Random Vent of a Returning Slacker soon to be Doer

It's been almost 1.5 years since my last blog.  I am now at 170 lbs (at least that's what it was the last time I got on the scale a few weeks ago) and know that I desperately need to do something. 

Unfortunately (though some people call it fortunate) any weight I gain is so evenly distributed that I don't even realizing I'm gaining until I try something on that I haven't worn in a few weeks only to find that it doesn't fit.

The lack of clothing items that fit well is putting a serious halt to my life.  Since trying to find something to wear is such a struggle most often I'll choose to stay home rather than go through that mental anguish.  I have a ton of awesome clothes in my closet and can only wear maybe 1% of it.  That is NOT good!!! 

I've been trying to figure out how I let this happen.  Well, let me rephrase that.  Not how I let it happen, since it didn't 'happen' but how I did this to myself.  How and Why!

I have these pictures of me at a water park in the summer of 2002.  It was a few months after my first attempt at weight watchers.  I weighed about 142 or so.  I'd started weight watchers at about 152.  Even at 142 I thought that I had a long way to go.  But when I look at those pictures I wish that I could look like that again.  I was slim, athletic, flat tummy, toned arms.  Why couldn't I see then what I see now and is the never good enough part of the reason that made me regain it all plus more?

I have a lot of emotional work to do this time around.  Reading an older blog I was reminded that I was feeling angst about turning 36, now I'm feeling fear of turning 37 and having digressed.  I still plan on being a hot 40 year old.