Ok, so I hung out with my friend L (who is really good friends with D and knows I like him) on Friday night. She filled me in that she had lunch with D on Wednesday, and tried to give him a hard time about getting back in the game and dating someone. (She hasn't told him that I like him, since we're not sure if he likes me.) Anyway, he basically said that he's pretty discouraged because he only knows work people and he "refuses to shit where he eats" (his exact words). BOO. I mean, come on!!!! It's not like I'm psycho or going to make it awkward and act like a complete amateur. IS HE SERIOUS? I work there too for goodness sakes. And I mean, I'm not going to date all these people willy-nilly and sound like a slut around work, but I would definitely try to date someone seriously (and quietly) if I was really really into him. Which I am really really into D. So I find this BS that he's just "not going to date anyone at work." Complete and utter BS.
But my friend L said that I shouldn't give up. So I tried not to get too discouraged. Even though I did. So we all went over to D's yesterday to watch basketball and drink green beer. And I felt awkward and nervous and shy. AND it sometimes bothers me when I watch L and D together. L is gorgeous and flirty and amazing (with an amazing boyfriend in Milwaukee, by the way) and even though she's not single, I still sometimes feel threatened. Especially when I see them together and they have such a rapport. And she's gorgeous. So what if D secretly has a thing for her, even though she has a boyfriend? So I was shy and wasn't really myself and didn't flirt with him at all. The day was pretty much a bust. I'm just sooooooo discouraged that he doesn't like me or won't date me even if he does like me. UGH.
So in a moment of desperation, I joined match.com. OMG - how embarrassing is that? So we'll see. Ugh - I feel like poop today.
I do go to Florida on Wednesday for a week's vacation at my aunt's with my mom, which is awesome. So I'll check in before I leave and then when I get back.
God I just want D to like me. I hate feeling like this. I'd rather not like anyone that like someone who probably doesn't return the feelings. Boo.
So I had a horrendous day today. Horrendous. And it has not helped that this whole week has been awful. I think I've pulled a 50 hour week and it's only Thursday. So I left work at 6 PM, completely fed up, and drove home.
Instead of eating the entire refrigerator, I decided to go the gym. That's right folks - I decided to exercise my frustration out.
AND IT FELT GREAT. It's almost April, so the gym wasn't that crowded, and it felt great to exercise and sweat and get back in the game. (My ankle had been hurting most of the week, so I hadn't been to the gym in awhile.)
So I helped my new roomie move in yesterday, and sprained my ankle. I was walking down a really heavy box down the plank from the UHaul, and my ankle gave and I fell. And it hurt. A lot. I iced it and tried to keep off it last night, because it hurt to put any pressure on it. Today, it still hurts, but feels better when I have a sneaker on. So naturally, I didn't work out yesterday or today. I'm still going to get up early tomorrow to go the gym, just might use the bike instead. We'll see how tomorrow goes.
Went TV shopping today, and fell in love. I got an amazing tax return (which hopefully will apprear soon since I e-filed over a week ago) and have decided to splurge on a big TV. I'm thinking something like 50" or up, probably a DLP because they're way cheaper, and definetely 1080p whatever I get. Have you guessed that I love TV and technology?
See - D should love me. Instead of buying clothes or something stupid, I'm spending my bonus money on an amazing HDTV. I love football, poker and beer. I'm wildly successful (hahaha - I do pretty well for myself) and I'm cute. HE SHOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME. We'll just have to see how this week goes, I guess. I hope I can see him for St. Patrick's Day. I seriously will make out with him if we flirt as much as Friday night. God I love him.
And I'm been on plan yesterday and today. Hopefully my ankle will clear up so that I can exercise this week.
Hello everybody (and specificially noodles - haha) and I apologize for being MIA this week. Work got insanely crazy starting Wednesday, so I stayed until almost 8 PM both Thursday and Friday. And to mention that I was literally doing work the entire time I was at work (I sometimes take a 20 minute break to write this blog at work - oops!) And then I literally got home from work yesterday, got in the shower, got dressed and went out, in hopes to see D. And I did, which I'll get to in a bit.
As for the weight loss, I had said that earlier this week I was going to get on the scale Thursday morning. Well, I was too scared to, so I didn't. I had turned to some comfort food on Wednesday when it took an ugly turn in the morning and continued to make bad choices all day. Thursday was a bit better, except for the mandatory going away Happy Hour for my director (literally the CFO was coming, so I had to make an appearance) and they ordered all these amazing apetizers for everyone (with no really good options) so I kinda pigged out. So I didn't weigh in. I do however, have my first weigh in at my new JCC on Tuesday night, so I have to get on the scale today. So even though I didn' t make good choices last night when I went out, I'm back on the wagon today and making good choices. Haven't been to the gym yet today, but waiting for my friend to move in and then going after she's got her stuff in the house. I feel good that I want to lose, and that it's for the right reasons, and this is all about all the small decisions I make everyday. I'm feeling good regardless of the later part of last week, and I'm looking forward to my JCC apointment.
OK, so on to D. To cut to the chase, nothing happened - I got to see him again and we flirted, but nothing happened. BUT LORD ALMIGHTY I LIKE HIM. So here's the story: I went to dinner with a girlfriend that I haven't seen for awhile (she works fulltime and then goes to law school at night so she doesn't have a lot of free time) and we went to an amazing little restaurant. Splurged on a cheese crock that was AMAZING but went for a healthy tuna for the entree. And then we went to see Hairbangers Ball, which was awesome (see them if they come into your town - amazing 80's cover band). Well, I had texted D at dinner to say "whatcha doing tonight" since the concert was near his house. So after the concert, my friend and I moved to another bar to meet up with D and a bunch of my other friends. GOD IS HE CUTE. So we were defintely talking and flirting and I got the approval of my friend. So then a bunch of us went back to D's house and played poker. So then D and I were really flirting and his roommate kept saying OUT LOUD that we're flirting, blah blah blah. IT WAS SO AWKWARD. I was drunk, mind you, so I was really flirty. And the roommate kept saying things like "D - I think that means she wants to sleep in your bed" or "Meredith - that's D trying to be coy, by the way" etc.... It was really awkward and embarassing, but I just tried to shrug it off and not blush too much. BUT maybe the roommate can convince D to make a move, since he clearly sees that I like D. The roommate can be like "Dude - go after her, she likes you, she was flirting hardcore with you, blah blah blah." D is pretty gunshy apparently, so he needs to know WITH CERTAINTY that a girl likes him before he makes a move. GOD I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM. So I think I'm staying in tonight, but hopefully I can see him this week or next weekend and MAYBE he can make a move.
OK, so I think I'm making good progress with D. I'm flirting and he's flirting back. He just needs to make a move. Kiss me. Ask me on a date. Do something. UGH - HE'S SO GREAT.
Warning - this week is going to suck also, but I will defintely check in after my JCC appointment on Tuesday.
1) Went to the gym this morning. Almost didn't go, but went away. Felt great! Does anyone else feel skinnier all day because they've worked out? I kept saying "Gosh my legs feel toned!" even though it's totally in my head right now. Whatever - I need to feed off this feeling and keep the energy going.
2) On plan again!!! Someone brought four boxes of Girl Scout cookies (including my favorites, Tagalongs and Samoas) and I didn't eat a single one. Actually, I was the last person to leave the office tonight (again) and I saw the three leftover Tagalong cookies AND THREW THEM AWAY. No one needs to know that they went in the trash instead of my mouth. And now I don't have to deal with those three damn Tagalongs tomorrow staring at me. Woo hoo!!
3) I'm going to Florida with my mom in two weeks to stay with my aunt. My mom and I talked, and we both are going to eat really well and exercise everyday, even if it's just walking. My mom is actually really skinny (for a reason, she eats like a bird and exercises everyday) but I'll take cues from her to keep on track.
4) This has nothing to do with my weight, but I am officially a responsible adult - I opened up a Roth IRA and maxed out the contribution I can make this year. It's ridiculously hard to give away all that money and say "Bye bye money - see you in 40 years!" but that's what I did. Damn I'm awesome - D needs to realize what a catch I am!!!
OK, so things are going well, and there's nothing in the way of tomorrow being any less awesome.
Oh yeah, and I'm going to get back on my scale Thursday morning for my own reference. I haven't weighed in for a really long time (like over a month), and it's time to face the scale again. Last time I weighed in at 172.5, so I would be ECTASTIC if I'm around 172.5 on Thursday morning. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!
1) I made an appointment for next week to go into the Jenny centre. I have more than enough food to last me until then, so I'll only buy the necessary lunches/breakfasts to get me to a full 7 days of food. The only thing I'm not excited about is the 6 PM weigh-in. The best part of Jenny Direct was weighing in at the crack of dawn, after I peed, in my birthday suit. I might do my own official weigh-ins the morning after my JC weigh-in, just to keep myself sane that water weight doesn't count! And I really think I could use a new start date, a new picture and a new person who will see my weight too.
2) I was perfectly on plan today. I think I'm not going to eat my snack, since I'm going to bed early, but otherwise fantastic. Was super stressed at work, stayed until 7 PM but didn't eat a single Heshey Kiss or single pretzel that my Admin always has on her desk. I rock!
3) I saw D today. I invited him to lunch with another 20 something coworker of mine, but my other coworker backed out at the last minute. (Seriously - it was like fate - I didn't plan it like that at all!) He was RIDICULOUSLY hilarious and even though I was a bit nervous, I thought I made a few good jokes. God I want him to like me!!! It makes me nervous when I like a guy this much - that much more to "be crushed" if it doesn't work out! (But I'm going to send out positive energy - I'm awesome and he's going to like me!)
4) Really need to get my butt to the gym this week, so as soon as I get upstairs, I'm moving the alarm clock away from the bed. As in, I'll have to physically get up to turn it off. I've been snoozing way too much and missing the gym lately, so it's time to make real changes to stop that bad behavior!
5) Just feeling good even though it's going to be a stressful week! I just need to bring good food to work and I'll be OK!
OK, feel like I'm using this blog more to talk about my crush than my weight loss journey. I really need to get back on track. Have decided to stop doing Jenny Direct, because it's sooooo much freaking money for the shipping, and I have gotten in trouble way too many times with having leftover food or 2 weeks of food in the fridge. I have enough food to get to next Wednesday (not two days from now, but the week after that) so will make an appointment tomorrow to go to the nearest Jenny centre. I need the weekly weigh-ins. I need someone to be accountable to. I need only a week of food at a time. I need a new starting point. I need lots of things, which I think the Jenny centre will provide. So yeah. On that note, have been hard saying no to tempations. Somone invites me to dinner, I say yes, and instead of staying on plan, I go overboard. Boo. Again, I think weekly weigh-ins with someone in person will help. I'm making the apointment tomorrow.
By the way, really enjoyin the fact that the movie "Splash" with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah is on TV. Love this movie. Really wanted to be a mermaid when I was little. Also loved the Little Mermaid for the same reason. Hahaha.
As for my crush, D - AM STILL SO IN CRUSH WITH HIM. Saw him on Thursday for a happy hour (knew he was going to be there, so looked cute and kept my hair down ALL DAY to make sure it looked good - I am so pathetic) and was really nervous around him. Amazing how the lack of beer courage will affect my behavior. Anyway, didn't really say much, because I was nervous. Laughed at almost everything he said though. HE IS SO AWESOME. And then hoped that I would get to see him this weekend, but that didn't happen. BOOOOO!!! So hopefully will get to see him next weekend, because HE NEEDS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME IMMEDIATELY. Or make out with me, for now. Hahahaha.
Ok, so at least I went to the gym both days this weekend, even though I was off plan both days by a lot. I'm much better during the week because I'm not next to the refrigerator all day. Also realized how dangerous those 100 calorie packs are. Probably should give them away and go back to Jenny snacks.
OK, wish me luck with D. GOD I WANT TO KISS HIM. Ugh.
Ok, so I got to see D last night. I AM SO IN CRUSH WITH HIM. Oh my goodness. I got dressed last night and looked just about as cute last night. (In principle, I think I looked better Friday night. But my girlfriends did compliment me on how cute I looked last night, so that's good.) We went over to D's to watch the Indiana vs. Michigan State game. (D is a HUGE Indiana fan.) So watching the game was fun (and I was so attracted to how passionate D was about the game. Is anyone else like that? I just love guys that love sports. I love it. I am so attracted to guys that get heated and yell at the TV's. Seriously. So hot. I don't know why.) Anyway, so Indiana lost (boo) and we went out to the bars afterwards. There was about 6 or 7 of us, and we had such a good time. I literally was rolling on the floor - D could be a comedian, seriously. I broke down and told some of the other girls were with that I liked D, mostly because I wanted to "call dibs" if you will. They all were like "oh my gosh, he'd be so great for you, blah blah blah." So that was great.
So then my friend L and her boyfriend from Milwaukee went home, so I was left with D and his friends and my girlfriends. My girlfriends wanted to go to another bar (one of the girls has a crush who is a barback there) but D and his friends wanted to stay. So what did I do? I stayed with D and his guyfriends. AGAIN - maybe possibly should have "been elusive and mysterious and left things up for the imagination" but I didn't. I couldn't help it - I just wanted to talk to him some more! So I ended up having a really good conversation with him at the bar once everyone had left, because his friends were talking amongs themselves. So then we grabbed food (dammit - I ate nachos - I WAS STARVING) and went back to play poker. AND I WAS ON FIRE. So of course, I was talking smack and he was laughing at me and we were def. making really awesome eye contact. AND I STAYED UP UNTIL 5 AM PLAYING POKER WITH THEM BECAUSE I AM SO IN CRUSH. So I finally crashed on his couch at 5, and I have no idea when everyone else crashed.
OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO IN CRUSH WITH HIM. WOW DO I HAVE MOTIVATION TO GET UP AND GET TO THE GYM THIS WEEK. I HEART HIM.
OK: plan first. I am loving the fact that I went to the gym today and did 60 minutes on the elliptical. Loving the fact that I have motivation to stay on the plan, exercise and lose weight. Back in October and November, after all the bs with C and being alone, that's when I turned to food for comfort. Don't get me wrong - I'm doing this for myself - but I love having something to keep my motivation up.
Here's a decorder to keep track of everyone. D: the guy that I like, ridiculously funny and great guy B: the girl that might be my competition for D, really pretty, skinny, but not as awesome as me L: my friend who is the only one that knows I like D and is also a good friend of D M: a guy friend of me, also good friends of D and L, and the guy who is trying to get D and B together
Ok, so I didn't end up seeing him last night. It kinda sucked actually. I had thought that my friend L and I were going to go out with D and some people. L's boyfriend (who lives in Milwaukee) was driving to Indy yesterday afternoon and wanted to go out and meet all of us when he got to Indy. So this was a perfect excuse for me to get to see D again. Well, I came home after work, took an awesome nap, and got in the shower. Picked out a really cute outfit, did my makeup and hair PERFECT and called my friend L. WELL - it turns out that her boyfriend got caught in traffic and would be coming into Indy late. AND L had called a bunch of people and no one wanted to go out. And D wouldn't answer his phone when L called. So L pretty much cancelled on me. AND I LITERALLY WAS DRESSED AND CUTE AND AWESOME LOOKING. Dammit. I wasn't mad at L - it's not her fault - but I was just annoyed that I looked SO CUTE and had to change into my pajamas. So HOPEFULLY I will get to go out tonight and see D. And HOPEFULLY I can look as cute or BETTER tonight. Will keep you posted.
Ok - thought I would go into some details about Thursday night. Thursday night was D's "going away" party. (He got a promotion and is moving areas of the company, so it was really just a good excuse to drink on a Thursday night.) I got there at 5, and almost immediately he acknowledged my presence and said something funny to me. LOVE HIM. So we keep drinking and laughing (a big group of us) and things are going really well. I even tell the embarassing story from a few weeks ago to a bunch of people (the blog entry that I was FREAKING OUT the next day that I had acted like a humongous drunk asshole in front of him) and D chimed in and everyone laughed and it sounded like D thought the story was funny (not D thinking I'm a drunk fool.) So that was good. Anyway, things were going really great, and at like 9 we decided to go to a different bar to dance and whatnot.
That's when the night took a turn. M called B and told her to meet us at the new bar. UGH - background on this. Back at Halloween (when I hardly even knew D) I had heard that people, like M, were trying to set up D and B. Nothing happened back then, and I haven't really heard about anything since then, but had hoped that that ship has passed. Well, B shows up at the bar, and I feel like B and D are flirting. So I feel like poop and avoid him like the plague. I can't help but feel a bit discouraged, because she's really pretty AND SKINNY, and I know that he had kinda liked her at one point. So I hang out with my other friends and try to have fun even know B and D are flirting. Boo.
So then my friend L comes up to me and says "Why the hell are you over here??? GO FLIRT WITH D!!" And I explained about how B was in the way, and she convinced me that she thinks that nothing is going to happen between D and B. So I put on my A game and go flirt with D. And I feel like he def flirted back. We danced and flirting and things were good.
So then we all decided to leave at like 11. Myself, D and M were all going to crash at L's. But B was leaving the same time that we were, and she was going to walk to her car like 6 or 7 blocks away. So D was all like "No, you shouldn't walk alone downtown - I'll walk you." B kept saying she was fine, but D kept insisting that she shoudn't walk alone. Finally THANK GOD L convinced D that B was fine, and the four of us got in a cab while B walked to her cab. So does that mean that D likes B or does it just mean that he's a good guy and likes to walk girls to their cars? Argh.
So then we get back to L's and we stay up awhile, laughing and watching Spiderman 2. L decided to go to bed (I was going to sleep in her bed while M and D took the couches) but because I'm hopelessly in crush, I stayed up with M and D. (If I were a Rules girl, I would have gone to bed too with L. But I'm not. I wanted to stay up and spend more time with him.) So M, D and I stayed up until like 1:30, laughing and everything. Again, I felt like D and I were flirting back and forth. So everyone finally hit the hay at like 1:30.
So you can see why I'm so desperate to see him again?? I need to see if he'll keep flirting with me! And I need more time with him so that he can see how awesome I am. So hopefully that will be tonight. Wish me luck!
I just lost my ENTIRE entry - so I will probably post tomorrow.
The key points: I'm making progress on my eating, but am no where near perfect. Just trying to make better choices. And def. need to get back to the gym this weekend.
My crush: Went out with him last night and got mixed signals. Felt like he was flirting with this other girl (who is RIDICULOULY CUTE AND SKINNY) and was frustrated because I know people have been trying to get them together for awhile. But then later in the night, once we had lost her, I felt like he was flirting back at me (I was doing my best to be AMAZING - I think I did a pretty good job.)
Will hopefully see him out again tonight, because really REALLY like him. Will keep you posted.
Ugh, so annoyed that I lost that long post. Had so many details. If things go well tonight, I'll spend the time to repost everything.
