My credo
A credo (Latin for 'I believe') is a statement of personal belief.
Every year in January, I try to write a credo. In previous years, I
have written down platitudes that bear little actual resemblance to my
true behaviour and beliefs. They were just things that I aspired to, or
thought that I ought to do or think.
This year, I sat down and
thought really hard about my daily behaviour and attitude, and tried to
find the beliefs behind them. I wrote up a credo that truly is what I
believe.
The reason I've dragged it back out again to have a
look at it is an old issue of mine that I've struggled with year upon
year, the issue of 'socialising' with others. Every year I make
resolutions that I know I can't keep, resolutions to be more
'sociable'. I am much more solitary than most people. I have always
been that way. When I was a kid, I had only one or, at a stretch, two
close friends, and that's all, and I felt happy that way. I was not
raised in a home where the family ever took traditional vacations
(other than going to visit relatives or the rare trip to the river),
visited anyone else's home, or had guests in our home (who weren't
relatives from far away who'd come for a rare visit). So 'socialising',
other than going to church functions, is not something that was part of
my paradigm. It never was. In college, I met a few people I've remained
friends with, then I married a boy who hung out with my brother and was
thus around enough for me to get talking to him. Throughout my life,
I've got my fill social interaction at work with colleagues, and when I
get home, I enjoy just being at home. I don't feel the need to talk to
other people. I actually don't care about it at all. That's not to say
I don't 'care' about other people, but you could say I care about them
in the abstract. I want them all to have a happy life and get on with
their lives, and if it's all the same to them, I'll get on with mine.
Going out just to be with other people as some sort of social
obligation feels like a theft of my precious time, the time that
belongs to only me. I know that is totally foreign to a lot of people,
but to me, it is normal. I feel happy having my husband as my best and
only friend, and some nice people at work who I enjoy interacting with
but who I don't necessarily feel the need to get together with outside
of work hours. It's only when I compare my life with other people's
that I feel there's something wrong with me and I should try to be more
like them. They're always planning things, going places, spending
money, eating crap food, getting together, not having 'time' to work
out, watch TV or write a blog. Shouldn't I be like them? What, I've
always wondered, is wrong with me?
All this has been brought on
by going to my work friend's house tonight. They have given up inviting
me to things a while ago, because I always opt out. I do it as kindly
as I can, but the truth is I just don't want to go. But tonight I bit
the bullet and went. Of course I was the first one to leave the event,
but then I arrived first. (I always do that. Get there right on time,
and then leave first. Probably because I want to get it over and done
with.) While I was there, I enjoyed listening to people talking, and
took part when I could--but when I'm ready to go I'm ready to go.
Anyway, on the way home, I was thinking, why is it that they seem to
enjoy this so much and I don't. I like talking to people socially, but
only for about an hour or two, then I'm ready to return to the comfort
of my home and my solitude. I don't like stuffing myself with lots of
unhealthy food or drinking alcoholic drinks. I don't like sitting up
late, knowing that everyone is wanting to go but not wanting to be the
first one out. Why can't people just get together for a chat? For me,
the nearly perfect social situation is the 15-minute staff break. We
get a drink, laugh and talk, then we all get up and go back to work
before the conversation gets boring and the whole thing starts to feel
like more of a chore than a pleasure, which is what a group social
situation feels like to me. One-on-one, I can talk to you for hours,
but put me in a group, I clam up, slink around in the background, and
check my watch until time to escape.
What deep beliefs make me
act this way? What deep-held notions cause my daily behaviour? Does it
even have to come from a belief? Maybe some of us are just solitary
creatures.
Here's the credo I wrote on 21st December 2008.
I believe in privacy and solitude.
I believe in independence and freedom.
I value my own comfort and security.
I do not wish ill for anyone, but I feel no need to socialise with people in order to feel love for mankind.
I value peace.
I want to live and let live.
I eschew cruelty to animals and people.
I believe that people should show kindness to one another in ways comfortable and appropriate to the individual, not as they want to be treated, but as the person on the receiving end would like to be treated.
I believe everything in existence deserves to be free of pain. It is our moral obligation to see to that.
I
believe that it is everyone's responsibility to make an informed
decision about how they live their life--and if they CAUSE NO HARM,
they should not have to answer to anyone for any of their life choices.
Ever. Or be made to feel bad for them. You can have an opinion about
it, but you should not condemn someone for living in a way that does no
harm, no matter how different it is from the way you live.