I do love Fridays – for more reasons than the fact that it is the day before the weekend and some of which even make it easier to go to work that one day a week. Friday traffic is much lighter – seems I only have to ‘flip the bird’ once or twice instead of the usual constant stream – that in itself is probably a good thing.
Other reasons to love Friday – people are in a better mood at the office – even the crabby bitch (said in the nicest possible way) that greets you normally with mono-syllabic grunting actually smiles and says good morning on Friday – even though I generally prefer her the other way.
Friday is also the one day a week that we are allowed to dress down at work – that means we can don the dungarees and running shoes – a day of comfort leading into the weekend…
A little history for you – then I will continue with my post… I love my mother, although she is probably the biggest hypochondriac in the world and the queen of passive aggression. She has an ability whereby she never actually asks me for anything – but makes me feel as though I should be doing so much more for her – it’s indeed a skill that she has mastered so proficiently over the years that she has made it into an art form, much to my chagrin.
Another skill that my mother possesses is the ability to look at someone and pick up the correct size clothing for that person right off the rack – or so she thinks. Approximately ten years ago my mother bought me a pair of jeans – black Diesel jeans: not THE Diesel jeans – she picked them up and held them in the air and said “dese’ll fit him” – needless to say those same jeans have been sitting unworn (due to not being able to get them over my thighs) for ten years.
Now where was I – right – I had been using the Diesel jeans as my measuring stick over the course of the last few months – I have been able to put them on for about two months although the first time I got them on when I took them off ‘the guys’ were very happy I did (man joke inserted for affect). Suffice to say – talking like Mickey Mouse, although might have been cooler when I was much younger – wasn’t something I had aspired to in my adult years. I digress…
The Diesel jeans fit and I wore them to work this morning – I’m not sure I will wear them again – they are the straight-leg boot cut kind of jean that were popular ten years ago. But for today this is a personal badge of success – the worst part about it all – my mother was right “dese did fit him” eventually…
Make sure you are only within the allotted caloric level – make sure you keep your intake of fats and carbs to a respectable level and avoid unnecessary sugars. Are these not the rudimentary basics of a successful eating/diet plan that coupled with a workout regime will help you to maintain and/or lose weight?
Now before I get a bunch of messages telling me to ‘not give up’ I suppose I should get to the point – or at the very least stop being so vague. What I give up at is not dieting nor overall health and fitness – I give up trying to justify how or why I lose weight. I know how to GAIN weight – that’s a subject that I obviously excelled at – but losing weight, regardless of how much I lose, will always remain a mystery to me.
With the LW away this past weekend on her “Girls only – if you see boys throw rocks at them” weekend – I decided to go to the horse races with a few people from my work. Similar to the crowd that went to club meow meow last weekend (for further explanation in regard to this please see the post below) it was a fun group going to the track so I thought I would join them. It was that or sitting at home watching the paint dry so surprisingly – I chose the track.
Part of the evening was the opportunity to partake in the dinner menu – our work had arranged it so that we would get a discount on the opulent buffet. Suffice to say I was like a farm animal digging my face into the feed trough. It was pathetic really – you’d think I have never had a decent meal in my life. There was sparks flying off the cutlery I was digging in so enthusiastically.
Roast beef, braised veal, cod in wine sauce, salmon glaze – it was all fair game and didn’t stand a chance with my hulking form leering down hungrily at it with spark-laden utensils… even the chocolate cake wasn’t spared. And, to top off the evening a nice Glenfidditch… now that was a sick (sick is good people – sick is good) way to end a meal…
Then it hit me – I was 60 hours away from having to face my little JFC nazi (the term nazi used as a euphemism for scary so not to offend the over-sensitive) and the dreaded scale that she tortures me with. How the hell was I going to purge the demons that I so happily jammed into my gullet not an hour before? I realized there was no chance in that happening so I decided I would just face the music with bowed head and accept the incessant “don’t worry – it will be better next week – keep up the good work – you are doing great” clichés I have become accustomed to hearing.
But then it happened – my reason for giving up – I lost 6.6 lbs this week. Let me type that out for effect – six point six pounds. It was at that moment that I decided that I knew absolutely nothing about diet and nutrition and that all of my posts where I decided I knew what I was talking about were all lies.
Till next week ladies – avoidance is not the key to success – apparently…
Before I get too deeply into the gist of this post let me first off let you all know that I am not the partier I once was – suffice to say that my days of drinking my face off and crawling into bed at ungodly hours only to wake up an hour or two later for a full day of work and or school – are long since in my past.
With that disclaimer out of the way – I must tell you all about my extra-curricular activities of Saturday evening. One of the girls at work was having a birthday party at an ‘establishment’ that the LW snickered at when I mentioned to her. I suppose I should have thought twice about it but considering the crowd that was going from my work – I knew it would be worth the trip – little did I know where or WHAT I was going to see…
I suppose I should again add a disclaimer into this post at this point that the following has nothing to do with the reason that most post on this site – should you wish to view posts in regard to caloric intake and or fitness and nutrition – my advise would be to stop reading now and move along – otherwise you will be subjected to my observations from an evening spent at the Liquid Kitty (no – it isn’t a strip-joint and no it isn’t a made-up name).
With that said – here are my observations in no particular order…
Why do men at bars insist on walking around with their stomachs sucked in and their upper posture in a Neanderthal-like pseudo pose? Knuckle dragging – although popular among other males with similar poses – generally makes them look ridiculous, even more so when the ‘drunk-droop’ at the end of the night kicks in - it astounds me how dumb we men can be and makes me wonder why it took me so long to realize it.
There must be a new fashion trend that I missed when my bar days ended. You are all aware of the scrolling letter signs in bars that they use to generally display the specials and upcoming events and such – there was a guy at this place with one on his crotch. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out if it was there to draw attention to his crotch or draw attention FROM his crotch – but I’ll leave that to you to decide.
50 years of age – fake bake – BRIGHT red lipstick – an unlit cigarette tucked daintily (like that would be possible) behind her ear – and a bright floral sun dress. I’m not sure much more needs to be said about this one – other than this isn’t the Hamptons Jackie O… yikes!
There are few things in life that once seen – can’t be unseen by anyone and generally speaking we really don’t want nor need to see in the first place – picture if you will a woman in her late 30’s with her head mostly shaved wearing a skin tight leather skirt and granny glasses – oh, did I forget the dog collar around her neck – oh, did I also forget that she was singing ‘doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me’ to her seemingly unimpressed mate. In a word – no – or woof!
And last but not least the topper – a woman in her 40’s that was – rather well endowed wearing what looked like a t-shirt she had borrowed from her 12 year old daughter’s closet. If that wasn’t bad enough she had a pack of smokes tucked between her bewbs – does it get any better than that? It does indeed – I sent a text message to the LW about it and in her infinite wisdom she texted me back with ‘you didn’t take one did you?’ – ROFL… beautiful! - my only regret was being so busy sending the text message I didn't get a pic of it/her/them on my cell phone...
Now – I’m not a prudish kind of person and considering what I have seen and in some cases done in my life I have very little that I should be saying to anyone about the way they act in a public establishment – with or without alcohol. The important thing to remember however, at some point throughout the evening – the lights will come on.
Thanks all for indulging my ranting once again – have a great week.
From posting anyhow – I discovered that it had again been two weeks since my last update and that my duties as a blogger were slipping to say the least. Honestly I had every intention of adding another of my posts filled with the usual sparkling wit and charming personality (no comments from those that know better) when I had ‘one of those days’ at work yesterday. Needless to say it really took the wind out of my sails and sent me reeling – even though I’m not sure I can string together enough adequate thoughts to actually fill the page – I will do my best.
My best friend at work who we will call Tony (because that’s his name) and the person that I work most closely with was released by the company yesterday in a move that was dubbed a ‘strategic re-organization’. Due to my job I generally hear about all of the people that are being terminated for one reason or another and in most cases – can dutifully articulate the premise to the balance of the company through our corporate intranet (I’m the web guy – for lack of a more colourful term).
However, Tony’s departure hit me pretty hard and for what its worth I am still feeling it somewhat today – thank god I’m not an emotional eater or lord knows what bag of whats I would be sticking my hands in today. So in honour of my friend Tony – I will be a Yankee fan (his team) for the rest of the ye….&#%$
Not a chance – sorry Tony… but I do have my limits…
Moving on – my weigh ins have been progressing as before and I have finally broken that number – yes indeed I am into the 3’s – 399.0 to be exact – or at least as exact as the JFC scales can be whilst residing on a carpeted floor – I digress…
So my total is now 137 lbs – and counting – half way is just around the corner…
Thanks again to all that visit and keep on keeping on ladies.. and men too – apparently there are a couple around now…
And once again to my friend Tony – thank you for being you and for coffee and ‘S’ cookies..
I had fully intended my post today to be nothing short of my mea culpa to myself and to those that read my rants on a regular basis. In short it was going to point out that to be more true to myself I need to not disillusion myself with the numbers but regardless, have to remember that they are indeed the measuring stick that will ultimately label me as a success or failure.
At what?
To clarify, I decided that my goal weight should be 236 lbs because that is what my spur of the moment judgment call was when I was asked at JFC and it was a nice round number from my starting weight – simple – lose 300 lbs - am I then not successful until I reach that goal?
As people we measure our successes by how we achieve our goals – after all we set them in what was supposed to have been a moment of clarity – right?
Here lies my problem with that theory – if you are on a diet and your goal is to lose weight then you will measure your successes and failures by those numbers – live and die by the scale.
If you have truly embarked upon a lifestyle change (seems to be the word du jour) then treat it as such. Nothing says that the lifestyle change can’t include a diet – they usually do – but there is so much more to it than just dieting. If you eat healthy and you exercise and you become a healthier person with a newly adopted lifestyle change – you WILL lose weight and you WILL become a healthier person in the long run and FOR the long run.
If you take care of the whole – the smaller parts will all fall in to place.
When I began this ‘journey’ it was indeed a diet – the numbers meant everything to me because it was all I had to hang my hat on. In the beginning I wasn’t even convinced it was going to work because I had resigned myself to the fact that I was getting to the point in my life when it was all down hill from here so to speak – in some respects I had given up subconsciously.
When it started to work, I realized that not only was I wrong about the slippery slope – I was also ready for the aforementioned lifestyle change – because a diet to me connotes negativity and is only a piece of where I wanted to be. I’ve since stepped beyond that point in my ‘journey’ where my overall health and fitness are more important to me than ‘shedding myself lean’ – I don’t ever want to have to ‘lose weight’ again and teaching myself healthier habits will ensure that I won’t have to.
The healthier me – eats the accursed little orange vegetable for lunch today because I was hungry – rather than the French fries that would have tasted so much better because I knew the extra carbs and fat would have made me feel like shit when I will be working out later today – the healthier and smarter me…
Onward and upward – or I suppose downward for some –
Sometimes I have to stand back and marvel at the stupidity that surrounds my thinking – how is it I can function when I am so easily derailed from what I know is ultimately the correct and most productive mindset for me?
Do you think I can go the rest of my ‘journey’ without referencing my weight? Sure I can in a round about kind of way – but is that me only ignoring the inevitable and obvious?
Perhaps…
Yesterday was the visit Carm day – I don’t call it weigh in anymore because what’s the point – or so I thought. Apparently yesterday was INDEED weigh in day and not only that – my simple mind started the bullsh&^%t ‘only one pound?’ business when I stepped on the scale. Sometimes I swear it’s someone else that climbs in my head and says things that piss me off – that moronic comment was no exception.
Not taken in to consideration either was the evening of indiscriminate carnivorous tendencies that saw me eating the better half of a side of beef among other things – word to the wise – if you ever get a chance to grill pineapple – do so and sprinkle a little cinnamon on it too…*drool* - I digress…
That’s all for now – thank you for once again allowing me the forum for which to vent about my stupidity – I will not allow the numerical weight number become that which measures my success and or failure – if I keep repeating that I should believe it by the time I reach goal.
I think that all dieters and or people that are new to or recently returning to working out should take some time once they have lost a good percentage of the overall to have a look at themselves – I mean really have a good look and don’t forget to take off the negatively jaded sunglasses before doing so…
Mirrors were a bane to me – they reminded me of how much I needed to lose. Every time I would walk past I could hear the shiny crap saying to me…
“C’mon fatty – have a look – you know you want to”
So aside from the usual routine of making my hair more presentable than it was before I stepped into the shower – I tended to avoid them. It’s an interesting defense mechanism that we humans employ when we are too lazy to deal with things – we avoid them. Hence my hatred for anything shiny that dared display my image to me…
This weekend however, I tried something new – I tried getting a little more friendly with ‘that which displays my form’ (name avoidance and reference for the Harry Potter fan in you – and yes all of you – even the ones that won’t admit it) – and lo and behold there was the skinnier (relatively speaking – work with me people) and getting healthier me. It was a faint outline at first that become clearer the more I looked – there was what will be the new me under pounds of unmentionables waiting to be worked off.
At first, I hardly recognized who I have become and more importantly who I was once again becoming – I was so used to the avoidance tactic that I had forgotten what I looked like especially ‘under all of this’. Let me tell you it was certainly liberating all the same – it has renewed my spirit and resolve – I am really enjoying this new lifestyle and finding things to complain about is becoming more and more difficult as time goes on – I hope I don’t lose my membership to the ‘Diet – is just die with a t’ fan club…
Maybe I should make up stuff to put up here – you know for the oOOoooOo factor – nothing like a little entertainment to keep you smiling through your day. The only problem would be that that would only trivialize my successes in my own eyes and perhaps even in the eyes of anyone who reads my ramblings and I don’t want to do that – so I won’t…
Another week – another weigh in – three more pounds, I’m creeping ever so slowly toward halfway – thanks for all of your comments and keep on keeping on toward whatever goals you set for yourselves.
An interesting question – and one until I thought about it hadn’t really occurred to me. In regard to your ‘none of my business’ comment – I disagree and if I felt as though I was going to fuss over things that were and were not part of my personal space I wouldn’t blog and/or post pictures and be HONEST – this is the internet you know…
The first question was (paraphrasing) – is it an emotional and/or important milestone for me to reach the 300’s?
In short – it absolutely is but more so as a way to reaffirm my commitment to me. When I started this process I knew I was going to have a long journey in front of me – I didn’t wake up one morning and realize I was 536.2 lbs and needed to lose weight. I had been telling myself for a long time prior – years even that I wasn’t healthy and that I needed to lose weight for those that cared about me – myself included. All the while I was gaining more and more weight as my lifestyle (more out of necessity than desire) became more and more sedentary – it was bad enough that I worked in an office.
I will never forget the ‘final straw’ that made me realize that I needed to do something about myself because my weight had a great deal of effect on a lot of people, and to me that wasn’t fair nor right – my health risks aside.
The site of my wife walking along the beach alone toward the turtle sanctuary to release turtles in Puerto Vallarta and me not being able to make the trip with her because of my weight was what finally did it…
So back to the question – yes it is a big milestone for me – but honestly I have changed my focus – I realized that if my focus is my weight I will obsess about it – I will watch everything I put in my mouth – I will do things that may be unhealthy (I even considered taking Metamucil on a daily basis) just to lose weight – so I switched my focus and its working much better for me and allows me to maintain my diet. My new focus is fitness – I push myself to increase my activity – I push myself in the gym building muscle and stamina on the machines – I increase my protein in order to compensate for the increase in activity – and low and behold – the weight is still coming off.
This makes for a perfect segue into the second question – Do you ever have your moments of glory or frustration? Of course I do, but my moments of glory at this time quite honestly are fitness related – I was ecstatic when I increased my activity on the bike and was able to maintain above 80 RPM for 5.5 miles. I was over the moon when I was able to do 120 crunches on a pilates ball and then repeat it two days later (and every second day since).
Baby steps…
I do have my frustrations however like everyone else but I don’t get obsessive with them. I know that there is going to be weeks that I’m not going to lose as much as I want to, and even some where I won’t lose or gain – and when that does happen I think the LW and ‘The Carm’ are more concerned about it than I am. In my own mind I want to be the poster boy for “Getting from here to there – and points in between” – hence the title of my blog.
ENOUGH she said – stop boring these women – so he left…
Thanks for your comments ladies and forgive the length of my “Sehnsuchtian response” – it’s her fault – she asked…
Interesting week to say the least however, little has to do with weight loss/gain or dieting – the beauty of a blog is the ability to ‘spew’ your thoughts and issues and other people have the luxury of decision. The decision of whether to continue reading your verbal diarrhea or move on to the next that could or could not be more interesting than yours…
First, let’s get the diet stuff out of the way then I will give you the opportunity to leave before I start rambling – I apparently do this with alarming frequency so the LW says… I’m sure she lies though…
Week two of ‘I told you I was an easy client and when is my real consultant coming back’ was yesterday and it too was a positive one, once again her canned questions where answered with the same nonchalance that I have grown accustomed to from my JC visits. It is becoming obvious that the main reason for me to go to JC aside from getting my food is the dreaded accountability of stepping on the scale and I know that even if I had one at home (a scale not a JC consultant) that I still wouldn’t have the accountability of having to justify to someone why I didn’t lose more weight. I know that she keeps me honest and also gives me another perspective – anyhow, another 3 lbs closer to my goal (yay me) – so that brings my total to around 124 ish pounds or almost 25 bags of sugar…oh ya – there’s a nice reference for ya…
End diet rant – those not wishing to be subjected to my ‘perspectives’ outside of dieting should move along now – if you continue I promise I will be talking about something other than my shrinking girth and how I am going to get there…
You have been warned –
So this week I had jury duty …
Now, I’m not sure how the system works in the States so I can only speak for that which I now know based on my experiences over the last couple days. That has got to be the most convoluted and incompetent system I have ever seen. I have never seen a group of people that have as little regard for anyone’s lives outside of their own as the people involved in the judicial process – in a word – a joke.
Why do they assume that people can just put their lives on hold and drop everything just to accommodate them? I was called for Monday morning – 9 am (it was very specific on the summons and even said in so many words ‘Don’t be late’) – so I got there ten minutes early. Balancing my Tim’s coffee cup, my glasses case, my car keys, and the summons paper I have to subject myself to the metal detector ‘for my own protection’. Fine, I can handle that – then off to the jury room for the ‘cattle call’.
Have you ever seen two hundred people standing in a line and looking at everyone else with a knowing ‘what the hell am I doing here’ look on their faces outside of the airport?
I have now…
Needless to say we sat in the jury room until 11 am (good thing I wasn’t late) before we were herded into the court room. A quick explanation and a ‘not guilty’ from the accused and the weeding process begins. By 1 pm we are down to 39 people so I am thinking ‘this is a good thing – we should be out of here by 3 at the latest’… little did I know…
“Ladies and gentlemen it’s getting too late in the day to begin the jury selection process so we will commence with the process at 10 am tomorrow” – let me say that again – 1 pm = LATE IN THE DAY!
9:30 am day two (Tuesday) I report for my impending jury selection process – again we wait, this time till 11:30 am when we are again herded into the court room where the judge warms our hearts with this little ditty – ‘we aren’t ready to proceed with the process the good news is you don’t have to come back until 2:30 this afternoon’ – forgive me if I forget to jump up and praise your expediency…2:30 pm day two – we are actually herded in right on time (I later surmised that the judge must have had a 3 pm tee time – I couldn’t think of any other reason for him to be on time) and much to my surprise – ‘Ladies and gentlemen – we are going to increase the jury pool in this process – what that means to you is that you are free to go until August 22 at 10 am when the process will begin in earnest to select the jury’ – then what EXACTLY have we been doing for the last two &%&$# days!
In short (I know too late) I have no idea why I just took two days off work other than the threats of being charged should I not go. It’s a shame that a process and system that is so important in the democratic process couldn’t be done more efficiently so people like myself (and most of the other potential jurors I was talking to) don’t leave it scratching their heads and feeling as though they have just wasted two days and nobody seems to care.
BAH! – long post sorry – I’ll stop – have a great week guys…
Has it really been two weeks since I blogged here?
I suppose it has and I apologize for my laziness – or some would say my laziness is why I used to spend so much time on the computer that allowed me the time to blog and do other sedentary activities ad nausea – but I’m not up for arguing: especially with myself.
More to the point – I am I suppose an enigma in some ways in that I have very little trouble sticking to my diet. I have no bizarre cravings and when I do, I indulge – it’s the ‘overindulge’ that will kill you every time. There isn’t a decent diet that I know of that tells you to never eat pizza or chocolate or (insert appropriate vice here) – so live a little and you will have more success.
If you convince yourself that dieting and exercise is something painful and difficult – you will be right because that’s what you will believe.
We all started dieting for different reasons – some of us because we wanted to be able to shop in a regular store – some of us because we wanted to be healthier for our children – and some of us just because we wanted to be healthier period. In truth we diet because we know that we are hurting ourselves both physically and mentally and in order for the hurting to end, we have made the decision to finally do something that is going to make us feel better.
The beauty of a blogging community with like mentality is that we can all relate to what the other person is talking about. When someone says they walk into a room and scan around for the chair least likely to break under their girth – I can relate. When someone says they eat at the restaurants that either have wide chairs or chairs without arms – I can relate – when someone says they fear the ‘cozy confines’ of an airplane – I can relate.
Not for long…
I am appreciative of anyone and anything that will help me achieve my goal – from the awesome LW to this blogging community to my JC consultant – I know that I would have fallen off the wagon a long time ago without your help guidance and support.
So why the epiphany? My ‘usual’ JFC consultant is on vacation this week so I had to see someone else. I didn’t mind the ‘someone else’ that I was given, on the contrary she was very nice – but I realized that I am a very easy client for them and that was only reaffirmed after my consultation.
She asked the usual questions about my activity levels and such and asked if I had any difficult days coming up the same old questions – and my answers although almost canned at this point were simple – my activity level is high and I have visions of increasing it and to accommodate for my increase in activity I have started eating egg whites every night with my dinner (sorry ladies – I have the luxury of an abundance of calories to use up every day) for the increased protein – I take flax seed oil twice a day – once in a fruit smoothy and once out of a measuring spoon (ick). I don’t have any difficult days coming up and if I did I would know exactly what to do to overcome them – in other words I could pick carefully from a menu if it required.
Hmmm… so why go?
I’ll tell you why I go – because without JFC I gained weight – I failed at dieting once already so I don’t need to veer off plan because I think I know how to diet. Diet companies LOVE ‘professional dieters’ – they are a make work project for them. They know that sooner or later, without the accountability and without the support and without the regimented approach to dieting and sensible eating – that you will come back to them with your check (cheque for Canadians) book open.
Also, I have lost 120 lbs on JFC – let me repeat that for my own benefit because it still makes me dizzy – 120 lbs on JFC – in other words a regimented diet plan works for me. Portion size works for me – and exercising works for me. Its ironic really how a little information has us all even considering ‘slapping the gift horse in the mouth’…
An analogy – because I like analogies…
When my car stopped running the other day – I put gas in it and voila – it started again. I was amazed so I went into the gas station and told the guy behind the counter about it. He said, ‘put oil in it and it will run even better’ I didn’t believe him so I had him show me. I watched where he put it and there we go – it was running like a dream. So when it stopped a couple weeks later I put more gas in it – nothing. So I put more oil in it – again nothing. Now what? Instead of taking it back to the gas station I figured I knew what I was doing because I watched him fiddle under the hood and I read a book that said to keep a car running well all it needs is oil, air, electricity and gas – right?
Needless to say without the proper maintenance on my car – I was buying a new one in no time.
