Ok, so I got to see D last night. I AM SO IN CRUSH WITH HIM. Oh my goodness. I got dressed last night and looked just about as cute last night. (In principle, I think I looked better Friday night. But my girlfriends did compliment me on how cute I looked last night, so that's good.) We went over to D's to watch the Indiana vs. Michigan State game. (D is a HUGE Indiana fan.) So watching the game was fun (and I was so attracted to how passionate D was about the game. Is anyone else like that? I just love guys that love sports. I love it. I am so attracted to guys that get heated and yell at the TV's. Seriously. So hot. I don't know why.) Anyway, so Indiana lost (boo) and we went out to the bars afterwards. There was about 6 or 7 of us, and we had such a good time. I literally was rolling on the floor - D could be a comedian, seriously. I broke down and told some of the other girls were with that I liked D, mostly because I wanted to "call dibs" if you will. They all were like "oh my gosh, he'd be so great for you, blah blah blah." So that was great.
So then my friend L and her boyfriend from Milwaukee went home, so I was left with D and his friends and my girlfriends. My girlfriends wanted to go to another bar (one of the girls has a crush who is a barback there) but D and his friends wanted to stay. So what did I do? I stayed with D and his guyfriends. AGAIN - maybe possibly should have "been elusive and mysterious and left things up for the imagination" but I didn't. I couldn't help it - I just wanted to talk to him some more! So I ended up having a really good conversation with him at the bar once everyone had left, because his friends were talking amongs themselves. So then we grabbed food (dammit - I ate nachos - I WAS STARVING) and went back to play poker. AND I WAS ON FIRE. So of course, I was talking smack and he was laughing at me and we were def. making really awesome eye contact. AND I STAYED UP UNTIL 5 AM PLAYING POKER WITH THEM BECAUSE I AM SO IN CRUSH. So I finally crashed on his couch at 5, and I have no idea when everyone else crashed.
OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO IN CRUSH WITH HIM. WOW DO I HAVE MOTIVATION TO GET UP AND GET TO THE GYM THIS WEEK. I HEART HIM.
OK: plan first. I am loving the fact that I went to the gym today and did 60 minutes on the elliptical. Loving the fact that I have motivation to stay on the plan, exercise and lose weight. Back in October and November, after all the bs with C and being alone, that's when I turned to food for comfort. Don't get me wrong - I'm doing this for myself - but I love having something to keep my motivation up.
Here's a decorder to keep track of everyone. D: the guy that I like, ridiculously funny and great guy B: the girl that might be my competition for D, really pretty, skinny, but not as awesome as me L: my friend who is the only one that knows I like D and is also a good friend of D M: a guy friend of me, also good friends of D and L, and the guy who is trying to get D and B together
Ok, so I didn't end up seeing him last night. It kinda sucked actually. I had thought that my friend L and I were going to go out with D and some people. L's boyfriend (who lives in Milwaukee) was driving to Indy yesterday afternoon and wanted to go out and meet all of us when he got to Indy. So this was a perfect excuse for me to get to see D again. Well, I came home after work, took an awesome nap, and got in the shower. Picked out a really cute outfit, did my makeup and hair PERFECT and called my friend L. WELL - it turns out that her boyfriend got caught in traffic and would be coming into Indy late. AND L had called a bunch of people and no one wanted to go out. And D wouldn't answer his phone when L called. So L pretty much cancelled on me. AND I LITERALLY WAS DRESSED AND CUTE AND AWESOME LOOKING. Dammit. I wasn't mad at L - it's not her fault - but I was just annoyed that I looked SO CUTE and had to change into my pajamas. So HOPEFULLY I will get to go out tonight and see D. And HOPEFULLY I can look as cute or BETTER tonight. Will keep you posted.
Ok - thought I would go into some details about Thursday night. Thursday night was D's "going away" party. (He got a promotion and is moving areas of the company, so it was really just a good excuse to drink on a Thursday night.) I got there at 5, and almost immediately he acknowledged my presence and said something funny to me. LOVE HIM. So we keep drinking and laughing (a big group of us) and things are going really well. I even tell the embarassing story from a few weeks ago to a bunch of people (the blog entry that I was FREAKING OUT the next day that I had acted like a humongous drunk asshole in front of him) and D chimed in and everyone laughed and it sounded like D thought the story was funny (not D thinking I'm a drunk fool.) So that was good. Anyway, things were going really great, and at like 9 we decided to go to a different bar to dance and whatnot.
That's when the night took a turn. M called B and told her to meet us at the new bar. UGH - background on this. Back at Halloween (when I hardly even knew D) I had heard that people, like M, were trying to set up D and B. Nothing happened back then, and I haven't really heard about anything since then, but had hoped that that ship has passed. Well, B shows up at the bar, and I feel like B and D are flirting. So I feel like poop and avoid him like the plague. I can't help but feel a bit discouraged, because she's really pretty AND SKINNY, and I know that he had kinda liked her at one point. So I hang out with my other friends and try to have fun even know B and D are flirting. Boo.
So then my friend L comes up to me and says "Why the hell are you over here??? GO FLIRT WITH D!!" And I explained about how B was in the way, and she convinced me that she thinks that nothing is going to happen between D and B. So I put on my A game and go flirt with D. And I feel like he def flirted back. We danced and flirting and things were good.
So then we all decided to leave at like 11. Myself, D and M were all going to crash at L's. But B was leaving the same time that we were, and she was going to walk to her car like 6 or 7 blocks away. So D was all like "No, you shouldn't walk alone downtown - I'll walk you." B kept saying she was fine, but D kept insisting that she shoudn't walk alone. Finally THANK GOD L convinced D that B was fine, and the four of us got in a cab while B walked to her cab. So does that mean that D likes B or does it just mean that he's a good guy and likes to walk girls to their cars? Argh.
So then we get back to L's and we stay up awhile, laughing and watching Spiderman 2. L decided to go to bed (I was going to sleep in her bed while M and D took the couches) but because I'm hopelessly in crush, I stayed up with M and D. (If I were a Rules girl, I would have gone to bed too with L. But I'm not. I wanted to stay up and spend more time with him.) So M, D and I stayed up until like 1:30, laughing and everything. Again, I felt like D and I were flirting back and forth. So everyone finally hit the hay at like 1:30.
So you can see why I'm so desperate to see him again?? I need to see if he'll keep flirting with me! And I need more time with him so that he can see how awesome I am. So hopefully that will be tonight. Wish me luck!
I just lost my ENTIRE entry - so I will probably post tomorrow.
The key points: I'm making progress on my eating, but am no where near perfect. Just trying to make better choices. And def. need to get back to the gym this weekend.
My crush: Went out with him last night and got mixed signals. Felt like he was flirting with this other girl (who is RIDICULOULY CUTE AND SKINNY) and was frustrated because I know people have been trying to get them together for awhile. But then later in the night, once we had lost her, I felt like he was flirting back at me (I was doing my best to be AMAZING - I think I did a pretty good job.)
Will hopefully see him out again tonight, because really REALLY like him. Will keep you posted.
Ugh, so annoyed that I lost that long post. Had so many details. If things go well tonight, I'll spend the time to repost everything.
So I'm way proud of myself for doing well today despite how STARVING I was. I'm not surprised - this literally was like a Day One again so going down to 1200 calories was a shock to the stomach. I ate lunch at like 10, and "dinner" at like 3 and now I'm eating free veggies and my fruit for dinner. (In my defense, I woke up at 5, so it was a long day.)
I'm also making more mushrooms/carrots in my pot roast broth, so that I have yummy veggies for the week. As soon as I take the veggies out of the oven, I'm going upstairs and watching House. (I REALLY need to get away from the kitchen!)
Ok, yeah me. Now let's see if I can get to bed early to get to the gym tomorrow. Haven't been to the gym in FOREVER. Yikes.
Gratitude journal: 1) My roommate who has shoveled the driveway TWICE. 2) My health - other than my high BMI I'm super healthy! Low cholesterol, low blood pressure, low fasting blood sugar, and other good stuff. yeah me! 3) My pretty eyes. They're my favorite feature. =)
Hey everybody - I'm alive! I traveled for work all last week, and didn't have any access to e-mail or internet. I was good on the plan for Monday but Tuesday was a snow day and I ate like a wild beast. Tried to get back on plan on Wednesday, and made it about half the day before giving up to all the banquet food for the work meetings. Kept trying to pick myself up but didn't work.
Then this weekend I went to Chicago and thought I would do Ok since my friend is trying to lose weight. I thought she would cook well (on WW points) so I didn't bring any food with me. Turns out she hasn't been counting points recently, so we didn't eat HORRIBLY but we def didn't eat well.
The point is: I'm sick of eating like shit (excuse my french). We took a picture for the work training and I saw how disgustingly gross I look. Wake up call.
Time for a new Day One. I have a bunch of food from Jenny Direct left, but after that, I'm switching to the local center. I'm sick of ordering 4 weeks of food at a time, and then having tons of extra food lying around tempting me, taking up all the freezer space and spending tons of money on shipping. I'm going to eat the JC food I have until I start to run low, and then switch to the local center. Maybe meeting a JCC in person will be a better solution. I just need to figure out when I can swing by the center consistently. Maybe Thursday after work?
Anyway, new day one tomorrow morning. Will probably be a long day at work, so bringing dinner with me too in case I need to stay late.
Put the past two weeks behind me and move on. I can do this. I can change. I have control.
Gratitude journal for today: 1) Noodles! She's checked in a couple of times worried about me. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers (technically). 2) A good weekend in Chicago with my friend. I told her that I didn't want to shop or drink, and she was completely understanding. We went to a museum and then went to a comedy show. She was really supportive and it was nice to see her. 3) I get to see my crush on Thursday! It's his going away party (he got promoted and moving to a different group) and I'm excited to see him. I'm also going to use the opportunity to do some damage control and look fabulous.
This week was pretty bad for several reasons. I was off plan more than I was on, and I haven't done any exercise since Sunday.
But I forgive myself for this week. I chose not to weigh in this morning, because I didn't want to give myself an opportunity to "see failure" and potentially set myself up to throw up my arms and give up.
I am allowed to trip and fall sometimes. As long as I pick myself up and keep going, I'll be OK. This is a journey, full of obstacles. I need to persevere.
So I'm going to bed and getting up to hit the gym. And eating my Sunshine Sandwich.
Oh yeah, I just watched Oprah on the Law of Attraction (which was awesome!) so I'm going to write three things I'm grateful for everytime I post. So here's the first.
1) My Dad: the man who put me through school, helped me get a house, supported me through my breakup, who gives me advice on life and who makes me laugh 2) My Mom: the woman who will listen and soothe me when I cry, who continuously is thinking of me, who just wants the best for me, who will get out of bed at midnight and drive an hour for me and who will praise me for who I am 3) My brother: the guy who makes me laugh everytime I see him, who included me with his friends for the first time a few years ago, who treats me as a resource for proofreading resumes and papers and who bonded with me last night on the phone
Ok, this sucks. I just wrote my damn blog a couple of hours ago and the binge beast took over soon after. Let's just say I ate som Easy Mac and some of my leftover JC desserts.
WHY DO I DO THIS????? OH MY GOD - I FEEL SOOOOOOO OUT OF CONTROL. It's like food is oxygen and I'll die if I stop stuffing my face.
Finally, the disgusting feeling and disappointment took over, and I stopped. Now I'm feeling like crap. ARGH.
The biggest problem, I think, is just sitting around the house. Especially on the first floor. I'm SUPER good at work, because I'm removed from all the temptation. At home. . . not so much.
I'm sooooooooo mad at myself now. AARRRRRRRRRGHHHH.
Am working from home since it's going to snow 6 inches today. Actually drove to work, did an hour's worth of stuff, packed up my computer and drove back home. It's snowing pretty hard right now already and I'm relieved to already be home. Apparently there was a really bad snow storm last year, and it took anywhere from 4 to 6 hours for my colleagues to get home. I think my boss was a bit pissed, but I don't care. I'm not getting into an accident or wasting a tank of gas and 4 hours of my time to drive home. (I'm not strong enough to turn off the TV though, so I'm really going to get a FRACTION done of what I would at work. Eh - whatever.)
I COMPLETELY FORGOT about a week long of all day training next week when I bought February's food a few weeks ago (I do Jenny Direct). So I drove to the closest JC centre to buy 5 days of shelf-safe food. And seriously, I don't care if I have to eat in the bathroom, I'm eating the JC food. And I'll put the cereal and snacks in plastic snack bags, so that it just looks like normal cereal and snacks instead of SCREAMING "I'm on Jenny Craig!!!". And I'll just eat the veggies and salads from the banquet meals. Literally, I swear to eat the JC foods in the bathroom. Cold chili. Whatever. I'm DEDICATED.
The real challenge comes with the drinking expected on Monday and Thursday night. I'm not as worried about Monday night - I can just brush it off as "I don't want to drink - IT'S MONDAY FOR GOODNESS SAKES" but Thursday night out. . . . I know it'll be fun and l'll probably want to do it. And my weigh-in is Friday morning! Eeek!!! Would it be bad to weigh in Thursday morning? Or just not weigh in? EEEEEK.
And again, there's a going away party for one of our coworkers this Wednesday. Again, drinking expected. It's one thing to be 24 and have my social life revolve around drinking. But why are there so many drinking work functions? IT'S BAD ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THE FOOD AT WORK PEOPLE - why do they have to make it worse with drinking too?
UGH. And I didn't go the gym today. Had a horrendous nightmare, and wanted to lie in bed and think positive things instead of getting up with those images in my brain. (And when I say that I have nightmares - I have NIGHTMARES. Like someone tied me up as a prisoner, I tried to escape, they STABBED ME in the stomach, I tried to escape and did, and then was running for my life bleeding in pain for the rest of my dream. There has to be something wrong with me for dreaming about crazy stuff like this.)
Ok, time for fish and chips. And shout out to Noodles for her loss - she's a trooper!
Ok, have been putting off writing because I was sooooooo off plan this weekend. Ended up going out to dinner at a steakhouse with some friends, so ate a big juicy filet mignon with all the extras and it was DELICIOUS. God I miss steak. So then thought I would stay on the plan for the Superbowl party and just snack on the veggie tray I was bringing. So much for the play. Derailed HORRIBLY and ate like a wild beast. Don't even want to get into the details of my horrible eating at the Superbowl party. It did involve Tombstone pizza, Mexican 7 layer dip, chips galore and really yummy cookies though. Ugh. Gross.
My only redeeming point of this weekend is that I didn't drink a drop of alcohol. I did drink Fresca last night at the party and didn't order any wine or anything on Saturday. So I guess that's a little better.
So, worked out yesterday and woke up early to work out this morning. Will work out every morning this week, PRAYING that I can undo the damage I did Saturday and Sunday. Yikes.
And did not see my crush because he was in Chicago with friends cheering for the Bears. Too bad they LOST! Go Colts!
Ok, over and out. Wish me luck - hopefully I can compensate Monday through Thursday for my sins this weekend.
I'm down two pounds!! This is just so much motivation - I want to lose at least a pound for next week so that I can say that I have lost 10 pounds on JC!! (I like taking it 10 pounds at a time - 40 pounds to lose is pretty daunting.)
And, might I add, we got to wear our Colts apparrel to work today. I look mighty cute in a Peyton Manning jersey. I kinda wish my crush would see me today, but then again, he's a Bears fan. . .
