Oh yes…………the scale has been calling out my name for the past couple of days.I have been ignoring it though.Tomorrow is my first official weigh-in day.Wow, I have never been able to go a whole week without stepping on the scale to sneak a peek, so to speak.However, I am trying really hard to focus on working toward my goal; rather than, becoming obsessed with the numbers on the scale.Those numbers can change from day to day………and if I am stepping on it more than once per week, I may be setting myself up for feeling blue on the days the scale does not move or moves in the wrong direction.The most accurate way to do this is: once a week at the same time of the day.I am happy I am following through with my plan to do it this way.
I had chocolate cravings yesterday.I did not give into them.I must be determined, for I have my period.Today is day 8.I have not had chocolate or junk food for 8 whole days.Wow, I don’t think I have ever done that before.Even when I lost 80 lbs, I had some chocolate everyday.I had these chocolate covered cherries (3 a day) that I would eat so very slowly…………it was a very enjoyable experience & by doing so, I was able to go the long haul.My sister used to get a kick out of this daily ritual of mine.
You may wonder why I am not doing that now.I am not doing that now, because I am not in the same place mentally that I was then.I guess I just want to get this over with.I do not want to prolong this part of journey any longer than need be.I know chocolate will be there down the road.By then, I will be in a place mentally where I feel satisfied with one piece of quality chocolate.But for now, I want to lose this weight.
I took a 3 mile walk yesterday.Exercise is not an issue for me.I take it day by day.I do not have negative thoughts going through my mind about how often I must exercise and so forth; rather, I live in the moment and use exercise as a way for me to relieve my anxiety.I view exercise as “play”.
I have homework in the back of my mine……..it is time to get on it.I have some fun activities planned for the kids and me this afternoon.I do not want to be thinking about homework then, so it is best for me to get it out of the way now.
Yesterday was a fun day.Despite my feeling drained and overwhelmed with homework, I managed to put my worries on the back burner and spend the day with my sister and nephew.
My sister called me on the spur of the moment and asked me if she could drop by for a visit, so the kids could play.I thought to myself, what the heck go for it!So, I told her to get here when she can and we could head on over the YMCA to play with the kids in the pool.
The kids had a blast!My sister has a 5 month old & a 3 year old.I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old, so you can imagine the workout we got!We were exhausted by the time we got to my house, but we were so happy we took the time to get together!
After my sister left, it was time to get down to business and do my homework.I spent four hours doing homework. My daughter actually took the initiative and made dinner!She also kept an eye on the little ones.Jasmine is such a big help!Even though my house looked like a tornado had gone through it, I was happy to have a daughter who could help me out when I really needed to get something accomplished.
We both collapsed on the living room floor by 11:00 p.m.I still had a quiz to take and a couple projects to review and comment on, but that could wait.It was time for us to hit the hay!
Yesterday was one of those stressful moody days for me.I had been feeling pretty tired for the past week and yesterday it was if the volcano had erupted.I felt like I wanted to be alone because my nerves felt on edge.Later on in the afternoon, I got my period.
I made a very good decision yesterday.My daughter had an appointment in the evening.While we were in the waiting room, she said she was really hungry.I told her I would stop at McDonalds and pick up something for her and the kids.
On the way to McDonalds, the thought crossed my mind to order something for myself.I then thought to myself: will eating McDonalds help you to lose weight?I then answered myself: no.Then came the justification phase: it won’t hurt if I order something small.Then I thought to myself: Lisa you are trying to justify going off your plan and the answer is still no.
When we got to the drive thru, there was a long line.I looked around and observed all of the people who were there to have dinner.I noticed that they were carrying around extra weight on their frames.As I was thinking this, my daughter asked me if I was going to order a salad.Without pause, I told her I could make a salad at home.After I placed our order and got to the window to pay, I noticed a teenage girl standing outside.She had excess weight on her frame too.This made it easier for me to remain strong in my resolve.I know that sounds horrible, but it helps me to fight off the urge to stray from my diet.Fast food is not on my plan.Logic works well for me.After my trip to McDonalds, the equation I had in my mind was: Fast Food = Excess Fat.
This was another victory for me.The aroma of cheeseburgers and fries were in my car, but I refused to allow myself to go off of my diet.I refused to allow myself to justify my way out of it.I remained strong in my resolve.It was hard, but I did it.
Yesterday was a beautiful and sunny day.My husband was able to stop in for about an hour, before he had to head off to
North Carolina
.He took the kids out in the back yard to give me some time to myself.I had to get some of my homework done, so I gathered up my books and headed out back to join them.The sunshine on my face felt like heaven.I found myself watching my husband with the kids.It was so cute; he was lifting up a log and looking at bugs with the kids.My three year old was so into it!My one year old was just looking on in wonderment.Then I looked down at my book….the wind started to blow the pages, making it hard to read.I then lifted my head to watch my hubby and the kids again, for that is where my interest lies.I did not want to do my homework.I thought to myself: this is the present moment Lisa, it is a beautiful moment, do not let it pass you by.I then put my books aside, for this moment would not last forever.
After hubby left, the kids and I watched as he went down the road………then we went back in to the yard to play.After about 20 more minutes, my three year old said he wanted to go inside.By then my one year old looked like she was ready for a nap.All of the fresh air had produced a sense of relaxation in all of us.We went into the house and I put Aria down for a nap.Soon after, Cruze said he wanted to go lay down and he did just that.I finished watching Finding Forrester, for I never seem to have the time to watch a movie from beginning to end without having to pause it and come back later.The invention of home movies has really made the experience of interruptions nothing to fret about.
Then it was time to do some more homework.I started it, but felt irritated.My heart was not into it.All I could think about was: I can’t wait until school is out for the summer.I am tired of juggling family and my studies.I am ready for a breather.No matter what my attitude, I am not one to not follow through on my responsibilities.I continued to work on my homework until it was time to leave for my daughter’s appointment.
Would you believe I even dreaded having to go to my daughter’s appointment?I hired a sitter and I usually do not have anyone watch the kids except my daughter or hubby.Not only was I feeling fatigued, but I believe I was worrying about leaving them……..oh, and let me not forget the house was not picked up.I enjoyed the outdoors and decided to let the housework slide for the day.It was really a matter of picking up the place.You know how it is with little ones, toys here and there.But then again, on this particular day, I was feeling a bit out of sorts……….I embraced my feelings……..gave myself a hug……got myself cleaned up, gave the sitter instructions with my cell phone number, and got into the van and drove off.I allowed my worries to fade off in to the background and focused on the moment………the view…….the music playing in the background, for by doing so; I felt relaxed.Oh, how I needed to feel that.
At my daughter’s appointment, I felt anxiety setting in.We were there to discuss the results of her IEP report.The whole report indicated that my daughter’s ADD was having an adverse effect on her at home and at school; however, the decision was made that she was not in need of any special education services.Of course, the counselor had the same concerns I did.I had worked so hard to focus on the positive…….but this report was so contradictory that I felt enraged at its conclusion.I could feel myself talking faster.I could here my voice getting louder.My daughter just listened, for she does not really understand why in the heck her mom gets so ballistic about this.
My daughter is a quiet, shy, and beautiful girl.She is unique in her style of learning.The special education director is a thorn in my side.I am trying so hard to deal with these feelings, but having to go over this report with the counselor brought back all my feelings of rage.The next thing you know, the counselor turned on some flute music to bring about a sense of calmness……….yes, I was becoming unglued.
The counselor agreed with my thinking, but our focus was going to be on helping my daughter feel better about herself.The school piece was going to have to wait, for I had done a very good job advocating for my daughter’s educational rights up until this point.The extra help she is getting in school is due to my taking the initiative to do something; OMG, how this topic enrages me.
I will be okay.My daughter will be okay.My son Brett will be okay. (He has ADHD)This experience is here to teach me something.This experience is here to teach my children something.It will be okay………yes it will.
Ok, so as you can tell, I am feeling anxious.Despite my anxiety and life’s circumstances, I am not allowing myself to stray from my diet.Today is day 6.
I woke up again with nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.Most experience this irritating morning dilemma of bad breath.Generally, I crave something sweet after I wake up.Since I am avoiding Easter candy with my morning coffee, I have a cup of coffee sweetened with NutraSweet.So, you may be thinking: what does bad breath have to do with craving something sweet?For me, the two go hand in hand.Somehow sweet things do not taste as good after I brush my teeth.This is why it is a good idea for me to go and brush my teeth every time I have an out of control craving for some of that Easter candy hanging around my house to tempt me on a daily basis.
I am happy to report that I did not crave candy when I woke up this morning.I realize each day can bring about new surprises, but yesterday and today I woke up without having to fight off the urge to eat candy.I like it when I feel in control.I mean, it is not as though the thought does not cross my mind; but rather, I do not seem to be having a difficult time resisting the temptation of chocolate being in my house.
Let me not forget to mention that I have chocolates from in my house.My sister gave me a bunch of it because my step dad brought my nephew too much for one household to handle.This chocolate it the real deal.It is the type of chocolate that you can eat one piece of and feel satisfied.It is rich with flavor.
Last night the thought crossed my mind to have one piece of the real deal.Then I thought to myself, why?First of all, I am not hungry.Second of all, I am really just tired and it is time to go to bed.And finally, I am not at my goal weight.You see, this is my first week of getting the chocolate monster out of my system.I was trying to justify having just one piece of chocolate.How sneaky the mind can be.
So, I decided not to have the chocolate; but then, I thought about having some fruit to satisfy the craving for something sweet.Now ladies, the kids are all in bed.I am enjoying my alone time before going to bed.I have popped in a movie and my mind is thinking about food.Not just food, but something sweet.I though to myself: Lisa, you are not even hungry.You are tired.Go to bed.So, even though it was finally a moment to myself, I was tired and my body needed rest.Having food was not going to take care of the issue.Of course, this ritual of eating and watching a movie is how I generally like to wined down after a long day.However, last night I chose to go to bed instead.Last night this was my new ritual.
Exercise is part of my plan of attack; however, I am living in the moment and not making myself nuts about how often I do it.I view any chance I get to move my body as exercise.I used to feel like I had to get out and hit the pavement everyday.My compulsive thinking took the joy out of taking a walk.Now, I pretty much get in exercise by taking walks with my kids, dancing throughout the house while cleaning, or taking a walk alone if the opportunity is there.We also have a membership at the YMCA.I try to get there once a week to take a swim, soak in the hot tub, and play with the kids in the pool.Exercise is movement.Exercise is play.Everyday brings about opportunities for “play time”.
I have been feeling so much better since I have made it a point to stop doing my homework 24/7.Housework is always going to be around.Appointments are always going to be on my calendar.But, you know what?It is okay.When I allow myself to remain in the present moment, I actually find myself enjoying each day along with all of its obligations and quirks.I actually find myself taking a break here and there throughout the day to “stop and smell the roses”.The difference is that the things still get done and I feel sane.
Yesterday went well.I was swamped with homework and felt mentally drained, but I did not give into my chocolate cravings.I had fruit to satisfy my sweet tooth.
I weigh in on Sunday.You know how hard it is to stay off of the scale?It is really hard.I always want to see if the needle has moved in the right direction.You know how that line of thinking goes………..it seems to get you all pumped up and ready to rock and roll when it says you are losing………..BUT if the needle moves up, it makes you feel like crap.This is why the experts say to limit weigh in time to one time per week at the same time of the day.This routine will give you a more accurate record of your progress.The other way will make you nuts!I am happy to report, it is Tuesday and I have not stepped on the scale.Do not laugh to hard, for I know this is only going on the second day since I did my initial weigh in.However, I am living in the moment and I am proud I am not stepping on the scale today.
I like taking this challenge in my life moment by moment.It keeps my mind from speeding ahead and thinking negative thoughts.I am compulsive by nature, so I have to catch myself when I start to do this and get myself back in the present.
My classes will be over with by the middle of May.I cannot wait!This will be my first summer off since 2003.I have also had two more children since 2002.My life has gone through quite a few transitions, but I am so happy for the opportunity to grow from the experiences.
I have no desire to go back to work for a company that wants me to sacrifice my family life for their profit margin.Initially I went back to school to prepare me for reentering the workforce; however, now I continue my studies because I love to learn. My career is raising my children.I have four, ages 15, 13, 3, and 1.My husband and I have been together going on 18 years.Hubby is now the sole breadwinner in our family.Life is less complicated now.My children are really benefiting from the circumstances that brought about the opportunity for me to be home full-time with them.
Well, enough babbling for today, for I have more homework and two little ones that will be up soon!For today, I will view my weight loss journey as an opportunity.I will remain in the moment and embrace each lesson I am taught throughout the day.This is day 5.
"Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes."
*Ben Franklin
Yesterday went well. We had company and I did not give into my cravings for sweets. I did not have any alcohol either. In fact, the friend we had over is so damn funny that I am sure the neighbors were thinking we were drunk! LOL
Let me not forget to mention that I took a three mile walk yesterday. I felt on top of the world. I was listening to the Rolling Stones and the sun was shining........I had this perma grin on my face from ear to ear.............and I felt a confidence from with in. It was a wonderful feeling. I know I have already lost 33 lbs, but I did gain 12 of it back & since have lost 2. Then I decided to get back on track and it is a whole lot better starting out 25 lb lighter than I was in July of 2005. May be I would not be feeling so confident if I had gained it all back and had to start back at square one; but the point is, I felt great and in that moment, I was on top of the world!
I woke up again today craving sweets. I am once again living in the moment and fighting off this urge. This is day 4.
Well, I found out about this website at another weight loss forum I write in. I noticed the ticker at the bottom of another members post. I check out this forum and I really like all of the wonderful options it offers to keep me motivated on this very hard journey.
