Back to work after the long weekend and thanks to the crappy weather we had and the fact it is beautiful outside today it makes it that much worse – but what can you do – it’s not like I can control the weather.
This week I am going to the surgeon for my toe (mumbles something about his in-grown toenail) it’s hard to imagine the pain that it can cause. I had never had one before until now and my doctor couldn’t do anything about it. It’s apparently SO bad that she (my doctor) thinks the surgeon is going to have to remove the entire nail – a prospect I am not looking forward to. Someone please let me know that this is nothing and not going to hurt – yes I am indeed a big baby in a 400 lb frame – thanks for asking.. ;)
Today is also the night of our current President and CEO’s retirement party after work. I know it will be a schmoozefest filled with assorted local politicians and business people that I should probably palm-press and chat-up all night – more than likely however I will be looking for the perfect time to sneak into the gym for my nightly workout. Not since I was playing competitive sports when I was younger did I feel the urge to actually go to the gym and I have missed the feeling of a good workout and a good “head sweat” as the LW calls it.
It’s interesting to me how I am changing as this diet progresses – when I was playing competitive hockey I used to work out in order to remain in tip-top physical condition. I was never a strong endurance athlete I was more of a quick burst – short shift person so my training involved lots of reps done very quickly with less weight and quick shifts on the bike.
Now I find myself trying to increase my endurance so I am spending more on the treadmill and the bike and less time with weight training – that said I know that once I get closer to my desired weight I am also going to want to start working on my toning – but it sure beats the hell out of worrying about what I am going to watch on TV when I get home.
It’s nice to have these kinds of problems though I must admit.. bring on the head sweat!
I knew this was going to happen – I really didn’t want it to and did my best to stay positive but I wasn’t able to…
See, this weekend is a long-weekend for us fortunate Canadians similar to the US Memorial day weekend next week. Known as the “May two-four” by most, it’s become synonymous with drinking and partying and is also the unofficial start to the summer season.
The reason for this diatribe however has nothing to do with either drinking or partying – and has everything to do with the fact that on Monday, everything is closed – JC included, which means that my usual weigh in is interrupted – I don’t remember giving my JC consultant permission to have a day off – but she took it anyway much to my chagrin.
Not that that should be a huge problem or anything because all I needed was a chance to step on the scale and go shopping for my grub for next week – all can be accomplished at any time (aside from my usual time)…
To make a long story short (might already be too late for that) I not only had to weigh in on Saturday this week which is two days earlier than my usual Monday weigh in day – but I also had to do it in the morning at 9:40 as opposed to my usual early evening time.
My thought going in was simple – if I gain I am upset (for obvious reasons) and if I lose I am skeptical because its morning vs. my usual early evening time. Now if that isn’t the lamest Catch 22 I could invent nothing is…
Needless to say – I lost 4.2 lbs yesterday which will I suppose even out over the course of the next 10 days before my next weigh-in at my usual Monday early evening weigh in. With that said I’ll take the loss… for now.
Shout-outs to those that wrote on my blog and in answer to the “why Iconoclast” question – its simple and much less glamorous than why most of you selected yours I’m sure. The Brain (of Pinky and the Brain fame) called himself an Iconoclast with this quote “And I am the Iconoclast, an unconventional eccentric who marches to a different drummer... [hit on head] but you may call me Noodle Noggin.” – and I liked it, and also found the episode he said it in to be particularly funny – hence the adoption and thanks for askin…
I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know first off that I am proud of your accomplishments to date in your own personal weight loss journey and regardless of anything else – you are the only one that you need to answer to in regard to your health and well-being and I for one am happy to see this personal paradigm shift in you.
To hell with the detractors and those that would rather wallow than allow you to grow and better yourself – misery does indeed love company. You don’t need to stoop in order to prove your worth to anyone – stand tall and proud – your accomplishments in life should already allow you that courtesy.
I also wanted to thank you – thank you for giving me the impetus to make the switch in me and my lifestyle – thank you for the countless times you have emotionally “slapped my wrist” when my eyes wandered to the buffet line – your strength and resolve have helped me to gain the strength I need in order to accomplish my own goals.
In closing I just wanted to say that you are looking great and for sure feeling better and I look forward to many years of happiness and good health with you as we trot the globe together well into our silver years…
You see - I have become so accustomed to having the one to three pound losses that it almost becomes like clockwork - and if I have any less than that then I am upset. I know - I shouldn't expect to lose that much every week but considering how much I have to lose - it better be a pound or two or else... at least that would be my convoluted logic anyhow - and to this point it has been somewhat accurate as well - thus starteth the gauge..
During my lifestyle change or weight loss campaign or any other less than clinical name that we can call as to not bruise my ‘bananalike’ psyche - I have slowly increased my activity level. The LW worries about me because I tend to be somewhat OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) - she saw the extent of my resolve once I decide to do things when I quit smoking cold turkey a few years ago - and I think to an extent expected (probably correctly) that I would resort to mucho activity after my prolonged period of abstinence (exercise ladies - abstinence from exercise - focus)...
So I would do the Lesley dvds as often as I could with and without the LW to cheer me on (and probably snicker at my obvious “white man’s syndrome”) and would busy myself doing other things around the house - slowly but surely I got myself to the level of fitness where I felt I could comfortably go back to the gym and begin cardio - so last week being week 1 - I went 4 days (went means going down stairs because the gym is at work) - and today was the dreaded WI - with trepidation and clenched fists - I quickly moved to the scale eyes tightly shut as I listened to Tanita's digits ticking away...
"HOLY **** - ALMOST 7 POUNDS"
I was floored - I blew past that 100lb mark like it wasn't even there - then it hit me - I made my first major milestone - I was going to have to spend money for my REWARD...
It was at that point that my "personal healing" had reached its zenith - I knew the second that my fear of having to spend money was greater than my excitement about losing weight that I was well on my way to success... now THAT is some weird ass logic - but its mine and I embrace it...
Thanks again everyone for the comments on my blog - They work on me as much as they do on you guys - and I really appreciate them all.. I hope you are all having a good week.. I know I am...
That term is usually referenced when discussing the life progression of an insect from its ugly cousin into the beautiful butterfly in its latter years. For my wife and I we are going through what could be called a rebirth or metamorphosis - in our case its more how our lives are changing right before our eyes and as such – how we are once again coming out of our collective stagnation…
A little background for you – my wife and I have been together for a little over 10 years and in that time we have done most things together. Not only is she the woman I love but she is also the person that I enjoy spending most of my free time with – even when she has smoke coming out of her ears – but that’s another story and usually my fault – at least that’s what she says…
I am a lot more spontaneous than my wife is and she likes to have her evenings in particular planned out in advance of doing them. I think it’s a bizarre ritual that she plays with herself to leave everything to the last second and then race to see if she can make it there on time – but that’s a trait she posses and one of the things that endears me to her.
Our agendas for the evening used to be based around whatever sedentary activity we had planned – be it television programs or computer games – you get the idea. When I was talking with my wife planning our agenda for this evening we planned our evening around our respective visits to the gym. This may be viewed by some as a small step but I see it as a step nonetheless – a metamorphosis if you will - to making us much happier and healthier as people.
One other quick note before I close for today – my last post referenced 100 lbs as a goal that I am moving toward and based on the fact that the ticker to the right says otherwise people were asking about it. As I mentioned before – the ticker simply doesn’t go high enough to accommodate my actual starting weight – but yes I have indeed lost 94 lbs. Thanks for noticing…
Had you told me a split second before I stepped on the scale tonight that I was actually going to lose weight after the week that I had I probably would have scoffed and sniggered at your insanity. It’s a good thing that didn’t happen because remarkably – I did have a loss – two pounds no less - and the best part now is that I am drawing ever closer to that illusive 100 lb mark – A mark I hope to reach before the LW and I go jet-setting in the Mayan Riviera in a monthish…
Losing weight certainly strengthens ones resolve and helps to refocus in most cases, but for me this one only raises more questions. I know I have been losing and I shouldn’t question the methods that to this point have been successful – its almost looking a gift horse in the mouth – but the interesting thing is – the weeks I deviate from my diet, whether by going out for dinner or lunch seem to be the weeks that provide the most positive results on the dreaded Monday evening weigh-in.
I’m not suggesting by any stretch of the imagination that I could be losing weight by NOT being on a diet – I have proven how responsible I can be in that regard. I am merely stating that if I maintain my diet MOST of the time and have one or maybe two dinners that are not on plan – they are the weeks I seem to lose the most weight.
So much so that I even mentioned my unorthodox findings to my consultant who quickly pointed to other things as the reason for my success. I did expect that reaction from her mind you and didn’t really push because the only logical conclusion based on the results as I have suggested above would be that my body tends to lapse into starvation mode at times. Perhaps it’s a good thing I’m not a nutritionist – I’d probably over-analyze all my clients situations individually and never come up with a logical solution… needless to say my resolve is again strengthened and being that I divide my goals into smaller more attainable ones – I am drawing ever closer to my first really big goal – my reward? A Digital SLR? A Nano? – so many toys – so little money…
One last thing – at my work we started our annual Wellness Week advertising and when I was setting up the intranet with all the updated information I noticed that as a reward for doing well during Wellness week – you got a free lunch. So I sent an email to HR suggesting that it’s counter-productive to reward wellness participation with a free lunch from our cafeteria.
Great – a new title to add to the ever growing list – Officer Steve – Wellness police and anal retentive antioxidant vegetable loving geek – man it’s a good thing I’m already married..:P
Shout-outs to everyone that dropped by and read about my daily struggles with grass et al – thanks for the kind words and constant encouragement – we men like to be propped up once in a while too…
Enough already – these poor people – leave them be…
I suppose that could connote something entirely different than the less than entertaining truth. Unfortunately for me I am literally – waiting for the grass.
For the last few years tending to the trials and tribulations of lawn and garden maintenance has been restricted to ‘who can I call that isn’t going to charge me an arm and leg’ to make my grass green and ‘crap does it need to be cut again?’
So this summer because the LW and I are thinking about moving I thought I would give the whole ‘curb appeal’ thing a go and see what I can do – keeping in mind that this is entirely my first crack at anything green thumb like.
Exactly what is involved in this? First a trip to Terra Greenhouses was in order – to get the proper tools for the job – again not being a garden type person I had nary a tool in order to perform these tasks… one observation – this shit is expensive .. I digress…
Today was the rake the old - fertilize – triple mix – grass seed menu with a whole bunch of water to wash it down. Now we wait and see whether I did a good job or if I am going to have to swallow my pride and call in the troops (the father in law) to give me a hand. Here’s to hoping that I have done an adequate job and that the grass will come up green and healthy – keep your fingers crossed for me…I will apparently be able to let you know in seven to ten days.. ;)
I also wanted to thank people for coming and viewing my blog – I admit I find writing in here to be very cathartic so I’ll keep it up – for the time being…
Tomorrow is WI day and with my pizza indulgence this week it may be a bad one – we’ll see. Either way with my activity level being up I also have to keep in mind that I have started weight training in order to tone the flabbiness so I have to keep the bottom line number in perspective - I’ll let you know tomorrow…
Happy Sunday? – can you say that when you have to work tomorrow?
We talk about the psychology of dieting like it’s something we can all control. It’s easy to eat what you should eat when you are not placed in an environment that almost forces you to deviate. By forces you I mean that it becomes more and more difficult for you to “stick to it” than not. If I can ever overcome the temptations that seem to torment me when I am in certain situations I know that I will have a much easier time maintaining my weight once I reach my goal. And yes, I said ONCE I reach my goal not if.
The LW and I had to do our usual weekend shopping excursion today. Before we left we both ate lunch and had the usual fruit and milk (in my case yogurt) with it. Had a couple stops to make then off to the $100 store (ie Costco) for some supplies for the week – then off to the pet store to hook up the furry kids with grub for a week or two. Much to my amazement – the LW was able to overcome the temptation of a cat adoption drive in the pet store – our two cats don’t know how close they came to having to share their space with another..
Needless to say once we got out of the pet store it was after six and I was starving hungry. It would have been much easier for me to relent and drive across the parking lot and indulge in one of the many restaurants in the parking lot – and believe me it took everything in me and a stern “we’re going home” from the LW to convince me otherwise. Thinking back on it while I was eating one of my favorite JFC dinners (fajitas) it made me mad that I was willing to do that out of sheer convenience and the need to quench my hunger. Once again I am at the mercy of my own weakness in regard to my dining habits - more things for me to work on before I will consider myself “maintenance safe”.
Oh well – tomorrow is another day and I am going to spend most of it trying to resurrect the grass I lovingly spent the last couple of years killing – in a matter of speaking..
So I am feeling a little better about my indulgence this week – I’d call it a splurge but I feel it is more of an indulgence because it’s a much nicer word and makes me feel less guilty. Besides, two days at the gym should have at least burned off some of the extra carbs and fats I packed into my ever-shrinking frame. Worse still, I am actually ENJOYING the increased activity and endorphin rush I am getting from my trips to the gym. The really nice thing for me is that the gym is at my work – free use of the facilities is a nice perk indeed and I don't have the couldn't get to the gym excuse to fall back on either - because I'm already there.
I wanted to chat a little about this whole “gym” concept. In trying to understand the mentality of some that almost make going to the gym a spiritual and uplifting experience I found myself actually looking forward to hitting the treadmill and the bike. It seems as though a rather bizarre metamorphosis is occurring right before my eyes – I am enjoying the gym – but don’t tell anyone…
I have a fair bit of gardening to do this weekend – which should provide more shameless activity. With WI looming on Monday night I need to get in as much as possible before then. We don’t want another repeat of last week when I only lost a pound. I know, a pound is still a loss - I’m working on that too…
I think that’s all for now – I will post more later if I feel so inclined – otherwise some time over the weekend in between cutting the grass and growing more…
They told me it would be a good idea for me to do it. They said that it would only be a bad thing if it happened for more than one meal. I thought I had selected correctly but I was wrong – very wrong. I’ll come back to this in a second…
Since starting JC in October I have to admit until now this whole diet concept has been relatively easy for me – everything being pre-prepared and all really makes and frankly caters to my inherent laziness in that it does all the work for me – all I have to do is heat it up and eat it. But there lies the rub – am I getting so lazy and/or spoiled by Jenny and her band of merry chefs that prepare the boxed goodness that I am not able to dictate my own eating regimen?
I know whenever we do “dine al la Jenny” that I can eat everything that I put in front of myself – the entrée, a fruit serving, veggies, the whole McCoy… but when I am placed in an environment where I have to look at a menu and select the food - am I going to be able to accurately order the food that will not make me gain weight? And – will I order more food than I should be eating?
I’m not sure.
The LW (lovely wife from now on) decided that I should indulge in the one food that is a terrible weakness of mine. She said that I shouldn’t deprive myself of it and Jenny and my councilor (Carm) concurred. I even promised her (the LW) that I wouldn’t feel guilty for it, I tried not to but I do and now knowing how bad it was for me – I am troubled by going in for WI on Monday night.
The above paragraphs to me only emphasize my true eating psychological mentality and the part of me that I really need to address. I am a person that will eat until there is nothing left on my plate. I have a great deal of difficulty stopping when I have had enough – to me, enough is when there is nothing left.
Back to the first paragraph – I agree the pizza was great and it certainly did make me feel better but I again have to overcome the stigma of who I used to be and accept the new me as someone whose appetite isn’t where it was six months ago. I should have gone with the original plan and only had an individual pizza instead of the small that I ordered – which based on how I felt while eating the small - would have been plenty.
The demons I have carried in regard to my eating habits that have haunted me for most of my adult life will be easier to shake now that someone is showing me the error of my ways. I have JC and the LW to thank and guide me – both are much better at doing the above than I am.
