The b*tch is back

I have had the worst case of PMS today that I've had in a long time. I have been trembling, angry, bloated, fat, unhappy, grumpy and pretty much just plain evil. I have raised my voice, cried, thrown things and eaten half a box of chocolates. I've got precisely 7 zits on my face;  two of them can only be described as massive. My belly is pooching out a country mile. Nothing feels right, everything is pissing me off and I can't hang on to anything. Everything I pick up I drop. I can't find anything. I burned the dinner. I tried to make a cake and it didn't rise properly. Why the heck did I try to make a cake? I've already eaten half a box of chocolates today! What do I need with a cake? Vegan cakes suck anyway--that's why I never bother with cake. But I saw some people on TV eating cake and decided I wanted some. I have been nothing but psycho all day. It started around 10.00 this morning and just hasn't let up since. I just ate dinner, having eaten any and everything in sight all day, and my hand was shaking so bad I was having trouble forking up my noodles. Which tasted like crap anyway, as I'd burned the garlic.

I swear to you I feel like I am swimming in grease. I feel like my skin is oozing greasy fat, that I am nothing but fat. I feel like I could eat junk until I literally puke. (Sorry to be blunt, I'm feeling very, very blunt today. As my poor husband well knows.)

The dark clouds lifted briefly around 1.00 when I actually started, but since then it's all been building up again. It's 7.00 and all is SO not well. I hate hormones. Things aren't usually this volatile for me. I don't know what is going on. Maybe it's also stress from having the citizenship ceremony tomorrow. It's a huge big step in my life.

Ugh. This fat roll hanging over my shorts is grossing me out.

Okay, so stock take. What exactly have I eaten today. Let's make a list; lists calm me down.

• scrambled tofu on wholemeal toast, No Caf grain beverage with a bit of non-dairy creamer

• post-workout smoothie shake and 3 Healthy Choice apple and raisin biscuits

• 2 whole meal oat with dried fruit biscuits

• 2 veggie burgers on wholewheat buns with lettuce, tomato,  thousand island dressing, ketchup and mustard;  about 10 chunky chips

• half the top tray of a box of chocolates--something like 8 chocolates--these are those Belgian shell truffles with hazelnutty stuff in the middle

• licked the bowl and spoon while mixing up a vegan chocolate cake

• half a small sliver off the end of the loaf of the cake when it came out of the oven (checking for edibility as a visual check was inconclusive)

• stir-fried broccoli and rice noodles with seitan

• and lots of water all day

So that's what? 5 servings of bread, a bit of veg and protein and the rest sugary junk (so what if it's "wholegrain health food store junk"--it's still junk!)

If I had a sleeping pill I would take one and go to bed. I am so ready for this miserable day to be over.

Ummm....

The first part is how I am everyday...not laughing...okay exiting the room now.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Making quick exit.........................now!

Just wanted you to know...

I have done that too many times to count - taken sleeping pills in the afternoon because I couldn't take that day one more minute.  Or at least that's how I felt. 

I just wanted to tell you that your blog, you're journey, your before and afters motivate me to not give up.  It's both comforting and scary to know that even those who've been doing this for awhile and doing it successfully still have bad days occasionally.  I'm assuming that the bad days are the exception and not the rule?  I hope this one passes quickly.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us.