It is weird for me to look at my weight loss and realize that I have lost over 117lbs since I first started this journey. That number seemed impossible in the beginning and all I was doing was looking for the next pound lost. So if you're reading this and you're impressed, I want you to realize that it's been a two and a half year journey to this point.

I remember when people asked me how much I wanted to lose and/or how much I wanted to weigh when I "finished." I had looked at the height/weight chart and saw that for my age and height, I should weigh between 135 and 150 pounds so picked 145lbs as a good middle and stuck my goal on it. But having hit 186lbs and looking at my body, I honestly don't think I'd want to get down to 145lbs. I moved that goal to 165lbs and even then, it may not be right for me. Screw charts, I am talking about looking healthy.

First off, let me tell you...I am in love with my collar bones. They showed up a while back and I am fascinated with them, love touching them, and they stand out without me having to suck in anything or stand funny. But at this weight, if they stick out as much as they do now...what would it be like if I lost another 40lbs? My arms are also skinny but I haven't gotten that vein look (my size 2 sister has that look...I do not find it attractive) and I'd like to avoid it if possible. Besides...I am now in a size 12/14 and if I shed that 20 pounds I am looking to get rid of, I will probably be in a size 10 and I'd be more than happy with that.

I am now also "The Skinny One" in my group of friends. It's weird carrying that title. I've never held it before and I'm honored they call me that but what I'd really love is for them to lose the weight too. Some of them are working on it. Others, not so much. I encourage and help and have shared every tool I have and everything I've learned in the hopes they will decide as I did that one night that I had had enough. Once you've hit that line, that place you look at and go "I don't like it here, I don't want to be here, and I will do whatever it takes to get away from here" THEN you are ready to commit and lose weight. It's a lifestyle, not a diet. It's learning portions and calories and exercising. There is no easy way to LOSE and keep it OFF. It's effort and diligence and owning up to when you make a mistake. Speaking of...that Chinese food may not have killed me, but it did set me back. Not. Worth. It.

People ask me all the time "how did you do it?" And they don't like my answer usually..."watching what you eat and exercising." And as for keeping it off? That's accepting that any gains or losses are mine and directly related to what ~I~ eat and what ~I~ do. No one made me fat...I did that myself. No one made me lose the weight...I did that myself as well. And no one but me can keep it off.

So accept responsibility for yourself. Own it. Every day whether I want to or not I weigh myself and write down the number, up or down, on the calendar. If I screw up, I look back and see how much time I just cost myself. As in "you just wasted three weeks of good habits for one night. Hope it was worth it." No one forces me to eat good or bad. It's all me. And don't tell me you don't have time. You do. You just have to realize it is all you, baby.

And no matter what, remember that it's never too late to start and just because you tripped up doesn't make you out for the count. You can do this. Because if I can...anyone can.

Ok, I've ignored it long enough and now it's become an actual issue...my hair is falling out.

And yes, I am smart enough to know that a person typically loses around 50-150 hairs a day. But my hair falls out in handfuls and by the end of the week my brush is stuffed full of lost hair.

So, what do I do when I am confronted with a truth I can no longer ignore? Research!!!

Dieting is one thing, but losing my hair is another. It's gotten bad enough that you can now see my scalp, which to say the least is not good on the self-esteem. No matter how much weight you lose if you end up bald you still aren't going to feel great about yourself, especially when you had hair when you were fat.

I had a feeling it was due to the fact I was losing weight and losing it fairly fast. Sure enough, according to online reports significant and rapid weight loss can be accompanied with hair loss. This could be due to the lack of proper vitamins, including but not limited to low iron or...get this...too much Vitamin A! Yes, too much Vitamin A can result in hair loss. Be aware.

I have been rather lax about taking a supplement, thinking that I was getting enough vitamins (I love how my English weight loss counselor says it...vit-eh-mens) through what I was eating. Apparently not. Solution: start taking a daily vitamin as well as an extra dose of folic acid. Which, by the way...EWWWW! I've been burping up the most awful burps since I took that folic acid. Moms-to-be...I understand your agony now. I may also pick up some extra iron if I don't feel the daily pill is giving me enough.

Of course, it will be 2-3 MONTHS before I notice any real change. Let's hope that I keep some hair on my head in the mean time. I may end up having to cut off my hair (which I had just gotten past the awkward growing out stage) so that it appears fuller. It also means making changes to styling hair treatments. What really sucks is the hair that I do have is incredibly healthy! I mean, no split ends or breakage in sight. It's shiny, smooth, and really lovely. Oh well, so it is with me.

I am writing about this so that if you are also noticing a hair loss that is not typical, well...there are things you can do. This is what ~I~ am going to do:

1. Take a daily vitamin

2. Take folic acid daily

3. Cease wearing a pony tail unless I have no choice

4. Wear ~loose~ hats when out in sun (protect my scalp but not crush my hair)

5. No more brushing hair while it's wet. Just deal until it's dry.

6. Use very little product on my hair when it's not needed...less reason to wash more than 3-4 times a week

7. Wash only 3-4 times a week if possible - due to the fact that washing results in more hair down the drain (literally)

8. Keep an eye on my iron intake to see if I should increase it

9. Take deep breaths and remember that stress also can lead to hair loss

10. If it all falls out...buy a great wig. And then buy some fun colored ones...if Katy Perry can do it, so can I. :)

Good luck to the rest of you.

Okay, so I've been kind of...missing...for a bit. Sorry. :)

The deal is I usually check in from work and work has been, well the term "crazy" barely touches how it's been here. Compile that with a short weight loss plateau and a stomach virus (which made up for the plateau...lol!) and there hasn't been much to write home about. Err...blog...about.

Things are not going to be getting slower anytime soon at work so the odds are I will be backing off from my blogging for a bit. At least until I can actually get caught up enough that taking a moment of time to write down some thoughts won't make me feel like a heinous criminal. Or better yet, get home and actually do my writing from there. The issue is, as with most people who work and commute...when I get home I have so much other stuff to do before I collapse from exhaustion that blogging is pretty low on the list. *sigh*

Happy thoughts, though! While it may be a fluke of the scale, today it read an all-time low (and by that, I mean all-time in the last 10 years). I stepped on the scale and it read 237.2. Which means...38 lbs and I'll be back in the Ones! I can't wait for my One-derful day! Speaking of ones...I am now getting into size 18s...another "1" I haven't seen since, well, basically since I was 18 years old. Which is weird...I don't remember weighing this much when I was a size 18, but then I was avoiding the scales back then and probably did. Not to mention it's been shifted since I had a breast reduction since that time of my life.

And one more bit of news...according to my last measurements...I have now lost 60.5 inches from my body!!! That's over five feet of me that's gone!!! FIVE FEET! Let's all say that one more time...~five feet of excess Sara is gone!!~ I know people who are just over five feet tall...and I've almost lost as many inches around me as they are tall! That's pretty substantial and a great perspective for me.

Well, time to get back to work. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Ok...time to take a serious look at my lack of motivation.

Yes, I have been in the long and arduous process of moving, remodeling, and unpacking...all of it at once.

Yes, I have stuck as close to my eating plan as time and convenience will allow.

Yes, I have continued to lose weight.

But no, I am not feeling like I am doing everything I should be.

There have been too many little "cheats." Not a true cheat because it is a healthy version on if (fat free ice cream) or because I only ate one (one cookie...no more). But between those and the squiggly-line food choices (yes, you can have hamburger but it's not supposed to be fried...and even draining it only does so much), I ~know~ I'm headed towards a slump. Combine all that with the fact that I have been too busy to do any kind of workout and it's a weight loss disaster waiting to happen.

The problem is I have moved 50 miles away from my gym and I have an hour to a 1 1/2 hour drive home after work. I get in sometime after 7 p.m. and then usually have to cook dinner. Then when that is done I do some kind of project in the house or cleaning or laundry. And even though I would like to do a workout, I have no bike, no inline skates, and the Wii is in a box somewhere...which leaves just walking and it’s usually raining when I get home.

I keep telling myself once I get everything unpacked it will get better, that once everything is where it should be I can take time for myself again. And people keep telling me that packing, unpacking, installing, uninstalling, moving, lifting, and such is exercise...but let's be honest...it's not burning 500 calories in an hour like I used to at the gym.

I guess what I am saying is, I feel like I should be doing more for myself…even though logically I know that it’s very hard to do so.

So, it’s time to recommit to myself.

I, Sara, do hereby swear that I will not sabotage my weight loss efforts by eating any squiggly line food or off the plan food. I swear that to the best of my ability, I will attempt to exercise at least two days a week for at least 30 minutes until such time as I can change my gym membership or start a new exercise program at home. And finally, I swear that even if my efforts do not result in a huge weight loss that I will not throw in the towel.

Now, let’s see if I can stick to it. *wink*

Yesterday I had a bit of a scare. I fell asleep at the wheel while going 70 mph on the interstate.

Luckily it was just for a second and the rumble strips woke me up, but things could have been much worse, especially if I had drifted into the other lane rather than off of mine.

Now, I am not usually a person who falls asleep at the wheel. As a matter of fact, I am what I call a "driver." A driver is a person who loves to drive, who volunteers to take the wheel when a group gets together for dinner or a road trip. I enjoy driving (especially in Florida...nice flat state makes for easy roads). And usually all I need to stay awake is to sing along with the radio...but lately that has not been working.

Yes, I know I am stressed from trying to complete the move and get the apartment cleaned up, but this is very not like me to have issues behind the wheel. And yesterday wasn't the first time that I have felt so drowsy that my driving was affected. And I don't want to be dangerous behind the wheel, but that's what I am. But I now live 45 minutes away from work, so guess what? I'll be driving long distances every week day.

Tonight should be the last time I have to go to the apartment. Then I will be able to carpool to work with my mother and having another person in the car should help me stay awake. It's because when I am this tired (I am tired all the time now, or so it seems), and I get behind the wheel on a mind-numbing drive, even singing along with the radio fails to keep my brain active enough to not go asleep.

And the strange part is, I know I am getting some sleep. For instance, last night I went to bed at 10:30 p.m. and I semi-woke up at 5 a.m. My alarm was set for 6 a.m. but my mother was making noise in the kitchen so I woke up from that. At the least I got 6.5 hours of sleep. At best, I got 7.5 hours of sleep. So why do I still feel like crawling under my desk and conking out?

Any how, if anyone has suggestions on what could help me stay awake when behind the wheel, I am all ears. Coffee doesn't do much for me anymore, so that's not going to help. Perhaps once the last of the stuff is out of the apartment I can just relax and breathe...maybe that's all I need, some breathing room. *sigh*

Okay, so I am back from vacation...and what a vacation. Ever have something planned and then it all goes horribly wrong? Well, that was my vacation time, which was supposed to be spent moving from one city to my new house in a neighboring city. But it's not easy to move furniture and boxes when the guy who is being paid to install the flooring puts you off for an entire week!! It was the most wasted vacation ever...no fun to be had and nothing really accomplished. I am almost glad to be back to work.

Speaking of which...it's kind of sad when you work for someone for three years and they still don't know how to spell your first name. Sara...not Sarah. Considering she signs my checks every two weeks, I was almost certain she knew how to spell it. Guess I was expecting too much. *sigh*

I almost want to call the house just to see if I hear the sound of hammers in the background. That would mean they are still there working and that they haven't just put in three hours of work and then call it a day again. I really almost lost it on them on Saturday when they said that. And it takes a lot to get me mad or upset, so the fact I was shaking with anger and so upset I could cry means that I had reached the end of my rope and was about to use a length of it to hang the flooring guy. I hope once he's done that he never steps another foot back into our house.

Happily I only have a few things left at the apartment, some of which I will be bringing home tonight. Since I'm paid up until the end of the month, I can now take my time on the little things and cleaning up. I wasn't able to talk the manager into forgetting about the rate increase for my roomies, but I was able to get her to agree to have the carpets professionally cleaned. Which means I don't have to clean them as well as I had originally planned. I am a very good tenant...when I move out, it's move in ready. It's just part of who I am.

So, if all goes even a slight bit on the side of "well," then when I get home this evening my bedroom flooring will be completed, the hall and spare room will be completed, and the office will be well on it's way. This would mean I can fill up the dressers (since they won't have to be moved again), build the shoe rack, and install the TV.

Wow...so far this has been very little diet related of a post. *lol* Let's correct that.

I've been doing...ok...on eating. I did end up having Subway three days in a row thanks to friends and family who were helping me wanting to eat there and since I was paying (a typical exchange, food for assistance in moving), I kind of had to go with them. Not sure yet how this will impact the scale when I get the courage to step back on it. But, my clothes are definitely still loose and I've given more of them away (including some favorites because even though I loved them, I didn't want to ever fit them again).

Since my schedule is back to normal, my eating is getting that way too. I've gotten back on track with my breakfasts, snacks, and lunch. Now to get my parents to understand that me not eating what they are is not an insult to my mother's cooking but necessary to my health. They seem to understand but then mom will cook 4 cheese mashed potatoes or corn dripping with butter and wonder why there is only grilled chicken on my plate. *lol*

But today my boss (who can't spell my name) did make it a point to tell me how proud she was of me sticking to my diet and losing the weight. She said it's amazing the difference it has made. I actually scrolled through photos my friends have of me on Facebook (as I don't put up photos of myself) and just looking at them has me realizing I now weigh less than any of those photos...some of which are over four years old!

When I hit 60 lbs lost, my mother and I are headed to Islands of Adventure in Orlando to spend the whole day in Harry Potter World. I am so excited about it (as a big Harry Potter fan) that I hope to reach that goal by the end of the month! Since it opens to the public on June 18th, we may not be the first visitors, but we'll be early enough to see it before people start to deface it (I hate that people always have to break and destroy things that are so beautiful and creative).

I don't know if I will post again this week..but if I don't...have a great week my friends!