So I'm way proud of myself for doing well today despite how STARVING I was. I'm not surprised - this literally was like a Day One again so going down to 1200 calories was a shock to the stomach. I ate lunch at like 10, and "dinner" at like 3 and now I'm eating free veggies and my fruit for dinner. (In my defense, I woke up at 5, so it was a long day.)
I'm also making more mushrooms/carrots in my pot roast broth, so that I have yummy veggies for the week. As soon as I take the veggies out of the oven, I'm going upstairs and watching House. (I REALLY need to get away from the kitchen!)
Ok, yeah me. Now let's see if I can get to bed early to get to the gym tomorrow. Haven't been to the gym in FOREVER. Yikes.
Gratitude journal: 1) My roommate who has shoveled the driveway TWICE. 2) My health - other than my high BMI I'm super healthy! Low cholesterol, low blood pressure, low fasting blood sugar, and other good stuff. yeah me! 3) My pretty eyes. They're my favorite feature. =)
Hey everybody - I'm alive! I traveled for work all last week, and didn't have any access to e-mail or internet. I was good on the plan for Monday but Tuesday was a snow day and I ate like a wild beast. Tried to get back on plan on Wednesday, and made it about half the day before giving up to all the banquet food for the work meetings. Kept trying to pick myself up but didn't work.
Then this weekend I went to Chicago and thought I would do Ok since my friend is trying to lose weight. I thought she would cook well (on WW points) so I didn't bring any food with me. Turns out she hasn't been counting points recently, so we didn't eat HORRIBLY but we def didn't eat well.
The point is: I'm sick of eating like shit (excuse my french). We took a picture for the work training and I saw how disgustingly gross I look. Wake up call.
Time for a new Day One. I have a bunch of food from Jenny Direct left, but after that, I'm switching to the local center. I'm sick of ordering 4 weeks of food at a time, and then having tons of extra food lying around tempting me, taking up all the freezer space and spending tons of money on shipping. I'm going to eat the JC food I have until I start to run low, and then switch to the local center. Maybe meeting a JCC in person will be a better solution. I just need to figure out when I can swing by the center consistently. Maybe Thursday after work?
Anyway, new day one tomorrow morning. Will probably be a long day at work, so bringing dinner with me too in case I need to stay late.
Put the past two weeks behind me and move on. I can do this. I can change. I have control.
Gratitude journal for today: 1) Noodles! She's checked in a couple of times worried about me. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers (technically). 2) A good weekend in Chicago with my friend. I told her that I didn't want to shop or drink, and she was completely understanding. We went to a museum and then went to a comedy show. She was really supportive and it was nice to see her. 3) I get to see my crush on Thursday! It's his going away party (he got promoted and moving to a different group) and I'm excited to see him. I'm also going to use the opportunity to do some damage control and look fabulous.
This week was pretty bad for several reasons. I was off plan more than I was on, and I haven't done any exercise since Sunday.
But I forgive myself for this week. I chose not to weigh in this morning, because I didn't want to give myself an opportunity to "see failure" and potentially set myself up to throw up my arms and give up.
I am allowed to trip and fall sometimes. As long as I pick myself up and keep going, I'll be OK. This is a journey, full of obstacles. I need to persevere.
So I'm going to bed and getting up to hit the gym. And eating my Sunshine Sandwich.
Oh yeah, I just watched Oprah on the Law of Attraction (which was awesome!) so I'm going to write three things I'm grateful for everytime I post. So here's the first.
1) My Dad: the man who put me through school, helped me get a house, supported me through my breakup, who gives me advice on life and who makes me laugh 2) My Mom: the woman who will listen and soothe me when I cry, who continuously is thinking of me, who just wants the best for me, who will get out of bed at midnight and drive an hour for me and who will praise me for who I am 3) My brother: the guy who makes me laugh everytime I see him, who included me with his friends for the first time a few years ago, who treats me as a resource for proofreading resumes and papers and who bonded with me last night on the phone
Ok, this sucks. I just wrote my damn blog a couple of hours ago and the binge beast took over soon after. Let's just say I ate som Easy Mac and some of my leftover JC desserts.
WHY DO I DO THIS????? OH MY GOD - I FEEL SOOOOOOO OUT OF CONTROL. It's like food is oxygen and I'll die if I stop stuffing my face.
Finally, the disgusting feeling and disappointment took over, and I stopped. Now I'm feeling like crap. ARGH.
The biggest problem, I think, is just sitting around the house. Especially on the first floor. I'm SUPER good at work, because I'm removed from all the temptation. At home. . . not so much.
I'm sooooooooo mad at myself now. AARRRRRRRRRGHHHH.
Am working from home since it's going to snow 6 inches today. Actually drove to work, did an hour's worth of stuff, packed up my computer and drove back home. It's snowing pretty hard right now already and I'm relieved to already be home. Apparently there was a really bad snow storm last year, and it took anywhere from 4 to 6 hours for my colleagues to get home. I think my boss was a bit pissed, but I don't care. I'm not getting into an accident or wasting a tank of gas and 4 hours of my time to drive home. (I'm not strong enough to turn off the TV though, so I'm really going to get a FRACTION done of what I would at work. Eh - whatever.)
I COMPLETELY FORGOT about a week long of all day training next week when I bought February's food a few weeks ago (I do Jenny Direct). So I drove to the closest JC centre to buy 5 days of shelf-safe food. And seriously, I don't care if I have to eat in the bathroom, I'm eating the JC food. And I'll put the cereal and snacks in plastic snack bags, so that it just looks like normal cereal and snacks instead of SCREAMING "I'm on Jenny Craig!!!". And I'll just eat the veggies and salads from the banquet meals. Literally, I swear to eat the JC foods in the bathroom. Cold chili. Whatever. I'm DEDICATED.
The real challenge comes with the drinking expected on Monday and Thursday night. I'm not as worried about Monday night - I can just brush it off as "I don't want to drink - IT'S MONDAY FOR GOODNESS SAKES" but Thursday night out. . . . I know it'll be fun and l'll probably want to do it. And my weigh-in is Friday morning! Eeek!!! Would it be bad to weigh in Thursday morning? Or just not weigh in? EEEEEK.
And again, there's a going away party for one of our coworkers this Wednesday. Again, drinking expected. It's one thing to be 24 and have my social life revolve around drinking. But why are there so many drinking work functions? IT'S BAD ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THE FOOD AT WORK PEOPLE - why do they have to make it worse with drinking too?
UGH. And I didn't go the gym today. Had a horrendous nightmare, and wanted to lie in bed and think positive things instead of getting up with those images in my brain. (And when I say that I have nightmares - I have NIGHTMARES. Like someone tied me up as a prisoner, I tried to escape, they STABBED ME in the stomach, I tried to escape and did, and then was running for my life bleeding in pain for the rest of my dream. There has to be something wrong with me for dreaming about crazy stuff like this.)
Ok, time for fish and chips. And shout out to Noodles for her loss - she's a trooper!
Ok, have been putting off writing because I was sooooooo off plan this weekend. Ended up going out to dinner at a steakhouse with some friends, so ate a big juicy filet mignon with all the extras and it was DELICIOUS. God I miss steak. So then thought I would stay on the plan for the Superbowl party and just snack on the veggie tray I was bringing. So much for the play. Derailed HORRIBLY and ate like a wild beast. Don't even want to get into the details of my horrible eating at the Superbowl party. It did involve Tombstone pizza, Mexican 7 layer dip, chips galore and really yummy cookies though. Ugh. Gross.
My only redeeming point of this weekend is that I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. I did drink Fresca last night at the party and didn't order any wine or anything on Saturday. So I guess that's a little better.
So, worked out yesterday and woke up early to work out this morning. Will work out every morning this week, PRAYING that I can undo the damage I did Saturday and Sunday. Yikes.
And did not see my crush because he was in Chicago with friends cheering for the Bears. Too bad they LOST! Go Colts!
Ok, over and out. Wish me luck - hopefully I can compensate Monday through Thursday for my sins this weekend.
I'm down two pounds!! This is just so much motivation - I want to lose at least a pound for next week so that I can say that I have lost 10 pounds on JC!! (I like taking it 10 pounds at a time - 40 pounds to lose is pretty daunting.)
And, might I add, we got to wear our Colts apparrel to work today. I look mighty cute in a Peyton Manning jersey. I kinda wish my crush would see me today, but then again, he's a Bears fan. . .
Eek. It's 8:18PM and I'm already starting to worry about tomorrow morning's weigh in.
Don't you hate all the second guessing you do at the last minute when it's too late? Like the banana I had today. Why couldn't I have had an apple instead? Or the the drinking last Saturday. What was that about? (Not to mention I'm still obsessing over whether my crush thinks I'm an idiot now.) And what about only exercising 3 times this week - I wanted to get up to 4X! And the diet soda today. Damn the diet soda. I should have been chugging water! (I was about to pass out at my desk, so I do think I needed the caffeine.)
Well, I guess I won't know until tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!
Ok, I'm writing this post and then practicing my presentation.
1) I'm actually going to enter a coma tonight after work, so I turned down drinks and the play. I felt HORRIBLE this morning, and a lot of caffeine is the only thing keeping me going. So as soon as I can leave this afternoon, I'm going home to crash.
2) NOTHING CAN GO WRONG TODAY BECAUSE HARRY POTTER 7 IS COMING OUT THIS SUMMER. Little known fact (to you guys) about me: I'm pretty obsessed with the Harry Potter series. I just love them! So I only have to wait 6 months before I can FINALLY know what happens!! So I should just remember this tidbit when I get nervous in my presentation - it'll put a smile right on my face!
Ok, so it's almost 10 PM at night and I'm STILL working on this stupid powerpoint presentation that I have to give tomorrow morning to a bunch of Big Whigs.
I actually just walked to the refrigeration, opened it up, pulled open the drawer with my JC chocolate cakes, picked up a cake. . . . stared at it. . . . put it back, closed the drawer and closed the door.
Holy crap that was hard.
I just hate the fact that I'm still working. I hate the fact that I want to reward myself with food. I hate the fact that I still have the tendency to go the fridge when I'm stressed.
I put it back though, and that's pretty huge for me. My weigh in is on Friday and I was completely on plan today. Why screw it up?
