YAY! I'm in the 2's!!

Finally this morning I reached 299.7. I'm in the 2's!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

Sad news :(

I got the results from my CD21 progesterone level and it was too low for the doctor's to think I ovulated. I'm kinda disappointed, but I was almost expecting it for some reason. Anyway... this next cycle I'll be trying Clomid 100 mg.

This whole thing is just an emotional roller coaster for me. I mean, I guess I took for granted the fact that having a baby isn't always easy. I mean when you are growing up, you just always think... well I'll finish college .. I'll get married.. then when we get ready to have children we will. Well the first couple things worked out according to my plan, but it is totally apparent this particular thing is out of my hands. I try to tell myself that God has perfect timing, it's just hard to understand why this has to be such a struggle. I've always wanted to have a family. My husband wants a child sooo much too. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing him, and it's hard.

On top of this I've cheated on my diet a bit the past few days. I'm back on track today but I'm not sure if the weigh-in Friday will be so good because of those 2 bad days.

It feels good to get this all out though. I'm tired of crying over all of this. I guess all I can do is keep trying and keep praying. Keep me in mind when you say your prayers tonight please!

I hope you all are having a good good day!

Down 1.3

I'm happy about this, but GOOOOOOOOOOOOODNessssssssssss I am ready to be under 300! It's like I've been so close the past few weeks and it's just toying with me. I wanna be back in the 2's!

Ah well, soon enough right? Enough of my tantrum. Things have been going alright lately I suppose. Nothing new and exciting. Most of my days have seemed like the last here lately. That kinda sucks I guess. But anyway.

Today I'm going to have a CD21 progesterone level drawn to see if the Clomid helped me to ovulate. I really hope it did but I'm just not sure if I should get my hopes up. And of all days.. my appointment .. my CD21 ... had to be Friday the 13th. Now I'm not sure I believe in all that hoop-la, but it just seems like a bad sign. hahah

Anyway... I hope you are all doing great. I really have to get back to my blogging more often.

What's new pussycat...

Well, as of today I've lost 27.7 lbs! I still cannot  believe it. My next goal is to get to 40 lbs lost. In the past I would lose 30lbs and then give up.. but this time I'm determined to keep on truckin and make it pass that mark. I don't know why things always got hard for me at that 30 lb mark. But.. Weight Watchers is working great for me. I'm finally to that point where I'm not rushing myself or setting time limits and stressing myself out. I'm okay if it takes a while... because at least it is coming off and i'm not going crazy starving myself!

I finally found a great gyno who wants to help me on the baby front too. I'm so glad of that. She's doing extra monitoring and going that extra step. So for the first time, I'm starting to feel a little hopeful that we will have children of our own. That is, of course, my main motivation for doing all of this. Everytime it get's really hard for me... I think of us having a family.. and it makes it seem so worth it. I know the weight loss will help my PCOS. At least that's what they say, right?

Well I hope everyone's doing well. I hate that it's been a while since I updated but we have been re-modeling our kitchen!

Good weigh-in!

Another 4 lbs. down! Yay!

I am SO SORE!

...but for a good reason. I started walking! (Well this is only technically the 2nd day I've been walking.. but hey!)

The first day I walked a mile in 22 minutes. Not so great but then again not bad for my first time in a long time. Well today I walked the same mile and did it in 19 minutes!!! I panted and struggled the whole way but I beat my first day by 3 minutes! That's gotta count for something! haha  Weight Watchers is going great. My sister and husband actually joined with me, so it'll be easier cooking for all of us now! I'm really glad to have them on board. It is so nice to have someone know what I'm going through.

And in other news: Although I didn't have good news on the pregnancy front this time.. I actually got good news at the gynecologist. I finally found a GREAT gyno and she is going to help me figure out what is going on with my body. She's going to be doing extra labs and running tests and we'll see if I'm actually ovulating like I should and go from there. She really feels like we can figure this out... and that feels SOO GREAT. Finally someone who will help me! That's all I've wanted!

Yippee!

So today was my weigh-in and I lost the 2 that I had gained over my birthday weekend... plus 1.3 more! Wooohooo!

Unfortunately, now I have to go to the gynecologist for my annual pap... not woohoo.

Hope everyone's having a great day out there!

Back to doing good...

Birthday weekend is over and I've eaten my share of cake. Now it's time to get serious again. I'm back OP today, so here I go again.

The pregnancy tests I took were all negatives! So now I'm just waiting for AF to show up... (or not to show up since I have PCOS and never know if I'll have a cycle or not). This is all so frustrating.

It's heartbreaking and frustrating. That whole "infertility hurts" quote is and understatement. It's like you get your hopes up each time just to suffer through another emotional cycle. What's worse is that when I go to the doctor they don't even really want to talk to me about having a child because I'm overweight. That's all they will focus on. Forget that I'm otherwise healthy... let's just focus on the fact that her belly is big. (And I know that I'm ranting now because I know there are more risks for women who are overweight becoming pregnant.)

I just feel so stumped... because now all I can do is Wait.. and wait.. and try to lose more weight and hope that I'll lose enough to where a doctor will actually help me! Gosh I really got off topic here. I guess that's what's on my mind though. It just all leaves me so drained. I even considered adoption, but who has 30,000 just lying around. Anyway.. please say prayers for me. I hope you all are doing good!

Birthday week! How does one go about this?

Okay, so my birthday is Friday. People at work have been buying me treats, and tonight they are throwing me a party. I'm happy about this but at the same time .. it means I'll have to eat some of it because they bought it! I didn't know they were doing this so of course I had already used my flex points. And from overhearing what they are bringing... it's not exactly healthy stuff. We are talking cake, sandwiches, chicken, chips...

And then on Friday my family is taking me to my favorite restaurant, and my husband is baking another cake! What am I gonna do. Do you guys give yourself a little leniency on like birthdays, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas?

I'm not saying I wanna pig out or anything, but I would like to eat some of my cakes! But I know the scale will reflect it that next week!

Ahhhh... what's a girl to do?!

1 month results!

Down 3.5lbs this week, 14.6 for my first month total!

WOOOOOOOOOOP WOOOOOOOOOOP! ahah  *dances around the house*