If you are going to post on my blog then you are hereby warned that I might single out your post if you say something particularly funny – offensive – or something I feel requires my particular point of view – rightly or wrongly.
My post last week mentioned the propensity of some of the people here to self-loathe for what I would consider a relatively minor indulgence. I said simply (as you can read below) that beating yourself up for eating something you know you shouldn’t is sad – this is a stance that I will not waver from because I still believe it. Just because diet is die with a t at the end – doesn’t mean that I have to suffer and if I did, I would have failed a long time ago.
Ashley commented that indulgence implies choice and that self-loathing is a result of a loss of control – which in her mind isn’t a choice that one makes – sorry Ashley, I disagree.
A lifestyle change is a lifestyle change – if you are committed to that change then you are committing to yourself which means you have made the choice to do so. People don’t decide to diet because it’s trendy – they choose to diet because they decide they want to get healthy or at the very least they want to live a healthier lifestyle.
We use the term lifestyle change here as a euphemism for diet because it’s a much nicer word that implies that we are changing our ways and eating healthier. In truth, the concept of a lifestyle change involves much more than diet and nutrition – at the very least it involves some form of activity and fitness as well. Once you have committed to that lifestyle change your indulgences become part of your regime and you are less inclined to beat yourself up over them. As a matter of fact some claim (myself included) that a day of decadence is just what your body needs once in a while to kick-start your metabolism. A piece of cake here or a cookie there is not going to make or break a diet – ever.
The problem I see and hear from my experience – is that the self-loathing tends to cause people to prolong their indulgences. “I’m such an idiot – I can’t believe I just ate that – oh well I guess I will start fresh on Monday” – need I say any more?
These are choices we make – we make the choice to commit to ourselves and if our commitment is strong enough then our indulgences will be few and far between – and further still will be the need to be pissed off at ourselves for ‘losing control’. Every time we stuff our hands into the cookie bag it is a choice we make to do so – you can’t justify actions by suggesting it’s a loss of control. If I am driving erratically and ‘lose control’ of my car and hit someone – it’s still my fault because I chose to drive that way – it’s all choice and losing control is not – and should not be a punch-line for over indulgence.
*Gets down off soap box*
The irony is – not a year ago I went for pizza with the LW and beat myself up about it for a week after (I even wrote about it here on EP in my blog) – I look back now and think how stupid I was because in the grand scheme of things that pizza means absolutely nothing to the successes and failures of the past year and a half of my life…
Keep on keepin on…
Posted By: Iconoclast
Comments to this post:
02/26/2007 12:51
well put
~stands up clapping~I get where you're coming from mister . Hey, you should do that more often....come back more than once a month----very refreshing
With the part about the self loathing and lifestyle change and all that jazz. Basically for me it all boils down to choice... even if you feel really out of control, everything one decides to put in their body is a choice. And once we realize that fully, and realize that no one is ever perfect, and if we were that would suck, it is a lot easier to deal with less than perfect choices and put them behind us.
I will disagree with you on your comment that people don't diet because it's trendy... People absolutely do! This is where I see a huge difference between a "diet" and a "lifestyle change". My personal view of diets are that they are something people do to see a number on the scale they see as socially acceptable. It's not about being healthy as much as it is fitting into a certain size of clothing, or looking good in a bathing suit. When someone decides to change their lifestyle, they may still be chasing a number, but they are doing it in conjunction with deciding to become healthy and active... and that it's not something that is going to stop once said number is achieved. If this weren't the case we wouldn't see so many people popping pills, subsisting off of diet shakes and essentially starving themselves while on diets... because that isn't healthy at all.
If you're standing on a path right now, and it's not the path you want to be on in terms of your own health, stop walking down that path, take a look around and find a new path to walk down. Then put one foot in front of the other and start walking down that new path. It's not going to change your health overnight, but if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, day after day, you can end up on a completely different path than where you started. And if you open your eyes so that you actually see where you're walking, you can look down the path to see what kind of result you want to achieve and then aim for that goal.
I agree with everything you said. I'm not sure that it's an argument to the point I was trying to make, though. I especially agree with you in that self-loathing tends to prolong destructive eating. I think I was talking more about binging rather than what I consider "indulging," which is eating a cookie. I was thinking back to psychology class and the definition of depression, which is "anger turned inward" and how when a person is disappointed with themselves over their own actions (especially losing control), it leads to a downward spiral of feelings and consequent actions.
Of course everything we do is a choice, as Dr. Phil keeps hammering away to the masses daily. We are not zombies under the power of alien mind-control, so naturally, we choose what we eat. But ask anyone who's ever eaten an entire bag of cookies or carton of ice cream in one sitting if they felt like they were really choosing to do it. People who binge feel like they are out of control and hate themselves for it.
Even though most of us here on EP are not textbook binge eaters, we still have a problem with control, which is why we are here. Grabbing that control and realizing--as you said--that we do have the power is what makes for a lifestyle change instead of a diet. As you said, we have to be able to live a life without suffering, to have a piece of birthday cake or a drink at a party. What's life for without a little indulgence?
I agree with you totally that we cannot beat ourselves up over what we eat. We can only reflect and move forward. Some of that reflection, however, may feature some disappointment. As long as it doesn't stop us from getting back on track, I think it's normal.
Hey, why don't you come on over to my blog every now and again and post something I can argue with! Might be hard, though, as I really don't think we disagree . . .
I think what Ashley was talking about (as she ably agrees and defends her argument above) is a little different than what you were railing aginst, upon reflection.
As someone who has, at times, felt entirely out of control, the suggestion that I should just do something different is both correct and unhelpful. If I have scarfed three chocolate bars and a plateful of cookies, it is not because I was hungry or have a sweet tooth, or even because I wanted it. It is because even though I have physical control of what I put in my mouth, there is a profound disconnect somewhere in my mind between knowing what I should (and even want to) do and what I actually do. Looking back on a period like that, I feel a sense of despair and regret. I also feel the same despair, and attendant temptation to eat, when something that is out of my control (i.e. an unexpected injury) prevents me from pursuing part of my healthy plan.
However, a sense of failure or loss of control after binge eating and depression stemming from health problems are VERY different from self-loathing at one meal or one dessert. That kind of self-hatred and misplaced discipline is a different, but no less disordered, way to look at eating. If that's what you're railing against, I'm with you all the way.
I like everything you said about not beating yourself up over splurging every once and a while. I think it's a good thing not to deprive yourself of the foods you love the most.
I do see "diet" as different from "lifestyle change", even though I might use them interchangeably. For me, hearing the word "diet" could either mean you are really making a real lifestyle change or it could mean you are just doing something temporarily and might stop later on down the road. When I think about "lifestyle change" I think of something more long-term because you are changing your lifestyle hopefully forever or until it needs to be modified further in a healthy way.
I think of myself as being in a "lifestyle change" because I want to be able to do this for the rest of my life, and that includes eating the foods I really love (like ice cream!) without beating myself up over it. I do tend to write them down and talk about how crazy it is that I ate so much food, but I'm not usually alarmed by it anymore.
Kudos on the post! I agree that self-loathing can lead to eatin even more food and just make things worse.
You're right. LIfe is about choices, I did a huge blog about that once, and about owning our choices and the consequences that resulted from them. We made a choice to eat right or wrong, and we also have to make a choice to dust ourselves off when we make the wrong choice, then acknowledge it and move on, because it is in the past and done! Ashley's right, though, if you like to aruge and comment, you should get out more and start visiting some of us and you'd get more of a dialogue!
I was hoping to hear your thoughts on your LW's hot new uniform, or on your own progress, or something completely unrelated to anything but nonetheless fun to read.
Might be hard, though, as I really don't think we disagree . . . 