Today I stepped on the scale and I had a feeling I would not see a loss.I was kind of afraid I might see a gain instead, due to my eating some candy this week; but, I have maintained.There is no weight loss this week; however, my son did ask me if I am losing weight.
At the end of April, I started to incorporate an exercise routine back into my life.I am now in my third week of my routine and have worked up to exercising 6 to 7 days a week for one hour per session.Sometimes my walks take longer than that though.If I walk four miles, it takes me 80 minutes.I walk 3 MPR.
Yesterday I swam at the YMCA for an hour and I thought to myself how great I felt when I swim.I also know what a great body one can have when on swims on a regular basis.I know this because in high school I was on the swim team.While I was on the swim team, my body was toned.So, I have decided to swim for one hour three times per week.I will be walking or doing some other activity on the remaining days of the week.Variety is the spice of life!Doing exercise that I enjoy is the key to sticking to the program.The only reason I let it slide in the past few months was due to my going back to school and focusing my extra time in that direction.I guess in hindsight, life was full of circumstances that interfered with my exercise routine; however, school is officially out for the summer now and I am ready to jump back in and enjoy my activities!
Even thought the scale in not reflecting weight loss, my cloths are!They are fitting much looser these days.I feel absolutely wonderful today!I guess this is due to my knowing I will lose this weight in my own due time.Exercise has always been my ultimate weapon against fat; and, my foundation to losing weight and keeping it off.
I am feeling on top of the world today.I finished up my final exam today and summer break is officially here!
I took a four mile walk today in the cold rain.It was hard, but I was determined.I had some really good tunes to boot!Every step I took was getting me closer to me long range goal.
I also took a bubble bath and reread the Diet Free book I made many notations in, when I lost 80 lb of post baby weight from 1996 to 1998.The notations I made really inspired me.I just kept on exercising faithfully and the weight kept on coming off.There were many periods of slow weight loss, but my body looked great when all was said and done.My focus was not on food, but rather on movement of my body.
Yesterday I gave into my sweet tooth cravings.The urge was so strong that nothing was going to make it go away except to just give into the urge.
I had a real hard workout yesterday. (Not because I gave into my sweet tooth, but because this was something I wanted to do.I did this well before I gave into my sweet tooth.)I packed the kids up in the two seated stroller and took a long walk.It took us close to two hours to complete it.It was hard and I wanted to quit several times and turn around.I did not turn around.I kept on going.I acknowledged how my muscles felt in movement. I acknowledge the sweat on my body.I acknowledged that each step I took was bringing me closer to my goal.I felt privileged to have the circumstances to allow me to be home exercising with my children, while the rest of the world was putting in a 9 to 5 work day.
My daughter had her counseling session last night.The focus was on helping her to motivate herself to do things she does not want to do.A strategy that was suggested was for her to practice half smiling.Every time she is faced with a difficult situation or a task she does not want to do, she should do a half smile.This will send a message to her brain that she feels happy; therefore, she will then be able to practice the art of positive self talk.She will be able to tell herself she can do it, she will do it, she chooses to do it, and enjoys doing it.
This is pretty much how I motivate myself to do things I do not want to do.That is why the saying that our attitude is everything is so popular.Our attitude is what will make a task or situation possible in our mind or an impossibility.Positive self talk is key.
My daughter is so bright and is a thirteen year old that has many years to come into her own.My hope it to guide her to learn to develop strategies to overcome and adapt, for life is all about change.Change is constant.Her self esteem will flourish with continual unconditional love and support from her family.The world can be a cruel place, but her family will always be there for her.And, one day she will realize that she always had it from within to overcome and adapt.That is the wonderful principal taught in the Wizard of Oz.We have it from within to love ourselves enough to make things happen.We have the option to choose what our attitude is going to be.We can allow ourselves to feel our emotions and grow from them.Emotions are a good thing.To acknowledge them is the first step in self awareness.
My daughter and son remind me so much of myself when I was younger.It is only by experiencing life that I have managed to come to this point in my life where I feel absolutely confident in myself………….comfortable in my own skin, so to speak.I know this is what they need too………time to grow up……..time to come into their own……time to make mistakes and learn from them.I will continue to role model for them the concept of striving to have a positive attitude, despite life’s ambiguous nature.We can be sure of nothing in this life except death.We cannot control anything except our own actions.It is okay to feel our emotions.It is okay to take a little longer to reach a light bulb moment.It is okay to be who we are.We are unique and that is something to be proud of.
The kids are up and I just need a few minutes to get some journaling done.
My 20th class reunion is on 10/14/06.I have to admit, this is somewhat of an incentive for me; however, I know I will still lose the weight at my own pace……which seems to be pretty damn slow. LOL
I got out for a 3 mile walk yesterday.It seems to me that now that school is almost out, I am able to redirect my time and energy into other things.One of those things is my exercise routine.When school started up, the exercise routine went out the window.I do not care what anyone says, a person can only do so much in a day without burning themselves out.For me, the exercise was not one of my priorities; however, now it can be once again.I do believe this will help me to shed some pounds too.
I am still fighting off those urges to dive into the Easter baskets on top of the fridge.I am winning too, but I hate it when the urge strikes!
"If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us."
*Jim Rohn
OMG was I depressed yesterday!I took it out on everyone around me too.I told myself I was not going to allow what the scale said to affect my attitude, BUT it did.
My whole day was filled with challenges to avoid junk food.Do you have any idea how hard it is to say no to fresh baked cookies when the scale said ZERO pounds lost for the previous week?It is EXTREMELY hard.I have been fighting off these urges all week to get ZERO pounds lost as my reward.
I took a 3 mile walk yesterday to clear my head; however, my mood was awful yesterday.I woke up today and stepped on the scale.Yea, I know……I am not supposed to do that!Well, I DID.I did it because I figured MAYBE, just MAYBE the scale would reflect all of my efforts today.Well, the scale said the same thing, ZERO pounds lost.
I then proceeded to go downstairs and get myself a cup of coffee and breakfast.Something must have flipped in my brain because I do not feel so sullen today.I mean I woke up freaking out, but then after I stepped on the scale, had my breakfast, and sipped on my coffee………..I started to feel better.Normally Mondays freak me out………and my initial thought was ARGH it’s Monday!But, like I said, after I had my breakfast and started to sip on my coffee……..I started to feel OKAY.In fact, my normal morning cigarette was something I DID NOT care to have this morning.In fact, I am sitting here writing WITHOUT the company of the nasty smell of smoke filling the air.
For the past few days I have noticed I do not want to have cigarettes.I don’t like how they make me feel.I feel dead after I have one.I smell too.Oh, and let me not forget how it makes everything else smell!And yes, my children……….they do not need to be around second hand smoke……….UKA!I know, I know………..that should have been the FIRST reason on my list…….and IT IS……..I just did not type it as such.
So, today is another day to take an active role in getting off this excess weight.I took a look over my previous writings when I lost 80 lbs over a 2 ½ year period……….and, it took a lot of perseverance on my behalf to do so.The weight did not come off fast, but I lost it none the less.I refused to give up.I continued to exercise and eat right.If I strayed off the path a bit, I got back on.I persevered……….and, I lost the weight.I can do it again………..YES I can!
I finally got to step on my scale and it said I did not lose a single pound this week.I would be lying if I did not admit I am a bit disappointed.On the flip side, my cloths are getting looser.
I am not going to give up; rather, I am going to look at what I am eating and see if there is anything I can cut out that may be causing me to stay the same weight.The challenge for the next week will be for me to stay off the scale because I am so eager to see some pounds fall as a reward for all of my efforts thus far.
Yesterday was a great day.I got to go and spend some time alone at the YMCA.I swam for 30 minutes and soaked in the hot tub.
Last night I had this fabulous dream.Actually, I as happy when I woke up……because I was eating 1200 calories of quality chocolate!How do I know the caloric value?Well, I actually looked on the back of the box as to how many servings were in it and how many calories were in each serving!
I have been struggling for the past few days with chocolate cravings.I have been taking each moment the craving hits me and managing to be quite creative in fighting it off.Yesterday was not just about chocolate for me, for I wanted salty munchies too!
I had a rough draft to submit for English.I was feeling the pressure of juggling family and my academic responsibilities.I believe this is the source of my cravings coming to the floor.I have one more week left of school; however, stress will not be something that will end.Stress is part of life and it comes in many forms.
I have also been fighting off the urge to step on the scale.I have to wait until tomorrow.I feel somewhat scared…….fearing the weight loss will not be something substantial or maybe none at all.What a goofy fear to have.I have been so good.I have not had a drop of alcohol in a few weeks and I have cut out the Easter candy and salty munchies binges.Exercise has been a part of my routine; therefore, how could I not lose weight?
It is the impatient side of my psyche badgering me.This is the side that tells me to give in every time I have a craving.This side of me tells me that I cannot possibly live life for the long term like this.This side is the side that justifies my not remaining on plan.
I have to remember that no matter what, I am not giving into my impatient side.I am going to persevere through each and every inner battle I am confronted with.My efforts will be rewarded over time.Each moment I succeed will accumulate into pounds lost.I did not gain this weight over night and I will not lose it over night.
"Self-respect is the root of discipline. The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself."
*Abraham Joshua Heschel
Yesterday was another day of fighting with myself.I wanted to pig out on chocolate but I would not allow myself to do so.In the end it all amounted to how badly I wanted to lose this excess weight.I want to lose this excess weight so badly that pigging out on chocolate is not an option for me.Pigging out on chocolate is not going to enable my body to lose weight.
The cravings come and the cravings go.I have one more week left of English and Project Management.Both of these classes are a source of stress in my life.I believe that is where my vice of chocolate comes in.It tastes good, makes me feel good momentarily, and gives me a boost of energy.It is a “quick fix” so to speak.
I have had to find other ways to cope with the stress.One of the things I am doing is excepting the normal cycle my mind goes through prior to submitting an essay or project.I feel fear, yes fear…..fear of what, you may ask.The fear of the unknown………not knowing if how I am conceptualizing the concepts taught is correct………but then again, what is correct?And, in the end it all comes together.I go through this percolating phase that leads to a successful completion of whatever it is I am working on.So, the change I am speaking of is acknowledging the mindset I go through when I am reaching for the chocolate; and, realizing it is okay to have this mindset……..it works for me.Therefore, I do not need a vice.I do not need chocolate to help me through the phase.I am doing fine without the chocolate.When I need energy, it is time to step back and allow myself time to absorb what I have done thus far.I take a break.I come back to it when I feel refreshed.I refresh myself by doing something else, for I do have a life outside of school.
I could not get into this site yesterday, so I was unable to post. All is going good and I am fighting off the sweet tooth cravings one by one. Last night was a real difficult time for me, but I did not give in. I want to be thin more than I want to mow down on chocolate to satisfy a craving.
Yesterday was a blast.Hubby watched the two little ones so my daughter, her friend, and my friend could have a girl’s night out.We went to the mall and then spent the night at my girlfriend’s house.
My friend Pat and I met through our daughters.Needless to say, there were plenty opportunities for me to blow my plan yesterday.Though I tried like hell not to be obvious that I was on a plan, my friend noticed.She said “Did I miss something or are you watching what you are eating again?”I said “Yea, I took a two month breather and now I am ready to shed some more pounds.”I left it at that.
I was offered beer and popcorn, but I politely said beer gives me a headache and I just refrained from eating the popcorn without saying a word.I had a bag with all of my on plan foods; therefore, I was not hungry and beating the temptations around me was not so bad.My friend was even eating one of those coconut candy bars I had that was from .She offered me some, but I somehow managed to distract her without putting any in my mouth.It was hard too, because I really wanted to have that candy bar when I lost the weight.I love coconut and this was quality chocolate; however, I gave it to my friend to enjoy instead.She was laughing at me when I was eating my hardboiled eggs and tuna, but it tasted so good……….I was hungry.It felt good to stay on plan, for I knew I would reap the benefits from it in the long run.
When it came time to weigh in this morning, I was did not have my scale to step on.I had to wait until I got home.My scale reflected a 2 lb loss this week.I felt proud of my success and I look forward to next weeks weigh in.
