So I clearly did not get on the scale last Wed. Nor did I even get on the scale this Wed. F*ck.
I'm going to try to remember to get on the scale tomorrow morning though. I really really need to know what the number is, even though I'm PETRIFIED that the holidays have driven the number upward. But hey - I need to know what the damage is. Even if it's bad. I'm hoping that I'm close to 161.5, which is what I weighed the last time I got on the scale. Anything over 165 though, and I will burst into tears. Seriously. So be prepared tomorrow.
On the non-diet front: Things are still going really well with N. I went home with him for Thanskgiving, and his family was lovely. Very laid-back and normal, and not scary at all. His mom even complimented me to Nick later in the week, saying that I "effortlessly got along with everyone." A very nice compliment IMHO. I have N's Christmas party next weekend, so trying to eat well and stay within my points for the sake of the dress. Still haven't decided whether to wear my Spanx or not. I'll look so much better in the dress if I wear them. . . but what will N think?
I got some bad news last night however: my roommate is moving out. I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but when I was engaged, I bought a big 'ole 4 bedroom house. After we broke-up, I had to get a roommate because I couldn't afford the house by myself. WELL, I finally put the house on the market in July, and although I have tons of showings, I haven't had a single bite on the house yet. And I wasn't worried about it, since I had a roommate to help share the cost. So much for that. So now I really REALLY need to sell my house. Pronto.
So please cross your fingers about my house. Things are going to get ugly financially if I have to keep the house for another six months!
So I'm still truckin' on, even though I've been really struggling with staying on the wagon lately. November has been a tough month, and I don't see why the rest of November or December would get any better. So it's time to own up and get back in the saddle again.
First off - I promise to get on the scale this Wednesday morning. I've had tons of ups and downs, but it's time to face reality and get back on the scale and just deal. Hopefully it won't be too far off 161 (what I weighed the last time I got on the scale) and I'll just cross that bridge when I get there. I am determined to have two really good days though in preparation.
Two - I had my last session with my personal trainger, which was good. As much as I liked having someone to be accountable to, I'm looking forward to taking charge of my own workouts and having some flexibility with time. I have a new workout buddy (Eileen) and she and I have a plan to work out Monday - Thursday. She and I have already been doing BodyVive and BodyPump (by Les Mills - google them if you haven't already) back to back on Tuesday/Thursday nights, but we were both struggling to get to the gym Mon/Wed to do cardio. So Eileen found a spinning class (Free!!!) that we're going do on Mon/Wed after work. I'll take Friday off, and then do cardio both Sat/Sun and pick one of those days to do my own day of weight training. I bought a really great book (The Body Sculping Bible for Women) that has workout programs for me to follow. And that's the plan!
Anyway, according to my trainer, I have lost 3.2% body fat since Sept 23rd. Currently, my body fat % is 29.5%, and the recommended range is 18-25%. So I still have 4.5% to go!! And she took measurements both times, and according to her measurements, I've lost 4 inches in those two months as well. I posted the measurements below. And like I said, I'm committed to getting on the scale on Wednesday morning, so I'll let you know how that goes as well.
As for eating, I'm sticking with WW. Staying to my points. Continually working on making better choices when I eat out with N. PORTION CONTROL. Not feeling like if I cheat, then I've blown the whole day and can binge to kingdom come. Progress not perfection!!!
As for N - things are going great. He invited me home with him for Thanksgiving, so that is SUPER stressing me out this week. Eek - meeting the family!!! AND he also invited me to his work Christmas party on Dec 8th, and it's a formal affair. As in, I need a cocktail dress. So I've been stressing about that as well, and I ended up buying a new dress this weekend at Ann Taylor. I have two dresses that would have been fine, but I just didn't feel fabulous in either of them. And I want to wow him, as well as his coworkers! So that's major motivation to keep working out - especially the triceps and biceps!!
Ok, need to get back to work, but wanted to check in. I'll post on Wed after my WI - wish me luck!!!
I noticed that both my and noodles' last posts have been deleted - did this happen to anyone else?
Ok, so here's the update on me. I haven't been doing too hot. Have found myself bingeing at night and finding excuses to not to the gym - in other words, falling into old bad habits. I had wanted to have a great week this week and WI tomorrow morning, but this week has gone to poop and now I'm too scared to step on the scale tomorrow.
And frankly, I don't even know why I'm bingeing. I'm happy. Ridiculously happy. Things with N are going AMAZING (he invited me home with him for Thanksgiving to meet his family!), my job is going great and my friends are awesome. I'm not stressed or unhappy or bored, which are normal emotions that would cause me to eat. I think it's just that whole deprivation thing. I feel like I've been depriving myself of candy and peanut butter and butter and pizza and everything else, and this week, it's just gotten to me. I've really fallen off the wagon and need a kick in the butt.
This Thanksgiving trip might be the kick I need though. Of course, I want to look my most fabulous self when I meet his family, and that includes my weight. I'll feel much more confident if I'm feeling good in my skin, and of course, I really want to win them over. So I just need to concentrate on that: THANKSGIVING.
Ok, doing both BodyVive and BodyPump with a friend - thank gosh we have each other. OK - let the two week challenge to Thanksgiving begin!
So yesterday was perfect. Perfect in every way. I ate according to my plan exactly, went to the gym after dinner and did the elliptical for 45 minutes, and then came home and pretty much went to bed. That time between the gym and bedtime is a dangerous time for late-night eating for me, so it was a huge win to just head upstairs and hit the sack without hitting the fridge. I also drank a TON of water yesterday and only had water. (Sometimes I'll cave and have an afternoon Diet Mountain Dew at work.)
Anyway, goal for today: REPEAT YESTERDAY.
I've actually started taking this class called BodyPump on Thursday nights, and starting tonight, I'm going to go on Tuesday nights too. The classes are $8, but hey, it's more exciting than the gym and less expensive than a trainer, right? I have a friend going with me too now, so hopefully we can keep ourselves accountable to go twice a week everyweek. Anyway, the class is pretty cool, because you do isolated muscle group exercises for an entire song. So you do squats (with a bar and weight across your shoulders) for an entire song. An entire song of biceps. An entire song of shoulders. An entire song of lunges. It's pretty intense and kicks my ass every week, but that's what it's supposed to do!!! So anyway, wish me luck today.
PS - Thanks to everyone who's posting comments - I love all the support you guys provide. Mwah!
So I'm giving myself a kick in the ass to get back on this damn program. This weekend was FULL of indulgences, and am feeling ridiculously guilty about the entire weekend. So today has gone well so far and I'm hitting the gym HARD AND LONG tonight and the rest of this week.
I've decided to move my WI to Friday mornings. I really need the full four weekdays to make up for Friday night/Saturday night choices. I can't remember why I chose Wednesday in the first place, but I do well during the week at work, so think Friday morning would be easier.
I really really need help on making that hard choice in the restaurant. I mean, I can sit here and blog all I want about how I'm going to make good choices, but when I'm in that booth with the waiter in front of me and menu in hand, do I actually make the good choice? Nope. I don't know how I can change my behavior in this respect, especially when N and I go to hole-in-the-wall places that don't have menus and NI information on websites. I mean, if we were going to Applebee's, I really feel like I could scare myself with all the NI on the website and choose a WW option. But when we go to some pub in Indy? I choose a delicious bacon cheeseburger. And do I ask for a salad instead of fries? No. How can I work on this? I need a huge wake-up call that I need to change this behavior otherwise I'm not going to get anwhere!! (One side note: I have had a small win with eating out with N. Whenever we went out, I felt like if he ordered a beer, then I needed to have a beer as well. I've gotten over that. He's a boy - he will always have a beer. So twice, I've ordered a Diet Coke instead of getting a beer myself. I actually think he's been struggling from the other side, since the two times I've done it, he's switched to soda after finishing his beer. Kinda funny that we're both struggling with bouncing off each other.) And I've been offering to cook as much as possible at my place for N, which has been good from that respect. But we eat out a lot. And this is my downfall.
Ok, so this weekend eating wise is not going so hot. I did not do well on Wednesday, but did awesome Thursday and Friday days. Then N took me out to dinner at this AMAZING Greek restaurant, and I didn't make the best choice. Could have done worse, I suppose, but def. didn't make the best choice. Then we decided to go to a party, where I drank heavily. HAD SUCH A FUN TIME. I got to meet more of N's friends, and we KICKED ASS at playing beer pong together. We seriously won four games in a row, and I asked to stop because I was getting pretty drunk. So I do not regret the drinking, because it was fun and awesome, but I do regret all the bad eating.
So thankfully, I am cooking dinner for N tonight before we go to my costume party, so I am staying within my points for food. I may have a few drinks at this party as well, but nothing overboard since I drank heavily last night. And then it's back to the grind Sunday morning.
I think I may need to change my WI day to Friday morning. That way, I can use my weekly points for weekend activities, but then I have the rest of the week to stick to the plan. Eh - we'll see.
So I was in Barnes and Nobles briefly, and looked through the Diet section as always. This book caught my eye, but it's hardback, so I came home and bought a used version off Amazon for 15 dollars less. I'll let you guys know how it is once I get it, but I'm looking forward to a book that addresses my "mental issues" and losing weight. I mean, I've got the WW plan down pat - it's just mentally sticking to it and not falling off! Anyway, I'm always up for other suggestions to reading material (since reading keeps me from eating!) so let me know if you guys have any favorites.
The Beck Diet Solution : Lose Weight with Confidence, Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person" by Judith S. Beck
Ok, so Noodles brought up a good point: I should probably tell N that I'm trying to lose weight. I'm sure that he'd be supportive, since he's pretty awesome. It wasn't a big issue in the beginning when I only saw him once a week - then I could splurge on a nice dinner out and use my 35 Weekly Points and no big deal. Now we're seeing each other multiple times a week. And he likes to eat out. And while I can do MUCH better at making better choices (like a plain chicken sandwich at a pub instead of a bacon cheeseburger), I cannot do much better when he wants to order pizza in or grab Qdoba all the time. Why oh why can't I have his metabolism? I swear, this kid has a tape worm - NOTHING STICKS.
Although I might word it like, "N - So I've packed on a few pounds since we've been seeing each other more frequently. Can we try to find some healthier options when we want to grab food? Like, can we go to Panera Bread instead of Qdoba?" That sort of thing. Not "I want to lose 21 more pounds and all your Pizza Express requests are preventing me from doing that." I'd rather not say a number. I'd rather not even point out that I'm overweight. More undoing some damage that has been done.
Ok, so purposely split up these posts, because while I am sooooooooo mad at myself for the gain, I am soooooooo happy with how things are going with N. We're definitely in a relationship. He officially has a toothbrush at my place now, which is a pretty big step! I invited him to come with me to a Halloween party this Saturday, so we're going to Goodwill tonight to find him a costume. AND on Monday, he invited me to meet one of his best friends, so I met up with them at a bar to watch Monday Night Football (Go Colts!) So yes, things are going really well. Hopefully Saturday will go well, and he'll have a good time at the Halloween Party. I love love loved his friends and the friend's wife, so hopefully we'll hang out with them in the future. So yeah - things with him are going great!!
Gained two pounds this week. Am so freaking mad at myself I could scream. I shouldn't be surprised - I ate like a freakin' pig this week. Had a horrible weekend (which I already wrote about) and thought I was going to get back on track, but didn't. And then I got sick (ear and sinus infection) yesterday, and for some RIDICULOUS reason, I decided that being sick is a good enough reason to eat like poop and binge on top of it. What the fuck. GOD I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF.
So am home sick again today, but am going to do what I should have done yesterday - STICK TO THE PLAN!!! Drink fluids and eat Progresso light soup. Get some rest.
So I was in Barnes and Nobles briefly, and looked through the Diet section as always. This book caught my eye, but it's hardback, so I came home and bought a used version off Amazon for 15 dollars less. I'll let you guys know how it is once I get it, but I'm looking forward to a book that addresses my "mental issues" and losing weight. I mean, I've got the WW plan down pat - it's just mentally sticking to it and not falling off! Anyway, I'm always up for other suggestions to reading material (since reading keeps me from eating!) so let me know if you guys have any favorites.