Who said a change will do you good?
I have been totally stressed out lately and I'm sure it's all in my head because nothing is really that different around here. I have been insufferably bitchy to my poor husband and have gone around feeling like there's a thundercloud over my head.
It's time to make a list. What's going on here?
1. I had a visit with my family and that's always wrenching. I've been fretting about it a lot lately.
2. I recently got my UK passport and that was both a milestone and a bit anti-climactic.
3. I read a book about buying a flat in the UK because house prices are simply beyond our means. Leasehold seems a like a big swizz so I guess I'm going to be a lifelong tenant. Fretting about that.
4. I told my supervisor at work that I've started a job search, that I intend to take my time about it, but that I didn't want it to be a surprise to her if I announced suddenly that I've got another job.
5. I decided not to pursue the post-graduate diploma in information management because frankly I don't want to be a librarian.
6. I just got my provisional driving licence and the next step is theory test, lesson, practical, then car ownership!
Okay, so those are the only issues I can think of that are causing me anxiety. Can I see the truth behind them?
1. I wanted to be here and I am. He wanted to be there and he is. In three or four years, he's going to be moving out on his own, anyway.
2. I worked hard for my citizenship and I prize it. Britain has problems, but so does the US!
3. We can't afford a house and that is that. I don't have to decide right now if I want to take out a leasehold. If I never buy a house, it won't be the end of the world. That's the truth.
4. The reality is that I do have a job. My job is secure. I am not in danger of losing it. If I choose to leave it, that's my choice. Any pressure I put on myself to find a new job and leave this one is not coming from anyone at work. It's all me. I don't have to rush. I never have to leave at all, in fact. Just because I told her I was looking doesn't mean I ever have to leave!
5. I'm not letting anyone down my changing my mind. It's my right to decide if something's for me.
6. Driving lessons may be a little stressful, but I already know how to physically drive and that's half the battle. And I never have to buy a car even after I get my licence. Owning a car is a decision that I will make when I'm ready. Having the licence is handy for applying for work that is attractive but limited to licenced drivers.
So why am I stressing? What is wrong with me? I need to find a way to let go of all this nonsense and get to reality.
My overthinking has been flogged the bejesus out of me for the last few weeks.
I really need to apologize to hubby and learn to keep my fat flapping mouth shut the rest of the time. It's all vain imaginings anyway.