Another catatonic Tuesday
(Oh-ooh-woh) That's my Snoozeday
(Oh-ooh-woh) My orthopedic shoes day
Just another catatonic Tuesday....
Yeah, I'm a bit tired and bored. I'm going to go and do my workout in a second but thought I'd post first. Work is weird lately. We're chronically short-staffed, Tits-Almighty is now my supervisor (gag) and I've been doing a LOT of nibbling lately. More like scarfing. Most of it goes on at work, but I've started doing it more at home. I'll even make toast and eat that. I can turn anything into a binge. Must be stress-eating. Plus I'm not sleeping too well. Right now I'd rather have a nap than do a workout, but I've got to work off those stupid extra calories I've been consuming. Stupid TOM. Stupid chocolate. Stupid work! Grrr.
Well, that's enough of that. You may have noticed that there's no July retrospective and fitness test. I didn't do it because the last day of July I was bawling my eyes out because DS went back to America. Since then I've been sort of in a daze. I will do one for August for sure, though.
I weighed 135.4 this morning, so all hope is not lost.
Right. Time for Jari Love to kick my flabby hind end all over my living room.
Kick, Punch & Crunch
Cathe rocks--as usual! I did the entire workout, Kick, Punch & Crunch (click then scroll down the page to find the link to a video clip) for the first time today. It is 68 minutes of kicking, punching, cardio kickbox intensity training drills and stability ball abs. Whew! I'm telling you, if that workout didn't pay for those rice crackers in full, there's no hope for any of us!
Weighed 136.4 today and realised it's day 25 of my cycle. That explains SOO much--my moodiness, grazing on carbs and feeling so edgy that it's like the skin on the backs of arms is crawling off. Eww!
I feel better having done a tough workout and am going to town with the hubster to look around and take in some of the lovely day.
Happy Sunday, peeps!
Altogether a bad eating day. It's 10 PM and I am stuffed, queasy and grossed out by myself. I might have bought a size 8 skirt today, but I've got a lot of mess to deal with still. Here's a full confession, if I can remember it all.
1 and a half slices wholemeal toast with coconut oil and strawberry jam
half bowl of muesli with soy milk and dried fruit
half a cup of black coffee
a can of chickpea dahl
10 or 12 pringles
2 mini chocolate chip muffins
another half bowl of muesli
a dark chocolate KitKat
dinner of brown rice, tofu and cabbage
half a package of Japanese rice crackers
3 lowfat raisin biscuits
Have you ever eaten so much that you seriously consider going and making yourself sick just to relieve some of the pressure and nausea?
Today was a bad eating day, no two ways about it. But that's not as bad as how I feel physically. I am actually quite ill right now, having eaten half a package of Japanese rice crackers just because DH brought them home. I actually had to give him the package and tell him to either hide them or throw them out. I was not able to stop on my own. This is sick, sick, sick.
I think I will always have seriously weird food issues and lack of self control where junky foods are concerned. If it is in the house, I cannot help myself. I eat it, and I don't mean just a little bit of it. I eat it until I feel sick or it is gone, whichever comes first. Wow, I haven't felt this queasy after a binge in a long time. Maybe this will put me off Japanese rice crackers for life. I hope so!
Heavy sigh. Pulling myself up by the bootstraps here. I can't undo the damage I've just done. All I can do is try to maintain more self control tomorrow by not allowing any more junk in the house and by sticking to my exercise.
It never ever ends.
Realised something today
I've been complaining all summer that my linen trousers are too loose and my cropped jeans are too loose, and that skirts are made too big in the waist and I can't find one that fits. I was trying on and buying UK size 10, and had it in my head that if something was baggy in a size 10, it must be made to be that way because there is no way I wear smaller than a size 10.
Well, today I tried on a skirt in a size 8. It fit. I then tried on the same style skirt in a size 10. It was too big.
I actually wear a size 8 in skirts and some trousers. For over a year, at my current weight, I was a size 10 or 12. Now I am a size 8 or 10. I weigh 135 lbs still, but wear a size smaller than I did last year.
People, a UK 8 is a US 4!!
This is SO freaking me out. Most of my adult life I wore a US size 18. When I lost weight, I would get down to a 16, feel complacent and gain back up to an 18. For a brief time I wore a 20. It's SOO hard to believe I am wearing a US 4.
Anyway, I just bought two skirts, size 8.
I have spent a total of about four hours working on a cover letter and CV for this post:
You can view job details by clicking on the link at the bottom of the above page.
Please wish me luck!
Family Visit 2007
I have a new photo album up of some pics of me and the boy from his recent trip here. Have a look!
I'm calling August the Wahe Guru Rotation.
2 Get Ripped
3 Express Cardio AND Kundalini Warrior Workout
4 Complete Aerobics and Weight Training
5 Kick, Punch and Crunch
7 Body Sculpt
8 Cardio Sculpt Blaster AND Kundalini Ultimate Stretch Workout
9 Jiggle Free Buns AND Jiggle Free Arms
10 Kick, Punch and Crunch
11 Get Ripped to the Core
12 Kundalini for Beginners and Beyond
13 Fat Burning Cardio Toning AND Kundalini Warrior Workout
14 Cardio Dance Slimdown
15 Kundalini Ultimate Stretch Workout
16 Low Impact Circuit
17 Get Ripped Slim & Lean
19 Body Fusion
21 Super Body Sculpt
22 Fat Blasting Cardio AND Kundalini for Beginners and Beyond
23 Aerobic Body Shaping
24 Kundalini Ultimate Stretch Workout
25 Get Ripped
26 Firm Bootcamp Maximum Calorie Burn
27 Cardio Sculpt
28 Kundalini for Beginners and Beyond
29 Kick Max
30 Basic Step AND Yoga Burn
31 Complete Body Sculpting
That's the plan for now! Lots of yoga in there...
They're gone now. I am faced with the usual sense of deep desolation and cutting grief. I think this is a primal response. No matter how ready my head is for the separation, it is still deeply and unexpectedly wrenching, and usually doesn't happen until he's gone. (Or when I visit there, it's after they leave me at the airport). I know I live here and DS lives there. I know all the reasons for it. And still this happens every time, and will happen every time, for the rest of my life.
So now I'll be bursting into tears for no apparent reason at least once a day for about the next two weeks. I'll have to figure out how to say as little as possible to my colleagues at work when they ask me how the holiday went. I will have to face finding things he left behind here and there in the flat (like 5 pairs of socks I just discovered! How can you leave 5 pairs of socks!)
It's almost harder to get together than it is to stay apart. That may not make sense but it is true.
I feel absolutely nauseated, and my impulse is to go to the store and buy cakes or chocolates and eat them all.
I probably should not be blogging about this, as it will only invite some people who could never possibly understand to make remarks like, 'Well, why don't you move back to the US?' or 'I could never live in a different country from my child.' Could I just ask, please don't do that. It hurts in deeper ways than you know. There are things that you don't know. There are things even I will never understand about my situation. All I know is, I've done the best I could, I've done all I know to do, I've made choices and decisions--and so have we all--that have led to where I am now. He's made some choices that have led him to where he is now.
I do welcome all support, though.
Sometimes I wonder why we're given all this life, when so much of it is spent hurting. Why are we given all these emotions. Why do we have all these hours when so many of them are spent in such turmoil. And why do we look back and back and back, when there's nothing we can do about it.
I'm off to try to distract myself. It's the hours that I have to get through now.
Opiates on a cracker: Is cheese addictive?
How many times have I heard carnivores and lacto-ovo vegetarians say to me, 'I can give up anything except cheese. I love cheese.'
What's the deal with cheese? It doesn't taste or smell good, if you are honest with yourself about it. Like alcohol, tobacco and other bad-for-you substances, you have to acquire a taste for it. Ultimately, it's the brain associating the taste with the subsequent pleasurable feelings that leads us to 'love' cheese. (And chocolate, and beer, and wine...)
Research by Dr. Neal Barnard of PCRM, the author of Breaking the Food Seduction: Behind Food Cravings and Seven Steps to End Them Naturally, has shown that naloxene, an opiate-blocker used to treat morphine and heroin overdoses, reduces the desire for chocolate, sugar, cheese and meat. This suggests, writes Barnard, that "their attraction does indeed come from drug-like effects."
Amy Lanou, nutrition director of Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, says that it's something called casein that makes cheese addictive. "Cheese is a concentrate of protein and fat, and casein is a type of protein found naturally in milk. Caseins convert to casomorphines, which are chemically similar to morphine, when they break down during digestion. It's these casomorphines that are addictive," says Lanou. "All mammalian mothers' milk contains casomorphines so that the young will return to the breast for milk." Since we are the only mammal that regularly drinks the milk of other animals, Lanou posits that it's this process that's behind humanity's affection for cheese.
Cheese contains far more casein than in cow or human milk, and holds other drug-like compounds as well, such as PEA, phenyethylamine, an amphetamine-like chemical. (Chocolate also contains PEA, but according to Dr. Neal Barnard in Breaking the Food Seduction, cheese contains 10 times more PEA than chocolate!)
So. Maybe that's the reason you think you can give up anything but cheese.
Here are some reasons why you really ought to make the effort to end your cheese addiction:
- It's fattening.
- It is full of saturated fat, which is linked to atherosclerosis, heart attack and stroke
- It is linked to cancer of various types, including breast cancer
- It is high in calcium, but it leaches calcium from the bones! (That's not something you're going to hear from the dairy industry, so you may not believe me, seeing as most of the western world has been brainwashed by big meat and dairy)
- Did I mention that it's fattening?
- At the risk of sounding like a militant vegan, cheese is gross anyway. It's like the crusty scrapings from inside of a nursing mother's bra. Yummy.
- And lastly, it is fattening.
Okay, that's enough of that. The boys are in the living room watching Total Recall, a film which I abhor, so I thought I'd blog.
DS does yoga
Family have been here since Saturday. We spent that day sitting around fighting jet lag and playing board games. It was raining. Then Sunday we walked them around the town. Monday we went to Birmingham. DS didn't want to see Harry Potter and opted instead to spend the admission fee on something, so we went to the Bull Ring, then popped over to Chinatown. It was only three hours, but they were both knackered, so we caught the 16.12 home. On the train, I asked Ethan if he enjoyed his day. He said yes. 'At least I learned something,' he said. 'What?' I asked. He leaned forward conspiratorially and said in a low voice, 'Birmingham is foul.' I gave a sharp laugh and said, 'Son, you just earned your British passport! You've bypassed the Life in the UK test and gone straight to Briton in one city visit.' Next stop Manchester and Sheffield!
This morning Ethan joined me for a short set of sun salutations (Budokon Beginning Practice), but left when I started up the 5 Tibetans on Kundalini for Beginners and Beyond. He said he didn't like to get hot. LOL Boy, is he stiff. He did well considering it was his first time to try yoga, though.
Today we went shopping in Nuneaton instead of going to Leamington Spa. My dad was too tired to do a train journey and walk-around, so I announced that we were staying home today. He slept all day long, woke up at 3.30 just as Ethan and I were going to try to sneak out and leave him on the sofa, went into town with us. We just got back at 6.00 and I give him 15 minutes before he passes out again. Ethan has just eaten his first fish and chip meal. He said the fish was good but the chips not so much. That's an experience he needed to have, I think.
Tomorrow we are off to London, as planned.
Update ya later!