their family. And no one went around or got impatient. I don't know if this is done anywhere but the south but it should still be done. And I know there are people around here who think it's nuts. But to witness this if you are part of the funeral procession is very touching. When my grandmother died I remember watching a man walking down the street stop and remove his hat until every single car went by. That one small act of kindness touched me more than a lot cards and flowers did. I cannot understand why this makes me cry or means so much but it does and it is yet one more reason I love living not only in the south but in a small town.

finally back to the gym and onderland

Tomorrow will be two weeks since my surgery and this is the first day back to the gym. I feel a little sore but in a good way. I have had a time eating and the only thing that really stays with me is bread. Bread, the most evil of all things for me, is the only thing I have been able to eat.  When I stepped on the scale today I was expecting the worst. But that was not the case. I finally hit the magical number. My weight begins with a one for the first time in fifteen years. If I had been alone, I think I would have cried. This is so huge for me and me alone. I have tried to lose weight but never lost more than twenty or so pounds. So to see that on the scale moved my soul. I am in a size 14 (for the most part) now and starting to put belts on my 16's and working on my arms. I wore a size 14 when I was 20, sixteen years ago. My wedding dress is too big. I could go on and own but  I think these are moments just for me. God bless!

good-bye gall bladder

Tomorrow morning I will have gall bladder surgery and I am so happy. I feel like I have been sick more times since losing weight than ever before. So many have told me their stories that I feel like I will be fine. The surgeon did tell me it would be two weeks before I could lift weights but to keep walking. I can start back walking as soon as I feel like it. That was good news. I certainly do not need any more excuses to sit on my couch and eat. I can create those all day long, heaven help me if I have an actual legitimate reason!